(A quick note, I'd really like to thank Georgia and Natalia for taking the time to help me this post. They made this a lot better than what I originally wrote. Also I've made a fair number of changes since their original edits, so all the grammar errors are still mine.)
I’ve tried to write this post on how to act in a strip club multiple times and each time I end up frustrated. There are two things that always stump me. One, I don’t like lecturing to people and this makes me feel like I’m lecturing. The other, is that different guys go to different clubs for different reasons. I suspect a lot of guys will read the following and think "what a dork", but the following are ways I think a person should conduct themselves at a club. Granted, different clubs have different cultures. I tend to hang out in the higher end clubs in
Tipping
The dancers are there to make money. Most dancers don’t wake up with an over powering desire to get on a stage and take their clothes off. They are there to make money. Period. A dancer only makes money when you tip. In the vast majority of clubs, she is spending between $20 to $100 dollars minimum in tip outs and fees in
The dancer has to pay stage fees, tip out security and the DJ. Other clubs have even more fees. There is a minimum value she has to tip out. There is a direct correlation between how much she tips out and what kind of service she gets. Tipping the DJ the minimum may result in her getting skipped on rotation, terrible music. There is an expectation that if she has a good night, so will the tip outs be proportionally better.
"Time is money" is reality in the purest sense for a dancer. What gets misunderstood is that you don't have to pour buckets of singles onto the stage to be appreciated by the dancer. Just consistently tipping is all you have to do. "Yeah, but she has to be there anyway" is a comment I read frequently. If you just sit there not tipping, you're basically furniture to the dancer. Just something she has to walk around to get from here to there. If you act like furniture expect to be
treated like furniture.
If you want to make it rain, go for it. You’ll definitely make the dancers night and get her attention. If you are watching somebody make it rain, remember the money belongs to the dancer. Don’t help yourself to a couple bucks.
You’re tipping the dancer, not donating a kidney. If you want to get a dancers attention, just go up and ask. Don't throw wadded up bills like you're throwing fish to a trained seal. If you're doing something you feel is childish, it probably is. She is there to make a living. You're paying for the privilege of seeing her perform; you're not part of her performance. I actual try to "play down" tipping. The dancer will know who tipped what. It is in their best interest to know who the good tippers are. You don't have to staple it to your forehead.
Once you put the money on the rail, it's no longer yours. Pulling money off the rack after the dance is "bait and switch". This really ticks off the dancer. It's just like Vegas casino, once you lay your money down it's belongs to somebody else. Don't play games with the money. How would you like it if people played games with your paycheck? Lots of customers will put a $20 on the rail and pull it off at the end of the song. You might "just be having fun", but you’re the only one laughing. You might think it's clever but odds are she's seen the trick dozens of times before. It's not funny. Pulling money off the rack can get you kicked out of a club.
Don't try and negotiate the price down by wearing her down. You aren't buying a used car. This is seriously insulting to her. I know some dancers are willing to wheel and deal but most aren't. Let the dancer make the offer. I’ve had a few dancers offer that if I buy five dances, they’ll through a sixth in for free.
Twenty years ago it costs a buck a song to sit at the rail. It's still only a buck a song. Name something else that has stayed the same price for that long. It almost costs more to mail two letters. If you've ever had a problem getting paid for work you've done, you can understand how infuriating it can be. Dancers get infuriated every day. Try to say "thank you" at the end of the song. There's a real person on stage in front of you, not a robotic stripper cliché'. Courtesy doesn't stop at the doorway to a club.
Talking to a Dancer
This may seem like a silly subject but there are some common sense guidelines when talking to a dancer. Stripping is what she does, it's not who she is. The first thing you need to keep in mind is the issue of security. Getting stalked, harassed, and/or robbed is an occupational hazard for dancers. That is why she doesn’t give you her real name, what kind of car she drives, where she went to school or anything else that might reveal personal information. As a customer you are basically guilty until proven innocent. In other words, the dancer has to assume you’re a psychopath until she knows better. Not only is her personal safety at stake but the safety of her family as well. A lot of dancers are also mothers. They have to think of their family’s safety as well.
Probably the fastest way to piss off a dancer is to tell her how to do her job. Unless you walk into the club wearing 7” platform stilettos and mini lycra dress you probably shouldn’t comment on what she should wear. The same goes for make up. Your mascara also better be perfect. If you think she needs to lose weight its best to keep it to yourself. It’s not going to end well if tell her you opinion.
Don’t ask her why she became a dancer. There is no way to frame that question without making it sound like she failed some place. “So where did you go wrong in life to end up here?” is how you’ll sound. If you want the quick answer she’s dancing because she needs the money. I know some dancers don’t mind answering this question. It upsets a lot of other dancers. I’ve found its just best not to ask the question.
Simply treat the dancer like anybody else. Does she have any hobbies? Pets? What does she think about health care reform? Don’t always think you are the smartest person at the table when talking to a stripper. I have gotten into debates and discussions about conspiracy theories, the decline of the
Don’t waste the dancer’s time either. Just politely tell her you aren’t buying dances from her tonight. I used to tell them “I’m playing hard to get tonight”. I’m not sure how well that actually worked. I just tell them I’m not buying dances or waiting for somebody else.
If you think stripping is wrong then why are you in a strip club? These are the guys that just leave me speechless. If you don’t agree with strip clubs then don’t patronize them. It never ceases to amaze me that people go into a clubs to convince the dancers they are all misguided.
If you start talking down to a dancer the second you meet her, she’s probably going to shut up and let you blather on. She’ll think you are just a jerk and put up with you long enough to separate you from your money. If you treat a dancer with respect your experience improves dramatically. It’s a lot more fun to hang out with people who like you than with people who have to tolerate you.
You don’t have to lie or exaggerate when you’re taking to a dancer. You don’t have to tell her you are "Microsoft's Vice President of Nothing in Particular" to impress her. The odds are she’s already heard the lie and heard it told better. And if you really are VP of Nothing in particular at Microsoft you should probably tip like it. You’ll look like a complete ass if you brag about how much money you make then tip like a complete cheapskate.
I think you’ll have a better time if the dancer knows you are spending a big chunk of your paycheck on her. Don’t ask her out. She’s not at the club looking for a date. She gets asked out every night. It’s a strip club, not a dating service/
Appearance
How you are dressed really isn’t important. You need to at least meet the clubs dress code. The dancer doesn’t want to date you. However you do want the dancer near you. Hygiene is more important than anything else. Nobody wants to be near somebody that stinks. Having breath that can blister paint will guarantee that she will try and spend as much time as possible far away from you. If you are going to dress up wear soft clothes. Dancers typically don’t wear thick clothing. It’s a lot more pleasant to lean against somebody who feels soft. Dancers really do notice it when you make an effort to accommodate them.
Couch Dances
The dancer touches you, you don't touch the dancer. It's up to her to decide how much or how little to do. The amount of contact allowed varies a lot from club to club and where you are in the country. Don’t push the limits of what is acceptable at the club. If you don’t know just ask. She’ll be more than happy to tell you. A lot of what guys try is sexual assault. I know dancers who literally wanted to burn their clothes after giving some guy a dance. If you are looking for an escort, go hire one. The internet is filled with these services. Trying to stick your hand up her skirt is not a victimless crime. I've seen the aftermath. Making somebody fight for their own safety leaves a scar. Don’t try to kiss the dancer. Go read some of the blogs I link to see what they thing about a dancer trying to kiss them. Trying to kiss a dancer is a good way to find your self on fire.
Conclusion
After re-reading this, I realize I say "don't" a lot. Most of my advice can be summed up in "don't be a cheap ass dick head". There really isn't much you have to do. Just go have fun. I have a lot more fun with my friends than I do with strangers. Treat the dancer like they're your friend and they'll respond.
I'm a dancer and I agree with everything you wrote here! I hope other men read this and follow your advice.
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