I think we should see less of each other

There are a lot of things customers don’t get about dancers and the job of stripping. There are a few things dancers, even the smart, experience ones don’t get. By don’t get, I mean they understand but don’t really internalize it. What I don’t think a lot of dancers get is that a strip club can be the most miserable place in the world to hang out.

I’ve bitched about this before. If you got rid of the dancers most clubs would go under in probably less than a month. The music is way too loud and the drinks are way too expensive. Not to mention a healthy percentage of clubs are run by sleaziods. There is sort of implied verbal contract you become a “regular”. When I arrive at the club I’ll wait specifically for her. I’ll turn away any other dancer that comes by until I see the one I went to spend time with. Ideally, she’ll make an honest effort to see me as soon as its possible.

The “honest effort” is tempered by reality. She may be tied up with another customer, she may have some personal issue she needs to sort out on the phone. She may not realize that you’re in club. Sometimes the process of waiting for the dancer can turn into an exercise in tolerance. A series of songs you utterly cannot not stand is be being blasted at levels that can flatten a bunker, you just paid $8 bucks for a watered down drink, and you have to wait fifteen minutes to get you change. On top of that another dancer you don’t like is working you over to buy dances like a loan shark collecting a debt.

What’s keeping me there is I want to see my favorite dancer and I feel obligated to buy dances from her. I could buy dances from another girl, but then I feel like I’m betraying her and potentially causing drama with another dancer. Even in the best of situations one dance interloping on another’s regular can be a bad thing. This process of enduring a situation creates a feeling that the dancer owes you a debt. This is a false expectation on my part. It is a buyer/seller situation. If the dancer is constantly making me wait too long, it’s up to me to decide if I want to keep spending money on her.

This a fairly easy decision to make with a grocery store or a plumber. I don’t have an emotional attachment to Albertson’s. This isn’t such an easy decision with a dancer, because I do have an emotional attachment to her. I do take it personally if I feel like I’m being strung along. This is where a lot of customers get it really wrong. They take it as a personal affront. I’ve seen more than a few blog posts about this. Some rant about how a dancer is stupid and throwing driving away this wonderful customer. A lot of flawed logic gets thrown out “I’ve spent $$$$$$ of dollars on her”, which is true but the customer got a lot of dances and entertainment for the money. It’s not like he was just throwing away money.

From a customer point of view it’s really easy to let yourself think that a dancer is more interested in you than she really is. It’s much more than the fact she gets naked. She pays attention to you, asks how you are doing, she’s excited to see you. It may just be a job for her, but it can be a very reaching thing for a customer. For the dancer it’s one of the pitfalls of the job.

What always amazed me is how fast dancers recognized I was thinking about asking them out and proceeded to shoot me down. I was one of those moments when you realized that you are completely out of your depth. As much as I’d like to think I understand the industry I’ve fall into this type of thinking. There are some warning signs I watch for in my self to avoid going down this path.

One of the biggest things I’ll watch for is how I react then I say good bye for the night. When I begin to feel like she’s just walking away and abandoning me I’m starting to stray into a bad frame of mind. For me it’s best to walk away for a while at this point. If I find myself getting mad or jealous I’m missing the whole point of hanging out at a strip club.

Naked Ethics

I recently read a blog post by the AngryStripper about selling dances to “sweetards”. Is she taking advantage of somebody that may not be able to make good decisions for them? It depends on the situation. I find the name sweetard a little offensive. I know there was no malice behind the name and there are a lot worse names customers get called by dancers but I have a niece with Down’s syndrome. It can be unintentionally dehumanizing to label people.

Regardless of their SAT scores, I believe that most guys are going into the club for exactly the same reasons. If they can afford it, why not? The issue is when the person cannot realize that they are making a mistake or control the impulse at the time. Should the dancer make the decision to not accept his money or to go further and get him sent home? There is no easy answer, each situation is different.

Customer qualification is critical to most sales job. A strip club is probably one of the toughest environments I can think of. The job is 100% commission so there is no safety net if you screw up. You have a very limited time to evaluate the customer. There is immediate competition for the customer. The customer is most likely willing to lie to get an advantage. You have to evaluate the revenue potential and time vs. money with only minimal information. On top of all that you have to consider personal safety.

So on top of trying to sort out if he’s a deadbeat sex offender or good customer should a dancer also decided if a customer is competent enough to actually be there? Yes. It’s not easy to sort out if somebody is really able to afford something but there is a responsibility of the person making the sale. This is nothing unique to strip club industry. This pretty much goes for everybody else selling a product or service. There are a lot of banks that put on blinders when qualifying some home loans.

Practically speaking, you can’t really exhaustively interview customers on the floor of the strip club. In my opinion the dividing line between a competent customer and on that be should be turned away is if he understands the cost of the dance or he is causing himself fiscal harm. If you ask for twenty bucks and the guys has no idea what that is then he needs to be turned away. If you know he’s spending his rent money then he should be turned away as well. Trying to determine that is much easier said than done.

If he can afford it and understands the cost then he has every right to be there. When I or any other customer walks out the door I’m walking out empty handed. What you pay for at a strip club is the experience. My experience will be different from everybody else’s. If they feel like money they paid for the experience was worth it then it’s a win-win situation. A lot of guys will look at the money I spend at a strip club and think I’m mentally deficient, but I’m happy with the experience I get for the money.

A person’s cognitive skills aren’t the only thing that can be judged, blood alcohol level is another thing. At what point does a customer become too drunk to be turned away? From what I’ve seen at clubs anything less than fatal alcohol poisoning is fair game. Since being drunk is temporary situation it’s socially more acceptable to take advantage of him. He made the choice to be in that situation, therefore he should be held accountable for consequences. I always like the story attributed to Winston Churchill. He was rather drunk at a dinner party when he was confronted by a lady from the English Aristocracy “You sir are drunk” she snarled. Churchill replied “And you madam are ugly, but at least I’ll be sober in the morning”.

Why you shouldn't video dancers

The sad part is after reading the youtube comments, the guy who recorded this doesn't really understand that he did anything wrong. Some people just don't get it.




In case the video doesn't show up in your browser here is the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhUrKws78TE&feature=youtube_gdata

The Muffin Man

It’s finally sunny here in lovely Portland Oregon, which curiously inspires me to go inside and type on my computer. Apparently when its cold and wet outside I only have enough energy to sit and watch TV. This post is a bit of a screed about other patrons. I suppose I’m being hypocritical complaining about other customer, but I’m ticked off. There is one type of customer I’ve been running into recently I can’t stand: The Strip Club Stud Muffin.

This is the guy who thinks he is god’s gift to strip clubs, and he’s got the dollar bill to prove it. He doesn’t just walk up and tip the dancer, he approaches the stage the Moses preparing to part the red sea. To leave the tip on the rail and walk back to his table would be cheating the dancer of the chance to bask in his awesomeness. Good f’n grief man it’s just a dollar bill. It’s not like she’s going to be able to retire early now. Don't stand there like the Pope.

I’m not sure what this guy is thinking. He just stands there like a wall of arrogance. I understand wanting to get something for you dollar but do expect the dancer to suddenly race across the stage for a buck? Not surprisingly most dancers manage to resist his massive charisma and either ignore him completely or slowly make their way over to him after when it suits them. I don’t think these guys get it. They get mad when they get ignored. The last muffin man I saw actually started waving the bill like a dog biscuit. He managed to take jerk to a new level.

These guys never seem to find a place to sit. They always find the most strategic location to stand that insures that they will be in the way of the bar staff, the dancers, and anybody trying to walk to the bathroom. They also feel compelled to make smart ass comments when ever possible. I don’t want to hear a running commentary at a club, its one of the few times i'm glad it’s so loud I can’t hear what he’s saying. Nobody at the club really wants to hear anything you have to stay. The lack of attention never seems to slow them down, they just try harder.

Of course he has to give you his opinion about dancers, the club, and the state of the union while you are in the bathroom. One guy actually started talking to me “Strippers is so stupid…” Congratulations in only four words you’ve managed to prove that you are illiterate, stupid, and annoying. My head almost exploded when my brain tried to escape out my ear. I wish my bladder had an emergency purge button. I'm not trying to be an elitist here but at least begin the conversation with something partially coherent, like maybe "hello"? To walk up to a complete stranger in a bathroom and start trashing people is a bit much.

Fortunately for me I can avoid Sir ClubMuffin usually most of the time. The dancers have a much tougher time. A dollar isn’t nearly enough compensation when it comes to them. Speaking of lack of compensation I saw the world’s cheapest bachelor party. They had the bachelor at the stage with nine guys standing right behind him. How much money was in front of the bachelor? One dollar. Yep, ten guys and they could only pony up a dime a piece. At the end of the song the dancer bailed off the stage and left the tip. One of the guys picked up the tip on the way out. Seriously classy. I hope next time they have more empties to cash in. That's enough venom for now.