Eyebrows
There needs to be two of them. They shouldn’t look like a pair of chipmunks glued to her forehead and they need to be real. Many years ago there was a dancer that worked days. She always would sit with me and try to sell dances. Very smart, very sweet and she had one eye brow across both eyes. This might be a good look for Bert the Muppet, but not on a dancer. I think she said she was ethnically Dravidian. One really nice thing about a strip club is you can stare at a girl's boobs during the conversation without being completely creepy. I spent a lot of time staring at her boobs.
Another dancer looked like Andy Rooney in heels. At least the eyebrow looks the same. The rest of her didn't. Fortunately she never tried to sell me dances. I don’t think I ever really saw her naked. Not because she didn’t take off her clothes, I just couldn’t get past her forehead. It was like looking at a car accident.
I also can’t stand drawn on eyebrows. there should be hair, not a penciled in line. It looks like they suffered a tragic lab accident. I always feel like I’m looking at a future super villain. When she turns her head the eyebrows disappear she looks like Lex Luther. That's bad.
White socks, no shoes.
I never realized how dirty stages get until I watched a dancer in white socks. She took off her shoes when she danced (and when the manager wasn’t looking). One time she took the stage wearing a school girl outfit complete with white ankle socks. It took about 45 seconds for the soles of her feet to turn completely black from dirt and grime. Ugh. Why I’m watching her feet while she does floor work I don’t know. It looked so terrible. They should clean the stage with napalm between sets. I suspect the only way to get it truly clean is to burn it down and rebuild it. Or maybe I should build a strip club stage cleaning robot. It could pop out between sets like a little Zamboni machine and clean the stage between sets. Curiously the dirt doesn’t bother me if I can’t see it. I know the dirt is still there. It must be a bachelor thing.
Gum Chomping
The fantasy I pay for at the club is that dancer likes spending time with me. I know outside the club most dancers would barely acknowledge my existence. But inside the club the laws of reality can be temporarily be suspended for the right price. There is something about gum chomping that just feels like a passive aggressive jab at my little world. Chomping on her gum like a billy goat is monumentally annoying. It’s a horrible barnyard sound drilling into my inner ear. I absolutely will not buy dances from a girl chomping gum.
Fortunately for there are lots of dancers that have two eye brows, shoes, and don’t chew gum. So I’ll be safe for a while. But I have thought about buying all the gum in the vending club machine from time to time.
White socks, no shoes.
I never realized how dirty stages get until I watched a dancer in white socks. She took off her shoes when she danced (and when the manager wasn’t looking). One time she took the stage wearing a school girl outfit complete with white ankle socks. It took about 45 seconds for the soles of her feet to turn completely black from dirt and grime. Ugh. Why I’m watching her feet while she does floor work I don’t know. It looked so terrible. They should clean the stage with napalm between sets. I suspect the only way to get it truly clean is to burn it down and rebuild it. Or maybe I should build a strip club stage cleaning robot. It could pop out between sets like a little Zamboni machine and clean the stage between sets. Curiously the dirt doesn’t bother me if I can’t see it. I know the dirt is still there. It must be a bachelor thing.
Gum Chomping
The fantasy I pay for at the club is that dancer likes spending time with me. I know outside the club most dancers would barely acknowledge my existence. But inside the club the laws of reality can be temporarily be suspended for the right price. There is something about gum chomping that just feels like a passive aggressive jab at my little world. Chomping on her gum like a billy goat is monumentally annoying. It’s a horrible barnyard sound drilling into my inner ear. I absolutely will not buy dances from a girl chomping gum.
Fortunately for there are lots of dancers that have two eye brows, shoes, and don’t chew gum. So I’ll be safe for a while. But I have thought about buying all the gum in the vending club machine from time to time.
