It does seem rather hypocritical for me to make fun of a typo in the Dolphin MNO blog when my posts are riddled with assorted grammatical errors. I've written twenty three blog posts so far, despite my best efforts I constantly find new errors in my blog posts. For the technically curious you can review my past posts by clicking on the "view all blog entries" link on the main page, then click on the "older" link on the blog archive control on the left hand side, a little bit below my picture
This is mostly a result of they way I write. Very seldom can I sit down and create a complete entry. My first pass is usually a rough collection of ideas, nothing that resembles the English language, just sort of semi-related gibberish. I just hammer things out until I get everything I want down. After multiple passes I eventually get the words to resemble something like coherent thought. I've probably rewritten the blog about five times by the time it gets to this point.
One thing I really hate about Microsoft Word is that it highlights every error with a squiggly underline. When I complete my first draft it usually looks like a topographical map of the Grand Canyon. Granted my first pass barely passes for English, but does it have to point out everything?
Despite this it's still riddled with grammatical errors. I usual leave out words. Maybe I should use a crayon. To try and maintain the perception of literacy I'm going to be going back and editing some of my blogs.
Showing posts with label web sites. Show all posts
Showing posts with label web sites. Show all posts
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Twitter me this, Batman
The following is a completely irreverent rewrite of the rules posted on the Dolphin Clubs MySpace page. It's not meant to be fair or accurate. It's just me poking a little fun at something. You may want to go read the Dolphin blog.
What is the Miss Nude Oregon Contest?
Miss Nude Oregon is the only highest exotic entertainer title in the state. (The previous sentence was cribbed directly from the Dolphin MySpace page blog). This contest is preformed at a greater elevation than any other contest of its type. Should any other contest occur at a greater altitude the contest shall be renamed the Miss Nude Oregon Skydiving Contest, where contestants will have perform a theme set while jumping out of an airplane.
Why do Dolphin girls always seem to win the crown?
The contest is open to all entertainers living in the state of Oregon. Unless they are living in Washington. So, it’s open to all entertainers in Oregon and Washington, The Dolphins girls spend three to four months preparing for the contest which give them a major advantage. The fact that the contest takes place in the Dolphin Clubs, the winner will appear in magazine ads for the Dolphin clubs, or that some of the judges sell alcohol to the Dolphins clubs have nothing to do with the out come.
The Title
The title is owned by somebody else, permission to use the title in any advertising must be obtained by the owner of the title. Fortunately this blog is not an advertisement, but I will freely admit to be willing to fold like a cheap tent and pull the blog should I receive anything that looks like a cease and desist order.
Criteria
The contestant must participate in two of the three events, unless the find it too inconvenient, in which case they only need to show up for the finals. The contestants will be judges on the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, unless they perform to Spinal Tap, in which case 11 is allowable. (Any dancer willing to get up and perform to 'big bottom' should win by default):
Theme set performance
Axe throwing (This will come in handy during the tie breaker)
Clog dancing
Elegance
Another vague attribute like elegance that I can't think of right now
Car repair
Sheep shearing
The judges
In order to insure complete fairness the judges will be kidnapped at random from an Amish community and flown in one day prior to the contest. They will blind folded and locked in a room until just before the first contestant takes the stage.
The Ballots
The ballots will be collected and tallied in front of the judges, the event organizers, the title owner and club managers. None of which of any bias or affiliation the Dolphin clubs (oops, was I using my out loud voice?)
A Tie
Should three judges scoring seven categories on a scale one to ten come up with the exact same score for two or more contestants a tie breaker will be invoked. The tie breaker will consist of a cage death match. The cage death match will take place in three segments. The first segment will be the blunt object round. Contestants will be allow to take a single blunt object from their outfit bag, such as a hair flat iron, perfume bottle, hair dryer, vibrator, etc. They will then beat each other senseless for three minutes. Those left standing will progress to the second, sharp object round. They will select between a machete, axe, or bailing hook and resume combat. The third and final round will be the Mossberg Shotgun round. The last dancer standing will be crowned the winner.
The Winner
The winner must be available for shows, signings, radio/TV appearances, Bar Mitzvahs, car washes, photo shoots, shifts where there aren't enough girls, and building maintenance.
Elimination
The contestant can be eliminated for the following reasons:
Disregarding house rules (what rules that happened to be enforced at the time)
Working for another club (did I use my out loud voice again?)
Illegal parking
Jay Walking
Bailing on a bar tab
Failure to pay stage fees
Revoking the crown
Somebody else owns the crown, you don't. Don't mess up, capiche?
What is the Miss Nude Oregon Contest?
Miss Nude Oregon is the only highest exotic entertainer title in the state. (The previous sentence was cribbed directly from the Dolphin MySpace page blog). This contest is preformed at a greater elevation than any other contest of its type. Should any other contest occur at a greater altitude the contest shall be renamed the Miss Nude Oregon Skydiving Contest, where contestants will have perform a theme set while jumping out of an airplane.
Why do Dolphin girls always seem to win the crown?
The contest is open to all entertainers living in the state of Oregon. Unless they are living in Washington. So, it’s open to all entertainers in Oregon and Washington, The Dolphins girls spend three to four months preparing for the contest which give them a major advantage. The fact that the contest takes place in the Dolphin Clubs, the winner will appear in magazine ads for the Dolphin clubs, or that some of the judges sell alcohol to the Dolphins clubs have nothing to do with the out come.
The Title
The title is owned by somebody else, permission to use the title in any advertising must be obtained by the owner of the title. Fortunately this blog is not an advertisement, but I will freely admit to be willing to fold like a cheap tent and pull the blog should I receive anything that looks like a cease and desist order.
Criteria
The contestant must participate in two of the three events, unless the find it too inconvenient, in which case they only need to show up for the finals. The contestants will be judges on the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, unless they perform to Spinal Tap, in which case 11 is allowable. (Any dancer willing to get up and perform to 'big bottom' should win by default):
Theme set performance
Axe throwing (This will come in handy during the tie breaker)
Clog dancing
Elegance
Another vague attribute like elegance that I can't think of right now
Car repair
Sheep shearing
The judges
In order to insure complete fairness the judges will be kidnapped at random from an Amish community and flown in one day prior to the contest. They will blind folded and locked in a room until just before the first contestant takes the stage.
The Ballots
The ballots will be collected and tallied in front of the judges, the event organizers, the title owner and club managers. None of which of any bias or affiliation the Dolphin clubs (oops, was I using my out loud voice?)
A Tie
Should three judges scoring seven categories on a scale one to ten come up with the exact same score for two or more contestants a tie breaker will be invoked. The tie breaker will consist of a cage death match. The cage death match will take place in three segments. The first segment will be the blunt object round. Contestants will be allow to take a single blunt object from their outfit bag, such as a hair flat iron, perfume bottle, hair dryer, vibrator, etc. They will then beat each other senseless for three minutes. Those left standing will progress to the second, sharp object round. They will select between a machete, axe, or bailing hook and resume combat. The third and final round will be the Mossberg Shotgun round. The last dancer standing will be crowned the winner.
The Winner
The winner must be available for shows, signings, radio/TV appearances, Bar Mitzvahs, car washes, photo shoots, shifts where there aren't enough girls, and building maintenance.
Elimination
The contestant can be eliminated for the following reasons:
Disregarding house rules (what rules that happened to be enforced at the time)
Working for another club (did I use my out loud voice again?)
Illegal parking
Jay Walking
Bailing on a bar tab
Failure to pay stage fees
Revoking the crown
Somebody else owns the crown, you don't. Don't mess up, capiche?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
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