Expose yourself

I had forgotten about this advertising campaign. That's former Portland mayor Bud Clark promoting the local art scene. No wonder there are so many strip clubs here.

The Prize Patrol

And here is Naomi with her winnings from the stripper skills contest.

Her keys to success

• Using a computer monitor instead of a smart phone
• Comparing the stack on the screen to her tips at the end of a shift
• Sobering up before guessing.

Stay tuned for more contests

And the winner is..

The winner is Naomi from Stars Bridgeport!

So can dancers judge the value of stack of ones just by looking at it? Sort of. Granted this test didn’t result in a very big data sample. I think the only thing I conclusively proved is that ignoring a blog for a couple months will drop your traffic to zero. I only got three guesses on the blog. It’s a bit of an ego hit when giving away money doesn’t really bump site traffic. At least at the club I was able to get quite a few dancers to give me a verbal estimate.

I intentionally tried to make things difficult. There were no objects to reference the height of the stack to (except the bills them selves) and I did not compress the bills. I don’t think most dancers keep there bills like this. They probably have them bundled up and stashed. However, and expert is an expert and they should be able to handle the tough situations with the easy one.

Every initial estimate I got was much higher than the actual value. The average value of the guesses was $202 dollars. The actual value of the stack was $124. The dancers missed the value by an average of $78. The highest guess was $290, the lowest was $161. I don’t think dancers are overly optimistic, I think it was a case of the bills being stacked in an atypical fashion.

Another interesting thing I noticed is that 72% of the dancers said they needed to actually hold the stack to really be accurate. This may be my next test, I’ll bundle a setup of bills to see if how much more accurate the guesses become.

Something interesting I noticed is that when dancers didn’t just guess, but began to evaluate different aspects of the stack they became much more accurate. Typically they started high, but when they began to puzzle it out the estimate would drop. Only two dancers made an attempt to determine the actual height of the stack by comparing it the length of the bill.

The winning guess was very accurate though, within 5%, I’m curious to she how came up with this number. I suspect it wasn’t a quick guess.

So can most dancers just look at a stack of singles and determine the value? Not really. With a little more information they probably can be very accurate. My next test will be a bundle they’ll be able to handle. I’ll also get estimates from non-dancers as well, to see if dancers are more accurate.

Some things never change

There are eternal battles; Cats vs. Dogs, Ninjas vs. Pirates, Coke vs. Pepsi, and Strippers vs. Managers. I had a chance to ease drop on an all dancer meeting at a local club. I wasn't invited of course, but the meeting went much longer planned. The meeting that was supposed to start promptly at 2pm, started more toward 3ish, and was still going long after club's opening time.

When I walked in Sunday all the lights were on and the dancers were gathered around a stage, being lectured to by a manager. It’s always really odd to see the club under normal lighting. The perception of size is completely changed. The normally dark interior walls appear much closer in the light making it almost claustrophobic. The dancers all look really different too, specifically they look much shorter. Normally you only see dancers when they are in six inch or higher heels. Suddenly they’ve all shrunk, like walking into a stripper hobbit hole.

Once I figured out what was going on, I scuttled off to the video poker machines to occupy myself and listen in to the meeting. It reminded me of some of the horrible meetings I’ve been stuck in, where some manager feels the need to lecture you on a bunch of issues you know better than he does. The manager was going on an on about dancer breaking rules to the dancers that don’t beak the rules because the dancers that break the rules tend not to show up on Sundays for meeting about not breaking the rules.

The rules in question were the rules that managers always seems to go on about. The dancers looked simultaneously tired, bored, and annoyed. After listening to the manager for a little bit I was bored, tired and annoyed too. After thinking about the meeting for a couple days I decided I would weigh in on these eternal conflicts, to give an outside point of view.

Bitch #1 Make it to stage on time

When a dancer hears her should drop everything and race for the stage like she’s being paged by St Peter at the pearly gates, at least that’s manager seem to suggest. For the most part, I’ve got agree with the manager on this one. As a customer it sucks sitting staring at an empty stage. It’s surprising how fast it become uncomfortable. I start to think about getting up and going to the bathroom, or getting a new drink, or heading home to catch the Big Bang Theory reruns. If the club is reasonably crowded it’s to the dancer advantage to make it to the stage on time. The rack is going to empty out pretty quickly if people are left waiting too long, Every customer that leaves is money walking away from the stage.

However when the club is empty the manager needs lighten up. If all the customers are sitting at the bar or hiding out at tables it really doesn’t matter if the dancer zooms up to the stage. There’s no point to breaking an ankle for four bucks and frankly, the customers have already left the stage before the last song ended. Yet the manager seem’s to ignore this fact. You should train dogs if you want absolute obedience. 

Bitch #2 Show up with your hair and make up done

Honestly, this should be rephrased be ready to start when your shift begins. I can understand this one. I’ve personally ranted about dancer’s cliché lack of promptness on multiple posts. A lot of dancers roll in a couple minutes before their shift starts, report in, then spend the next two hours getting ready. Whether they arrive two hours early and get ready or get ready at home really doesn’t make a difference. You’re either ready or your not. I’ve noticed that a speed at which a dancer gets ready is directly proportional to the amount of money being tipped on stage. People are much more prompted when there’s money to be made at the time. However it isn’t fair to the dancers that did get ready on time for the others to shift on time when it’s slow.

Bitch #3 Let the DJ know when you’re doing dances

This one seems straight forward but tends to be much more difficult in practice. The strip club is probably the worse place for communication short of combat. You have loud music, lights, and alcohol. I’ve watched DJs and dancers talk to each other and carry on completely different conversations. Then walk off not realizing that other had no clue what the other person said. “I’m going to being doing three songs in the VIP” from the dancers turns into “I’m going to be free after this song” for the DJ, which turns into argument when the DJ calls her to stage in the middle of her dances.

Sometimes the situation prevents the dancer from being able to communicate with the DJ. We customers can be a pretty flakey bunch. Once a dancer finally gets a customer to agree to do dances she needs to get him back to the champagne room before he can change his mind. Trying to track down the DJ or get his attention can be impossible. This is one situation where the manager needs to be able to figure what’s going on when conflict occurs..Just blaming the dancers isn't right thing to do.

Bitch #4 Always order the expensive drinks

This is one rule that does more harm than good. Sure, short term it might boost bar sales but it pisses of the customers. In my opinion its too the dancers advantage to order cheap drinks. Every dollar the bar takes is one less dollar she can get. Dances cost $20 bucks. If cost of the drinks is $21 for top shelf, instead of $17 the extra four bucks just cost the dancer $20 bucks. Once I break a twenty that's one less dance I can buy. It also makes guys more difficult to dance for. If the dancers isn't going to respect me, why should I respect her? 

Bitch #5 We’re not the dirtiest club in town, so clean up the dances.

This rule usually lasts for a couple weeks before things go back to where they were. I’m glad I didn’t hear this rant or I probably would have been kicked out of the club. The manager used such a flawed argument to make his point I probably wouldn’t have been keep my mouth shut. The manager claimed that when he started in the industry fifteen years ago girls were making $700 or more a night doing air dances and none of this extra stuff was needed. He also claimed that back then girls were lining up to work at this club and they should feel lucky to be here.

Apparently the manager lives in a time warp and has missed the fact the world has changed in the past fifteen years. Fifteen years ago the economy was starting the dot com boom. The clubs were much more crowded fifteen years ago. People had a lot more money to spend. Back then I used to take off from clubs at 8pm because they got so crowded there was no place to sit. Now I could probably park my car next to the stage at 8pm and there still would be room for everybody. Apparently the manager hasn’t noticed that things have slowed down a little since then. 

He also neglects to mention that all the clubs were doing air dances in Portland at the time. This led to my own misadventure the first time a dancer sat down in my lap in Texas. Now if a club tried to enforce that everybody will just head down the road to next club. All the dancers I know don’t want to get groped of $20 by some random guys off the street. But that’s the current environment right now and a lot of dancers are going to do what they need to pay their bills.

He also mentions that there were dancers waiting to work for the club. This implies that they were limiting the number of dancers that could work there. This is a noticeable change from the current policy of letting any dancer with a pulse and stage fees show up and work, regardless of how many girls are already there. You get 30 dancers chasing 10 customers and the rules are going to become optional pretty fast.

Arguments like this just make everything worse. Dancers will just look at the manager like he’s an idiot and ignore him. You have no credibility when ignore reality. I don’t mind working for jerks if they are will to deal with the facts. Somebody who makes up an imaginary world to work in is impossible to deal with. I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to strip club management lunacy. 

Test your stripper skills and win (kinda) big money

Every dancer friend I have claim they can look at a stack of singles and tell exactly how much it is. I decided to put it to the test and came up with a contest. Who ever guesses the value of this stack of ones (or comes closest) wins the money! The stack of singles below could be yours. Of course there will be a few rules for this contest. Please read closely.

1. The contest is only open to active dancers in the Portland Oregon area. (This includes Salem). I will show up and make it rain or, more likely, neatly place it on the rack so its easier for you to pick up.
2. You must work either weekends or weekday evening shifts. I have a 9 to 5, Monday through Friday job. My bosses tend to frown on me heading to strip clubs during work hours.
3. You can only make one guess. You make the guess by leaving a comment on this post. You must also leave your stage name, what club you work at, and the dollar value of your guess.
4. If two or more guesses are the same, the earliest guess posted on the blog will win. The time and date blogspot tags the comment will be the official entry time
5. The guess closest to the value of stack (either above or below the amount) wins.
6. If two guesses have the same differential, the guess that did not exceed the actual value of the stack will win. Example, if the value of the stack is $20 and there was an $18 and $22 guesses (both $2 off) the $18 dollar guess wins since it did not exceed the value of the stack.
7. The contest will end 6am October 12th. 

The stack is all non-sequential one dollar bills. Any questions e-mail me at pdxstoney@gmail.com. Good luck!

Does she or doesn't she, only the CDC knows for sure

Ethic’s isn’t usually a subject you associate with strip club. Yet, I found myself in an ethical dilemma a while ago. I’m going to be really vague about a lot of specific details about this situation. I cannot verify a lot of the major details, to avoid damaging somebody’s reputation through innuendo I’m going be vague, but I can get my point across without them. You generally don't think about health issues when you go to a strip club, but sometimes you have to.

There are some diseases that aren’t curable but not fatal either. Once you have it, you have it until you die. Most of the time the virus lays dormant, but occasionally flairs up and causes problem. There diseases usually require some sort of intimate contact or the exchange of bodily fluids to contract. Not really an issue for a customer at a strip club.

Sometime ago a dancer (Stripper X) at my favorite club had supposedly contracted one of these diseases. I didn’t find out about this until after she had left. I’m not sure if she was fired, quit or just decided to not show up any more. Dancers come and go at a club on a regular basis. I never really talked to her, but I heard later about Stripper X’s condition from a couple of different dancers I trust. Granted a lot of dancers are major league gossips, but I trusted these dancers to be pretty down to earth and factual about their stuff. However, I had no real confirmation, just trusted sources. Stripper X also lead a life style that was at risk for this type of disease.

Stripper X disappeared and I quickly forgot about her. It was a couple years later when I stopped by a different club to see a long time favorite dancer when I saw Stripper X working there. She was still using the same stage name, she even recognized me.

When my dancer friend sat down next to me Stripper X was the topic of conversation. After a few minutes of catching up I realized my friend know nothing of Stripper X's health risk. This left me with a little bit of a quandary. Do I tell my friend? The easy thing to do would be gossip, “Did you hear that Stripper X had gotten suspended for having...”. The problem with this is that I’m leveling a serious accusation without any real proof.

There are consequences to my actions. Customers talk crap all the time about dancers, but there is more to this allegation than the usual “I think she does more outside the club" type of comments. There are legal implications to this situation for the club. If a club knows that a contractor presents a potential health risk to customers, the club could be sued. One of the riders on the contracts I have to sign with trade show companies is an acknowledgement of health. Basically I have to state that nobody working our booth knowingly has a communicable disease. I’m not sure how much legal protection this really provides, but if somebody works a trade show with the bubonic plague and makes somebody really sick, the trade show company will basically say the company renting the booth space lied and they are liable.

The parallels between a renting space at a trade show and a dancer contracting are striking. I’ll blog about that later. Besides the potential legal aspects I don’t think a club would want to be known as the place a customer caught a serious disease from. This would be bad for business. The upshot of all this is that there is a fairly decent chance a new dancer could get fired over a rumor this. Getting somebody fired because you think that something might be true is completely unethical to me. A lot of dancers tend to live week to week financially. Getting fired at the end of the month could result in them losing their place to live. Oops I’m sorry about getting you fired and evicted, doesn’t really cut it if it’s a false claim.

Another really nasty thing about an allegation like that is it’s almost impossible to prove a negative. Even if you don’t have the disease, people may think it’s just in remission and you’re lying about it. The strip club industry isn’t that big. Even if you walk around with a copy of the results of your latest blood work, people can still think the document is fake or,” that was last week, what about now?” You can’t put the genie back in the bottle.

I was not going to mention the health issue to my friend initially. The only way to spread this disease is by sharing bodily fluids and wouldn’t be spread at a club under even normal conditions. Then my dancer friend, who is into alternate life styles. mentions that she is hanging out with Stripper X outside the club. This presented a direct risk to my friend’s health. Sorry, I should have told you about the land mines are not acceptable. I told her about Stripper X.

There is a broader issue of health when it comes to strip clubs. at what point are you too sick to go into a strip club? It’s an ideal environment for spreading illness. Even if you don’t get any dances, the dancer will usually sit right next to you, most of the time you are drinking something too. You have the trifecta of possible vectors: physical contact, airborne transmission, and ingestion.

Dancers are more at risk than the customers. I’ll probably only meet and talk to one or two dancers during a visit. The dancer we’ll probably meet a dozen or more people every shift. One thing I always hated about working big trade shows like CES or Comdex (when Comdex was big) was you were guaranteed to meet and shake hands at least one sick person. I’d say 30% of the time I worked large trade shows I came home sick.

The dancer also has the added problem of not being able to take sick time off. If she has to make rent she doesn’t have to a choice. She has to load up on decongestants and cold medicines and fake a smile. That is one of the most miserable part of sales Feeling like absolute shit, yet having to paint on smile and pretend you like dealing with a customer. That is longest conversation ever. 

How safe are clubs?

KPTV - FOX 12

I got asked about the recent shooting at the Mystic Strip club in the comment section of a previous post.  After doing a little research it appears that neither the victim nor suspects were customers. The club is just where the tragic incident occurred. There is nothing strip club specific about the incident. But it does raise the question, how safe do I feel at a strip club?

When I first start hanging out the club I was apprehensive. I had the same faulty thing most people have of strip clubs. That stripping is immoral, therefore immoral people (criminals) hand out there. Now I’m not even sure what I was thinking. This is definitely a case of my preconceptions being completely wrong.

The media will always trumpet report anything that happens at a strip club. They will always be sure to put “strip club” or “stripper” in the headline. Not because it’s particularly relevant, but it gets people attention and it will get better ratings. I’ve noticed that most news media now is more interested in ratings than reporting the facts. When you have a problem at strip club you automatically have sex indirectly involved. Sex sells news reports.

Get rid of the live entertainment and a strip club is just a bar. The safety of the club comes down to how its run and its location, just like any other bar. If a club takes security seriously will be very safe. If they have enough bouncers that are actively watching the crowd, you usually won’t run into problems. Bouncers are an active deterrent. Strip clubs tend to have more bouncers on staff than a typical bar.

I’ve noticed that strip club bouncers also tend to be more aggressive than typical bouncers. They have the added concerns of money and naked women. Dancers have to collect money from customers. I don’t care what business you are in, collecting money from customers can always be problematic. This usually doesn’t affect the honest customers as much since they are neither naked nor trying to collect money.

The serving practice’s of the bar also makes a big difference. The only time I’ve had real issues at a club has been with absolutely wasted people. Really hammered people do stupid things. A club that is willing to cut people off early won’t have as many problems as a place that lets patron get smashed. The fact that there are strippers doesn’t make a difference. It’s just simply they way the club is operated.

In my opinion the biggest factor in safety is what neighborhood the club is in. There are good neighborhoods and bad neighborhoods. You are far more likely to be victim of a crime in a neighborhood with a high crime rate. I’m more concerned with safety in the parking lot of the club in a bad neighborhood than when I am in the club itself. Again then it comes down to how the club is operated.

Strip clubs tend to be a bit more concerned about what goes on in the parking lot than typical bars. Dancers are escorted out to their cars at the end of their shift. A lot of dancers also smoke, which usually means there is somebody outside watching the parking lot grabbing a quick smoke between sets. The dancers have a vested interest in making sure the customers are safe. When you add the number of dancers in with normal bar staff there are simply more eyes watching what is going on.

In the 10+ years of hanging out at strip clubs I’ve only been two incidents that involved a bouncer having to intervene. One was a result of my own stupidity; the other was an encounter with drunk. Some guy who should have been cut off much earlier in the evening decided that I had taken the table he was sitting at. I staggered up to my table and began bitching at me about taking his table. Before he finished his drunken rant the bouncers had walked over and escorted him away.  

I’ve only seen one actual study that compared crime at strip clubs to other bars. Of course I can’t find it now that I’m writing about it. But it compared reported incidents at a strip club with another bar of similar size in the same neighborhood. The strip club came in with a lower incident rate. The police spent more time at the other club than the strip club. I don’t think the lower rate was because strip clubs have fewer problems, I think it was mostly because the strip club had bouncers on staff every evening, while the other club only had bouncers on the weekends. Problems that required the police to be involved at the regular club were taken care of by the bouncers at the strip club.  I think the ultimately result of the study was there really isn’t any difference between the two establishments.

The biggest problem with strip club safety is public perception. People have preconceived notions of strip clubs being dens of iniquity. The people who work and hang out at strip clubs must be morally corrupt. The reality is that the people who hang out at the clubs are your neighbors. The people working there are just trying to make a living and have a vested interest in keeping you safe. If you don’t feel safe at a club, you are probably not going to come back. That’s a quick way to go out of business.