I've picked up different nicknames for dancers and bar staff over the years. It's not very fair, oh well, I know the bar staff can be more than a little condescending when it comes to the customers.
Ludwig the DJ
This name is stolen from another web site, but it fits the DJ so well I can't help but use it. For those who don't understand the allusion, Ludwig Von Beethoven was deaf at the end of his career.
Odd Job
The current manager at D2 (now former manager) reminds me of the famous villain from the James Bond movie Goldfinger. He has the same build, all he needs is the steel rim bowler to knock off those miscreant dancers who don't obey the rules.
Pink Eye
I'm not sure who this dancer is, but I love the name. This is what she's called by the other dancers. Apparently she uses pink eye shadow, a lot of pink eye shadow.
Mugsy
Getting a dance from this girl is pretty much like getting mugged. She's the ultimate min-maxer. She would try to separate you from as much of your money as quickly as possible. It was at the point of being ridiculous.
The Bag Lady
This dancer is probably one of the most strikingly beautiful dancers I've ever seen. You can still see her on the Stars Cabaret Caveman add. Stunningly beautiful, but she always looked like she just threw on the first things she found in her bag. It looked like she stopped at the Goodwill on the way to work to pick up her outfit. She was always such a contrast, stunning good looks, staggering bad clothing selection.
Cow and Chicken
These two dancers were inseparable and completely opposite. They always dressed a like, even though they couldn't have been more different physically. Cow was absolutely bovine in her presence. Not only in weight, but in the way she moved. She always seems to lumber around the stage. Chicken was stick skinny, even more so when she was standing next to Cow in matching outfits. She had an odd angular look to her, accented with a hunched neck look like she was 90 years old.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
What are ya, Gay?
I pride my self on being a gentleman at the club. One dancer has me listed in her cell phone as "Harmless Todd". Which always made me wonder if there is a "Restraining order Todd" in her contacts as well. Most dancers really appreciate my attitude, it confuses others.
I recently I got some dances from a new girl. She's been working at D2 for a while, but this time I had ever gotten dances from her. When she first started she was doing the usual safety tricks of keeping her hands on my wrist keeping them pinned slightly. After a while she began to cheat a little. After a while this girl was pushing the limits of normal rules. I pretty much stay completely passive when I'm getting a dance. This is something most guys don't do. I figure most girls really don't want me drooling on them. Part way through the dance she sticks her ear in my mouth. I guess I was supposed to nibble on it. I actually pulled my head back. The dancer stopped and tilted her head and gave me a weird look. She slipped back into her normal rhythm again. She then stuck another body part in my mouth. Again I did nothing. This time she rocked back and gave me furrowed brow look. She resumed her dance and this time continued on. For the remainder of the time I kept getting the "is there something wrong" glances from her.
I always like that initial reaction. When she's expecting one thing and gets something else all together. But I sometimes wonder if she thinks I don't find her attractive. Probably not. There always a sort of a learning process when you start getting dances for a girl. She's trying to decide if you are safe and what you like. She's trying to hook you as a customer. A lot of dancers immediately go below the belt to try and get you as a regular. While that's probably an effective method, it's got to be a tough path. With a few drinks any guy can be aggressive, other dancer will get upset with the thought that they have to compete with this.
PDXBlackBook
I was recently at the PDXBB web site and noticed that the pay content was now online. OK, I decided to try and register to see what the content there is. Everything was going fine until I got the CCBill site for the payment. The payment terms initially listed were every automatic payment every 30 days. I hate these. I don't want to have to through the canceling process to turn these things off. I don't want somebody pulling money every 30 days whether I use it or not. I noticed that the payment selection was a pull down menu. Maybe there is a one time payment option. Nope there was only one option available. I'll pass on this.
I recently I got some dances from a new girl. She's been working at D2 for a while, but this time I had ever gotten dances from her. When she first started she was doing the usual safety tricks of keeping her hands on my wrist keeping them pinned slightly. After a while she began to cheat a little. After a while this girl was pushing the limits of normal rules. I pretty much stay completely passive when I'm getting a dance. This is something most guys don't do. I figure most girls really don't want me drooling on them. Part way through the dance she sticks her ear in my mouth. I guess I was supposed to nibble on it. I actually pulled my head back. The dancer stopped and tilted her head and gave me a weird look. She slipped back into her normal rhythm again. She then stuck another body part in my mouth. Again I did nothing. This time she rocked back and gave me furrowed brow look. She resumed her dance and this time continued on. For the remainder of the time I kept getting the "is there something wrong" glances from her.
I always like that initial reaction. When she's expecting one thing and gets something else all together. But I sometimes wonder if she thinks I don't find her attractive. Probably not. There always a sort of a learning process when you start getting dances for a girl. She's trying to decide if you are safe and what you like. She's trying to hook you as a customer. A lot of dancers immediately go below the belt to try and get you as a regular. While that's probably an effective method, it's got to be a tough path. With a few drinks any guy can be aggressive, other dancer will get upset with the thought that they have to compete with this.
PDXBlackBook
I was recently at the PDXBB web site and noticed that the pay content was now online. OK, I decided to try and register to see what the content there is. Everything was going fine until I got the CCBill site for the payment. The payment terms initially listed were every automatic payment every 30 days. I hate these. I don't want to have to through the canceling process to turn these things off. I don't want somebody pulling money every 30 days whether I use it or not. I noticed that the payment selection was a pull down menu. Maybe there is a one time payment option. Nope there was only one option available. I'll pass on this.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
You know you’ve been a customer at a club too long when….
You know you’ve been a customer at a club too long when….
1) A dancer you've never seen before sits down with you says "Hi Todd, I've heard about you"
2) You walk into the club and sit down. The waitress brings you your drink without asking. And it's the drink you were going to order.
3) You find the pen you dropped last week in between the couches.
4) You get really irritated that somebody has beaten your high score on your favorite video crack game.
5) You have a favorite video crack game at a strip club.
6) You actually have several video crack games at a strip club.
7) An established dancer introduces you to a new dancer like a museum tour guide talking about an exhibit: "This is Todd, he's a nice guy. He knows what going on. You can always sit down with him if you have any questions."
8) You spend twenty minutes lecturing a new dancer on who are the cool dancers, who are the crazy dancers, and who are the queen bees.
9) The dancer thanks you the next week about how your advice saved her a bunch of drama.
10) A dancer calls you to get the phone number of another dancer.
11) You've mediated a beef between two dancers.
12) A dancer coming off stage gives you her tip money and purse to hold while she's goes to the bathroom.
13) You sort the money (same side up, facing forward, in ascending dominations) and put in her purse. She thanks you without counting it.
14) A waitress give you back your change from a drink you bought last week.
15) You know the actual first names of all the dancers working a shift.
16) Dancers call you to find out how busy it was at the club last night and ask your opinion on if they should go in tonight.
17) You've been carried out of the club on a stretcher by paramedics.
18) You know the best places to park your car where it won't get hit.
19) A dancer hands you a hundred dollar bill and asks you to hold it. Then she walks away without explaining. (She eventually asked for it back)
20) The term song (as in "I go up in two songs") is a perfectly valid measurement of time.
All these things have happened to me, I'll add more as I remember.
1) A dancer you've never seen before sits down with you says "Hi Todd, I've heard about you"
2) You walk into the club and sit down. The waitress brings you your drink without asking. And it's the drink you were going to order.
3) You find the pen you dropped last week in between the couches.
4) You get really irritated that somebody has beaten your high score on your favorite video crack game.
5) You have a favorite video crack game at a strip club.
6) You actually have several video crack games at a strip club.
7) An established dancer introduces you to a new dancer like a museum tour guide talking about an exhibit: "This is Todd, he's a nice guy. He knows what going on. You can always sit down with him if you have any questions."
8) You spend twenty minutes lecturing a new dancer on who are the cool dancers, who are the crazy dancers, and who are the queen bees.
9) The dancer thanks you the next week about how your advice saved her a bunch of drama.
10) A dancer calls you to get the phone number of another dancer.
11) You've mediated a beef between two dancers.
12) A dancer coming off stage gives you her tip money and purse to hold while she's goes to the bathroom.
13) You sort the money (same side up, facing forward, in ascending dominations) and put in her purse. She thanks you without counting it.
14) A waitress give you back your change from a drink you bought last week.
15) You know the actual first names of all the dancers working a shift.
16) Dancers call you to find out how busy it was at the club last night and ask your opinion on if they should go in tonight.
17) You've been carried out of the club on a stretcher by paramedics.
18) You know the best places to park your car where it won't get hit.
19) A dancer hands you a hundred dollar bill and asks you to hold it. Then she walks away without explaining. (She eventually asked for it back)
20) The term song (as in "I go up in two songs") is a perfectly valid measurement of time.
All these things have happened to me, I'll add more as I remember.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The rumor mill
This is probably, no not probably, is a rather sexist observation, but if you take a dressing room full of women, liberally add alcohol and nicotine, you will get enough gossip and rumors to defy belief. I'll use myself as the example. I've been asked on at least six different occasions "are you" or "who long have you been dating X". Every time I get asked this I'm always left flummoxed.
In most cases I've become friends with the dancer in question. The fact she seems to spend a lot of time with me with out getting paid is enough to start tongues wagging. Several dancers used to hang out with me as a safe harbor. They could sit out on the floor without fear of getting bothered by customers or other dancers. That was back in the day, dancers used to have more business than they wanted. They also didn't want to go back in the dressing room either, too crowded or too much drama going on in there. The fact that I'd buy the drinks didn't hurt either. Some dancers would also leave their purse with me. I hate that. The worse thing in the world is to have to go to the bathroom, but I can't because her purse is at the table. What do I do? Take the purse with me to the bathroom? Somehow I think that might look a little suspicious. I can't leave it unattended at the table. So I sit there with my legs crossed. Occasionally I'll get a smart ass remark from a waitress "you purse is soooo cute", (you got to be kidding, do you think I'd wear that purse with these shoes, ugh). But obviously if she's going to spend more than the minimum amount of time and leave her purse (i.e. money) with me, we must be dating. Doesn't really add up, but it makes a good story.
There are a lot of dancers and former dancers that I'm friends with outside the club. We call each other, trade e-mails and text messages and even occasionally meet for lunch or coffee. Consequently I tend to know about how they are doing. The fact I know that a dancer is now working at X, and her sister is working at Y, and her son is doing well in school. This means that I communicate with them. Nothing more. Twice I've been asked "How do you know that? Are you two dating?" No, I know these things because I actually listen when people talk to me. I even return phone calls and texts. Well usually I do. This kind of reminds me of conspiracy theories. A conspiracy theory is much more exciting than the mundane reason. The rumor that dancer X is dating a customer is much more juicy.
Other industries have rumors as well. But in the twenty plus years of working in hi-tech, I've only been accused of dating co-workers once. What's really odd is that of the three dancers I have dated, nobody suspected them. Actually I've only really dated one dancer. Of the other two, one was kind of flakey and I never really figured out her intentions. The other was just playing me for money, a lot of money. More about that in another blog.
In most cases I've become friends with the dancer in question. The fact she seems to spend a lot of time with me with out getting paid is enough to start tongues wagging. Several dancers used to hang out with me as a safe harbor. They could sit out on the floor without fear of getting bothered by customers or other dancers. That was back in the day, dancers used to have more business than they wanted. They also didn't want to go back in the dressing room either, too crowded or too much drama going on in there. The fact that I'd buy the drinks didn't hurt either. Some dancers would also leave their purse with me. I hate that. The worse thing in the world is to have to go to the bathroom, but I can't because her purse is at the table. What do I do? Take the purse with me to the bathroom? Somehow I think that might look a little suspicious. I can't leave it unattended at the table. So I sit there with my legs crossed. Occasionally I'll get a smart ass remark from a waitress "you purse is soooo cute", (you got to be kidding, do you think I'd wear that purse with these shoes, ugh). But obviously if she's going to spend more than the minimum amount of time and leave her purse (i.e. money) with me, we must be dating. Doesn't really add up, but it makes a good story.
There are a lot of dancers and former dancers that I'm friends with outside the club. We call each other, trade e-mails and text messages and even occasionally meet for lunch or coffee. Consequently I tend to know about how they are doing. The fact I know that a dancer is now working at X, and her sister is working at Y, and her son is doing well in school. This means that I communicate with them. Nothing more. Twice I've been asked "How do you know that? Are you two dating?" No, I know these things because I actually listen when people talk to me. I even return phone calls and texts. Well usually I do. This kind of reminds me of conspiracy theories. A conspiracy theory is much more exciting than the mundane reason. The rumor that dancer X is dating a customer is much more juicy.
Other industries have rumors as well. But in the twenty plus years of working in hi-tech, I've only been accused of dating co-workers once. What's really odd is that of the three dancers I have dated, nobody suspected them. Actually I've only really dated one dancer. Of the other two, one was kind of flakey and I never really figured out her intentions. The other was just playing me for money, a lot of money. More about that in another blog.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
You said what to me?
Every so often a dancer will say something that completely catches me completely of guard. It's usually nothing profound, just something a little off. Just something that makes me step back and take a closer look. Sometimes its something that makes me choke, wondering why I walk into the club.
The last time it was one of those slightly off comments. A dancer who I've known for a long time sat down next to me. It was a really slow night, very few dancers, even less customers. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, and then she told me "I have an assignment for you, I want you to watch me when I'm up next and tell me what moves make my ass look like cottage cheese". I sat there with a blank look on my face. Er, you want me to tell you when you look ugly? I wasn't expecting this. After sobering up a little (this always adds a perspective) I'm guessing that she was just trying to get me to watch her much closer than usual. Draw me in to her dancer charms and ignore all those other money draining distractions. In a perverse sort of way it worked. I dutifully watched her assorted ass specific poses and rated the dimple factor. I'm pretty sure she didn't care. When she sat down after her set she ordered a plate of cheese fries. If she was really that worried I don't think she would have bought a plate of cheesy good ass padding. I'm still wondering if I should have taken the fifth.
Sometime I hear something that just really annoys me. Miss Nude Oregon 2004 sat down with me once. She then noticed some other guy in club. She then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes (I was counting) telling me how cute this other guy at bar was. There are 168 hours in a seven day week. 166 hours of that week I'm very aware that I rank somewhere between invisible and Ben Stein. The couple of hours a week I'm in the club, I want to at least think that I'm worth talking to. I don't want to listen about how she wants to be somewhere else. I figured out a long time ago that most dancers have at least one serious boyfriend (if not more) or are married. They aren't hanging around a club looking to meet somebody old enough to be their father. I understand this, but I don't want it jammed down my throat. There is one precious fantasy I hang on to, maybe they can be my like me a little and flirt with me, knowing that it won't go any further than that. If you think that flirting consists of telling a person that you find somebody else much more attractive, you really missing the point. She is one of the few dancers I've asked to leave me alone.
Another dancer said something to me that made me cringe and want to crawl away. At the time I was one of her regulars that had been buying dances from her for a couple months. She asked me to do double dances with another girl, so she could get the dances over with faster. Whoa, buzz kill. Nothing like hearing that she can barely tolerate being in your presence to make your day. This is one of those things that taints everything you hear afterwards from a dancer. No matter what a dancer says to me, I always hear that voice reminding me that I'm just a necessary evil with money.
Then you hear something that make you wonder why you have anything to do with the whole disgusting business. A dancer (a single mother) I knew fairly well sat down with me after doing some dances for anther customer. She had an unfocused stare that faded off into the distance, like she was trying to imagine some far off place. She said in a quite voice "I hate it when a guy gets me on the couch and tells me I look just like his daughter, and he wants to fuck me". My naive mind couldn't believe somebody could say this. To see the effect a statement like that had on her really rattled me. Am I as ugly as those ones who use environment to pantomime their dark fantasy? Am I deluding myself to think that I'm any better? Their money is exactly the same color as mine. Do I really have any better intentions? I want to believe so. Ultimately we are both in club paying for a fantasy. Mine is more palatable than his for most of society, but they are both fantasy. Are we really different? I'm not sure. I also felt incredibly distant from somebody I considered to be a friend. How do I comfort her? Can I comfort her without appearing like some false shell of compassion?
I didn't go back into a club for six months after that incident. I eventually convinced myself that the business was going to go on whether I showed up or not. Somehow I played by the rules and that made me better. I don't think I've every fully resolved this dichotomy.
The last time it was one of those slightly off comments. A dancer who I've known for a long time sat down next to me. It was a really slow night, very few dancers, even less customers. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, and then she told me "I have an assignment for you, I want you to watch me when I'm up next and tell me what moves make my ass look like cottage cheese". I sat there with a blank look on my face. Er, you want me to tell you when you look ugly? I wasn't expecting this. After sobering up a little (this always adds a perspective) I'm guessing that she was just trying to get me to watch her much closer than usual. Draw me in to her dancer charms and ignore all those other money draining distractions. In a perverse sort of way it worked. I dutifully watched her assorted ass specific poses and rated the dimple factor. I'm pretty sure she didn't care. When she sat down after her set she ordered a plate of cheese fries. If she was really that worried I don't think she would have bought a plate of cheesy good ass padding. I'm still wondering if I should have taken the fifth.
Sometime I hear something that just really annoys me. Miss Nude Oregon 2004 sat down with me once. She then noticed some other guy in club. She then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes (I was counting) telling me how cute this other guy at bar was. There are 168 hours in a seven day week. 166 hours of that week I'm very aware that I rank somewhere between invisible and Ben Stein. The couple of hours a week I'm in the club, I want to at least think that I'm worth talking to. I don't want to listen about how she wants to be somewhere else. I figured out a long time ago that most dancers have at least one serious boyfriend (if not more) or are married. They aren't hanging around a club looking to meet somebody old enough to be their father. I understand this, but I don't want it jammed down my throat. There is one precious fantasy I hang on to, maybe they can be my like me a little and flirt with me, knowing that it won't go any further than that. If you think that flirting consists of telling a person that you find somebody else much more attractive, you really missing the point. She is one of the few dancers I've asked to leave me alone.
Another dancer said something to me that made me cringe and want to crawl away. At the time I was one of her regulars that had been buying dances from her for a couple months. She asked me to do double dances with another girl, so she could get the dances over with faster. Whoa, buzz kill. Nothing like hearing that she can barely tolerate being in your presence to make your day. This is one of those things that taints everything you hear afterwards from a dancer. No matter what a dancer says to me, I always hear that voice reminding me that I'm just a necessary evil with money.
Then you hear something that make you wonder why you have anything to do with the whole disgusting business. A dancer (a single mother) I knew fairly well sat down with me after doing some dances for anther customer. She had an unfocused stare that faded off into the distance, like she was trying to imagine some far off place. She said in a quite voice "I hate it when a guy gets me on the couch and tells me I look just like his daughter, and he wants to fuck me". My naive mind couldn't believe somebody could say this. To see the effect a statement like that had on her really rattled me. Am I as ugly as those ones who use environment to pantomime their dark fantasy? Am I deluding myself to think that I'm any better? Their money is exactly the same color as mine. Do I really have any better intentions? I want to believe so. Ultimately we are both in club paying for a fantasy. Mine is more palatable than his for most of society, but they are both fantasy. Are we really different? I'm not sure. I also felt incredibly distant from somebody I considered to be a friend. How do I comfort her? Can I comfort her without appearing like some false shell of compassion?
I didn't go back into a club for six months after that incident. I eventually convinced myself that the business was going to go on whether I showed up or not. Somehow I played by the rules and that made me better. I don't think I've every fully resolved this dichotomy.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Seven habits of highly effective strip club patrons
And then there’s me, Patron yes, highly effective, er, no. I have noticed some habits I picked up while talking to dancers. My goal is always trying to make the girl feel at ease. As a new customer I’m guilty to proven innocent. There are some definite things that will put a dancer on edge. Oh, there aren’t seven habits here either.
Where you put your hands is critical. This may seem so obvious, that you’re probably going "DUH", but it’s actually a lot more subtle. For the obvious "DUH" reason, I’ve noticed that dancers always follow where your hands are. Recently I was getting a dance, keeping my hands in the 10 and 2 o’clock position. One of my hands slipped slightly. Much to my amazement the dancer noticed it. Some dancers are almost hypersensitive. I always try to keep my hands visible, and this may sound a little strange, keep the palms of my palms turned away from the dancer. Your hands communicate what you are thinking. An obvious example of this is to walk up to a dancer with hands in front of you, palms turned to you like you’re a Cardiologist going into surgery and she’ll look at you your crazy. Walk up to her with hands turned toward her like you are going to grope her and you will probably get a chair broken over your head. The may be an over simplified example, but your hand will indicate intent. I will always pull my hand away if I brush up against the dancer. It respects her boundaries,
I try to be very careful when I’m talking to a dancer. Don’t assume that you are the smartest person at the table when a dancer sits down. I’m always amazed at the guys who decide they are going to do clinical analysis as to why she is working as a stripper. Ultimately they come across as a judgmental Neanderthal idiot, I can only imagine they must sound like "Why for you have nekkid job? Conan not know why, school should you go". (Actually that kind of sounds like a Cro-Magnon Yoda). The Star’s TV add with the cavemen is probably more telling than it initially appears.
I worked as a gas station attendant when I was in college. A lot of people would talk to me like I was an idiot because I worked gas station. I hated that. Worse yet, they would tell me the biggest pack of lies, assuming that I wasn’t smart enough to see through. Its probably one of the few things I can empathize with dancers.
Anything that could be taken for trying to find out personal information I’ll avoid. I don’t ask what’s you real name, where did you go to school, what kind of car you drive, where did you go to school, etc. Virtually every dancer I know has been stalked or pestered by a crazy customer. I have a tactic I use when a dancer reveals more about herself than she planned to. As she becomes more comfortable with you she might let some things slip out (especially if she drinks).When a dancers lets something slip, I play stupid (something that comes naturally) I act like I didn’t notice. I wait for dancer to mention a subject three times before I assume that she doesn’t care that I know.
Now I’ll get to some of more odd habits. One dancer once told me she hated when a customer counted out the money after buying some dances. After that I always separate out the money before I get dances. When I pay for the dances I just hand the bills to her all at once.
Basic hygiene goes a long way as well. I’ve actually be complimented because I smelt clean. I guess that showering thing really works.
Where you put your hands is critical. This may seem so obvious, that you’re probably going "DUH", but it’s actually a lot more subtle. For the obvious "DUH" reason, I’ve noticed that dancers always follow where your hands are. Recently I was getting a dance, keeping my hands in the 10 and 2 o’clock position. One of my hands slipped slightly. Much to my amazement the dancer noticed it. Some dancers are almost hypersensitive. I always try to keep my hands visible, and this may sound a little strange, keep the palms of my palms turned away from the dancer. Your hands communicate what you are thinking. An obvious example of this is to walk up to a dancer with hands in front of you, palms turned to you like you’re a Cardiologist going into surgery and she’ll look at you your crazy. Walk up to her with hands turned toward her like you are going to grope her and you will probably get a chair broken over your head. The may be an over simplified example, but your hand will indicate intent. I will always pull my hand away if I brush up against the dancer. It respects her boundaries,
I try to be very careful when I’m talking to a dancer. Don’t assume that you are the smartest person at the table when a dancer sits down. I’m always amazed at the guys who decide they are going to do clinical analysis as to why she is working as a stripper. Ultimately they come across as a judgmental Neanderthal idiot, I can only imagine they must sound like "Why for you have nekkid job? Conan not know why, school should you go". (Actually that kind of sounds like a Cro-Magnon Yoda). The Star’s TV add with the cavemen is probably more telling than it initially appears.
I worked as a gas station attendant when I was in college. A lot of people would talk to me like I was an idiot because I worked gas station. I hated that. Worse yet, they would tell me the biggest pack of lies, assuming that I wasn’t smart enough to see through. Its probably one of the few things I can empathize with dancers.
Anything that could be taken for trying to find out personal information I’ll avoid. I don’t ask what’s you real name, where did you go to school, what kind of car you drive, where did you go to school, etc. Virtually every dancer I know has been stalked or pestered by a crazy customer. I have a tactic I use when a dancer reveals more about herself than she planned to. As she becomes more comfortable with you she might let some things slip out (especially if she drinks).When a dancers lets something slip, I play stupid (something that comes naturally) I act like I didn’t notice. I wait for dancer to mention a subject three times before I assume that she doesn’t care that I know.
Now I’ll get to some of more odd habits. One dancer once told me she hated when a customer counted out the money after buying some dances. After that I always separate out the money before I get dances. When I pay for the dances I just hand the bills to her all at once.
Basic hygiene goes a long way as well. I’ve actually be complimented because I smelt clean. I guess that showering thing really works.
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