Some time during the week I'll get a text message from a dancer that usually goes along the lines of "Working 2nite cu l8r?" I'll reply "Love to see you, what time are you starting?" Invariably I will get the most dreaded text message I can receive from a dancer. "8ish" I will instantly flip into an eye rolling, foot stamping, teeth gnashing conniption. 8ish. Ugh! Not 8, not 8:15, not 8:30, 8ish.
A lot of dancers have my number, I wouldn't be surprised to find out my number is written on the dressing room wall "In case of a slow night call 971-4……" This is my personal neurosis I know. What really irritates me is this. I get into the club at "8ish" and wait. And wait. If they had given me a fixed time like 8:30, I can decide how patient I want to be. If a dancer invites me in I will wait for her. Where things get ugly is when 8ish comes and goes and the dancer is still missing in action. When does 8ish expire? With 8:30 I know that 8:31 she's late and can decide that she's not showing up and leave or talk to somebody else. 8ish is intentionally vague.
I tend to be soft around the edges, I don't go after people's hot button, but 8ish is selfish. It's just a lazy way to get a verbal commitment from a customer without having to hold yourself to a specific time. A dancer wants me to come in and spend my time and money but she won't give me a time. If you are not going to be there until 9, just tell me. If that is later than I want to stay I won't come in, if you tell me 8ish and don't show up until 9. I'll either will have left or decided to talk to another dancer. In either case I'm ticked off. If you are not willing to give me a basic commitment of a time, then don't ask me to come in.
From a purely sales point of view it a profoundly stupid thing to do. You are bringing your customer in with an expectation of spending money, surrounding him with competitive products, and then irritating the customer. All you are doing is putting your customer in the position to spend his money else where then giving him the motivation to do so. Every regular I know has been invited in by a dancer only to have her not show up. I've have had girls call me to say she is in the car, on her way, then never arrive. Even if you personally have never left a customer hanging, the odds are some other dancer has. It's in the back of his mind.
As much as some dancers trust me, I know it's in the back of their mind that I might do something stupid with my hands. It will always be there. While I may not do anything, there are tons of other guys that will. It's guilt by association. I'll never escape that. The same is true with dancers. You'll always have that association of being flakey about time. I'm not asking that all dancers keep a rigid schedule like the guards at Buckingham Palace, but if you invite me in, al least give me a time you can actually make.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Fishin’ ‘n Strippin’
This maybe a sure sign of brain damage but I always seem to notice correlations between dancing and fishing. What makes this more bizarre is I don't fish. Maybe hitting that bar stool with my head did more damage than I thought.
Lures vs. Outfits
Lures are bright, colorful items designed to attract the attention of the fish and get him to bite. Dancers call them outfits. Most outfits are usually colorful and they have frilly things that move to get customers attention. Many fishing lures have spinners and wigglers to get the fishes attention. A lot of lures have shiny bits that sparkle and reflect the light, kind of like jewelry. Lures also mimic other things, the look like small fish or shrimp. Outfits mimic different looks, like catholic school girls, nurses, or Marilyn Monroe. The outfit and fishing lure pretty much do the same thing. This might also be because the typical guy in strip club has the effective IQ of a large mouth bass. The sad part is that if you did an exit pole at a club door, most guys could tell you every detail about his favorite dancer's boobs but couldn't tell you what she was wearing if his life depended on it.
No Fish here
A lot of dancers will try different clubs to see where they can make the most money, pretty much like fisher's trying different locations to see where the fish are biting. It's the same problem for both. There is no effective way to really determine how many customer/fish are going to be there. Fish and customers have many of the same behaviors. There can be a lot of customers or fish, but they aren't biting or tipping. Some times you'll get pestered by the same undersized fish that keeps taking your bait. For the dancer there is the customer who doesn't want to tip, but insists on eating up her time. On more than one occasion I know the dancer has wanted to fillet a pesky customer. At least bash his head in with a bat.
Tackle box
A tackle box is a small easy to carry container filled with essential supplies for a successful outing. The tip purse is a small easy to carry container filled with essential supplies for a successful outing. Instead of hooks, bait, fishing line and cigarettes the tip purse has lip gloss, breath mints, cell phone, and cigarettes. A lot of tip purses kind of look like tackle boxes. They are squared off, hard sided, all you need to add is a drawer for the fishing weights. I'm always kind of amazed at the dancers that use lunch boxes for there tip purse. I always had bad memories of my Johnny Quest lunch box that would never stay closed. Its one thing to have your P&J sandwich flop out on the floor, its another matter entirely when your wages for the entire night gets scattered across the floor in a dark bar.
I've always wondered if many dancers are as superstitious as fishermen. The dancers I know aren't, but that's a pretty small sampling. I ran across this link I thought was absolutely hilarious: You might be a red neck Jedi (www.incompetech.com/gallimaufry/jedi_redneck.html). This is my lame attempt at similar humor.
You might be a Redneck Stripper if
1) You have repaired your dance bag with duct tape
2) You have used your 7" heel to knock out a bass you just caught.
3) Your tip purse also has shotgun shells in it
4) You have to put your good teeth in to perform on the main stage
5) You have at least two outfits with flannel
6) You refer to the IRS as "Them damn revenuers"
7) You know the name of Daisy Duke's jeep
8) Instead of getting a boob job you bought a bass boat
9) Your tip purse is made by the famous fashion designer "Crown Royal"
10) Your cousin keeps getting kicked out because the manager won't let your boyfriend in the club
Lures vs. Outfits
Lures are bright, colorful items designed to attract the attention of the fish and get him to bite. Dancers call them outfits. Most outfits are usually colorful and they have frilly things that move to get customers attention. Many fishing lures have spinners and wigglers to get the fishes attention. A lot of lures have shiny bits that sparkle and reflect the light, kind of like jewelry. Lures also mimic other things, the look like small fish or shrimp. Outfits mimic different looks, like catholic school girls, nurses, or Marilyn Monroe. The outfit and fishing lure pretty much do the same thing. This might also be because the typical guy in strip club has the effective IQ of a large mouth bass. The sad part is that if you did an exit pole at a club door, most guys could tell you every detail about his favorite dancer's boobs but couldn't tell you what she was wearing if his life depended on it.
No Fish here
A lot of dancers will try different clubs to see where they can make the most money, pretty much like fisher's trying different locations to see where the fish are biting. It's the same problem for both. There is no effective way to really determine how many customer/fish are going to be there. Fish and customers have many of the same behaviors. There can be a lot of customers or fish, but they aren't biting or tipping. Some times you'll get pestered by the same undersized fish that keeps taking your bait. For the dancer there is the customer who doesn't want to tip, but insists on eating up her time. On more than one occasion I know the dancer has wanted to fillet a pesky customer. At least bash his head in with a bat.
Tackle box
A tackle box is a small easy to carry container filled with essential supplies for a successful outing. The tip purse is a small easy to carry container filled with essential supplies for a successful outing. Instead of hooks, bait, fishing line and cigarettes the tip purse has lip gloss, breath mints, cell phone, and cigarettes. A lot of tip purses kind of look like tackle boxes. They are squared off, hard sided, all you need to add is a drawer for the fishing weights. I'm always kind of amazed at the dancers that use lunch boxes for there tip purse. I always had bad memories of my Johnny Quest lunch box that would never stay closed. Its one thing to have your P&J sandwich flop out on the floor, its another matter entirely when your wages for the entire night gets scattered across the floor in a dark bar.
I've always wondered if many dancers are as superstitious as fishermen. The dancers I know aren't, but that's a pretty small sampling. I ran across this link I thought was absolutely hilarious: You might be a red neck Jedi (www.incompetech.com/gallimaufry/jedi_redneck.html). This is my lame attempt at similar humor.
You might be a Redneck Stripper if
1) You have repaired your dance bag with duct tape
2) You have used your 7" heel to knock out a bass you just caught.
3) Your tip purse also has shotgun shells in it
4) You have to put your good teeth in to perform on the main stage
5) You have at least two outfits with flannel
6) You refer to the IRS as "Them damn revenuers"
7) You know the name of Daisy Duke's jeep
8) Instead of getting a boob job you bought a bass boat
9) Your tip purse is made by the famous fashion designer "Crown Royal"
10) Your cousin keeps getting kicked out because the manager won't let your boyfriend in the club
Monday, August 4, 2008
Aliens invade the Lucky Devil
Sometimes a night out at strip club can be an off experience. I had one of those nights. I decided to go down to PDXBlackBook night at the Lucky Devil bar. It's a smaller club, one stage, and a few tables. They are going supposed to have some entertainers from the PDXBlackBook web site there. Specifically one of my favorite dancers (Natalia) is there.
The festivities start at 9pm, I arrive a little after and the place is not very crowded. I planning on spending about an hour, More than likely Natalia will be busy, she's both strikingly beautiful and talented performer. On top of that when you talk to her you realize you're not the smartest person in the room. Normally I'll send her text to see if she will be working, but tonight I show up unexpected. I'm kind of crazy that way. I don't have that much of night life.
I say hello the Natalia and head to the bar to get a drink. There are six people at the bar when I walk up. I like to joke at the Dolphin there are "alcohol free zones" where they won't serve you drinks. These are the tables that are a bit out of the way, that tend to get ignored. At the Lucky Devil part of the bar is an alcohol free zone. I watch the bartender take care of group of customers at the other end of the bar, I watch the bartender get a drink for the guy next to me. I watch the bartender go back to the other end of the bar to wait on some customers who walked in while he was giving change to guy next to me. After helping them the bartender walks to the till and starts text messaging on his cell phone. Completely oblivious to the world and waiting patrons around him he stood texting away.
In Douglas Adam's "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" series of books he described a creature called the Ravenous Bugbladder beast of Traal. According to the book "the Ravenous Bugbladder Beast of Traal is a beast so mind bogglingly stupid that it believes that if you can't see it, it can't see you." If you wish to see one of these creatures in the wild just head to the Lucky Devil on Wednesday nights, it's tending bar. This guy sat with his back to the bar, facing the wall sending text messages. Note to Lucky Devil management, you might want to inform your wait staff that the guy standing at the bar, with the 20 dollar bill in his hand, trying to get your attention WANTS TO BUY A DRINK! Just an idea.
I watched in slack jawed amazement as the bartender stood with his back to the bar, tapping away on his cell phone that's clutched against his chest like a small child hiding a pilfered candy from his parents. Does this guy really believe that as long as he faces away from the bar nobody will notice he's sending text messages? My jaw fell even further when he finishes the text and walk down to the end bar and starts talking to a bouncer. I moved exactly three chairs further down to another open section of the bar. The beast suddenly can see me and heads over to wait on me. "What can I get for you?", "Um, the same thing I've been trying to get from you for the past ten minutes when I was standing over there". Fortunately the drinks are only $4.50, which makes the wait not quite so painful. My mood improves noticeably at the thought of reasonably price drinks.
The BugBladder beast efficiently makes my drink and I'm off to the stage with change in hand. The first dancer gets on stage. My buzz from getting a cheap delicious drink from the Beast fades instantly I watch this dancer. She woodenly walks through her routine. She visibly sighs when she realizes you haven't left the stage. She oozes annoyance as she walks around the stage. There were only two people at the stage, hardly enough money to make it worth her while. But she's not doing much to get new customers to the stage. During her entire set she barely makes eye contact with anybody at the stage. She looks past you, not at you, as if she doesn't see you, you're not there. Hey, she must be the Ravenous BugBladder Dancer of Traal, a dancer so mind boggling….. Oh well, Contact the men in black, we've got aliens at the Lucky Devil. I've only paid out two bucks and I feel ripped off. I've truly become a cranky old man up past his bed time.
Rocket and Natalia are up next. In absolute stark contest to the first dancer they put on excellent performances. They draw you in a make you feel like they want you to be there. After this I head to the video lottery machine. Natalia is going to be tied up with another customer, when she's done she'll come find me.
Now that I know where to stand the Beast turns out to be a pretty good bartender. I get another drink. Not quite so cranky I head over video poker machine. I like to think I'm reasonably competent technically. I should be able to operate a video lottery machine. Not today. I put in five bucks and all the buttons go black except for one button. Despite the fact the button is label: "cash out/print voucher" I push it. The button does exactly what it says. It cashed out and printed a voucher. I've turned a five dollar bill into a paper receipt and the buttons are still black. Wow, that was fun. I invest more money into the machine and manage to learn how to operate the machine. Natalia stops by, but I'm done. Its 10:30, time to head home.
The festivities start at 9pm, I arrive a little after and the place is not very crowded. I planning on spending about an hour, More than likely Natalia will be busy, she's both strikingly beautiful and talented performer. On top of that when you talk to her you realize you're not the smartest person in the room. Normally I'll send her text to see if she will be working, but tonight I show up unexpected. I'm kind of crazy that way. I don't have that much of night life.
I say hello the Natalia and head to the bar to get a drink. There are six people at the bar when I walk up. I like to joke at the Dolphin there are "alcohol free zones" where they won't serve you drinks. These are the tables that are a bit out of the way, that tend to get ignored. At the Lucky Devil part of the bar is an alcohol free zone. I watch the bartender take care of group of customers at the other end of the bar, I watch the bartender get a drink for the guy next to me. I watch the bartender go back to the other end of the bar to wait on some customers who walked in while he was giving change to guy next to me. After helping them the bartender walks to the till and starts text messaging on his cell phone. Completely oblivious to the world and waiting patrons around him he stood texting away.
In Douglas Adam's "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" series of books he described a creature called the Ravenous Bugbladder beast of Traal. According to the book "the Ravenous Bugbladder Beast of Traal is a beast so mind bogglingly stupid that it believes that if you can't see it, it can't see you." If you wish to see one of these creatures in the wild just head to the Lucky Devil on Wednesday nights, it's tending bar. This guy sat with his back to the bar, facing the wall sending text messages. Note to Lucky Devil management, you might want to inform your wait staff that the guy standing at the bar, with the 20 dollar bill in his hand, trying to get your attention WANTS TO BUY A DRINK! Just an idea.
I watched in slack jawed amazement as the bartender stood with his back to the bar, tapping away on his cell phone that's clutched against his chest like a small child hiding a pilfered candy from his parents. Does this guy really believe that as long as he faces away from the bar nobody will notice he's sending text messages? My jaw fell even further when he finishes the text and walk down to the end bar and starts talking to a bouncer. I moved exactly three chairs further down to another open section of the bar. The beast suddenly can see me and heads over to wait on me. "What can I get for you?", "Um, the same thing I've been trying to get from you for the past ten minutes when I was standing over there". Fortunately the drinks are only $4.50, which makes the wait not quite so painful. My mood improves noticeably at the thought of reasonably price drinks.
The BugBladder beast efficiently makes my drink and I'm off to the stage with change in hand. The first dancer gets on stage. My buzz from getting a cheap delicious drink from the Beast fades instantly I watch this dancer. She woodenly walks through her routine. She visibly sighs when she realizes you haven't left the stage. She oozes annoyance as she walks around the stage. There were only two people at the stage, hardly enough money to make it worth her while. But she's not doing much to get new customers to the stage. During her entire set she barely makes eye contact with anybody at the stage. She looks past you, not at you, as if she doesn't see you, you're not there. Hey, she must be the Ravenous BugBladder Dancer of Traal, a dancer so mind boggling….. Oh well, Contact the men in black, we've got aliens at the Lucky Devil. I've only paid out two bucks and I feel ripped off. I've truly become a cranky old man up past his bed time.
Rocket and Natalia are up next. In absolute stark contest to the first dancer they put on excellent performances. They draw you in a make you feel like they want you to be there. After this I head to the video lottery machine. Natalia is going to be tied up with another customer, when she's done she'll come find me.
Now that I know where to stand the Beast turns out to be a pretty good bartender. I get another drink. Not quite so cranky I head over video poker machine. I like to think I'm reasonably competent technically. I should be able to operate a video lottery machine. Not today. I put in five bucks and all the buttons go black except for one button. Despite the fact the button is label: "cash out/print voucher" I push it. The button does exactly what it says. It cashed out and printed a voucher. I've turned a five dollar bill into a paper receipt and the buttons are still black. Wow, that was fun. I invest more money into the machine and manage to learn how to operate the machine. Natalia stops by, but I'm done. Its 10:30, time to head home.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
The Pricing Paradox
On weekend mornings I walk the mile or so to the local grocery store to get my meal for the day. The exercise helps me maintain my slim girlish figure (provided the Pillsbury dough boy has a slim girlish figure) and limits how much I buy. When you have to physically carry your food home it tends to limit your impulse buys. While walking by the local gas station something occurred to me. When I started hanging out at the Dolphin gas was $1.45 a gallon, and my favorite drink (screwdriver) costs $3.50. Typical tip at the rail was $1 dollar and a couch dance cost $20. The price of gas is now $4.00, my favorite drink costs $7.50. A Typical tip at the rail is still a dollar and the price of a couch dance is still $20. In stark contrast to the rest of the economy tipping at strip club has become a progressively better and better deal. Unfortunately this savings comes at the expense of the dancer.
It occurred to me it would really difficult to raise prices. The biggest problem is that all the pricing continuity in a club comes from the management, not the dancers. Dancers tend to come and go. It's a job not a career for most. It's to the club advantage to keep the price the same. The less the customer spends on the dancer, the more he has for drinks, gambling, and food. There is really no incentive for them to increase the price, all it would probably do is drive customers to another club. One of the D2 managers had the bright idea of raising the price to $25. The dancer would still get $20, but the club would a get a $5 dollar "couch tax" per dance. This nearly resulted in a dancer revolt. Pretty much all the girls had worked out with their regulars where they would be working next. When faced with a club with zero top girls and less regulars. The manager abandoned the plan.
For me the price increase would result in my purchasing less dances. I would still spend the same amount of money. I would just get less for my dollars. I budget my money in how much I'm going to spend as opposed to how much I'm going to get. In order to implement a price increase would require all the dancers to raise there price at once. Trying to get every dancer to agree to do one thing is like trying to herd cats. I suspect most would be afraid they would lose their customers and charge the old price. Also the $20 dollar price has a major convenience factor; it's the denomination that ATMs issue.
One dancer did raise her price to $25. She did this on her own accord. She was very professional and honest about it. When I asked her for dances she told me she charged 25 and that was her price, not the clubs and if I didn't want any it was OK. I went ahead and bought some dances from her. The way she went about handling increased price was really impressive, it's very difficult thing to raise price. However, I didn't buy any more dances from her after that. She was ending her career as a dancer. She had just completed her school and was going to go out and get a "real job". I think she had several loyal regulars and was pretty much just dancing to cover some expenses, not really looking to make a living at it.
A tiered pricing scheme would be another approach. This is the VIP room concept, Instead of just one product you have a series of products each increasing cost. The trick is to create the perception that the more expensive services are worth more. The VIP room cost more, but it's worth more. I'm not sure the current VIP experience justifies its price. A half hour is $250. A song is typically five minutes when you factor in the time it takes to switch between dancers. In a half hour you can get six dances, or $120 dollar. I don't think the current VIP experience rates more than double the price. I'm curious how many customers repeat buying VIPs. I don't think the current VIP creates that feeling. They need to throw in some swag. Give away a free pass so they customer doesn't have to pay cover next time. Cheap give away items like the use at trade show is also good. Its amazing the effect of giving somebody a ball point pen can have. One year we gave away this really clever fold up pen at a trade show. For the next two years we had people coming up and asking for more.
It's a peculiar paradox that something that perceive as expensive, strip clubs, are becoming a progressively better deal. It's kind of weird, but a couch dance or stage tip is worth exactly what you pay for it. It's purely an entertainment service. If you can create the experience where the customer feels like he's getting his money worth, you can charge what ever you want.
It occurred to me it would really difficult to raise prices. The biggest problem is that all the pricing continuity in a club comes from the management, not the dancers. Dancers tend to come and go. It's a job not a career for most. It's to the club advantage to keep the price the same. The less the customer spends on the dancer, the more he has for drinks, gambling, and food. There is really no incentive for them to increase the price, all it would probably do is drive customers to another club. One of the D2 managers had the bright idea of raising the price to $25. The dancer would still get $20, but the club would a get a $5 dollar "couch tax" per dance. This nearly resulted in a dancer revolt. Pretty much all the girls had worked out with their regulars where they would be working next. When faced with a club with zero top girls and less regulars. The manager abandoned the plan.
For me the price increase would result in my purchasing less dances. I would still spend the same amount of money. I would just get less for my dollars. I budget my money in how much I'm going to spend as opposed to how much I'm going to get. In order to implement a price increase would require all the dancers to raise there price at once. Trying to get every dancer to agree to do one thing is like trying to herd cats. I suspect most would be afraid they would lose their customers and charge the old price. Also the $20 dollar price has a major convenience factor; it's the denomination that ATMs issue.
One dancer did raise her price to $25. She did this on her own accord. She was very professional and honest about it. When I asked her for dances she told me she charged 25 and that was her price, not the clubs and if I didn't want any it was OK. I went ahead and bought some dances from her. The way she went about handling increased price was really impressive, it's very difficult thing to raise price. However, I didn't buy any more dances from her after that. She was ending her career as a dancer. She had just completed her school and was going to go out and get a "real job". I think she had several loyal regulars and was pretty much just dancing to cover some expenses, not really looking to make a living at it.
A tiered pricing scheme would be another approach. This is the VIP room concept, Instead of just one product you have a series of products each increasing cost. The trick is to create the perception that the more expensive services are worth more. The VIP room cost more, but it's worth more. I'm not sure the current VIP experience justifies its price. A half hour is $250. A song is typically five minutes when you factor in the time it takes to switch between dancers. In a half hour you can get six dances, or $120 dollar. I don't think the current VIP experience rates more than double the price. I'm curious how many customers repeat buying VIPs. I don't think the current VIP creates that feeling. They need to throw in some swag. Give away a free pass so they customer doesn't have to pay cover next time. Cheap give away items like the use at trade show is also good. Its amazing the effect of giving somebody a ball point pen can have. One year we gave away this really clever fold up pen at a trade show. For the next two years we had people coming up and asking for more.
It's a peculiar paradox that something that perceive as expensive, strip clubs, are becoming a progressively better deal. It's kind of weird, but a couch dance or stage tip is worth exactly what you pay for it. It's purely an entertainment service. If you can create the experience where the customer feels like he's getting his money worth, you can charge what ever you want.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Mine, Mine
I did something last week I've never done before in my extensive history as a strip club regular, intentionally walked out with paying a girl for some couch dances. Before you think I've descended into the dark side of the dance and dash dill weed customer, there were some extenuating circumstances. Primarily she had completely blown me off. We had done a couple dances when she called to stage. Instead of going to her rack, I waited at a table. She was at the main stage which was way too loud for me. After she had completed her set she was intercepted by another customer just as she got off stage. They headed off into the VIP section. Oh well, I figure she'll get him setup in the VIP room then stop by to tell me what's going on. I was half right. She never returned, I waited four songs before deciding to leave. I wasn't surprised that I got blown off. I was surprised that I got upset over it. I know better, but sometimes things get to me. It was later than I wanted be there, the music had gone from loud to obnoxious, and I got my precious little ego stepped on.
I supposed this is a dilemma dancers run into. Follow through with the current customer or ditch him in favor for the new more lucrative opportunity. The club was rather slow. A drunk guy walking around looking to buy a VIP isn't going to be left unattended very long. This is probably where being a nice guy doesn't work in my favor. I'm sure she thought "he'll get over it". I left club an in snarling understated snit. I'm a good customer. I'm a good guy. I've even have a blog, what could be cooler? Oh yeah, I could tip more. I got over it. I sent her a text that I'd owed her money and let me know when she was working next so I could pay her. She was working the next day. She told me that she had forgotten that we had done dances. It was a nice lie. She isn't the type that forgets to collect money.
The floor of a strip club is a sales management nightmare. At any time you can have multiple customers waiting for one dancer, while other times you have dancers competing for one customer. Throw in some alcohol to liven to really things up.
The most dancers will "mark their territory" when sitting with a customer. They'll leave their drink usually, some will leave an article of clothing, and, unfortunately their purse on occasion. It always amazes me when it's completely obvious somebody is sitting with me and yet a poacher will walk up and ask if I'm sitting alone. Yes I'm by myself, the bar is having a buy one, get one free drink sale and do you think this Hello Kitty purse matches my shoes? The problem is when the dancer takes off and starts something else. It's implied if she's leaving her drink she is going to come back. You are in a bit moral quandary of deciding how long to wait. You don't want to be a jerk and immediately bail on her, but you don't want to get stuck waiting all night. I'll wait a certain number of songs and if she's not back, I'll leave. I'd rather do that than risk getting into a turf war if another dancer sits down.
Some dancers will get very possessive. I have had dancers sit down next to me quivering with rage over the fact that somebody is sitting with "their" regular. I've never been able to sort out this situation. I've adopted a strategy to avoid it. I'll reveal a little secret of mine. tend to become a regular for dancers who are friends with dancers I currently know. I listen very closely to how dancers talk about each other. If I get dances from a girl it’s because I've heard good things about her from the other dancers. Also dancers who are friends are more willing to sit down and work with each other. Unfortunately dancer's alliances tend to change at mercurial rates. One week they are inseparable, next week mortal enemies.
Perhaps what is more amazing to me is when dancers become possessive of a song. They have certain song/outfit combination that they feel they have the copyright to. The first time I ran into this I was actually getting a couch dance. The song had just started when the dancer suddenly jumped back and whirled around to look at the DJ booth. She actually had a hand full of my shirt bunched up in her fist. It was sudden enough move that the bouncer quickly came over to see if there was a problem. "I can't believe that he is playing that song for that bitch, I always dance to song!" she snarled. The bouncer rolled his eyes "Um, You'll have to take that up the DJ" and quickly headed off to anther part of the bar.
I supposed this is a dilemma dancers run into. Follow through with the current customer or ditch him in favor for the new more lucrative opportunity. The club was rather slow. A drunk guy walking around looking to buy a VIP isn't going to be left unattended very long. This is probably where being a nice guy doesn't work in my favor. I'm sure she thought "he'll get over it". I left club an in snarling understated snit. I'm a good customer. I'm a good guy. I've even have a blog, what could be cooler? Oh yeah, I could tip more. I got over it. I sent her a text that I'd owed her money and let me know when she was working next so I could pay her. She was working the next day. She told me that she had forgotten that we had done dances. It was a nice lie. She isn't the type that forgets to collect money.
The floor of a strip club is a sales management nightmare. At any time you can have multiple customers waiting for one dancer, while other times you have dancers competing for one customer. Throw in some alcohol to liven to really things up.
The most dancers will "mark their territory" when sitting with a customer. They'll leave their drink usually, some will leave an article of clothing, and, unfortunately their purse on occasion. It always amazes me when it's completely obvious somebody is sitting with me and yet a poacher will walk up and ask if I'm sitting alone. Yes I'm by myself, the bar is having a buy one, get one free drink sale and do you think this Hello Kitty purse matches my shoes? The problem is when the dancer takes off and starts something else. It's implied if she's leaving her drink she is going to come back. You are in a bit moral quandary of deciding how long to wait. You don't want to be a jerk and immediately bail on her, but you don't want to get stuck waiting all night. I'll wait a certain number of songs and if she's not back, I'll leave. I'd rather do that than risk getting into a turf war if another dancer sits down.
Some dancers will get very possessive. I have had dancers sit down next to me quivering with rage over the fact that somebody is sitting with "their" regular. I've never been able to sort out this situation. I've adopted a strategy to avoid it. I'll reveal a little secret of mine. tend to become a regular for dancers who are friends with dancers I currently know. I listen very closely to how dancers talk about each other. If I get dances from a girl it’s because I've heard good things about her from the other dancers. Also dancers who are friends are more willing to sit down and work with each other. Unfortunately dancer's alliances tend to change at mercurial rates. One week they are inseparable, next week mortal enemies.
Perhaps what is more amazing to me is when dancers become possessive of a song. They have certain song/outfit combination that they feel they have the copyright to. The first time I ran into this I was actually getting a couch dance. The song had just started when the dancer suddenly jumped back and whirled around to look at the DJ booth. She actually had a hand full of my shirt bunched up in her fist. It was sudden enough move that the bouncer quickly came over to see if there was a problem. "I can't believe that he is playing that song for that bitch, I always dance to song!" she snarled. The bouncer rolled his eyes "Um, You'll have to take that up the DJ" and quickly headed off to anther part of the bar.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Worse proof reader, ever
It does seem rather hypocritical for me to make fun of a typo in the Dolphin MNO blog when my posts are riddled with assorted grammatical errors. I've written twenty three blog posts so far, despite my best efforts I constantly find new errors in my blog posts. For the technically curious you can review my past posts by clicking on the "view all blog entries" link on the main page, then click on the "older" link on the blog archive control on the left hand side, a little bit below my picture
This is mostly a result of they way I write. Very seldom can I sit down and create a complete entry. My first pass is usually a rough collection of ideas, nothing that resembles the English language, just sort of semi-related gibberish. I just hammer things out until I get everything I want down. After multiple passes I eventually get the words to resemble something like coherent thought. I've probably rewritten the blog about five times by the time it gets to this point.
One thing I really hate about Microsoft Word is that it highlights every error with a squiggly underline. When I complete my first draft it usually looks like a topographical map of the Grand Canyon. Granted my first pass barely passes for English, but does it have to point out everything?
Despite this it's still riddled with grammatical errors. I usual leave out words. Maybe I should use a crayon. To try and maintain the perception of literacy I'm going to be going back and editing some of my blogs.
This is mostly a result of they way I write. Very seldom can I sit down and create a complete entry. My first pass is usually a rough collection of ideas, nothing that resembles the English language, just sort of semi-related gibberish. I just hammer things out until I get everything I want down. After multiple passes I eventually get the words to resemble something like coherent thought. I've probably rewritten the blog about five times by the time it gets to this point.
One thing I really hate about Microsoft Word is that it highlights every error with a squiggly underline. When I complete my first draft it usually looks like a topographical map of the Grand Canyon. Granted my first pass barely passes for English, but does it have to point out everything?
Despite this it's still riddled with grammatical errors. I usual leave out words. Maybe I should use a crayon. To try and maintain the perception of literacy I'm going to be going back and editing some of my blogs.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Twitter me this, Batman
The following is a completely irreverent rewrite of the rules posted on the Dolphin Clubs MySpace page. It's not meant to be fair or accurate. It's just me poking a little fun at something. You may want to go read the Dolphin blog.
What is the Miss Nude Oregon Contest?
Miss Nude Oregon is the only highest exotic entertainer title in the state. (The previous sentence was cribbed directly from the Dolphin MySpace page blog). This contest is preformed at a greater elevation than any other contest of its type. Should any other contest occur at a greater altitude the contest shall be renamed the Miss Nude Oregon Skydiving Contest, where contestants will have perform a theme set while jumping out of an airplane.
Why do Dolphin girls always seem to win the crown?
The contest is open to all entertainers living in the state of Oregon. Unless they are living in Washington. So, it’s open to all entertainers in Oregon and Washington, The Dolphins girls spend three to four months preparing for the contest which give them a major advantage. The fact that the contest takes place in the Dolphin Clubs, the winner will appear in magazine ads for the Dolphin clubs, or that some of the judges sell alcohol to the Dolphins clubs have nothing to do with the out come.
The Title
The title is owned by somebody else, permission to use the title in any advertising must be obtained by the owner of the title. Fortunately this blog is not an advertisement, but I will freely admit to be willing to fold like a cheap tent and pull the blog should I receive anything that looks like a cease and desist order.
Criteria
The contestant must participate in two of the three events, unless the find it too inconvenient, in which case they only need to show up for the finals. The contestants will be judges on the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, unless they perform to Spinal Tap, in which case 11 is allowable. (Any dancer willing to get up and perform to 'big bottom' should win by default):
Theme set performance
Axe throwing (This will come in handy during the tie breaker)
Clog dancing
Elegance
Another vague attribute like elegance that I can't think of right now
Car repair
Sheep shearing
The judges
In order to insure complete fairness the judges will be kidnapped at random from an Amish community and flown in one day prior to the contest. They will blind folded and locked in a room until just before the first contestant takes the stage.
The Ballots
The ballots will be collected and tallied in front of the judges, the event organizers, the title owner and club managers. None of which of any bias or affiliation the Dolphin clubs (oops, was I using my out loud voice?)
A Tie
Should three judges scoring seven categories on a scale one to ten come up with the exact same score for two or more contestants a tie breaker will be invoked. The tie breaker will consist of a cage death match. The cage death match will take place in three segments. The first segment will be the blunt object round. Contestants will be allow to take a single blunt object from their outfit bag, such as a hair flat iron, perfume bottle, hair dryer, vibrator, etc. They will then beat each other senseless for three minutes. Those left standing will progress to the second, sharp object round. They will select between a machete, axe, or bailing hook and resume combat. The third and final round will be the Mossberg Shotgun round. The last dancer standing will be crowned the winner.
The Winner
The winner must be available for shows, signings, radio/TV appearances, Bar Mitzvahs, car washes, photo shoots, shifts where there aren't enough girls, and building maintenance.
Elimination
The contestant can be eliminated for the following reasons:
Disregarding house rules (what rules that happened to be enforced at the time)
Working for another club (did I use my out loud voice again?)
Illegal parking
Jay Walking
Bailing on a bar tab
Failure to pay stage fees
Revoking the crown
Somebody else owns the crown, you don't. Don't mess up, capiche?
What is the Miss Nude Oregon Contest?
Miss Nude Oregon is the only highest exotic entertainer title in the state. (The previous sentence was cribbed directly from the Dolphin MySpace page blog). This contest is preformed at a greater elevation than any other contest of its type. Should any other contest occur at a greater altitude the contest shall be renamed the Miss Nude Oregon Skydiving Contest, where contestants will have perform a theme set while jumping out of an airplane.
Why do Dolphin girls always seem to win the crown?
The contest is open to all entertainers living in the state of Oregon. Unless they are living in Washington. So, it’s open to all entertainers in Oregon and Washington, The Dolphins girls spend three to four months preparing for the contest which give them a major advantage. The fact that the contest takes place in the Dolphin Clubs, the winner will appear in magazine ads for the Dolphin clubs, or that some of the judges sell alcohol to the Dolphins clubs have nothing to do with the out come.
The Title
The title is owned by somebody else, permission to use the title in any advertising must be obtained by the owner of the title. Fortunately this blog is not an advertisement, but I will freely admit to be willing to fold like a cheap tent and pull the blog should I receive anything that looks like a cease and desist order.
Criteria
The contestant must participate in two of the three events, unless the find it too inconvenient, in which case they only need to show up for the finals. The contestants will be judges on the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, unless they perform to Spinal Tap, in which case 11 is allowable. (Any dancer willing to get up and perform to 'big bottom' should win by default):
Theme set performance
Axe throwing (This will come in handy during the tie breaker)
Clog dancing
Elegance
Another vague attribute like elegance that I can't think of right now
Car repair
Sheep shearing
The judges
In order to insure complete fairness the judges will be kidnapped at random from an Amish community and flown in one day prior to the contest. They will blind folded and locked in a room until just before the first contestant takes the stage.
The Ballots
The ballots will be collected and tallied in front of the judges, the event organizers, the title owner and club managers. None of which of any bias or affiliation the Dolphin clubs (oops, was I using my out loud voice?)
A Tie
Should three judges scoring seven categories on a scale one to ten come up with the exact same score for two or more contestants a tie breaker will be invoked. The tie breaker will consist of a cage death match. The cage death match will take place in three segments. The first segment will be the blunt object round. Contestants will be allow to take a single blunt object from their outfit bag, such as a hair flat iron, perfume bottle, hair dryer, vibrator, etc. They will then beat each other senseless for three minutes. Those left standing will progress to the second, sharp object round. They will select between a machete, axe, or bailing hook and resume combat. The third and final round will be the Mossberg Shotgun round. The last dancer standing will be crowned the winner.
The Winner
The winner must be available for shows, signings, radio/TV appearances, Bar Mitzvahs, car washes, photo shoots, shifts where there aren't enough girls, and building maintenance.
Elimination
The contestant can be eliminated for the following reasons:
Disregarding house rules (what rules that happened to be enforced at the time)
Working for another club (did I use my out loud voice again?)
Illegal parking
Jay Walking
Bailing on a bar tab
Failure to pay stage fees
Revoking the crown
Somebody else owns the crown, you don't. Don't mess up, capiche?
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