Statler and Waldorf visit a strip club

Statler: (after putting on his 3-D glasses) Hey, hey look! Look at the guy in the Goofy mask! ...that's not a mask. Oh; sorry lady!

Recently I spent more time watching customers than dancers a couple weeks ago. Two women walked in and immediately sat down at the stage. The way they conducted themselves reminded me of Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet show. They sat there they entire time and did nothing but talk among themselves. Statler and Waldorf were better looking though. They sat at the stage and glowered at the dancers. At first I didn’t think they had any change, but after the waitress came back with the change they still weren’t tipping.

Women customers at strip clubs seem to inhabit the extremes. They are either the absolutely best or worse customers ever. Some of it is probably because they get treated differently.  The two that entered the club this night were definitely among the worse of the specturm.  That sat at the stage and didn’t tip a dollar. Not a single penny. When I put a single dollar up I infinitely out tipped them. Any divided by zero is infinite and zero was what they were tipping. They spent most of their time talking to each other. They watched the dancers in a disinterested way. Sort of like a king absently watching a court jester while discussing the affairs of state. There was nothing noble about their conduct.

I’ve noted this before women get held to a different standard than men do in a strip club. They sat at the stage through six dancers that I saw (twelve songs, approximately half an hour) and didn’t put up a penny. Most of the dancers simply ignored them, or glared at them from across the stage. One dancer tried to engage them. Once she got on stage she immediately walked over the two women hopped over the rail and motor boated one of the women. They still didn’t tip.

Apparently the two rail trolls weren’t tipping the waitress either. After the second round of drinks the waitress seemed to make it a point to not spend much time near them. They were equal opportunity assholes. Important strip club safety tip: take care of your waitress.

They sat at the stage for the almost the entire rotation of dancers and didn’t put up penny and nobody did anything. The manager walked by and ignored them. The DJ did say a peep, not even the “Tipping isn’t a city in China” comment.  I noted before women gettreated differently then men in most strip club. What drive’s me nuts are the dancers who complain about this. They’ll dive across the rail into the lap of a female customer then start complaining when the female customer starts groping them. What were they expecting? If you treat somebody like they entitled to special behavior, they’ll act like it. 

Missing Money

I don’t like to hang out at the rail. I’m not a gynecologist or dermatologist. I don’t need to see that much detail. Also I wear bifocals and find my self tilting my head back like I’m trying to read a menu at Denny’s. It’s kind of embarrassing, I start wondering if I’ve trimmed the hair in my nose.

I always try to tip every song though. So I’ll scurry between the table and rail between every song. I’m not a strip club stud muffin that needs the dancer to acknowledge every penny I put down. Consequently the dancer doesn’t know I’ve put a tip down. Most of the time dancer quickly notices the tip once the song starts. But a surprising amount of time dancer completely misses the tips and leaves the money on the rail when they leave the stage. The middle of last October I decided to keep track of the amount of my tip money dancers have left uncollected on the rail. As of 7pm January 12^th the total was $132 in missed monies. That’s real money being left behind on stage.

Even if the previous dancer didn’t pick up the tip I’ll keep tipping. Sort of a Strip club version of ‘let it ride’. The highest the tip has ever reached before a dancer noticed was $12. I used get a little offended when a dancer ignored my tip. Eventually I realized it simply because the she didn’t see the cash.

It really kind of surprised me how much money dancers missed. These were also very experienced dancers. I’ve seen girls just starting who are so nervous they just want to get off stage as fast as they can. Mostly, I believe its dancers are so used to the only guys tipping are the ones at the rack that they simply aren’t checking other places for money.

I work with the human visual system on regular basis. I’m an engineer specializing in flat panel displays. It’s probably more important to understand how people see things than it is operation of displays when it comes to debugging problems. The human eye misses a lot of information. Try a quick test, look at the edge of screen and try to read the test with your peripheral vision. You either can’t or it’s difficult. The actual area you eye can accurately resolve clearly is very small. The human eye has to bounce around trying to pickup everything important. Its easy to miss things, like your car keys.

Magicians take advantage of this when they do their illusions. Raymond Penn of Penn and Teller never or rarely talks on stage. This forces people to look at his face read his emotions. When they are looking at his face he’s free to perform his slight of hand. Unless the dancer is systematically searching for tip around the rail it would be very easy to miss the tip.

I now some dancer’s miss tips because they aren’t wearing their contacts of glasses on stage. They’d rather see blurry customers on stage. I can’t say I blame them. They come to make money, customers come to see them. I suppose I should probably just not put more money up if the dancer misses my tip. A lot of that $132 would still be in my pocket if I did.

Supply and Demand

I recently read a dancer post where she blogs about not liking regulars. This got my attention, since I am one of those dreaded regulars. She had some legitimate points. She didn’t like having to rely on regulars and she didn’t like the dealing with regulars who wanted to date them. In a nut shell, regulars are unreliable and are too much drama. It struck me that being unreliable and too much drama is two top complaints regulars have about their favorite dancers. I think it’s more an issue of supply and demand. The real issue is how many customer dollars are chasing the available dancers.

One of the major perks of dancing is it has probably the most flexible job schedule imaginable. Granted dancers don’t get paid when they don’t show up, but it’s difficult to think of another job that allows the same level of freedom. Dancers can take a month off, and be able to go back to work. If most folks don’t show up for work for a month, they might as well not show up at all. Getting back to the not showing up, not getting paid problem this is why dancer don’t like relying on a regular. One of the major reasons the schedule is flexible is because of the money they can make. If you can cover your bills by working two or three days a week you have a lot more freedom. This lets you literally work one week and take the next week off. Not only does this gives you flexibility in the your scheduling, it also gives you flexibility in your customer base. You aren’t dependant on any particular one.

This only exists if there are enough customers to guarantee she can make money. When you run out of customers the flexibility goes away. If you are not making money the job can become incredibly inflexible. You have to work, no matter how bad you feel or what is going on or your out on the street. Landlords don’t care if things are bad at the club. He wants his rent. In these conditions, money from a regular becomes much more important. I’ve noticed this from my own personal experience. The amount of money I tip at club really hasn’t changed much over the years. In theory, what I tip should actually be declining in value as the cost of living goes up. What you can buy with the $20 from a dance is much less now than it was ten years ago. Yet, what I tip has become an increasingly large percentage of what the dancer makes.

This results in the customer having more control over the dancer’s schedule. Missing when a regular comes in can really impact her income. It really sucks when the customer cancels at the last second or doesn’t show up at all. The ability to pay your rent may depend on if a particular customer shows up. A flakey customer can be the worst. Just like a flakey dancer can be the worst. Dancers have a (not underserved) reputation as being massive flakes but they can get away with it if things are busy at the club. If she upsets a customer by not showing up it’s not a big deal, as there will be more guys to take his place. However, if the club is slow the opposite happens. If the dancer doesn’t show up, there are several other girls there to take her place. It’s supply and demand in action.

I don’t think there is anything inherently flakey about regulars or favorite dancers. It’s about control. And the party that is in demand has the control.

She also complains about most regulars wanting to start up a relationship outside of the club. This is a very legitimate complaint. All the dancers I know have had to deal with unwanted advances from customers. It’s kind of the catch-22 of regulars. To get a regular you have to start a friendship, but not too much of a relationship. The dancer has to balance being flirty and having fun with enough distance to maintain safety. It’s hard to do one without damaging the other.

The customer side is a little different. A lot of dancers try to guilt customers into spending more money. They go on about there bills or about the latest crisis in their life. I don’t mind this with my friends but somebody who is ultimately trying to get money out of me gets irritating. It can be difficult to balance with some favorite dancers. I like having the trust of my favorite dancers but it’s hard not too feel to manipulated.

Dancers aren't always the only ones with customers showing up unannounced at their door. I’ve had dancers show up at my door on multiple occasions. The real scary part is when you’ve never told them your address. Granted this is a more rare situation for customers than it is for dancers.

While this isn’t as economically driven as the scheduling/flakey issue, it’s still the same problem for both. Somebody is taking their problems and forcing you to deal with it outside the club. Trying to be a limited friend is tough for both customer and dancer. There are a precious few dancers I really consider friends and I don’t mind dealing with their issues outside the club. The other vast majority either irritate me or creep me out. There is a very personal side to the strip club industry that is difficult for anybody to navigate. However, it's a lot easier to navigate when you are making money.

Code of conduct

(A quick note, I'd really like to thank Georgia and Natalia for taking the time to help me this post. They made this a lot better than what I originally wrote. Also I've made a fair number of changes since their original edits, so all the grammar errors are still mine.)

I’ve tried to write this post on how to act in a strip club multiple times and each time I end up frustrated. There are two things that always stump me. One, I don’t like lecturing to people and this makes me feel like I’m lecturing. The other, is that different guys go to different clubs for different reasons. I suspect a lot of guys will read the following and think "what a dork", but the following are ways I think a person should conduct themselves at a club. Granted, different clubs have different cultures. I tend to hang out in the higher end clubs in Portland.

Tipping
The dancers are there to make money. Most dancers don’t wake up with an over powering desire to get on a stage and take their clothes off. They are there to make money. Period. A dancer only makes money when you tip. In the vast majority of clubs, she is spending between $20 to $100 dollars minimum in tip outs and fees in Portland. In other cities like Vegas it’s a lot more. Keep that in mind if you wonder why dancers get upset when you don't tip.

The dancer has to pay stage fees, tip out security and the DJ. Other clubs have even more fees. There is a minimum value she has to tip out. There is a direct correlation between how much she tips out and what kind of service she gets. Tipping the DJ the minimum may result in her getting skipped on rotation, terrible music. There is an expectation that if she has a good night, so will the tip outs be proportionally better.

"Time is money" is reality in the purest sense for a dancer. What gets misunderstood is that you don't have to pour buckets of singles onto the stage to be appreciated by the dancer. Just consistently tipping is all you have to do. "Yeah, but she has to be there anyway" is a comment I read frequently. If you just sit there not tipping, you're basically furniture to the dancer. Just something she has to walk around to get from here to there. If you act like furniture expect to be

treated like furniture.

If you want to make it rain, go for it. You’ll definitely make the dancers night and get her attention. If you are watching somebody make it rain, remember the money belongs to the dancer. Don’t help yourself to a couple bucks.

You’re tipping the dancer, not donating a kidney. If you want to get a dancers attention, just go up and ask. Don't throw wadded up bills like you're throwing fish to a trained seal. If you're doing something you feel is childish, it probably is. She is there to make a living. You're paying for the privilege of seeing her perform; you're not part of her performance. I actual try to "play down" tipping. The dancer will know who tipped what. It is in their best interest to know who the good tippers are. You don't have to staple it to your forehead.

Once you put the money on the rail, it's no longer yours. Pulling money off the rack after the dance is "bait and switch". This really ticks off the dancer. It's just like Vegas casino, once you lay your money down it's belongs to somebody else. Don't play games with the money. How would you like it if people played games with your paycheck? Lots of customers will put a $20 on the rail and pull it off at the end of the song. You might "just be having fun", but you’re the only one laughing. You might think it's clever but odds are she's seen the trick dozens of times before. It's not funny. Pulling money off the rack can get you kicked out of a club.

Don't try and negotiate the price down by wearing her down. You aren't buying a used car. This is seriously insulting to her. I know some dancers are willing to wheel and deal but most aren't. Let the dancer make the offer. I’ve had a few dancers offer that if I buy five dances, they’ll through a sixth in for free.

Twenty years ago it costs a buck a song to sit at the rail. It's still only a buck a song. Name something else that has stayed the same price for that long. It almost costs more to mail two letters. If you've ever had a problem getting paid for work you've done, you can understand how infuriating it can be. Dancers get infuriated every day. Try to say "thank you" at the end of the song. There's a real person on stage in front of you, not a robotic stripper cliché'. Courtesy doesn't stop at the doorway to a club.

Talking to a Dancer
This may seem like a silly subject but there are some common sense guidelines when talking to a dancer. Stripping is what she does, it's not who she is. The first thing you need to keep in mind is the issue of security. Getting stalked, harassed, and/or robbed is an occupational hazard for dancers. That is why she doesn’t give you her real name, what kind of car she drives, where she went to school or anything else that might reveal personal information. As a customer you are basically guilty until proven innocent. In other words, the dancer has to assume you’re a psychopath until she knows better. Not only is her personal safety at stake but the safety of her family as well. A lot of dancers are also mothers. They have to think of their family’s safety as well.

Probably the fastest way to piss off a dancer is to tell her how to do her job. Unless you walk into the club wearing 7” platform stilettos and mini lycra dress you probably shouldn’t comment on what she should wear. The same goes for make up. Your mascara also better be perfect. If you think she needs to lose weight its best to keep it to yourself. It’s not going to end well if tell her you opinion.

Don’t ask her why she became a dancer. There is no way to frame that question without making it sound like she failed some place. “So where did you go wrong in life to end up here?” is how you’ll sound. If you want the quick answer she’s dancing because she needs the money. I know some dancers don’t mind answering this question. It upsets a lot of other dancers. I’ve found its just best not to ask the question.

Simply treat the dancer like anybody else. Does she have any hobbies? Pets? What does she think about health care reform? Don’t always think you are the smartest person at the table when talking to a stripper. I have gotten into debates and discussions about conspiracy theories, the decline of the Roman Empire, and the Coptic Church with dancers. You can actually learn something at a strip club. Don’t walk in the door assuming the dancer is only there because she isn’t smart enough to get a job elsewhere.

Don’t waste the dancer’s time either. Just politely tell her you aren’t buying dances from her tonight. I used to tell them “I’m playing hard to get tonight”. I’m not sure how well that actually worked. I just tell them I’m not buying dances or waiting for somebody else.

If you think stripping is wrong then why are you in a strip club? These are the guys that just leave me speechless. If you don’t agree with strip clubs then don’t patronize them. It never ceases to amaze me that people go into a clubs to convince the dancers they are all misguided.

If you start talking down to a dancer the second you meet her, she’s probably going to shut up and let you blather on. She’ll think you are just a jerk and put up with you long enough to separate you from your money. If you treat a dancer with respect your experience improves dramatically. It’s a lot more fun to hang out with people who like you than with people who have to tolerate you.

You don’t have to lie or exaggerate when you’re taking to a dancer. You don’t have to tell her you are "Microsoft's Vice President of Nothing in Particular" to impress her. The odds are she’s already heard the lie and heard it told better. And if you really are VP of Nothing in particular at Microsoft you should probably tip like it. You’ll look like a complete ass if you brag about how much money you make then tip like a complete cheapskate.

I think you’ll have a better time if the dancer knows you are spending a big chunk of your paycheck on her. Don’t ask her out. She’s not at the club looking for a date. She gets asked out every night. It’s a strip club, not a dating service/

Appearance
How you are dressed really isn’t important. You need to at least meet the clubs dress code. The dancer doesn’t want to date you. However you do want the dancer near you. Hygiene is more important than anything else. Nobody wants to be near somebody that stinks. Having breath that can blister paint will guarantee that she will try and spend as much time as possible far away from you. If you are going to dress up wear soft clothes. Dancers typically don’t wear thick clothing. It’s a lot more pleasant to lean against somebody who feels soft. Dancers really do notice it when you make an effort to accommodate them.

Couch Dances
The dancer touches you, you don't touch the dancer. It's up to her to decide how much or how little to do. The amount of contact allowed varies a lot from club to club and where you are in the country. Don’t push the limits of what is acceptable at the club. If you don’t know just ask. She’ll be more than happy to tell you. A lot of what guys try is sexual assault. I know dancers who literally wanted to burn their clothes after giving some guy a dance. If you are looking for an escort, go hire one. The internet is filled with these services. Trying to stick your hand up her skirt is not a victimless crime. I've seen the aftermath. Making somebody fight for their own safety leaves a scar. Don’t try to kiss the dancer. Go read some of the blogs I link to see what they thing about a dancer trying to kiss them. Trying to kiss a dancer is a good way to find your self on fire.

Conclusion
After re-reading this, I realize I say "don't" a lot. Most of my advice can be summed up in "don't be a cheap ass dick head". There really isn't much you have to do. Just go have fun. I have a lot more fun with my friends than I do with strangers. Treat the dancer like they're your friend and they'll respond.

Secret Society

I’ve always had a need to take things apart and see how they work. Fortunately for me, I got a job taking apart other people's stuff and debugging it. I’ve managed to take a personality defect and turn it into a career. The strip club culture is sort of a secret society. Most people are completely clueless as to how clubs actually operate. This blog is my way of exploring what goes on in the strip club world.

A strip club is one of the few places that people won’t tell you their real names. Outside the club most dancers don’t tell people what they do for a living. Most of the press about strip clubs is exaggerated. The ads for strip clubs don’t help either. It’s hard to tell what they're actually advertising. The obvious reason for the secrecy is security. Every dancer I know has had problems from nosy customers to being outright stalked. When you hear all the stories, you begin to appreciate the nuts that dancers have to deal with. I've heard of customers following dancers to different cities after they get off a shift. You’d think that living several hundred miles away in a different city would be enough to deter most customers from following you home. Unfortunately no. Commuting dancers run into customers where they have no business being. Most customers don’t understand how much is costs to be a dancer either. I bet most would be surprised to learn the dancer will spend more money on stage fees and tip outs than he will at the club.

Besides the physical safety, there's the issue of dancers not wanting their jobs being public knowledge. A lot of times their family and friends outside the club don’t know what they do. Being a dancer is not accepted in a polite society. I’m guessing that I’ve probably met and worked with dancers in my past and never knew it. If I'd found out what they had done in their past, or are still doing, would it have changed my opinion of them? Today, no. Before I started hanging out in strip clubs? Yes, sadly. As much as I’d like to think I’m above stereotypical thinking, I’m not. I used to believe all the strip club clichés; That strippers were one step away from being drug addicted hookers and that people who hang out in strip clubs are future sex offenders. Curiously, I’ve actually become one of those stereotypes.

One of the cruelest pranks I’ve ever heard was committed by a dancer on another dancer. Though calling this a prank is like calling a felonious assault hazing. A dancer secretly took a picture of another in the dressing room with the girl's own phone. Then sent the picture to her mother, who up until that point, didn’t know she danced. Sometimes dancers are the biggest threat to dancers, not customers.

The media doesn’t really do the strip club industry any favors. Most strippers on TV get killed just after opening credits on a crime drama series. I’ve explored this in more detail in my Bad Press blog post. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie or TV show the accurately portrays the life of a dancer. The only place that seems to give some insight into the strip club world is the blogosphere. I have to admit a lot of the blogs and tweets are actually pretty boring. There is usually lots of stuff about stupid customers, broken heels, and makeup. This is probably representative of a greater truth. It’s just another job.

Naked Ethics

I recently read a blog post by the AngryStripper about selling dances to “sweetards”. Is she taking advantage of somebody that may not be able to make good decisions for them? It depends on the situation. I find the name sweetard a little offensive. I know there was no malice behind the name and there are a lot worse names customers get called by dancers but I have a niece with Down’s syndrome. It can be unintentionally dehumanizing to label people.

Regardless of their SAT scores, I believe that most guys are going into the club for exactly the same reasons. If they can afford it, why not? The issue is when the person cannot realize that they are making a mistake or control the impulse at the time. Should the dancer make the decision to not accept his money or to go further and get him sent home? There is no easy answer, each situation is different.

Customer qualification is critical to most sales job. A strip club is probably one of the toughest environments I can think of. The job is 100% commission so there is no safety net if you screw up. You have a very limited time to evaluate the customer. There is immediate competition for the customer. The customer is most likely willing to lie to get an advantage. You have to evaluate the revenue potential and time vs. money with only minimal information. On top of all that you have to consider personal safety.

So on top of trying to sort out if he’s a deadbeat sex offender or good customer should a dancer also decided if a customer is competent enough to actually be there? Yes. It’s not easy to sort out if somebody is really able to afford something but there is a responsibility of the person making the sale. This is nothing unique to strip club industry. This pretty much goes for everybody else selling a product or service. There are a lot of banks that put on blinders when qualifying some home loans.

Practically speaking, you can’t really exhaustively interview customers on the floor of the strip club. In my opinion the dividing line between a competent customer and on that be should be turned away is if he understands the cost of the dance or he is causing himself fiscal harm. If you ask for twenty bucks and the guys has no idea what that is then he needs to be turned away. If you know he’s spending his rent money then he should be turned away as well. Trying to determine that is much easier said than done.

If he can afford it and understands the cost then he has every right to be there. When I or any other customer walks out the door I’m walking out empty handed. What you pay for at a strip club is the experience. My experience will be different from everybody else’s. If they feel like money they paid for the experience was worth it then it’s a win-win situation. A lot of guys will look at the money I spend at a strip club and think I’m mentally deficient, but I’m happy with the experience I get for the money.

A person’s cognitive skills aren’t the only thing that can be judged, blood alcohol level is another thing. At what point does a customer become too drunk to be turned away? From what I’ve seen at clubs anything less than fatal alcohol poisoning is fair game. Since being drunk is temporary situation it’s socially more acceptable to take advantage of him. He made the choice to be in that situation, therefore he should be held accountable for consequences. I always like the story attributed to Winston Churchill. He was rather drunk at a dinner party when he was confronted by a lady from the English Aristocracy “You sir are drunk” she snarled. Churchill replied “And you madam are ugly, but at least I’ll be sober in the morning”.

The Muffin Man

It’s finally sunny here in lovely Portland Oregon, which curiously inspires me to go inside and type on my computer. Apparently when its cold and wet outside I only have enough energy to sit and watch TV. This post is a bit of a screed about other patrons. I suppose I’m being hypocritical complaining about other customer, but I’m ticked off. There is one type of customer I’ve been running into recently I can’t stand: The Strip Club Stud Muffin.

This is the guy who thinks he is god’s gift to strip clubs, and he’s got the dollar bill to prove it. He doesn’t just walk up and tip the dancer, he approaches the stage the Moses preparing to part the red sea. To leave the tip on the rail and walk back to his table would be cheating the dancer of the chance to bask in his awesomeness. Good f’n grief man it’s just a dollar bill. It’s not like she’s going to be able to retire early now. Don't stand there like the Pope.

I’m not sure what this guy is thinking. He just stands there like a wall of arrogance. I understand wanting to get something for you dollar but do expect the dancer to suddenly race across the stage for a buck? Not surprisingly most dancers manage to resist his massive charisma and either ignore him completely or slowly make their way over to him after when it suits them. I don’t think these guys get it. They get mad when they get ignored. The last muffin man I saw actually started waving the bill like a dog biscuit. He managed to take jerk to a new level.

These guys never seem to find a place to sit. They always find the most strategic location to stand that insures that they will be in the way of the bar staff, the dancers, and anybody trying to walk to the bathroom. They also feel compelled to make smart ass comments when ever possible. I don’t want to hear a running commentary at a club, its one of the few times i'm glad it’s so loud I can’t hear what he’s saying. Nobody at the club really wants to hear anything you have to stay. The lack of attention never seems to slow them down, they just try harder.

Of course he has to give you his opinion about dancers, the club, and the state of the union while you are in the bathroom. One guy actually started talking to me “Strippers is so stupid…” Congratulations in only four words you’ve managed to prove that you are illiterate, stupid, and annoying. My head almost exploded when my brain tried to escape out my ear. I wish my bladder had an emergency purge button. I'm not trying to be an elitist here but at least begin the conversation with something partially coherent, like maybe "hello"? To walk up to a complete stranger in a bathroom and start trashing people is a bit much.

Fortunately for me I can avoid Sir ClubMuffin usually most of the time. The dancers have a much tougher time. A dollar isn’t nearly enough compensation when it comes to them. Speaking of lack of compensation I saw the world’s cheapest bachelor party. They had the bachelor at the stage with nine guys standing right behind him. How much money was in front of the bachelor? One dollar. Yep, ten guys and they could only pony up a dime a piece. At the end of the song the dancer bailed off the stage and left the tip. One of the guys picked up the tip on the way out. Seriously classy. I hope next time they have more empties to cash in. That's enough venom for now.

How long can you look at a naked lady until she is no longer naked?

How long can long at a naked lady until she’s no longer naked? This was a question asked of me by a dancer. I suppose what she was really asking me is why do I keep coming back. Short of cosmetic surgery the dancer really isn’t going to change much. Fortunately I’m not that complicated. I can look at the same dancer every week and not get tired.

I don’t sit at the rail. There are several reasons why. Mostly it because I prefer to look at the whole dancer, not just zoom in on specific body part. I also wear bifocals sometimes I have to fight the urge to tilt my head back look through the reading section of my glasses. I suppose it would be a little rude to ask a dancer move back from the rail. Maybe I can hand her a menu ask her to step back so I can read it better. I also don’t want to trim the hair my nose which becomes an issue when you spend a lot of time with your head tilted back.

Hanging out a table next to the stage leads to some slightly peculiar tipping habits. I spend a lot of time scurrying back and forth tipping the dancer. I always try to tip while the dancer is on the other side of the stage. Despite a decade of hanging out at a strip clubs, I still sometimes feel embarrassed handing a dancer money. It’s easier to wait, I also always wait until a dancer either picks up her tips after a song, or starts the next song and leaves the tip on the rack. If I put the tip before she collects from the previous song both tips will get picked up and there won’t be any money up. This makes me fell guilty. I’m sure the dancer can figure out that the tip was for the next song, but still.

I’ve never been a big fan of hanging out at the rail, but when a favorite dancer on stage with a empty rack I’ll go up. Customers tend to act like lemmings, they crowd around the edges of the tables waiting for somebody to jump. I’m more than happy to be the alpha perv and lead the charge to the stage. But since I don’t spend much time at the rack I will occasionally get odd response from the dancer. I have many dancers tell me they suddenly feel weird with me sitting at the stage. It makes me feel like I just showed up at their house to watch them shower, putting dollar bills on the towel rack. It’s a compliment that the dancer considers me more than just a another face in the crowd.

Ultimately the one of the reasons I can look at the same dancers and not get tired is I is go to the club is for companionship. I can hang out and talk with a beautiful girl who under different conditions wouldn’t give me the time a day. Many folks rail against strip club because it dehumanizes woman. Yet it’s built on the most human of principles: the need to be around others. In no uncertain terms it has fundamental sexual quality to it. It is what you make of it. It can be art, it can be therapy, simple friendship, or monetized sexuality.

And another thing

I’ve still been thinking about the couple previous posts, more specifically the business model the stripping industry uses. Its fundamental approach is that the dancers are client businesses of the club. The club provides a set of services that dancer can lease for a fee. The dancer can in turn use these services to generate revenue. This system works as long as the dancer can make enough money to both cover the club services and take home enough to make it work their while to show up. With the decline in the economy people aren’t spending as much. Dancers have always complained about stage fees and tip outs, but now it seems to have become much more of an issue. Dancer’s earnings have decline, but the club charges haven’t changed.

What other business models would you use for the stripping industry? I suppose one possibility would be to have the girls draw a flat salary and all tips go to club. I don’t think this wouldn’t work. If the guys know that the girl doesn’t get any money than what’s the point of tipping? Warranted or not, most guys think the drink prices are too high. If the club also gets the tip money as well, most customers are going to minimize the amount the put on stage. But it does bring up an interesting question. How much salary does a dancer have to make to make the job worth while?

I think you can come up with a number for this, but it would be an hourly rate. I really don’t think many dancers could work 40 hours a week. The physical stresses and more importantly the mental stress of having to deal with obnoxious drunk customers would wear them down.

Just guessing, I’d say most girls would need to make $50 per hour in the Portland. If a dancer did work 40 hours a week for a full year she’d make over 100K. This is $300 dollars for a six hour shift. I know a lot of girls will look at $300 and scoff; they had shifts where they made that that in less than an hour. Which is true, but they probably have had a lot more shifts where they don’t make that much money.

Another impact would be how dancers treat customers. Dancers deal with idiot customers because they have to if they want to make money. There are customers I deal with at work I would happily beat to death with a hammer if I thought I could get away with it I’m pretty dancers feel the same. There definitely would be an increased number of heel versus skull injuries at the local emergency room. I imagine most dancers wouldn’t even come out of the dressing room until they were on stage. I really can’t blame them, as much as I like to think I’m different than other customers dancers are at the club to make money.

I wonder how dancer would react to handing in all the tips to club, instead of collecting themselves. A two song, two dollar set wouldn’t be an issue but a really big set would be harder to take. Virtually every dancer I know has a picture of stack of money they made at work. That has to be an allure to dancers, walking out the door with purse full of money instead of a voided check from a direct deposit. The preferred shifts for girls would change. Friday and Saturday nights would probably be a lot less desirable if it didn’t matter how much they got tipped.

The next business model would be a commission plan. The dancer would keep a percentage of tips she makes, instead of drawing salary only. This is a lot closer to the current business model. The more the dancer gets tipped the more she makes. Most dancers will probably cringe at the thought of the club siphoning off a massive chunk of her earnings. Trying to find a balance would be hard. You could setup a declining commission rate. After a fixed point tips the percentage the club takes declines as the dancer makes more. The club makes its money at a fair rate until it recovers its cost and makes a decent profit. After that the money goes mostly to the dancers. The dancer doesn’t get gouged if she has a huge night, but the club still gets a percentage. In the current model the club only get stage fees whether the girl make 10 cents or 10 grand. If the dancer has a horrible night she doesn’t give all her money away in tip outs.

I think this model also has another benefit for the dancer. Because the clubs take is directly tied to what the dancer makes, they now have a vested interest in keeping the dancers that make money. Clubs will be much more willing to take care of dancers. A lot of clubs treat dancers like cattle. Herd them up and down the stage, just get a lot of them. The club gets paid by quantity, the more girls the more stage fees. They really don’t have much interest their welfare. If one jumps a fence and runs away, just get another one.

I often think this is a really short sighted aspect of clubs. The girls are the draw. With the dancers it’s just a really loud bar with really expensive drinks. Not all dancers are created equal. If the club has any sense they’ll take care of the dancers that bring the customers in and more importantly the customers that spend money.