Strip club food safety

Kat recently tweeted about the Acropolis not quite making the grade during a health department inspection. I’ve always wondered how well kept some of the kitchens are in some of the clubs. I’m scared to use the bathroom in some places. I found the web sites for the health department and looked up the most recent inspection report for a lot of the Portland clubs. Here are the results. Keep in mind that anything less than a score of 70 will get shut down.

Acropolis	75
Blush	96
Boom Boom Room	86
Bottom's Up	96
Cabaret	100
Casa Diablo	100
Dancin' Bare	97
Devil's Point	94
Dolphin 1	86
Dolphin 2	89
Double Dribble	92
Dream on	99
Hawthorne Strip	85
Jody’s	99
Lucky Devil Lounge	90
Lure	77
Mary’s	88
Montegos	99
Nicolai st	98
Pirate’s Cove	97
Riverside Corral	100
Safari	94
Sassy’s	84
Soobie’s	97
Star’s Cabaret Beaverton	85
Star’s Cabaret Bridgeport	83
Sunset Strip	89
Tommy’s Too	98
Viewpoint	100
Union Jack’s	92

For a quick comparison I looked a couple restaurants that I’ve recently eaten at that don’t feature live entertainment.

Momo’s Sushi	95
Giant Burger	100
Hall Street bar and grll	87
Stanford’s	100
Ruth’s Chris	100

It seems that most of the clubs do a pretty good job of keeping the place clean. Some seem to be a bit lower than others. There were a couple of interesting notes. Lure got busted for making food at the manager’s house and bringing it into the club. I wonder how the inspector discovered that. Either it was sitting in the manager’s car or somebody tattled on them. I was really surprise to see Star’s Cabaret got a 75 in a previous inspection. That’s down at the bottom with the Acropolis.

Here are the links to the county inspection sites in case you want to look something up

Washington County

Multnomah County

Clackamas County

Strippers vs Soap Operas

The new Stars Cabaret Bridgeport opened a short while ago. Despite the dire predictions the moral fiber of Tualatin didn’t collapse, barbarian hordes didn’t pillage local the neighborhoods. In general not much happen. I suspect most people hardly noticed that the club is open. People worry about strip clubs yet compared to a soap opera they are actually pretty tame. I recently watched a couple soap operas during the week. I hadn’t planned on watching them, but when a woman wearing nothing but a bra and panties appeared on my TV I felt compelled to watch. Compared to what I was able to see, what goes on a typical strip club is pretty tame. A typical soap opera will pretty much mow through half the Ten Commandments by the first commercial break.

As far as I know there is no commandment “thou shalt not be naked”. I have to admit I couldn’t remember the Ten Commandments. I was actually kind of amazed to see there are approximately 12 commandments. Apparently it depends on your faith as to how a commandment is interpreted or whether it’s actually two commandments. I imagine it speaks volumes about how religious I am when the Holy Scriptures I consulted was Wikipedia. I decided to compare strip clubs to soap opera’s. Just for kicks I add in religion as well.

Thou shall not have any other gods before me. There not a lot of pagan idols in a typical strip club. People tend to associate strip clubs with pagan activities, but there isn’t real idolatry going on. I suppose some soaps have some sort of witches or something but I didn’t see any in my limited viewing time. I recall that Dark Shadow’s had a vampire. That was back in the good ole’ days when vampires were vampires.

You used to have to work pretty hard to be a vampire; you had to sleep in a coffin filled with dirt from your homeland. There was severe allergic reaction to crosses and holy water, and any sort of day light was right out of the question. Being a vampire now is, at worst, mildly inconvenient. You have to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight but that’s about it. I hate Twilight. Seriously, the guy is 100 years old and he’s still in high school? Dude, get a GED and become emancipated minor. You can read minds, the test can't be that hard. You'd think he could ace the history questions. If you are over 100 years old and you are trying to date girls in high school you are a child molester. You are a creepy felon. Get a job.

Most major religions fail this commandment. Only one religion can be correct, all the other ones are worshipping false idols. Soap opera’s and strip clubs pass this commandment, major religions fail.

Thou shall not make you self and idol. Same as above. Most strip club owners are way too cheap to pay for a golden calf. I didn’t see anything pagan idol worshiping going on in the soaps either. Major religions fail this for the exact same reasons as the previous commandment. There can only be one answer. Again, strip clubs and soaps pass, religions fail.

Thou shall not make wrongful use of the name of your god. Pretty much a failure for everybody here. While taking names in vain isn’t required its pretty much common place in a strip club, same as with my business. Soaps are slightly better due to the language restrictions for day time broadcast TV. Religions tend to be a little respectful of others and pious to their own. Religion pass, soaps minor fail, and strip clubs major fail.

Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. The soaps fail. They might remember the Sabbath and acknowledge it, but the sure as hell don’t keep it holy. My work sort of acknowledges the Sabbath but if I have to work on it that’s not a valid excuse. I have seen some companies that do observe the Sabbath. I was absolutely floored once when a company closed its booth on Saturday during the CES show. The Sabbath is just another work for the strip clubs. Of course which Sabbath do you keep holy? Friday? Satruday? Sunday? Everybody fails this one.

You shall not murder. Soap operas violate this in spectacular fashion. Somebody got gunned down before the opening credits in one. Not only murder, but arson, vandalism, rape, and a myriad of other felonies get committed on regular basis. People worry about women being objectified at a strip club. What about all the women who get kidnapped and abused on a soap opera. The soap opera is also available over the air broadcasting. The fact the kids are in school doesn’t count for much in the Tivo era. You usually have to be at least 21 (sometimes 18 depending on the club) to get into a strip club. If you’re a wannabe rapist you’ve probably already been pushed over the edge at this point. Soap operas are readily available to any kid in their formative years. Murders do happen at strip clubs, they also in homes, in schools and else where. Religions fail this one in spectacular fashion. Far too many people have died in the name of God. Strip clubs pass, religion and soaps fail

You shall not commit adultery. If they didn’t break this commandment soap operas wouldn’t exist. It’s an absolute staple of story lines. I can’t imagine a soap opera without somebody sleeping with somebody else’s spouse. You’re not going to cheat on your wife at a strip club. I’m assuming that you have to commit the act, not just think about to violate this commandment. There is no sex in the champagne room. If you want to cheat on your wife, use the internet like everybody else. And much like murder, the soaps readily show underage kids adultery over the air and probably on demand on cable. There are age requirement for strip clubs. Adultery happens on a regular basis in the bible. There was the whole David, Uriah, and Bathsheba affair. I never bought the punishment of having the child die during birth. In that era about 1 in 3 child died during birth. That’s not very good odds. Not to mention the kid kind of got the raw end of the deal for nothing he had control over. Soaps fail, religions fail, strip clubs pass.

You shall not steal. Theft is only slightly behind murder and adultery in soap opera plot lines. Strip clubs are actually pretty honest places. They are expensive and unapologetic about it. Granted some of the business practices are pretty shady. I never use a credit card in a strip club. They are way too many “service fees” get added to the bill. A lot of the clubs extort fees and fines on the dancers. Do religions steal? Not really, most folks give willingly. The pretences may be a bit questionable. If you examine some the past practices of religions they went through eras where they were pretty much con artists. The Lutheran reformation was partly a reaction to the Roman Catholic’s policies that resulted in folks getting fleeced while trying to get to heaven. They all fail in my opinion. Religion has gotten better, thought I know some people will disagree with me on this point.

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. Or more simply, thou shall not lie. Soaps fail on this one as well. It’s hard to murder, steal, and commit adultery while remaining 100% honest. Religions lie on a regular basis. I’ve had multiple personal experiences where I had to deal with deceptive church practices. Just to put and example the entire Catholic priest sex offender thing required a lot of deceptions. The Latter Day Saint’s forgetting to mention that the spent over $190,000 to help pass proposition eight in California banning gay marriage. Oops, they only got fine $5000. Strip clubs are pretty honest in what the deliver, naked women. They way tend to be more thugs than shysters when it comes to dealing with the employees and give them a pass.

You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. Strip clubs fail this one completely. They are pretty much about coveting other people wives (if the dancer is married or in a serious relationship). Soap’s too. You can’t commit adultery without doing some coveting. And for that exact reason religion fails as well. Anybody remember Jessica Hahn? You can through in David as well. In theory they aren’t supposed to covet, in practice not so good. Another epic fail for everybody.

Honor your father and mother. Religions pass this one. It’s still considered a good thing to become a priest or cleric. Soap opera’s not so much. It’s pretty much regular practice to parent and kids to try and screw each other over. Strip clubs, in my opinion, pass this too. If you get past the naked part, everybody in the club is there to make a living. They work hard, granted some hard than others. If they were contractors doing peoples taxes they would be considered examples to be emulated. Especially in this economy when some many people are struggling. How many dancers are single mothers trying to support their kid’s or students trying to make a better for them selves? Just recently after tipping a dancer, she made an off hand comment that she needed to go buy ravioli for kid’s lunches on her way home. It’s easy to think that once a dancer get off work she’s heading to the mall or off to her drug dealer to blow all her money. In reality she’s probably just trying to feed her kids.

Final tally: Strip club's pass 6 commandments, Soap Opera's pass 2, Religion pass 2

Some random thoughts

I was in the club on the first of July. It was a miserable night for money. When I pulled up the customer parking was almost completely empty, the employee lot was packed. At 7pm I estimated that the dancers out number the customers about 5 to 1. Usually they don’t go to two stages until after 8pm. At 8:30 they opened four stages. It was the end of the month and everybody was working trying to make rent. I’m not sure many girls made their stage fees.

Its human nature to procrastinate, like me taking three weeks to post something new. I don’t think dancers’ flooding the club at the end of the month is going to end anytime soon. The end of the month is probably the toughest time to make money, so when would be best time? My guess would be the first Friday after the 15^th of each month. In my estimation, which I’ll go into more detail shortly, is when customers will have the most disposable income during the month.

There are basically three pay cycles most people fall into: Weekly, bi-monthly (getting paid 1^st and the 15^th), and bi-weekly. I’ve had jobs with all three pay schedules. I currently get paid bi-weekly. On the first Friday after the 15^th there will be two groups of people who will have just been paid, and 50% chance that the bi-weekly folks will have been paid to. The bi-weekly is touch to predict, since the number of days in a month varies and you don’t know if that is a payday week for those folks. On top that different companies have different bi-weekly pay schedule.

Assuming that not only dancers procrastinate, the rest of us will also wait to the end of the month to pay rent/mortgage/car/phone etc. This will leave most of us a little short at the beginning of the month. Another factor is the bi-monthly folks have to stretch their second paycheck a little further. There will always be fourteen days between the 1^st and the 15^th but their will be a variable amount of time between the 15^th and the 1^st depending on how many days are in the month. Eleven months out of the year there will be an extra two to three days where you have to buy food, gas and so forth. I noticed July 1^st was a perfect storm of end of month, a month with thirty one days, and an upcoming holiday.

The other big advantage is that mid-month is when a lot of dancers will take the weekend off. Most dancers I know would rather spend Friday and Saturday night out having fun, not working. The fewer girls there are competing for the same dollars means each girl will have more opportunity to make money. Attitude is also important as well. Some girls do better at the end of the month not because it’s a better environment but they are a lot more motivated. Rent is due and they have to go out and hustle. Mid-month dancers tend to a bit more lax in their attitude.

On a different note I’ve been working on another rather lengthy post. After the muffin man post a got a couple requests to write a customer etiquette post. It’s currently has a working title “A Gentlemen’s guide to Gentlemen’s clubs”. The title still feels too pretentious but I would like to get a few volunteers to read a rough draft in a week or so. As you’ve probably notice editing isn’t my strongest skill and long document means I have all sorts of ways to screw up the English language. Also I’d like to get suggestions on things I’ve missed. There is a lot of material to cover.

I think we should see less of each other

There are a lot of things customers don’t get about dancers and the job of stripping. There are a few things dancers, even the smart, experience ones don’t get. By don’t get, I mean they understand but don’t really internalize it. What I don’t think a lot of dancers get is that a strip club can be the most miserable place in the world to hang out.

I’ve bitched about this before. If you got rid of the dancers most clubs would go under in probably less than a month. The music is way too loud and the drinks are way too expensive. Not to mention a healthy percentage of clubs are run by sleaziods. There is sort of implied verbal contract you become a “regular”. When I arrive at the club I’ll wait specifically for her. I’ll turn away any other dancer that comes by until I see the one I went to spend time with. Ideally, she’ll make an honest effort to see me as soon as its possible.

The “honest effort” is tempered by reality. She may be tied up with another customer, she may have some personal issue she needs to sort out on the phone. She may not realize that you’re in club. Sometimes the process of waiting for the dancer can turn into an exercise in tolerance. A series of songs you utterly cannot not stand is be being blasted at levels that can flatten a bunker, you just paid $8 bucks for a watered down drink, and you have to wait fifteen minutes to get you change. On top of that another dancer you don’t like is working you over to buy dances like a loan shark collecting a debt.

What’s keeping me there is I want to see my favorite dancer and I feel obligated to buy dances from her. I could buy dances from another girl, but then I feel like I’m betraying her and potentially causing drama with another dancer. Even in the best of situations one dance interloping on another’s regular can be a bad thing. This process of enduring a situation creates a feeling that the dancer owes you a debt. This is a false expectation on my part. It is a buyer/seller situation. If the dancer is constantly making me wait too long, it’s up to me to decide if I want to keep spending money on her.

This a fairly easy decision to make with a grocery store or a plumber. I don’t have an emotional attachment to Albertson’s. This isn’t such an easy decision with a dancer, because I do have an emotional attachment to her. I do take it personally if I feel like I’m being strung along. This is where a lot of customers get it really wrong. They take it as a personal affront. I’ve seen more than a few blog posts about this. Some rant about how a dancer is stupid and throwing driving away this wonderful customer. A lot of flawed logic gets thrown out “I’ve spent $$$$$$ of dollars on her”, which is true but the customer got a lot of dances and entertainment for the money. It’s not like he was just throwing away money.

From a customer point of view it’s really easy to let yourself think that a dancer is more interested in you than she really is. It’s much more than the fact she gets naked. She pays attention to you, asks how you are doing, she’s excited to see you. It may just be a job for her, but it can be a very reaching thing for a customer. For the dancer it’s one of the pitfalls of the job.

What always amazed me is how fast dancers recognized I was thinking about asking them out and proceeded to shoot me down. I was one of those moments when you realized that you are completely out of your depth. As much as I’d like to think I understand the industry I’ve fall into this type of thinking. There are some warning signs I watch for in my self to avoid going down this path.

One of the biggest things I’ll watch for is how I react then I say good bye for the night. When I begin to feel like she’s just walking away and abandoning me I’m starting to stray into a bad frame of mind. For me it’s best to walk away for a while at this point. If I find myself getting mad or jealous I’m missing the whole point of hanging out at a strip club.

Naked Ethics

I recently read a blog post by the AngryStripper about selling dances to “sweetards”. Is she taking advantage of somebody that may not be able to make good decisions for them? It depends on the situation. I find the name sweetard a little offensive. I know there was no malice behind the name and there are a lot worse names customers get called by dancers but I have a niece with Down’s syndrome. It can be unintentionally dehumanizing to label people.

Regardless of their SAT scores, I believe that most guys are going into the club for exactly the same reasons. If they can afford it, why not? The issue is when the person cannot realize that they are making a mistake or control the impulse at the time. Should the dancer make the decision to not accept his money or to go further and get him sent home? There is no easy answer, each situation is different.

Customer qualification is critical to most sales job. A strip club is probably one of the toughest environments I can think of. The job is 100% commission so there is no safety net if you screw up. You have a very limited time to evaluate the customer. There is immediate competition for the customer. The customer is most likely willing to lie to get an advantage. You have to evaluate the revenue potential and time vs. money with only minimal information. On top of all that you have to consider personal safety.

So on top of trying to sort out if he’s a deadbeat sex offender or good customer should a dancer also decided if a customer is competent enough to actually be there? Yes. It’s not easy to sort out if somebody is really able to afford something but there is a responsibility of the person making the sale. This is nothing unique to strip club industry. This pretty much goes for everybody else selling a product or service. There are a lot of banks that put on blinders when qualifying some home loans.

Practically speaking, you can’t really exhaustively interview customers on the floor of the strip club. In my opinion the dividing line between a competent customer and on that be should be turned away is if he understands the cost of the dance or he is causing himself fiscal harm. If you ask for twenty bucks and the guys has no idea what that is then he needs to be turned away. If you know he’s spending his rent money then he should be turned away as well. Trying to determine that is much easier said than done.

If he can afford it and understands the cost then he has every right to be there. When I or any other customer walks out the door I’m walking out empty handed. What you pay for at a strip club is the experience. My experience will be different from everybody else’s. If they feel like money they paid for the experience was worth it then it’s a win-win situation. A lot of guys will look at the money I spend at a strip club and think I’m mentally deficient, but I’m happy with the experience I get for the money.

A person’s cognitive skills aren’t the only thing that can be judged, blood alcohol level is another thing. At what point does a customer become too drunk to be turned away? From what I’ve seen at clubs anything less than fatal alcohol poisoning is fair game. Since being drunk is temporary situation it’s socially more acceptable to take advantage of him. He made the choice to be in that situation, therefore he should be held accountable for consequences. I always like the story attributed to Winston Churchill. He was rather drunk at a dinner party when he was confronted by a lady from the English Aristocracy “You sir are drunk” she snarled. Churchill replied “And you madam are ugly, but at least I’ll be sober in the morning”.

Why you shouldn't video dancers

The sad part is after reading the youtube comments, the guy who recorded this doesn't really understand that he did anything wrong. Some people just don't get it.




In case the video doesn't show up in your browser here is the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhUrKws78TE&feature=youtube_gdata

The Muffin Man

It’s finally sunny here in lovely Portland Oregon, which curiously inspires me to go inside and type on my computer. Apparently when its cold and wet outside I only have enough energy to sit and watch TV. This post is a bit of a screed about other patrons. I suppose I’m being hypocritical complaining about other customer, but I’m ticked off. There is one type of customer I’ve been running into recently I can’t stand: The Strip Club Stud Muffin.

This is the guy who thinks he is god’s gift to strip clubs, and he’s got the dollar bill to prove it. He doesn’t just walk up and tip the dancer, he approaches the stage the Moses preparing to part the red sea. To leave the tip on the rail and walk back to his table would be cheating the dancer of the chance to bask in his awesomeness. Good f’n grief man it’s just a dollar bill. It’s not like she’s going to be able to retire early now. Don't stand there like the Pope.

I’m not sure what this guy is thinking. He just stands there like a wall of arrogance. I understand wanting to get something for you dollar but do expect the dancer to suddenly race across the stage for a buck? Not surprisingly most dancers manage to resist his massive charisma and either ignore him completely or slowly make their way over to him after when it suits them. I don’t think these guys get it. They get mad when they get ignored. The last muffin man I saw actually started waving the bill like a dog biscuit. He managed to take jerk to a new level.

These guys never seem to find a place to sit. They always find the most strategic location to stand that insures that they will be in the way of the bar staff, the dancers, and anybody trying to walk to the bathroom. They also feel compelled to make smart ass comments when ever possible. I don’t want to hear a running commentary at a club, its one of the few times i'm glad it’s so loud I can’t hear what he’s saying. Nobody at the club really wants to hear anything you have to stay. The lack of attention never seems to slow them down, they just try harder.

Of course he has to give you his opinion about dancers, the club, and the state of the union while you are in the bathroom. One guy actually started talking to me “Strippers is so stupid…” Congratulations in only four words you’ve managed to prove that you are illiterate, stupid, and annoying. My head almost exploded when my brain tried to escape out my ear. I wish my bladder had an emergency purge button. I'm not trying to be an elitist here but at least begin the conversation with something partially coherent, like maybe "hello"? To walk up to a complete stranger in a bathroom and start trashing people is a bit much.

Fortunately for me I can avoid Sir ClubMuffin usually most of the time. The dancers have a much tougher time. A dollar isn’t nearly enough compensation when it comes to them. Speaking of lack of compensation I saw the world’s cheapest bachelor party. They had the bachelor at the stage with nine guys standing right behind him. How much money was in front of the bachelor? One dollar. Yep, ten guys and they could only pony up a dime a piece. At the end of the song the dancer bailed off the stage and left the tip. One of the guys picked up the tip on the way out. Seriously classy. I hope next time they have more empties to cash in. That's enough venom for now.