Customer Support

I try to avoid making general assumptions, but generally speaking, dancers are way more open and honest about their sexuality then most other women I know. Conversations I couldn’t imagine having with my female co-workers wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow with dancers. Add some alcohol and you can get some really interesting phone calls.

It’s not uncommon for me to get text messages at 3am from dancers. They are just getting off work and most of their friends are still up. I’ve turned off the text chime on phone so I can sleep. They can text away all they want. I’ll read them in the morning when I get up. I rarely get phone calls, when I do it’s usually a butt call. If a dancer calls me, I’ll just let it go to voice mail. I’ll check the voice mail with the text messages in the morning.

So I didn’t answer the phone late one night in February. I didn’t pick up when it rang again five minutes later. When it rang a third time I picked up. If somebody is going to call me three times its probably important. Caller ID helps too, there are a lot of folks I’d just turn the phone off if they called me in the morning. My initial thought was she was stuck some place and needed a ride. I was wrong. Here is the conversation as best as I can remember it. I’m sure I got minor details wrong here and there, but the gist is of the conversation is correct.

Me: Hello
Her: I need your help!
Me: err, umm, What?
Her: I need you help.
Me: What’s wrong?
Her: My vibrator is broken.
Me: What?
Her: My vibrator is broken
Me: Are you serious?
Her: Yes, I’m serious
Me; You’ve got to be kidding. Is it like stuck some place or something?
Her: No, don’t be an ass.
(About this time I notice she’s slurring her words)
Me: Are you drunk?
Her: Doesn’t matter, can you help me?
Me: Just buy a new one
Her: I don’t want a new one, I want this one.
Me: What? You’re hammered.
Her: This one is special
Me: Special? That’s seriously stupid. Just buy the same model
Her: No, I’ve had this vibrator longer than most of my boyfriends
Me: Is this something to be proud of?
Her: You’re being an ass. I want it fixed, can you help me?
Me: Now?
Her; No, not now it’s late
Me: No shit, why did you call me then?
Her: I need to know, can you fix it?
Me: The vibrator?
Her: Yes the vibrator. What do you think I’m fucking talking about, I thought you were smart?
Me: Not at 3am.
Her: So can you fix it?
Me: Maybe, depends on what’s wrong. What does it do?
Her: Nothing
Me: Does the on/off switch feel normal.
Her: It doesn’t have a switch, it has a dial
Me: OK, so does the dial feel normal?
Her: Yeah, I guess. I don’t know
Me: Does it make any noise when you turn it on?
Her: Nothing
Me: It’s just dead then?
Her: Yeah
Me: I dunno, I might be able to fix it, depends on what failed. If the motor burned out you’re screwed. If the dial or a battery contact broke I can probably fix it.
Her: Batteries…………Oh, shit
Me: You’ve got to be kidding…. (call ends) …You didn’t replace the batteries?

I don’t think she remembered much of the call when she sobered up. Next time I talked to here she acted as if the call never occurred  For the technically curious this wasn't Savannah from the Good Vibrations post. I guess I can go to work as customer support for a sex toy company if I ever lose my job. It’s always good to have a back up career.

The Double Negative

I've read something creepy things in blogs and other things that just upset me. Usually it’s about a dancer describing some incident at club. Sometimes other things you never expect to bug who will set your teeth on edge. I recently ran into a comment like that in a titsandsass.com article what got to me was a comment in a movie review of all things. It didn’t really bug me when I first read it. After a while it irritated me more and more. It’s kind of a run on sentence but here is the entire comment from the titandsass.com article:

I’m not necessarily opposed to ripping off rich men as a viable plan for financial success, but Holly does little more than make it painfully clear what a lonely, broken little thing she is, and unlike her love interests, I don’t see the appeal in that.

So stealing is OK? “Not necessarily opposed” is just a way of softening the phrase to not be so harsh, but double negatives still mean positive. I’m “all for” or “OK with” also convey a similar meaning, but with a little less enthusiasm. Regardless of the level of enthusiasm stealing is not right ever. Then you add the caveat of rich men. So is that supposed to make it more palatable if they aren’t impacted as much? It’s still wrong. If I wrote “I’m not necessarily opposed to guys groping strippers" most dancers would be offended. It’s OK to grope them because they are strippers, not nuns. Nun or stripper it’s not OK to commit sexual assault. It’s not OK to rip off people, rich or not. I imagine the fact I'm one of those guys it's OK to rip off is what really got to me.

I think one of the factors that caught me off guard was the titsandsass.com article. The titsandsass.com web site has articles about sex worker issues written by sex workers. They have well written articles and commentary about the industry. Granted it’s an off hand comment and not a central theme, but it’s not what I expect to see there. If I was one of her clients I’d drop her in a heart beat if she really thought stealing from me was OK.

There are dancers who will cheat and steal from customers. In my experience they tend to be the exception not the norm. Most dancers seem to steal from each other rather than customers.

The cliché is that a dancer or escort is in that business because they are somehow broken. That no one would willingly choose this life for themselves and they are on the road to destruction. The truth is the exact opposite. I know a lot of women who have these jobs and are very successful and happy. This maybe but a small example but it takes away from the legitimacy of the industry. How can you be happy in an industry theft is the norm? Legitimate industries don’t condone stealing from their customers. Theft happens in every industry. The better industries do not tolerate it. I’d like to think strippers are better than used car salesmen.

Statler and Waldorf visit a strip club

Statler: (after putting on his 3-D glasses) Hey, hey look! Look at the guy in the Goofy mask! ...that's not a mask. Oh; sorry lady!

Recently I spent more time watching customers than dancers a couple weeks ago. Two women walked in and immediately sat down at the stage. The way they conducted themselves reminded me of Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet show. They sat there they entire time and did nothing but talk among themselves. Statler and Waldorf were better looking though. They sat at the stage and glowered at the dancers. At first I didn’t think they had any change, but after the waitress came back with the change they still weren’t tipping.

Women customers at strip clubs seem to inhabit the extremes. They are either the absolutely best or worse customers ever. Some of it is probably because they get treated differently.  The two that entered the club this night were definitely among the worse of the specturm.  That sat at the stage and didn’t tip a dollar. Not a single penny. When I put a single dollar up I infinitely out tipped them. Any divided by zero is infinite and zero was what they were tipping. They spent most of their time talking to each other. They watched the dancers in a disinterested way. Sort of like a king absently watching a court jester while discussing the affairs of state. There was nothing noble about their conduct.

I’ve noted this before women get held to a different standard than men do in a strip club. They sat at the stage through six dancers that I saw (twelve songs, approximately half an hour) and didn’t put up a penny. Most of the dancers simply ignored them, or glared at them from across the stage. One dancer tried to engage them. Once she got on stage she immediately walked over the two women hopped over the rail and motor boated one of the women. They still didn’t tip.

Apparently the two rail trolls weren’t tipping the waitress either. After the second round of drinks the waitress seemed to make it a point to not spend much time near them. They were equal opportunity assholes. Important strip club safety tip: take care of your waitress.

They sat at the stage for the almost the entire rotation of dancers and didn’t put up penny and nobody did anything. The manager walked by and ignored them. The DJ did say a peep, not even the “Tipping isn’t a city in China” comment.  I noted before women gettreated differently then men in most strip club. What drive’s me nuts are the dancers who complain about this. They’ll dive across the rail into the lap of a female customer then start complaining when the female customer starts groping them. What were they expecting? If you treat somebody like they entitled to special behavior, they’ll act like it. 

Smile, you're on candid camera

The club I hang out at has put cameras in the VIP area. I have to admit I’m a little creep’d out by them, I’m not sure why. It’s not like I’m going to get black mailed over anything. Strip clubs are still at the edges of acceptance in society and now there is an unambiguous record of me in one.

Not like writing a blog for five years hasn’t left a trail. But I have the illusion of control with my blog. I can make it harder to find. There is no take back’s on the internet though. Go to www.archive.org and type in a URL. You can find a lot of old web site information this way. A lot of folks were using archive.org when the AngryStripper temporarily took her blog off line to read her old blogs. In one form or another, the information is there forever once you post it. Honestly, nobody at my work or in family would really care but there is always that uncertainty. The unknown is usually scarier than any possible reality though.

The setup they have at the club is wireless, which makes me wonder if they’re using any sort of encryption on the data stream. They could be broadcasting all the goings on in the VIP to the local area, with sound. Some wireless cameras can broadcast up to 150ft. That might shock the nearby neighbors who are setting up their video baby monitor. They might get treated to a free VIP show. It will make it easy for the police, they can just park out front and record it on a DVR. Hopefully they have some sort of encryption on the signal so what happens in the VIP room stays in the VIP room.

Time will tell I guess. Of course they have the infrared (IR) night vision in the VIP. I was able to see it with my phone. If you want to learn a poor man’s secret agent trick there is a way to find IR spot lighting. IR is invisible to the human eye. A lot of security cameras come with banks IR LEDs so they can light up the room for the camera with people being able to see it. The camera senor on your phone can see the IR lighting though. To test this just look at the IR LED on your TV remote control through your self phone camera, like you are going to take a picture of it. Then push a button on the remote. You can see the LED flash on your cell phone camera, but you can't see it with your eye. You can use your cell phone to search for hidden IR cameras. Just turn out the light and look around the room with the cell phone camera. The IR lighting will glow really bright.

I suppose I’ll eventually forget about them. A middle aged man at a strip club is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Some times it pays to be boring.

Your roommate might be a stripper

Every job has its peculiar skills and . Stripping is no different. Here are somethings I noticed that are associated with that job. Your roommate might be a stripper if


1) 10:30am is ungodly early in the morning, don’t dare call her.
2) She calls at 1am to just chat
3) Her nails are neatly manicured and her palms have callouses from pole work
(Did you just look at your hands?)
4) Within one week her manicure is completely wrecked
5) She knows where every restaurant is that will be open at 3:30am
6) She pays for a $70 item all in ones (cliche’ I know, but true)
7) Tennis shoes and flats are uncomfortable, but six inch heels aren’t
8) Glitter
9) She has $200 of MAC cosmetics in a $10 Target purse
10) She has friends with odd names like Ecstasy, Venus, and Chardonnay
11) The volume on her phone is turned up so loud you can hear her conversation better than she can
12) She buys more baby wipes than the Octomom
13) She can spot another dancer a mile away
14) She has a wheelie bag full of panties, lingerie, and platform heels in the trunk of her car.
15) She can fix shoes with crazy glue, safety pins, and scotch tape
16) She can look at a stack of one dollar bills and estimate its value with 99% accuracy or better
17) The sight of an open bottle of body lotion raises her blood pressure 50 points (if she does pole work)
18) She knows which nail polish and clothing will glow under black light
19) Arriving on time before 2pm is cause for high fives, fist bumps, and other celebrations.
20) You find dollar bills in floating in the washing machine when you do your laundry

What would Jesus tip?

I hate baseball. I suck at playing the game. I only played the game when it was required by my P.E. teacher. Most of the subtleties of the game pass right by me. I don’t care either. I’m fine with that. I don’t watch the games. The game of baseball seems to e doing quite well without my patronage. If you don’t like something don’t try to participate in it. Just do something else. I don’t go to baseball games to laugh at the folks who just spent their hard earned money to watch two guys play catch for a couple hours.

So why do hipsters want to hang out in strip clubs? Is there some sort of hipster merit badge they have to get? If you don’t want to be in a strip club why go there? I recently watched an exchange between a group of hipsters and dancer. The three hipsters were huddled around a single dollar at the stage, engrossed in their own conversation. They we’re completely ignoring the dancer. After the first song the dancer went over to engage talk to them. She pointed out that 33¢ per song is really pathetic tipping and maybe they should do a little better. One of the notipster hipsters snarled back “why don’t just you shut up and take your clothes off”. The dancer wasn’t having any of that.

She was in the guy’s face immediately. One of other tipsters, who apparently had more social skills than in rabid baboon, decided they should leave and head to the table. He threw another dollar on the rack and they slowly headed to a stage side table. The dancer stalked off the stage on tracked down the manager. In short order the manager showed up and escorted the hipsters out of the club. They’d have to earn their strip club merit badges elsewhere.

It seems ridiculous watching groups of hipsters cluster around the tables tipping nothing. They’ve pulled out their iPhones were busy tweeting and texting away about being at the strip club, basically just taking up space. Why don’t they just go out in parking lot and pretend that they are at the club, but are too cool to go in. That’s a win-win for everybody. They can pretend they’re cool and the rest of us can enjoy ourselves.

I’ve had hipsters race across the club to claim a table I was about to sit at. They slam their bottle of cheap beer down like they’re calling shot gun. The sad part is I walked the additional 36 inches and sat down at the next table. The club was empty. Apparently that table was at a hipster nexus point and they earned extra hipster points by sitting there. Hopefully he was just drunk. Not that that’s a good excuse for being an ass, but at least its temporary.

Whether it’s a strip club or baseball game you don’t leave basic courtesy at the door. This seems to be part of a larger issue with strip clubs or sex work in general. They exist at the fringes of polite society. People feel that they can treat sex workers differently because their will be no consequence to their actions. This is a fundamental disrespect to a person’s humanity. I’m an atheist but I don’t go into churches and tell the pastor to go away and proselytize his Bronze Age view of society while I play Angry Birds. Just because I disagree or don’t like something doesn’t give me license to disrespect it.

Don't eat yellow snow, don't read yellow journalism

Yellow Journalism as defined by the Encyclopedia Britannica:

the use of lurid features and sensationalized news in newspaper publishing to attract readers and increase circulation

Or a blog post on the Houston Press. I saw this first tweeted by Strippertweets then posted in more detail on titsandsass.com about somebody outing the AngryStripper. Periodically I hear things and see things that make me cringe. This story is really pathetic.

The author’s complete lack of concern about a person’s safety is horrid. He puts her full name in the headline. After that he post’s her LinkedIn page. Then he does something that really is pathetic. He post’s that there is only one person in the state of Texas with her name. That’s all but giving out her home address. Exactly how much information does he have to give out to make his point?

What I find really offensive is the article try's make the her look like a villain. Her co-worker's were furious at her for flaunting expensive clothes at the office. Flaunting wealth is obnoxious, but infuriating? He makes it sound like she's flogging peasants in the parking lot with a Louis Vuitton bag. I can imagine the conversation her co-workers are having "if she wear's another pair of Christian Louboutin shoes in today, I'm so going to HR and complaining". Seriously, how petty are folks at the Houston Chronicle? How does the way she dress change the way she writes? I'm curious if the guys in her office were so furious at her they quit hitting on her. I really doubt it.

He also tries to play up the double life style. Somehow she was slipping up mentioning that her injured hand was making it hard to write. She actually mentions in quite a few of her posts that she works as a journalist. He probably just read a few posts then scan them till they found the a couple of images. The fact she wanted a make a book deal somehow is a corrupt thing. A journalist wanting to make a book deal? That's just crazy talk.

Of course those clothes we're purchased with "stripper" money. Because you only pay rent and buy food with honest money. Stripper money is only for frivolous things like clothes and cosmetics. They also fail to mention that she does volunteer work at a hospital. Its a lot easier to hate somebody if they are totally self absorbed. If they aren't just forget to mention the good things so they look like they are.

The really sad part is that if she made money selling paintings she did at night instead of stripping, nobody would even look twice. Typically if you met a twenty something who was successfully self-employed and able to afford nice things you'd be impressed with them. They would somebody most people would look up to. Mention that she is a stripper and suddenly it all changes? I was driving a prehistoric Plymouth and struggling to just survive at that age. Despite the fact by any standards she is very successful she will probably be considered at "former stripper" for the rest of her life. She could win an Oscar like Diablo Cody and still not shake the label.