When I complete a blog post, I append it to a Word file I use for archiving. With my last post I’ve actually gone over 75,000 words for this blog. I’ve managed to write 75,000 words in 90 blog posts without repeating myself too much. I’m kind of proud of this. According to the University of Google, the typical paperback has 440 words per page. In an odd sort of way I’ve written a 170 page book about my experiences and observations about the strip club world. To celebrate a little I’m going to write a self indulgent post where I get to blog about my blog. In dancer terms I’m going to ignore the rack for most of this song and check my hair in the mirror next to the stage. (You dancers all know you’ve done that at least once)
With the addition of Sitemeter feature at the bottom of the page I can track which pages get visited the most. By far and away the page that gets most hits is “A brief history of the heel”. I’d say this page gets hit once a week by random people researching shoes. I always wonder what they think when they click on the link and end up on a blog about strip clubs. I really enjoyed writing the post. It’s not often I get to do a little research for this blog and learn something new. Lots of people may be interested in strip clubs but way more folks are interested in shoes.
Blog post with lists tend to be really popular with twitter dancers. My posts “Terms and conditions”, “You know you’ve been a customer too long” and “More ways to know you’ve been a customer too long” all got a lot of traction with the twitter crowd. The content of the post is divided into small sections that lend it self to rapid fire content delivery of twitter. Most folks don’t tweet about the 560 word diatribe I wrote about dancer punctuality. I don’t tweet much, usually just tweets announcing my latest post (you can follow me at www.twitter.com/pdxstone).
I originally started this blog out on MySpace as a venue to bitch about the club. My first couple posts are fairly lengthy tirades about the stupidity of the club that are devoid of humor. These are the only post where I think I come across as angry. I don't like this, if I'm getting angry I'm doing something wrong. I think a lot of strip club bloggers do this as a form a therapy. Granted this is the digital version of putting a note in a bottle and throwing it in the ocean, but it is oddly satisfying.
I suppose I should be forth coming and admit that I’ve only written 89 posts about strip clubs and one about my two plants. When I wrote the blog about my two plants, cleverly named “my two plants” I wasn’t even sure I was going to blog about. I was mostly using it as an online journal. The one thing I wanted to do early on was to write about what I observed at the club and how things operated, not a weekly column about that latest happenings. I think I’ve succeeded in staying true to that, thought I do stray on occasion like when “Aliens invade the Lucky Devil”. On a sad note Beanie the peace lily eventually died. Cecil on the other hand is still doing quite well.
My personal favorite is the “G strings and Gams” post. I rarely see the strip club world portrayed whimsically. This is one of the few posts where I’ve felt like I’ve really come up with something creative. I’ve written a few post in a decidedly humorously fashion. “Operators are standing by” and “What’s in a name” are probably the best. They are neither condescending nor biting just a slightly bent view of the world.
There are three posts that I think are my best, and if you only read three other of my posts please read these. First is the “I’m an idiot and I’ve got the paper to prove it”. This is one of the few times where I’ve become the center of attention in a club for all the wrong reasons. “I only go to strip clubs to watch the train wrecks” is a post where I’m condescending, biting, and severely sarcastic. Sometimes you run into people that you just can’t deal with any other way. Lastly “Don’t forget to bring your singles to the interview” is a favorite because I think I hit on how strip clubs affect a guys nature in different sort of way.
Thank you for your patients, now back to our regularly schedule blogging…..
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Scientific Stripping
I’ve commented on the past on scientific papers about stripping. Most of the studies I’ve seen are about the idea women become more attractive when they are ovulating. In the real world this might be true, but in the strip club I don’t think it is. The hypothesis is that dancers will make more money when they are ovulating because there are certain biological cues. I don’t buy this, primarily because standard the stripper uniform already exaggerates most of the visual cues; shoes extend the length of the legs, make up, hair coloring, not to mention other factors such as severely artificial lighting and alcohol.
The biggest problem I see with these is they don’t take into consideration how complex the strip club fiscal environment is. The local economy has a great effect on how much money a dancer will take home. If a local major employer like Intel announces a layoff business will drop off in all the clubs that are on the west side of Portland. The time of the month will have a large effect. At the end of the month there will be more dancers working per shift, and they’ll be more aggressive. When the rent is due there will a lot of motivated sellers working. I think the complexity of the strip club business gets under estimated. Trying to apply the scientific method to the stripper world is a bit challenging.
I see all sorts of anecdotes on the web about some dancer who does something different and has a good night. One of the more classic memes is the smelly stripper. I’ve seen this at least half a dozen times. Some dancer will go in on short notice with the usual prep and have a good night. So was the fact that she had a good night was because she wasn’t neatly groomed and smelling sweet? Or were there other factors involved? I’ll see the post on blog, usually followed with some comment about pheromones or another anecdote about another dancer who slaughtered a deer, went to work and made big bucks. I don’t believe smelling bad equals more money. I don’t like being around people show stink, and I sure as hell not going to pay for the privilege.
There have been some studies about humans that seem to suggest a correlation between pheromones and attractiveness. These studies are really small and tend to be really subjective. In all the ones I’ve seen they’ve been where they expose a subject to a set of odors and ask which one they find attractive. The problem with this is that most people will try to please the tester. If asked to find which smell the find attractive they will pick one. Unfortunately they may be picking one they find the least offensive, not something the genuinely like. If there was solid clinical data I’d imagine that the mainstream perfume industry would be putting it in all their products and marketing the hell out of it. If I thought a cologne really did make me more attractive to the opposite sex I’d be showering in it. On top of that, the way subjects sampled the smell was to bury their nose a cloth. To recreate this in the club you'd have to jam assorted body parts in customer noses. Some dancers do this already, but I don't think its the pheromones that gets them the sale.
If a major cosmetic manufacturer made the claim that pheromones made you more attractive the Federal Trade Commission would make them back it up. Do you think Airborne helps prevents cold? It doesn’t. If you bought Airborne and still had receipt you might still be able get your money back.
I may sound like a whiney skeptic, but there is a real world side effect to effectively sorting out what works and what doesn’t: money. It best to figure out what actually works versus what is a waste of time or worse, drives away money. This can add up to real money over time. One dancer I knew used to “upgrading the slutwear” when she was having a bad night. I don’t think the outfit had any real impact, but change in attitude did. If there is one thing that really impacts a dancers money that is under her control is her attitude. I don’t care how hot a dancer is, if she just stands up there and scowls at the crowd she isn’t going to make money.
It tried to do a little testing once in a strip club. I decided to see how long the songs actually went on for. I was going to bring my iPod into the club, set it to lap timer then click the button every song change. Hopefully I should be able to get a decent set of data measurements. If that worked, then maybe get multiple sets comparing early shifts to late shifts and slow to busy shifts. The test failed miserably. Trying to concentrate with naked women walking around is really difficult. Mix in a little alcohol and forget it. I may try again at a later date.
The biggest problem I see with these is they don’t take into consideration how complex the strip club fiscal environment is. The local economy has a great effect on how much money a dancer will take home. If a local major employer like Intel announces a layoff business will drop off in all the clubs that are on the west side of Portland. The time of the month will have a large effect. At the end of the month there will be more dancers working per shift, and they’ll be more aggressive. When the rent is due there will a lot of motivated sellers working. I think the complexity of the strip club business gets under estimated. Trying to apply the scientific method to the stripper world is a bit challenging.
I see all sorts of anecdotes on the web about some dancer who does something different and has a good night. One of the more classic memes is the smelly stripper. I’ve seen this at least half a dozen times. Some dancer will go in on short notice with the usual prep and have a good night. So was the fact that she had a good night was because she wasn’t neatly groomed and smelling sweet? Or were there other factors involved? I’ll see the post on blog, usually followed with some comment about pheromones or another anecdote about another dancer who slaughtered a deer, went to work and made big bucks. I don’t believe smelling bad equals more money. I don’t like being around people show stink, and I sure as hell not going to pay for the privilege.
There have been some studies about humans that seem to suggest a correlation between pheromones and attractiveness. These studies are really small and tend to be really subjective. In all the ones I’ve seen they’ve been where they expose a subject to a set of odors and ask which one they find attractive. The problem with this is that most people will try to please the tester. If asked to find which smell the find attractive they will pick one. Unfortunately they may be picking one they find the least offensive, not something the genuinely like. If there was solid clinical data I’d imagine that the mainstream perfume industry would be putting it in all their products and marketing the hell out of it. If I thought a cologne really did make me more attractive to the opposite sex I’d be showering in it. On top of that, the way subjects sampled the smell was to bury their nose a cloth. To recreate this in the club you'd have to jam assorted body parts in customer noses. Some dancers do this already, but I don't think its the pheromones that gets them the sale.
If a major cosmetic manufacturer made the claim that pheromones made you more attractive the Federal Trade Commission would make them back it up. Do you think Airborne helps prevents cold? It doesn’t. If you bought Airborne and still had receipt you might still be able get your money back.
I may sound like a whiney skeptic, but there is a real world side effect to effectively sorting out what works and what doesn’t: money. It best to figure out what actually works versus what is a waste of time or worse, drives away money. This can add up to real money over time. One dancer I knew used to “upgrading the slutwear” when she was having a bad night. I don’t think the outfit had any real impact, but change in attitude did. If there is one thing that really impacts a dancers money that is under her control is her attitude. I don’t care how hot a dancer is, if she just stands up there and scowls at the crowd she isn’t going to make money.
It tried to do a little testing once in a strip club. I decided to see how long the songs actually went on for. I was going to bring my iPod into the club, set it to lap timer then click the button every song change. Hopefully I should be able to get a decent set of data measurements. If that worked, then maybe get multiple sets comparing early shifts to late shifts and slow to busy shifts. The test failed miserably. Trying to concentrate with naked women walking around is really difficult. Mix in a little alcohol and forget it. I may try again at a later date.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Let see what sticks
Let’s throw it against the wall and see what sticks. This seems to encapsulate the marketing and operations plan for most strip clubs. The club I hang out at just implemented a new rule that got a “what the fuck” reaction from me. The club decided that the waitresses now have to wear two inch heels when working. It’s supposed to make the club look classier. I really wonder if the club managers have been in the environment so long they’ve forgotten what its like to be a customer.
Last time was at the club, I had to walk past a bathrobe wearing dancer screaming at her boyfriend on the phone on the back porch. I wasn’t in the door for five minutes before the DJ was yelling profanities on the mike. I’ve often thought a strip club is the perfect place for somebody with Tourette’s syndrome to go. Screaming profanities will hardly be noticed in a strip club. I even think some DJ’s have actually managed to turn Tourette’s into a career. If they are really worried about making the club classier why don’t they do something radical like put a door on the men’s room? Most customers aren’t going to notice what kind of shoes their waitress is wearing. They are going to notice how quickly they get their drinks, and how polite the server is. Putting them in heels will just slow them down and make their feet hurt.
The April 2009 (page 58) Casa Diablo ad is another example of “what were they thinking”. Exactly what point were they trying to get across? I have to give them credit for trying something original, but everything else about the ad is a disaster. Who is the target customer for the ad? I’m not sure the wake and bake crowd is a huge untapped market for strip clubs. Sometimes I wonder who is the target customer for any of the ads in Exotic. As far as I can tell Exotic is only distributed in strip clubs, probably porn shops and similar places (No, I don’t go into porn shops. I spend all my money in strip clubs). That’s a not a large number of people, and more importantly its probably not many new customers. The people who read Exotic are most likely already familiar with the strip club scene in Portland.
The ads almost always say the same thing. We have a cold beer, hot women, and an address. To prove that they have hot women they always include a picture of a dancer in one of five stock poses. It’s kind of funny to go through back issues and track dancer’s migration from club to club by seeing what ads they are in. It virtually impossible to get any sort of feel of what kind of club it is. Is it a laid back club, a big club, or the basement of a Chinese restaurant? You can’t tell. It’s really rare for a club to do any sort of branding. The only club that mounted a slight hint of branding was Stars. Their initial campaign was “A little bit of Vegas in Portland”, implying that it had some of the glitz and glamour of Vegas. I think they succeeded in making the place sounding classy with a tag line, not by putting their waitresses in high heels. I can’t remember if Star’s waitresses have to wear heels, which probably reinforces the point that it doesn’t matter. But I do remember that I usually get good service from the wait staff when I’m at Star’s.
With the advent of the internet, cable TV, and mobile media it’s really hard to pick where to advertise. You have to be a lot more focused and where you are advertising. I’ve noticed as I gotten older the ads I see have changed a lot. Gone are the good old days of Lego’s and G. I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip. Seems like all I see now are ads for Cadillac, Rogaine, and Viagra. I wished they would just combine it all into one ad for “Rocadillagra”. You can get there, with hair, and something, something. If only to minimize the amount of time I get reminded I’m old when I’m watching the History Channel. It would really change the meaning of Cadillac Fleetwood though.
I think would advertise on the golf channel. The typical profile of golfer is a relatively affluent male. Guys with money, that sounds like a good target market for a strip club. Spike TV is another channel. I don’t think their audience has same level of affluence as the golf channel but they are usually male. I’m not trying to be biased against female customers but I think most dancers plan paying their bills around getting male customers. Kind of curious question for the dancers out there, have any of you had a female regular customer?
On a operational note, I've changed the comment settings so anybody can leave comments. Hopefully the spammers and trolls will find other places to play.
Last time was at the club, I had to walk past a bathrobe wearing dancer screaming at her boyfriend on the phone on the back porch. I wasn’t in the door for five minutes before the DJ was yelling profanities on the mike. I’ve often thought a strip club is the perfect place for somebody with Tourette’s syndrome to go. Screaming profanities will hardly be noticed in a strip club. I even think some DJ’s have actually managed to turn Tourette’s into a career. If they are really worried about making the club classier why don’t they do something radical like put a door on the men’s room? Most customers aren’t going to notice what kind of shoes their waitress is wearing. They are going to notice how quickly they get their drinks, and how polite the server is. Putting them in heels will just slow them down and make their feet hurt.
The April 2009 (page 58) Casa Diablo ad is another example of “what were they thinking”. Exactly what point were they trying to get across? I have to give them credit for trying something original, but everything else about the ad is a disaster. Who is the target customer for the ad? I’m not sure the wake and bake crowd is a huge untapped market for strip clubs. Sometimes I wonder who is the target customer for any of the ads in Exotic. As far as I can tell Exotic is only distributed in strip clubs, probably porn shops and similar places (No, I don’t go into porn shops. I spend all my money in strip clubs). That’s a not a large number of people, and more importantly its probably not many new customers. The people who read Exotic are most likely already familiar with the strip club scene in Portland.
The ads almost always say the same thing. We have a cold beer, hot women, and an address. To prove that they have hot women they always include a picture of a dancer in one of five stock poses. It’s kind of funny to go through back issues and track dancer’s migration from club to club by seeing what ads they are in. It virtually impossible to get any sort of feel of what kind of club it is. Is it a laid back club, a big club, or the basement of a Chinese restaurant? You can’t tell. It’s really rare for a club to do any sort of branding. The only club that mounted a slight hint of branding was Stars. Their initial campaign was “A little bit of Vegas in Portland”, implying that it had some of the glitz and glamour of Vegas. I think they succeeded in making the place sounding classy with a tag line, not by putting their waitresses in high heels. I can’t remember if Star’s waitresses have to wear heels, which probably reinforces the point that it doesn’t matter. But I do remember that I usually get good service from the wait staff when I’m at Star’s.
With the advent of the internet, cable TV, and mobile media it’s really hard to pick where to advertise. You have to be a lot more focused and where you are advertising. I’ve noticed as I gotten older the ads I see have changed a lot. Gone are the good old days of Lego’s and G. I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip. Seems like all I see now are ads for Cadillac, Rogaine, and Viagra. I wished they would just combine it all into one ad for “Rocadillagra”. You can get there, with hair, and something, something. If only to minimize the amount of time I get reminded I’m old when I’m watching the History Channel. It would really change the meaning of Cadillac Fleetwood though.
I think would advertise on the golf channel. The typical profile of golfer is a relatively affluent male. Guys with money, that sounds like a good target market for a strip club. Spike TV is another channel. I don’t think their audience has same level of affluence as the golf channel but they are usually male. I’m not trying to be biased against female customers but I think most dancers plan paying their bills around getting male customers. Kind of curious question for the dancers out there, have any of you had a female regular customer?
On a operational note, I've changed the comment settings so anybody can leave comments. Hopefully the spammers and trolls will find other places to play.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
That could be me
First, quick thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read my blog. Traffic to my page has started to pick up. Another thank to everybody who has tweeted and linked to my blog as well. I’ll try to link back to the folks who link to me. Your point of view always shades your opinion. In Natalia’s blog about time management I noticed dancers agreeing with her, but my initial reaction was “yeah, but…”. When I read other customer comments I sometimes find my self aligning with their opinion. It always surprises me that I can always almost always feel some sympathy for the customer point of view, despite how ridiculous his screed is.
I say almost because I’ve read a couple customer post that are just simply horrible misogynistic rants that aren’t worth the electrons their printed on. These are vitriolic hateful things that scare me to a small degree. Would I be capable of something like that? I don’t think so but I see small pieces of my self in them though, and I don’t like it. Some posts aren’t quite so generically hateful of women or dancers. Usually some sort of tirade about how shallow and greedy dancers are. I can understand their point of view. I also understand their point is wrong.
Dude, what were you thinking? Did you really believe she was going to give up dancing and live with you in your parent basement? At the surface this is usually the first reaction I have to some posts. But when you consider the fantasy world of a strip club it’s not hard to see how somebody could feel that way. The strip club experience can be a very personal thing. I have had feeling that a dancer really interested in me as something other than a customer. I’ve run with a couple times at first only to be shot down. Justified or not you feel betrayed and rejected. But that’s life, get over it. Going home and writing a drunken post about those evil dancers might make a person feel better, but it destructive thing without real justification.
Getting shot down isn’t what upsets me, it’s when a dancer does something really crappy to me that really sets me off. The dancers I see at the club I consider my friends. It’s probably not fair, but when I get screwed over, I feel like I’m being screwed over by a friend. My one saving grace that prevents me from posting something I’ll really regret is my massively poor proof reading skills. Believe it or not it takes at least three or four revisions to get a post to this marginal condition. My first drafts only vaguely resemble the English language. Having to reread and fix the massive amounts of grammar errors gives me time to cool off and reflect on what I’m writing.
When I go off on one my rants it’s rarely vicious but it’s hugely sarcastic. After resetting the sarcasm meter to reasonable level there usually a kernel of validity to my anger that I can turn into a more thoughtful post about the industry. As oppose to the post about the platform heel wearing thug that is incapable of following through anything other than collecting money and drinking herself into a stupor.
When you write a ranting post you have to realize that there is a living breathing person out there it’s about. Can you really justify the arguments you make post? If you can’t you should probably pull them. The anonymity of the internet lets people get away with things that they wouldn’t do face to face.
I say almost because I’ve read a couple customer post that are just simply horrible misogynistic rants that aren’t worth the electrons their printed on. These are vitriolic hateful things that scare me to a small degree. Would I be capable of something like that? I don’t think so but I see small pieces of my self in them though, and I don’t like it. Some posts aren’t quite so generically hateful of women or dancers. Usually some sort of tirade about how shallow and greedy dancers are. I can understand their point of view. I also understand their point is wrong.
Dude, what were you thinking? Did you really believe she was going to give up dancing and live with you in your parent basement? At the surface this is usually the first reaction I have to some posts. But when you consider the fantasy world of a strip club it’s not hard to see how somebody could feel that way. The strip club experience can be a very personal thing. I have had feeling that a dancer really interested in me as something other than a customer. I’ve run with a couple times at first only to be shot down. Justified or not you feel betrayed and rejected. But that’s life, get over it. Going home and writing a drunken post about those evil dancers might make a person feel better, but it destructive thing without real justification.
Getting shot down isn’t what upsets me, it’s when a dancer does something really crappy to me that really sets me off. The dancers I see at the club I consider my friends. It’s probably not fair, but when I get screwed over, I feel like I’m being screwed over by a friend. My one saving grace that prevents me from posting something I’ll really regret is my massively poor proof reading skills. Believe it or not it takes at least three or four revisions to get a post to this marginal condition. My first drafts only vaguely resemble the English language. Having to reread and fix the massive amounts of grammar errors gives me time to cool off and reflect on what I’m writing.
When I go off on one my rants it’s rarely vicious but it’s hugely sarcastic. After resetting the sarcasm meter to reasonable level there usually a kernel of validity to my anger that I can turn into a more thoughtful post about the industry. As oppose to the post about the platform heel wearing thug that is incapable of following through anything other than collecting money and drinking herself into a stupor.
When you write a ranting post you have to realize that there is a living breathing person out there it’s about. Can you really justify the arguments you make post? If you can’t you should probably pull them. The anonymity of the internet lets people get away with things that they wouldn’t do face to face.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Time Dialation
There is a unit for the measurement of time only used in the strip club industry: songs. As in “I go up in two songs” or “two songs will cost forty dollars”. You are buying the dancer’s time usually defined in songs. Some time VIP sales use the more mundane “minutes” methodology. For the most part, the industry sells time in units of songs.
This creates some problems. There are no NIST standards for the exact amount of time one song is. Typically a song lasts from three to four minutes. In theory the DJ is tasked with making sure each song falls into that range. In practice it tends to vary greatly from the three/four minute mark. Sometimes there are technical difficulties. Sometimes there are managers who insist on talking to the DJ while the song plays on. Other times the DJ needs to grab a quick smoke (of some sort), attend to biological needs, wants to irritate the dancer on stage, or just forgets.
From a customer point of view you want the songs to run long. You get more for your money. From a dancer point of view she’ll want the song to run short, she earns more per minute. If the song is too short that will back fire. The dancer is put in a difficult situation of either extending the song, or going short. This may piss off the customer who will feel ripped off and result in an argument. Continuing into the next song she risks giving away her time or setting a precedent that she owes the customer more time. Most dancers are pretty fair about time. A few have told me “thank you” after the song stopped roughly a minute after it started then ask me if I wanted another. Uhm, no.
Running a song long seems to be a favorite way for DJs to piss off dancers. I've seen a few times when a DJ decides to play the entire uncut version of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” for that special dancer, stranding a dancer on stage for all 18 plus minutes of 60’s psychedelic goodness. This will usually enrage your average dancer. Another favorite trick is to start a song, stop it after a minute, and start another song. This puts the dancer is situation of getting her set extended for no benefit. Once the “second” song starts she’s stuck until it’s finished. Most guys at the rail quickly forget the first partial song, and the dancer may get into trouble if she abandons the stage.
I’ve noticed that dancers tend to use the term song slightly differently than customers. When Dancers refer to “song” it’s usually only for the time when she’s getting paid. Customers think of songs in absolute terms. A dancer will tell me she is going to do three songs for another customer and she’ll be back. The number of songs that go by before she returns will probably five or six. It will take probably one song for her to get the other customer get him settled on the couch, dance for three songs, take another song to collect the money and say good by (five songs). Then maybe one more if she goes back to check make-up or burn her outfit depending on the customer. Sometimes the maintenance can go on for longer than a couple of songs. Is she putting on makeup or painting the Sistine Chapel?
From the customer point of view he’s started counting songs the second she walks away. After exactly three songs have transpired he’s beginning to wonder where she is. I know I’ve come across as an impatient jerk to a couple dancers for this exact reason. Three songs came and went why is she making me wait? Until I learned more about the dancer’s job it was a point of irritation with me. I didn’t know any better at the time if the dancer if had explained things to me she would have made more money. When you add to this the experience most regulars go through with a dance who genuinely doesn’t give a shit you’re waiting, I have to be sympathetic to customer. I know there are massively egocentric customers out there, but getting upset with a customer because they don’t know any better just kills your money.
This creates some problems. There are no NIST standards for the exact amount of time one song is. Typically a song lasts from three to four minutes. In theory the DJ is tasked with making sure each song falls into that range. In practice it tends to vary greatly from the three/four minute mark. Sometimes there are technical difficulties. Sometimes there are managers who insist on talking to the DJ while the song plays on. Other times the DJ needs to grab a quick smoke (of some sort), attend to biological needs, wants to irritate the dancer on stage, or just forgets.
From a customer point of view you want the songs to run long. You get more for your money. From a dancer point of view she’ll want the song to run short, she earns more per minute. If the song is too short that will back fire. The dancer is put in a difficult situation of either extending the song, or going short. This may piss off the customer who will feel ripped off and result in an argument. Continuing into the next song she risks giving away her time or setting a precedent that she owes the customer more time. Most dancers are pretty fair about time. A few have told me “thank you” after the song stopped roughly a minute after it started then ask me if I wanted another. Uhm, no.
Running a song long seems to be a favorite way for DJs to piss off dancers. I've seen a few times when a DJ decides to play the entire uncut version of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” for that special dancer, stranding a dancer on stage for all 18 plus minutes of 60’s psychedelic goodness. This will usually enrage your average dancer. Another favorite trick is to start a song, stop it after a minute, and start another song. This puts the dancer is situation of getting her set extended for no benefit. Once the “second” song starts she’s stuck until it’s finished. Most guys at the rail quickly forget the first partial song, and the dancer may get into trouble if she abandons the stage.
I’ve noticed that dancers tend to use the term song slightly differently than customers. When Dancers refer to “song” it’s usually only for the time when she’s getting paid. Customers think of songs in absolute terms. A dancer will tell me she is going to do three songs for another customer and she’ll be back. The number of songs that go by before she returns will probably five or six. It will take probably one song for her to get the other customer get him settled on the couch, dance for three songs, take another song to collect the money and say good by (five songs). Then maybe one more if she goes back to check make-up or burn her outfit depending on the customer. Sometimes the maintenance can go on for longer than a couple of songs. Is she putting on makeup or painting the Sistine Chapel?
From the customer point of view he’s started counting songs the second she walks away. After exactly three songs have transpired he’s beginning to wonder where she is. I know I’ve come across as an impatient jerk to a couple dancers for this exact reason. Three songs came and went why is she making me wait? Until I learned more about the dancer’s job it was a point of irritation with me. I didn’t know any better at the time if the dancer if had explained things to me she would have made more money. When you add to this the experience most regulars go through with a dance who genuinely doesn’t give a shit you’re waiting, I have to be sympathetic to customer. I know there are massively egocentric customers out there, but getting upset with a customer because they don’t know any better just kills your money.
Friday, April 2, 2010
What she's not telling you.
Too much information can be a problem once a dancer really gets to know you. I’ve had bodily functions, infections, drainage, injuries, family problem and more all described to me in exquisitely repulsive detail. Way more than I ever wanted to actually know. I take this as a badge of honor that I’m trusted with less than elegant information.
There is one subject most dancers are very reluctant to talk about: Their boyfriend (or girl friend as the case may be). There have several dancers I’ve considered really good friends that never mention if they are in a relationship or not. It’s none of my business of course. It still a weird to listen to them dance around different subjects. They’ll be talking about decorating or something to do with their living space and they’ll unconsciously start referring themselves as “we”. We went down and looked at carpet, we went and bought new furniture, and so forth. I once pointedly asked “we?” when one dancer was talking about buying furniture. Kind of a stupid thing to do, it just made her uncomfortable and made her come up with a quick lie.
I understand why dancers don’t talk about their dating life. In the fantasy world of strip clubs dancers are more desirable if they might be obtainable. I think an even more telling reason is how absolute this rule is. This seems to be a pretty universal standard in dancer blogs and twitter posts. Even when dancers have told me they are married or dating somebody, they are still really reluctant to talk about it. Perhaps reluctant isn’t the best word, more like conditioned to not talk about it. It’s definitely the exception when they won’t bring up a subject. Usually getting a dancer to quit talking is a bigger problem.
Does it make a difference to me if the dancer is in a relationship or not? It does a little. I don’t delude myself thinking the dancer will want to start dating me. I have to admit the idea is in the back of my head. I suppose if I didn’t I wouldn’t find her attractive. Its does alter the way I’ll talk to her. I stay away from the subject of boyfriends since it usually only makes for an awkward situation, but I’m much more inclined to ask questions if the dancer is in a relationship (provided she rings up the topic). The odds are if she is wandered on to the subject with out realizing it, it will just get difficult.
From a purely practical point of view, look at all the dancers working a shift. To think they are all currently available at the moment in time is utter lunacy. Meeting guys is not a problem for a typical dancer (meeting decent guys is a different issue). I discovered that while dating a dancer. She got hit on constantly. If was funny, the first time we went out, she showed up wearing a bandana, baggy peasant blouse, long skirt, and boots. She could have walked off the set of Fiddler on the Roof. I didn’t say anything at the time, but she told me later she just wanted to have dinner without a bunch of guys trying to dry hump her leg.
Strip club customers can be a rather unstable crowd. I just read a blog post by Natalia where she expertly shreds a customer tantrum. Hazards like that are something way beyond the experience of most people. There are some subjects probably best left unmentioned. Espeically when it affects your income.
There is one subject most dancers are very reluctant to talk about: Their boyfriend (or girl friend as the case may be). There have several dancers I’ve considered really good friends that never mention if they are in a relationship or not. It’s none of my business of course. It still a weird to listen to them dance around different subjects. They’ll be talking about decorating or something to do with their living space and they’ll unconsciously start referring themselves as “we”. We went down and looked at carpet, we went and bought new furniture, and so forth. I once pointedly asked “we?” when one dancer was talking about buying furniture. Kind of a stupid thing to do, it just made her uncomfortable and made her come up with a quick lie.
I understand why dancers don’t talk about their dating life. In the fantasy world of strip clubs dancers are more desirable if they might be obtainable. I think an even more telling reason is how absolute this rule is. This seems to be a pretty universal standard in dancer blogs and twitter posts. Even when dancers have told me they are married or dating somebody, they are still really reluctant to talk about it. Perhaps reluctant isn’t the best word, more like conditioned to not talk about it. It’s definitely the exception when they won’t bring up a subject. Usually getting a dancer to quit talking is a bigger problem.
Does it make a difference to me if the dancer is in a relationship or not? It does a little. I don’t delude myself thinking the dancer will want to start dating me. I have to admit the idea is in the back of my head. I suppose if I didn’t I wouldn’t find her attractive. Its does alter the way I’ll talk to her. I stay away from the subject of boyfriends since it usually only makes for an awkward situation, but I’m much more inclined to ask questions if the dancer is in a relationship (provided she rings up the topic). The odds are if she is wandered on to the subject with out realizing it, it will just get difficult.
From a purely practical point of view, look at all the dancers working a shift. To think they are all currently available at the moment in time is utter lunacy. Meeting guys is not a problem for a typical dancer (meeting decent guys is a different issue). I discovered that while dating a dancer. She got hit on constantly. If was funny, the first time we went out, she showed up wearing a bandana, baggy peasant blouse, long skirt, and boots. She could have walked off the set of Fiddler on the Roof. I didn’t say anything at the time, but she told me later she just wanted to have dinner without a bunch of guys trying to dry hump her leg.
Strip club customers can be a rather unstable crowd. I just read a blog post by Natalia where she expertly shreds a customer tantrum. Hazards like that are something way beyond the experience of most people. There are some subjects probably best left unmentioned. Espeically when it affects your income.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Terms and Conditions
There really isn’t any instruction manual or rules of etiquette for strip clubs. Books have been written about dinner etiquette, not much for strip clubs. Different states, different clubs have different rules. There are I think there is a basic guidelines that could agreed upon for both dancers and customers. Here’s my attempt at the Dancer/Customer Covenant. Some points are serious, some are for laughs.
I (state your name) as a customer about to enter a strip club will agree to the following conditions:
1) I will tip. At least one dollar per stage set and the clubs accepted price for other dances. Watching the dancers without making a decent attempt at tipping is stealing.
2) I will bath and perform basic personal hygiene.
3) I will leave the club the club in a reasonable amount of time after I have run out of money.
4) I will not make any assumptions about somebody’s intelligence, moral qualities, ethics, and attitude toward drugs, personal ambition or any other aspects of personality purely on a person’s current profession. The only conclusion you safe conclusion you can determine about dancer is what she does to pay the bills. Until you meet and talk to her make draw no other conclusions.
5) I will tip legal US currency.
6) I will pay for all dances asked for.
7) I will not cry.
8) I will not grievously lie about my occupational or financial situation purely to take advantage of a dancer by promising fiscal return or occupation rewards I cannot support.
9) I will not physically touch a dancer unless she previously approves.
10) I will not contact, follow, stalk, or bother the dancer in any manner after I leave the club property without the dancers prior consent.
11) I will not throw up on the stage.
12) I will not ask the dancer why she became a stripper.
13) I will not ask the dancer for a date repeatedly. If she says no the first time, you odds aren’t going up if you drink more.
14) I will not lie to a dancer for the express purpose of causing problems with another dancer.
15) I will not insult, harass, or agitate the dancer.
16) I will not expose any body parts.
I (state your stage name) as a dancer will agree to the following:
1) I will show up.
2) I will bath and perform basic personal hygiene.
3) I will put on makeup and get ready for stage in a timely fashion
4) I will not grievously lie about pets, children, medical conditions or a child’s pet’s medical condition for the express purpose of manipulating the customer for more money.
5) I will not get in fight on the club floor.
6) I will not take out my anger on the customers that don't deserve it.
7) I will not order outrageously expensive drinks with asking the customer first.
8) I will not text message on stage.
9) I will not drop a customer for another without telling him/her first.
10) I will not assume a customer is a jerk until he/she demonstrates it.
11) I will not throw up on stage.
12) I will not ask for more money than deserve. I will not ask for money for dances I intentionally did not perform.
13) I will not fall asleep in the VIP room
14) I will not wear more perfume than allowed by the EPA.
15) I will not lie about other dancers.
I (state your name) as a customer about to enter a strip club will agree to the following conditions:
1) I will tip. At least one dollar per stage set and the clubs accepted price for other dances. Watching the dancers without making a decent attempt at tipping is stealing.
2) I will bath and perform basic personal hygiene.
3) I will leave the club the club in a reasonable amount of time after I have run out of money.
4) I will not make any assumptions about somebody’s intelligence, moral qualities, ethics, and attitude toward drugs, personal ambition or any other aspects of personality purely on a person’s current profession. The only conclusion you safe conclusion you can determine about dancer is what she does to pay the bills. Until you meet and talk to her make draw no other conclusions.
5) I will tip legal US currency.
6) I will pay for all dances asked for.
7) I will not cry.
8) I will not grievously lie about my occupational or financial situation purely to take advantage of a dancer by promising fiscal return or occupation rewards I cannot support.
9) I will not physically touch a dancer unless she previously approves.
10) I will not contact, follow, stalk, or bother the dancer in any manner after I leave the club property without the dancers prior consent.
11) I will not throw up on the stage.
12) I will not ask the dancer why she became a stripper.
13) I will not ask the dancer for a date repeatedly. If she says no the first time, you odds aren’t going up if you drink more.
14) I will not lie to a dancer for the express purpose of causing problems with another dancer.
15) I will not insult, harass, or agitate the dancer.
16) I will not expose any body parts.
I (state your stage name) as a dancer will agree to the following:
1) I will show up.
2) I will bath and perform basic personal hygiene.
3) I will put on makeup and get ready for stage in a timely fashion
4) I will not grievously lie about pets, children, medical conditions or a child’s pet’s medical condition for the express purpose of manipulating the customer for more money.
5) I will not get in fight on the club floor.
6) I will not take out my anger on the customers that don't deserve it.
7) I will not order outrageously expensive drinks with asking the customer first.
8) I will not text message on stage.
9) I will not drop a customer for another without telling him/her first.
10) I will not assume a customer is a jerk until he/she demonstrates it.
11) I will not throw up on stage.
12) I will not ask for more money than deserve. I will not ask for money for dances I intentionally did not perform.
13) I will not fall asleep in the VIP room
14) I will not wear more perfume than allowed by the EPA.
15) I will not lie about other dancers.
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