Operators are standing by

There are more and more articles about how more out of work women are turning to dancing to make ends meet. I wonder if you could put together a stripper starter kit and sell them via infomercial.

Announcing the new Stripper Starter Kit…
Thinking of starting a new profession with flexible hours, good money usually, and huge wardrobe you’ll probably never wear in public then we have just the thing for you, the stripper starter kit. In one package we have all the gear you need to start you on the road to brass poles and financial freedom.

One time offer only…
The package contains the state of the art individualized personal cleaning system. (Baby wipes). Yes, these miracle devices will allow you to clean up at a moments notice. The space age dispenser will travel with you every where. The baby fresh smell will leave you refreshed and only slightly scar the psyche of any customer who is suddenly reminded of Doctor Suess and Baby’s R Us in the middle of a lap dance. Baby wipes are probably the one of the least known secrets of strip clubs. I never knew about the alternate use until a dancer friend was staying with me for a couple days (Room mate issues). She had them out on counter one day when she was packing her stuff up for work. She was single and didn’t have any kids.

But now how much would you pay…
If you order now you will get the latest in dance gear organizer (Large plastic sandwich bags). The organizer quickly sorts your clothes into small bags for easy compact storage. The see thru design makes for quick identification. No more tearing through your bag looking for those fish net stockings. (I just hate it when that happens) The NASA derived sealing system keeps your garments safe and free noxious fumes commonly found in clubs. This was another item that never occurred to me would be useful to a dancer. Again I would have never known except for when my dancer friend raided my kitchen for plastic baggies. “Are you taking a sandwich to work?” I have to admit I thought she was taking other control substances commonly found in plastic bags. “No sandwiches”, she replied, “Panties”. It took me a little bit to wrap my brain around that.

But wait, there's more…
The tip transport and storage safe (tip purse).There are as many of styles of tip purses as there are dancers. Actually, most dancers have multiple purses and tastes that change. Some purses look like bejeweled miniature strong boxes, sort of a tackle box with glitter. I imagine there’ a practical aspect to that. A rigid purse will keep thing from getting crunched. One thing I learned selling cigarettes at a gas station, men generally buy soft packs, women buy hard packs. Women tend to keep the cigarettes in their purse with cell phones, keys, wallets, etc where their very expensive smokes can be easily be smashed. Guys keep cigarettes in coat pockets where the hard pack will poke holes in clothes or gouge any time they put on the garment. Some dancers go for smaller purses, other have big honken’ bags. I’m not sure why they want such a thing. They must be really optomistic about how much money they are going to make. It seems to me it would be a pain to drag the big beast around. It would be a lot harder to lose.

Here’s a gadget, a purse proximity detector. If the purse gets move more than 30 feet from than dancer an alarm goes off. If it goes more than 50 feet a smoke bombs goes off. This way if a purse gets left behind or pick up by an unauthorized individual the dancer will be notified by an ear piercing shriek. If the unauthorized thief continues on the smoke bomb goes off obviously marking the individual. On top of that most people will drop something if it appears to be on fire. The smoke might make the cash smell a little funny but it should still be legal tender.

If you order now, we'll add for free…
All the infomercials will have the free add on item if you order now. For this we’ll add the breath management dispensers. (mints, gum, etc). I always self conscious if a dancer offers me a breath mint. I try pretty hard to maintain personal hygiene. I’ve noticed that breath mints and gum tend to sell out really fast in the vending machine. I also noticed that Rice Crispy treats sell out really fast too. Those things are always gone. I’m not sure what the correlation between Rice Crispy treats and dancers but there is something going on. I’ll have to investigate this in a later blog.

Operators are standing by…