In the February 2009 issue of xmag I ran across the Stars Cabaret Beaverton advertisement. I’m feeling particular old and cranky today so I’m going to dispense with my usual niceness. This ad is an absolute train wreck. It’s horrible. When I first brought the Stars ad up (I download the PDF version from the web site, saves the need to explain to visitors why there is Xmag on my coffee table) I wasn’t sure what I was looking at. As part of my job I write press releases and review ads for technical accuracy. I see a fair amount of art work when ads are being developed. I’ve seen some pretty off the wall stuff, but this Stars ad is scary, every time I look at it I still shudder.
The overall effect when you first look at it is the mash up of all sorts of weird fonts and colors. I didn’t recognize the logo when I first saw it. I thought it was “Stabs”. Wow, I want to go there. The logo would look really cool painted on the gas tank of a Harley, but not in an ad. It blends in with the rest of the ad. One of the purposes of having a logo is to create something that people can immediately recognize. The classic example of this is Coca-Cola. You can see that red curved logo from a mile away and you exactly what it is. MacDonald’s is another, all it takes is a yellow M shaped like arches and no other explanation is required to know who the ad is about. If people have to stop and try figure who’s ad it is, they won’t. They’ll flip to next page and forget about it.
There’s stuff crammed all over the page. In one corner there is a blip about a Mardi gras party, with odd colors and font that looks like it was shot out of leaf blower. In another corner in a completely different color scheme is Flesh for Fantasy themed Valentines party. Its in a font that would be more appropriate for Monty Python skit. Worse yet is they mixed the fonts for the valentines event. The latex wall, cupid text is in another font which makes it look like its for a different event. Lost in all this carnage is the bullet item for Lisa Ann. She is apparently a traveling performer. Its in a font and color scheme that gets blown off the page. I didn’t even notice it until I decided to sit down and dissect the ad. For some reason there is a semi submerged lags and rump floating in the background. I’m not quite sure how that fits into the Valentines day/Mardi Gras theme. This ad smacks of “holy crap I’ve got 45 minutes to put it together and e-mail it the publisher”.
The Spyce logo and Stars logo both have extensive line artwork in them. This is usually a bad idea. They don’t scale well. When you start to compress the logo the lines will get too close and the image starts to look like a solid block. The Spyce font is worse than Stars. Seriously, if you didn’t know what the name was would you be able to read it? I can just imagine a drunk guy getting in a cab asking “I want to go to Spruce” and ending up at the Acropolis.
The advertisements for strip clubs seem to follow a boobs and bullet items formula. In the center of the ad will be a picture of a dancer or dancers. Next to the dancer will be her name, usually in a cursive font, I guess to make it look like she actually autographed it. There will be a banner with the clubs logo either on the top or bottom of the page. The address and phone number will be printed on the edge as well. Peppered though out the ad will be assorted bullet items. These include club specials and upcoming events. There usually too many items and just ends up cluttering the space. There are some variations on the theme with different art work and layout but they all will contain those elements.
What should a good ad look like? I really don’t know. Going through the magazine the only ad I see really like is the one for Lucky Devil. First it’s has a burlesque theme to it. The girl appears to be on a 1950’s poster for a show. It’s clean and easy to read. The basic points they want to get across are obvious. You can open page and immediately know that they are having a one year anniversary party and they also have heated smoking patio and ladies night. Plus the ad looks attractive. This would make a cool poster.
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