I don’t go to strip clubs to interact with guys. Fortunately most of the guys who come into clubs don’t want to interact with me so its happy situation. The only exception is when it comes to tipping. I generally don’t comment about customers, mostly because I am a customer (something about throwing stones in glass houses) and there are far better blogs out there by dancers that cover this. That being said, I’ll talk about other customers.
It might seem peculiar but I had to learn about tipping through trail and error. It takes a nut job like me to take something simple like tipping and over thinking it. I had rather naïve idea that the amount of time a dancer would pay me was directly proportional to the amount of my tip. If I was sitting at the rack with three other guys who each had a dollar in front of them and I had three dollars in front of me the dancer should be spending half the song dancing for me. It seemed logical there was six dollars on the rack and I contributed half of it, I should get half the girls time. It’s not the simple. I larger scheme of things my three dollar tip probably represents less than one percent of the dancers take that night. I’m not sure what I was expecting, “Ooh, Todd tipped me and extra two dollars! Early retirement here I come.” Eventually I figured out that the dancer’s customer management issues where far more complex than that. Even if the other guys weren’t tipping as much during that set, they might be dances later or be their regular.
What was weird was when I ran into another customer who would turn the set into a tipping war. If I tipped three he would tip four. This was good for the dancer on stage usually. Sometimes it would cause problems. Puppet master type customers need to occupy every second of her time and gets upset if anybody else takes her attention away can get ugly. For me this has never gone beyond dirty looks, but some dancers have had pretty bad evenings dealing with a temperamental child masquerading as an adult at a strip club. Somehow they think it’s a contest or I’m stealing from them. I’ve had one guy intentionally sit between me and the stage. When I moved he’d move, always staying between me and the stage. I fully expect to see his mug shots on the 5 o’clock news some day.
Another type of customer I really hate is the rail thief. This is the guy that waits for me to put a tip at the rail then proceeds to sit down behind it as if he put it up. I really don’t care if he sits between me and the stage, if it was that important I’d sit at the stage. But don’t sit at the stage like there’s time left on parking meter. It’s stealing from the dancer and disrespectful of the other customers that actually do tip.
Squatters are more of a nuisance to me, but a major point of irritation for the dancers. These are the “customers” that buy a drink and spend the entire evening sitting at the tables never tipping a thing. At least throw a buck up there on occasion. I admit I don’t always tip, but I try. Some times these guys can a bit creepy for customers. They are kind of the opposite of the puppet master, on the rare occasion I’m at the rack they’ll intentionally sit behind me or somebody else who is tipping. I assume its to get a closer look at the dancer, who is most likely ignoring these guys. Its definitely uncomfortable to have somebody constantly making a point to sit behind you.
I’m sure there are a few customers out who think I’m an idiot. I’m not too worried about upsetting folks. I’ve managed to crush my traffic with my summertime melt down. When I had this blog on myspace I averaged about 300 hits a week. My current rate is about 2 percent of that number. Oh well, at least I don’t get any more messages asking me how to get a dancer to go out with you. (You can’t. Give up now and save yourself some grief. Just enjoy the visit.)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
More ways to know you are spending too much time at a strip club
I’ve been having a tough time writing recently. Lots of ideas, just can’t seem to put them in writing. I’ll get better. In the mean time I’ll revisit a previous post with more one liners.
More ways to know you are spending too much time at a strip club:
1) Dancers ask you for a ride to work because “you’re going there anyway”
2) Dancers coming on shift tell you that your car lights are on.
3) You utter the phrase “I remember when at this club…”
4) In conversation you keep asking “Which Asia?” because you know three of them.
5) The bouncer ask you what TV channel you want to watch.
6) The waitress and bartender argue because they both know what whiskey you drink. (The waitress was right)
7) You know what dancers are working by what cars are parked in the lot.
8) When you’ve seen the same outfit on three different dancers.
9) All the people you follow on twitter have avatars that are NSFW.
This is a collection of some of the worst dancer opening lines I have heard:
1) “Will you buy me a couple drinks, I’m not drunk enough to talk to you yet”
2) “Can I sit next to you for a second, I’m trying to hide from my parole officer
3) Angry dancer stomps on my foot and calls me a fuckin’ dick, second dancer yells at her “not him, the other table”.
4) Dancer walks up tries to shake my hand, knocks drink in my lap. Turns and leaves.
5) “Men are fucking pigs…. Except you of course”
6) “You hate me don’t you”
7) “Don’t I know your brother?”
8) “I’m not leaving until you buy dances from me”
More ways to know you are spending too much time at a strip club:
1) Dancers ask you for a ride to work because “you’re going there anyway”
2) Dancers coming on shift tell you that your car lights are on.
3) You utter the phrase “I remember when at this club…”
4) In conversation you keep asking “Which Asia?” because you know three of them.
5) The bouncer ask you what TV channel you want to watch.
6) The waitress and bartender argue because they both know what whiskey you drink. (The waitress was right)
7) You know what dancers are working by what cars are parked in the lot.
8) When you’ve seen the same outfit on three different dancers.
9) All the people you follow on twitter have avatars that are NSFW.
This is a collection of some of the worst dancer opening lines I have heard:
1) “Will you buy me a couple drinks, I’m not drunk enough to talk to you yet”
2) “Can I sit next to you for a second, I’m trying to hide from my parole officer
3) Angry dancer stomps on my foot and calls me a fuckin’ dick, second dancer yells at her “not him, the other table”.
4) Dancer walks up tries to shake my hand, knocks drink in my lap. Turns and leaves.
5) “Men are fucking pigs…. Except you of course”
6) “You hate me don’t you”
7) “Don’t I know your brother?”
8) “I’m not leaving until you buy dances from me”
Sunday, February 7, 2010
How long can you look at a naked lady until she is no longer naked?
How long can long at a naked lady until she’s no longer naked? This was a question asked of me by a dancer. I suppose what she was really asking me is why do I keep coming back. Short of cosmetic surgery the dancer really isn’t going to change much. Fortunately I’m not that complicated. I can look at the same dancer every week and not get tired.
I don’t sit at the rail. There are several reasons why. Mostly it because I prefer to look at the whole dancer, not just zoom in on specific body part. I also wear bifocals sometimes I have to fight the urge to tilt my head back look through the reading section of my glasses. I suppose it would be a little rude to ask a dancer move back from the rail. Maybe I can hand her a menu ask her to step back so I can read it better. I also don’t want to trim the hair my nose which becomes an issue when you spend a lot of time with your head tilted back.
Hanging out a table next to the stage leads to some slightly peculiar tipping habits. I spend a lot of time scurrying back and forth tipping the dancer. I always try to tip while the dancer is on the other side of the stage. Despite a decade of hanging out at a strip clubs, I still sometimes feel embarrassed handing a dancer money. It’s easier to wait, I also always wait until a dancer either picks up her tips after a song, or starts the next song and leaves the tip on the rack. If I put the tip before she collects from the previous song both tips will get picked up and there won’t be any money up. This makes me fell guilty. I’m sure the dancer can figure out that the tip was for the next song, but still.
I’ve never been a big fan of hanging out at the rail, but when a favorite dancer on stage with a empty rack I’ll go up. Customers tend to act like lemmings, they crowd around the edges of the tables waiting for somebody to jump. I’m more than happy to be the alpha perv and lead the charge to the stage. But since I don’t spend much time at the rack I will occasionally get odd response from the dancer. I have many dancers tell me they suddenly feel weird with me sitting at the stage. It makes me feel like I just showed up at their house to watch them shower, putting dollar bills on the towel rack. It’s a compliment that the dancer considers me more than just a another face in the crowd.
Ultimately the one of the reasons I can look at the same dancers and not get tired is I is go to the club is for companionship. I can hang out and talk with a beautiful girl who under different conditions wouldn’t give me the time a day. Many folks rail against strip club because it dehumanizes woman. Yet it’s built on the most human of principles: the need to be around others. In no uncertain terms it has fundamental sexual quality to it. It is what you make of it. It can be art, it can be therapy, simple friendship, or monetized sexuality.
I don’t sit at the rail. There are several reasons why. Mostly it because I prefer to look at the whole dancer, not just zoom in on specific body part. I also wear bifocals sometimes I have to fight the urge to tilt my head back look through the reading section of my glasses. I suppose it would be a little rude to ask a dancer move back from the rail. Maybe I can hand her a menu ask her to step back so I can read it better. I also don’t want to trim the hair my nose which becomes an issue when you spend a lot of time with your head tilted back.
Hanging out a table next to the stage leads to some slightly peculiar tipping habits. I spend a lot of time scurrying back and forth tipping the dancer. I always try to tip while the dancer is on the other side of the stage. Despite a decade of hanging out at a strip clubs, I still sometimes feel embarrassed handing a dancer money. It’s easier to wait, I also always wait until a dancer either picks up her tips after a song, or starts the next song and leaves the tip on the rack. If I put the tip before she collects from the previous song both tips will get picked up and there won’t be any money up. This makes me fell guilty. I’m sure the dancer can figure out that the tip was for the next song, but still.
I’ve never been a big fan of hanging out at the rail, but when a favorite dancer on stage with a empty rack I’ll go up. Customers tend to act like lemmings, they crowd around the edges of the tables waiting for somebody to jump. I’m more than happy to be the alpha perv and lead the charge to the stage. But since I don’t spend much time at the rack I will occasionally get odd response from the dancer. I have many dancers tell me they suddenly feel weird with me sitting at the stage. It makes me feel like I just showed up at their house to watch them shower, putting dollar bills on the towel rack. It’s a compliment that the dancer considers me more than just a another face in the crowd.
Ultimately the one of the reasons I can look at the same dancers and not get tired is I is go to the club is for companionship. I can hang out and talk with a beautiful girl who under different conditions wouldn’t give me the time a day. Many folks rail against strip club because it dehumanizes woman. Yet it’s built on the most human of principles: the need to be around others. In no uncertain terms it has fundamental sexual quality to it. It is what you make of it. It can be art, it can be therapy, simple friendship, or monetized sexuality.
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