Strippers vs Soap Operas

The new Stars Cabaret Bridgeport opened a short while ago. Despite the dire predictions the moral fiber of Tualatin didn’t collapse, barbarian hordes didn’t pillage local the neighborhoods. In general not much happen. I suspect most people hardly noticed that the club is open. People worry about strip clubs yet compared to a soap opera they are actually pretty tame. I recently watched a couple soap operas during the week. I hadn’t planned on watching them, but when a woman wearing nothing but a bra and panties appeared on my TV I felt compelled to watch. Compared to what I was able to see, what goes on a typical strip club is pretty tame. A typical soap opera will pretty much mow through half the Ten Commandments by the first commercial break.

As far as I know there is no commandment “thou shalt not be naked”. I have to admit I couldn’t remember the Ten Commandments. I was actually kind of amazed to see there are approximately 12 commandments. Apparently it depends on your faith as to how a commandment is interpreted or whether it’s actually two commandments. I imagine it speaks volumes about how religious I am when the Holy Scriptures I consulted was Wikipedia. I decided to compare strip clubs to soap opera’s. Just for kicks I add in religion as well.

Thou shall not have any other gods before me. There not a lot of pagan idols in a typical strip club. People tend to associate strip clubs with pagan activities, but there isn’t real idolatry going on. I suppose some soaps have some sort of witches or something but I didn’t see any in my limited viewing time. I recall that Dark Shadow’s had a vampire. That was back in the good ole’ days when vampires were vampires.

You used to have to work pretty hard to be a vampire; you had to sleep in a coffin filled with dirt from your homeland. There was severe allergic reaction to crosses and holy water, and any sort of day light was right out of the question. Being a vampire now is, at worst, mildly inconvenient. You have to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight but that’s about it. I hate Twilight. Seriously, the guy is 100 years old and he’s still in high school? Dude, get a GED and become emancipated minor. You can read minds, the test can't be that hard. You'd think he could ace the history questions. If you are over 100 years old and you are trying to date girls in high school you are a child molester. You are a creepy felon. Get a job.

Most major religions fail this commandment. Only one religion can be correct, all the other ones are worshipping false idols. Soap opera’s and strip clubs pass this commandment, major religions fail.

Thou shall not make you self and idol. Same as above. Most strip club owners are way too cheap to pay for a golden calf. I didn’t see anything pagan idol worshiping going on in the soaps either. Major religions fail this for the exact same reasons as the previous commandment. There can only be one answer. Again, strip clubs and soaps pass, religions fail.

Thou shall not make wrongful use of the name of your god. Pretty much a failure for everybody here. While taking names in vain isn’t required its pretty much common place in a strip club, same as with my business. Soaps are slightly better due to the language restrictions for day time broadcast TV. Religions tend to be a little respectful of others and pious to their own. Religion pass, soaps minor fail, and strip clubs major fail.

Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. The soaps fail. They might remember the Sabbath and acknowledge it, but the sure as hell don’t keep it holy. My work sort of acknowledges the Sabbath but if I have to work on it that’s not a valid excuse. I have seen some companies that do observe the Sabbath. I was absolutely floored once when a company closed its booth on Saturday during the CES show. The Sabbath is just another work for the strip clubs. Of course which Sabbath do you keep holy? Friday? Satruday? Sunday? Everybody fails this one.

You shall not murder. Soap operas violate this in spectacular fashion. Somebody got gunned down before the opening credits in one. Not only murder, but arson, vandalism, rape, and a myriad of other felonies get committed on regular basis. People worry about women being objectified at a strip club. What about all the women who get kidnapped and abused on a soap opera. The soap opera is also available over the air broadcasting. The fact the kids are in school doesn’t count for much in the Tivo era. You usually have to be at least 21 (sometimes 18 depending on the club) to get into a strip club. If you’re a wannabe rapist you’ve probably already been pushed over the edge at this point. Soap operas are readily available to any kid in their formative years. Murders do happen at strip clubs, they also in homes, in schools and else where. Religions fail this one in spectacular fashion. Far too many people have died in the name of God. Strip clubs pass, religion and soaps fail

You shall not commit adultery. If they didn’t break this commandment soap operas wouldn’t exist. It’s an absolute staple of story lines. I can’t imagine a soap opera without somebody sleeping with somebody else’s spouse. You’re not going to cheat on your wife at a strip club. I’m assuming that you have to commit the act, not just think about to violate this commandment. There is no sex in the champagne room. If you want to cheat on your wife, use the internet like everybody else. And much like murder, the soaps readily show underage kids adultery over the air and probably on demand on cable. There are age requirement for strip clubs. Adultery happens on a regular basis in the bible. There was the whole David, Uriah, and Bathsheba affair. I never bought the punishment of having the child die during birth. In that era about 1 in 3 child died during birth. That’s not very good odds. Not to mention the kid kind of got the raw end of the deal for nothing he had control over. Soaps fail, religions fail, strip clubs pass.

You shall not steal. Theft is only slightly behind murder and adultery in soap opera plot lines. Strip clubs are actually pretty honest places. They are expensive and unapologetic about it. Granted some of the business practices are pretty shady. I never use a credit card in a strip club. They are way too many “service fees” get added to the bill. A lot of the clubs extort fees and fines on the dancers. Do religions steal? Not really, most folks give willingly. The pretences may be a bit questionable. If you examine some the past practices of religions they went through eras where they were pretty much con artists. The Lutheran reformation was partly a reaction to the Roman Catholic’s policies that resulted in folks getting fleeced while trying to get to heaven. They all fail in my opinion. Religion has gotten better, thought I know some people will disagree with me on this point.

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. Or more simply, thou shall not lie. Soaps fail on this one as well. It’s hard to murder, steal, and commit adultery while remaining 100% honest. Religions lie on a regular basis. I’ve had multiple personal experiences where I had to deal with deceptive church practices. Just to put and example the entire Catholic priest sex offender thing required a lot of deceptions. The Latter Day Saint’s forgetting to mention that the spent over $190,000 to help pass proposition eight in California banning gay marriage. Oops, they only got fine $5000. Strip clubs are pretty honest in what the deliver, naked women. They way tend to be more thugs than shysters when it comes to dealing with the employees and give them a pass.

You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. Strip clubs fail this one completely. They are pretty much about coveting other people wives (if the dancer is married or in a serious relationship). Soap’s too. You can’t commit adultery without doing some coveting. And for that exact reason religion fails as well. Anybody remember Jessica Hahn? You can through in David as well. In theory they aren’t supposed to covet, in practice not so good. Another epic fail for everybody.

Honor your father and mother. Religions pass this one. It’s still considered a good thing to become a priest or cleric. Soap opera’s not so much. It’s pretty much regular practice to parent and kids to try and screw each other over. Strip clubs, in my opinion, pass this too. If you get past the naked part, everybody in the club is there to make a living. They work hard, granted some hard than others. If they were contractors doing peoples taxes they would be considered examples to be emulated. Especially in this economy when some many people are struggling. How many dancers are single mothers trying to support their kid’s or students trying to make a better for them selves? Just recently after tipping a dancer, she made an off hand comment that she needed to go buy ravioli for kid’s lunches on her way home. It’s easy to think that once a dancer get off work she’s heading to the mall or off to her drug dealer to blow all her money. In reality she’s probably just trying to feed her kids.

Final tally: Strip club's pass 6 commandments, Soap Opera's pass 2, Religion pass 2

Some random thoughts

I was in the club on the first of July. It was a miserable night for money. When I pulled up the customer parking was almost completely empty, the employee lot was packed. At 7pm I estimated that the dancers out number the customers about 5 to 1. Usually they don’t go to two stages until after 8pm. At 8:30 they opened four stages. It was the end of the month and everybody was working trying to make rent. I’m not sure many girls made their stage fees.

Its human nature to procrastinate, like me taking three weeks to post something new. I don’t think dancers’ flooding the club at the end of the month is going to end anytime soon. The end of the month is probably the toughest time to make money, so when would be best time? My guess would be the first Friday after the 15^th of each month. In my estimation, which I’ll go into more detail shortly, is when customers will have the most disposable income during the month.

There are basically three pay cycles most people fall into: Weekly, bi-monthly (getting paid 1^st and the 15^th), and bi-weekly. I’ve had jobs with all three pay schedules. I currently get paid bi-weekly. On the first Friday after the 15^th there will be two groups of people who will have just been paid, and 50% chance that the bi-weekly folks will have been paid to. The bi-weekly is touch to predict, since the number of days in a month varies and you don’t know if that is a payday week for those folks. On top that different companies have different bi-weekly pay schedule.

Assuming that not only dancers procrastinate, the rest of us will also wait to the end of the month to pay rent/mortgage/car/phone etc. This will leave most of us a little short at the beginning of the month. Another factor is the bi-monthly folks have to stretch their second paycheck a little further. There will always be fourteen days between the 1^st and the 15^th but their will be a variable amount of time between the 15^th and the 1^st depending on how many days are in the month. Eleven months out of the year there will be an extra two to three days where you have to buy food, gas and so forth. I noticed July 1^st was a perfect storm of end of month, a month with thirty one days, and an upcoming holiday.

The other big advantage is that mid-month is when a lot of dancers will take the weekend off. Most dancers I know would rather spend Friday and Saturday night out having fun, not working. The fewer girls there are competing for the same dollars means each girl will have more opportunity to make money. Attitude is also important as well. Some girls do better at the end of the month not because it’s a better environment but they are a lot more motivated. Rent is due and they have to go out and hustle. Mid-month dancers tend to a bit more lax in their attitude.

On a different note I’ve been working on another rather lengthy post. After the muffin man post a got a couple requests to write a customer etiquette post. It’s currently has a working title “A Gentlemen’s guide to Gentlemen’s clubs”. The title still feels too pretentious but I would like to get a few volunteers to read a rough draft in a week or so. As you’ve probably notice editing isn’t my strongest skill and long document means I have all sorts of ways to screw up the English language. Also I’d like to get suggestions on things I’ve missed. There is a lot of material to cover.