OTC, outside the club. It’s a term I ran into on a web site I found that talked the assorted goings on about a club in Vegas. They kept using the term “OTC” which I thought meant over the counter. The posts didn’t make much sense till I figured that out. There are many dancers, current and retired I see out side the club. All I consider my friends to varying degrees. A few I would trust with the keys to my car and home, others, not so much. Some I meet on a professional level. One is a hair stylist. She cuts my hair obviously, I always feel kind of bad when she cuts my hair. She always does a terrific job. Casting pearls among swine. I can barely remember to comb my hair most of the time. The other is a licensed massage therapist who I see from time to time.
Meeting a dancer outside the club was a little odd the first time. This is the first time I met the girl when she was, as Susan Wayward described it “unstripperfied”. The initial reaction was to her height. In the club she was the same height as me, now she was six inches shorter. The casual clothes also gave her a very different appearance as well. I had an old cell phone I was going to give her. She was very cautious. I’m sure however nice a guy I seem at the club thing can change on the outside. She had a minor hard luck story about needing a few bucks to get phone reactivated. We met a few times more, each time she had some sort of minor bill that she needed help with. It was pretty obvious that I was getting used for an ambulatory ATM machine. I quit answering her calls after a while. I far was too clever to fall for this, or so I thought.
I ran into another dancer who I really hit it off with. She was very beautiful, very smart, and very charismatic. For simplicities sake I’ll call her Bonnie. When another dancer found out I was talk to Bonnie, she warned me to be careful. I wished she had hit me over the head brick. It would have been cheaper and less painful. Bonnie was an absolutely master manipulator. I’m sure my SAT scores were higher than hers. I can answer more questions watching Jeopardy than she can. But when it came to reading people, knowing what to say, what to do to get what you want I was way out of my league. If you need somebody to fix your computer, talk to me. If you need somebody to negotiate for a new car, talk to Bonnie. Bonnie had the ability to make things seem like my idea, I was so happy to give her money, a lot of money. I sat down once and figured out how much I paid out to take care of her assorted needs, the amount was over $23,000 dollars. I’ve run into con artists before, but they’ve been mostly the carnival carnie types. Just a single deal with a stranger, when I walked away I never saw them again. This was the first time I had ever had somebody I felt close too completely take advantage of me. I guess I’ve managed to live a sheltered life in that regard.
Natalia recently blogged about a customer that was manipulative and difficult to deal with. Oddly, I saw a little of myself in him. Not in the way he acted but in his motivations. We were both looking at relationships that were dysfunctional, driven by loneliness. His actions were externally destructive, mine internally destructive. The major difference is that initially I was a victim. He is not. I say initially for me because I eventually became an accomplice to Bonnie. She never put a gun to my head, I could have said no at any time. I have to accept responsibility to my own actions. Ultimately she wasn’t that clever and I’m not that stupid.
Eventually I caught on and grew a back bone. From a logic point of view I knew that this was a bad thing pretty early on, but from an emotional point of view I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. The good news is that I’m at a point in my life where I can deal with a dollar loss like that. In no uncertain terms it was a massively humbling experience. On peculiar side effect from the Bonnie experience is I’ve picked up an odd habit. When I ever I meet a dancer outside the club I always record the amount in a spread sheet. Just the amount and the day get logged. I never put down the reason. I learned from Bonnie that there will always be a reason. As harsh as this feels to write, the intentions become pretty obvious when you strip away the emotion. The dollar amount always will slowly increase.
There are lots of con artists out there. I know better than to categorically put all dancers in this place, it has changed me to being a lot more defensive. It has also affected in ways I did think. I dated a dancer for a while. It was kind of a weird relationship. I could never sort out what her intentions were. Was she really interested in me, or I was simply stable and financially viable? Things were erratic at best. Things would be good for a couple weeks, and then she’d drop off and be impossible to get a hold of for a couple weeks. Granted getting our schedules to match was always difficult. She worked and went to school at night. I have an 8 to 5 job. But when she quit being responsive I began to think was she dating somebody else and only dealing with me when it was convenient’ Possibly, I couldn’t judge. It always nagged at me that there was some sort of ulterior motive going on. Other times she would only contact me when she was working, like I was a customer. Ok that’s fine. Then she would want to come over and make me dinner. She never asked me for money. That was the surprising part. I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising if she was genuinely interested in me, but I always had Bonnie in the back of my head. Eventually I got tired of the disappearing acts. After she didn’t call me back a couple times, I just quit calling her. Then I didn’t return her calls, perhaps not the best way to end it.
Most dancers I meet outside the club is just to have lunch or dinner with a friend I like to talk to. Nothing more than that. Do I think about dating some of the dancers I know? Absolutely. Would I ask them out? No. It would just make things uncomfortable. I honestly value their friendship way too much to that. Unfortunately when I sit and consider if something like that would work, it invariably requires the use of a time machine. Why are attractive, intelligent women always in relationships when I meet them? I just hate that.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
8ish
Some time during the week I'll get a text message from a dancer that usually goes along the lines of "Working 2nite cu l8r?" I'll reply "Love to see you, what time are you starting?" Invariably I will get the most dreaded text message I can receive from a dancer. "8ish" I will instantly flip into an eye rolling, foot stamping, teeth gnashing conniption. 8ish. Ugh! Not 8, not 8:15, not 8:30, 8ish.
A lot of dancers have my number, I wouldn't be surprised to find out my number is written on the dressing room wall "In case of a slow night call 971-4……" This is my personal neurosis I know. What really irritates me is this. I get into the club at "8ish" and wait. And wait. If they had given me a fixed time like 8:30, I can decide how patient I want to be. If a dancer invites me in I will wait for her. Where things get ugly is when 8ish comes and goes and the dancer is still missing in action. When does 8ish expire? With 8:30 I know that 8:31 she's late and can decide that she's not showing up and leave or talk to somebody else. 8ish is intentionally vague.
I tend to be soft around the edges, I don't go after people's hot button, but 8ish is selfish. It's just a lazy way to get a verbal commitment from a customer without having to hold yourself to a specific time. A dancer wants me to come in and spend my time and money but she won't give me a time. If you are not going to be there until 9, just tell me. If that is later than I want to stay I won't come in, if you tell me 8ish and don't show up until 9. I'll either will have left or decided to talk to another dancer. In either case I'm ticked off. If you are not willing to give me a basic commitment of a time, then don't ask me to come in.
From a purely sales point of view it a profoundly stupid thing to do. You are bringing your customer in with an expectation of spending money, surrounding him with competitive products, and then irritating the customer. All you are doing is putting your customer in the position to spend his money else where then giving him the motivation to do so. Every regular I know has been invited in by a dancer only to have her not show up. I've have had girls call me to say she is in the car, on her way, then never arrive. Even if you personally have never left a customer hanging, the odds are some other dancer has. It's in the back of his mind.
As much as some dancers trust me, I know it's in the back of their mind that I might do something stupid with my hands. It will always be there. While I may not do anything, there are tons of other guys that will. It's guilt by association. I'll never escape that. The same is true with dancers. You'll always have that association of being flakey about time. I'm not asking that all dancers keep a rigid schedule like the guards at Buckingham Palace, but if you invite me in, al least give me a time you can actually make.
A lot of dancers have my number, I wouldn't be surprised to find out my number is written on the dressing room wall "In case of a slow night call 971-4……" This is my personal neurosis I know. What really irritates me is this. I get into the club at "8ish" and wait. And wait. If they had given me a fixed time like 8:30, I can decide how patient I want to be. If a dancer invites me in I will wait for her. Where things get ugly is when 8ish comes and goes and the dancer is still missing in action. When does 8ish expire? With 8:30 I know that 8:31 she's late and can decide that she's not showing up and leave or talk to somebody else. 8ish is intentionally vague.
I tend to be soft around the edges, I don't go after people's hot button, but 8ish is selfish. It's just a lazy way to get a verbal commitment from a customer without having to hold yourself to a specific time. A dancer wants me to come in and spend my time and money but she won't give me a time. If you are not going to be there until 9, just tell me. If that is later than I want to stay I won't come in, if you tell me 8ish and don't show up until 9. I'll either will have left or decided to talk to another dancer. In either case I'm ticked off. If you are not willing to give me a basic commitment of a time, then don't ask me to come in.
From a purely sales point of view it a profoundly stupid thing to do. You are bringing your customer in with an expectation of spending money, surrounding him with competitive products, and then irritating the customer. All you are doing is putting your customer in the position to spend his money else where then giving him the motivation to do so. Every regular I know has been invited in by a dancer only to have her not show up. I've have had girls call me to say she is in the car, on her way, then never arrive. Even if you personally have never left a customer hanging, the odds are some other dancer has. It's in the back of his mind.
As much as some dancers trust me, I know it's in the back of their mind that I might do something stupid with my hands. It will always be there. While I may not do anything, there are tons of other guys that will. It's guilt by association. I'll never escape that. The same is true with dancers. You'll always have that association of being flakey about time. I'm not asking that all dancers keep a rigid schedule like the guards at Buckingham Palace, but if you invite me in, al least give me a time you can actually make.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Fishin’ ‘n Strippin’
This maybe a sure sign of brain damage but I always seem to notice correlations between dancing and fishing. What makes this more bizarre is I don't fish. Maybe hitting that bar stool with my head did more damage than I thought.
Lures vs. Outfits
Lures are bright, colorful items designed to attract the attention of the fish and get him to bite. Dancers call them outfits. Most outfits are usually colorful and they have frilly things that move to get customers attention. Many fishing lures have spinners and wigglers to get the fishes attention. A lot of lures have shiny bits that sparkle and reflect the light, kind of like jewelry. Lures also mimic other things, the look like small fish or shrimp. Outfits mimic different looks, like catholic school girls, nurses, or Marilyn Monroe. The outfit and fishing lure pretty much do the same thing. This might also be because the typical guy in strip club has the effective IQ of a large mouth bass. The sad part is that if you did an exit pole at a club door, most guys could tell you every detail about his favorite dancer's boobs but couldn't tell you what she was wearing if his life depended on it.
No Fish here
A lot of dancers will try different clubs to see where they can make the most money, pretty much like fisher's trying different locations to see where the fish are biting. It's the same problem for both. There is no effective way to really determine how many customer/fish are going to be there. Fish and customers have many of the same behaviors. There can be a lot of customers or fish, but they aren't biting or tipping. Some times you'll get pestered by the same undersized fish that keeps taking your bait. For the dancer there is the customer who doesn't want to tip, but insists on eating up her time. On more than one occasion I know the dancer has wanted to fillet a pesky customer. At least bash his head in with a bat.
Tackle box
A tackle box is a small easy to carry container filled with essential supplies for a successful outing. The tip purse is a small easy to carry container filled with essential supplies for a successful outing. Instead of hooks, bait, fishing line and cigarettes the tip purse has lip gloss, breath mints, cell phone, and cigarettes. A lot of tip purses kind of look like tackle boxes. They are squared off, hard sided, all you need to add is a drawer for the fishing weights. I'm always kind of amazed at the dancers that use lunch boxes for there tip purse. I always had bad memories of my Johnny Quest lunch box that would never stay closed. Its one thing to have your P&J sandwich flop out on the floor, its another matter entirely when your wages for the entire night gets scattered across the floor in a dark bar.
I've always wondered if many dancers are as superstitious as fishermen. The dancers I know aren't, but that's a pretty small sampling. I ran across this link I thought was absolutely hilarious: You might be a red neck Jedi (www.incompetech.com/gallimaufry/jedi_redneck.html). This is my lame attempt at similar humor.
You might be a Redneck Stripper if
1) You have repaired your dance bag with duct tape
2) You have used your 7" heel to knock out a bass you just caught.
3) Your tip purse also has shotgun shells in it
4) You have to put your good teeth in to perform on the main stage
5) You have at least two outfits with flannel
6) You refer to the IRS as "Them damn revenuers"
7) You know the name of Daisy Duke's jeep
8) Instead of getting a boob job you bought a bass boat
9) Your tip purse is made by the famous fashion designer "Crown Royal"
10) Your cousin keeps getting kicked out because the manager won't let your boyfriend in the club
Lures vs. Outfits
Lures are bright, colorful items designed to attract the attention of the fish and get him to bite. Dancers call them outfits. Most outfits are usually colorful and they have frilly things that move to get customers attention. Many fishing lures have spinners and wigglers to get the fishes attention. A lot of lures have shiny bits that sparkle and reflect the light, kind of like jewelry. Lures also mimic other things, the look like small fish or shrimp. Outfits mimic different looks, like catholic school girls, nurses, or Marilyn Monroe. The outfit and fishing lure pretty much do the same thing. This might also be because the typical guy in strip club has the effective IQ of a large mouth bass. The sad part is that if you did an exit pole at a club door, most guys could tell you every detail about his favorite dancer's boobs but couldn't tell you what she was wearing if his life depended on it.
No Fish here
A lot of dancers will try different clubs to see where they can make the most money, pretty much like fisher's trying different locations to see where the fish are biting. It's the same problem for both. There is no effective way to really determine how many customer/fish are going to be there. Fish and customers have many of the same behaviors. There can be a lot of customers or fish, but they aren't biting or tipping. Some times you'll get pestered by the same undersized fish that keeps taking your bait. For the dancer there is the customer who doesn't want to tip, but insists on eating up her time. On more than one occasion I know the dancer has wanted to fillet a pesky customer. At least bash his head in with a bat.
Tackle box
A tackle box is a small easy to carry container filled with essential supplies for a successful outing. The tip purse is a small easy to carry container filled with essential supplies for a successful outing. Instead of hooks, bait, fishing line and cigarettes the tip purse has lip gloss, breath mints, cell phone, and cigarettes. A lot of tip purses kind of look like tackle boxes. They are squared off, hard sided, all you need to add is a drawer for the fishing weights. I'm always kind of amazed at the dancers that use lunch boxes for there tip purse. I always had bad memories of my Johnny Quest lunch box that would never stay closed. Its one thing to have your P&J sandwich flop out on the floor, its another matter entirely when your wages for the entire night gets scattered across the floor in a dark bar.
I've always wondered if many dancers are as superstitious as fishermen. The dancers I know aren't, but that's a pretty small sampling. I ran across this link I thought was absolutely hilarious: You might be a red neck Jedi (www.incompetech.com/gallimaufry/jedi_redneck.html). This is my lame attempt at similar humor.
You might be a Redneck Stripper if
1) You have repaired your dance bag with duct tape
2) You have used your 7" heel to knock out a bass you just caught.
3) Your tip purse also has shotgun shells in it
4) You have to put your good teeth in to perform on the main stage
5) You have at least two outfits with flannel
6) You refer to the IRS as "Them damn revenuers"
7) You know the name of Daisy Duke's jeep
8) Instead of getting a boob job you bought a bass boat
9) Your tip purse is made by the famous fashion designer "Crown Royal"
10) Your cousin keeps getting kicked out because the manager won't let your boyfriend in the club
Monday, August 4, 2008
Aliens invade the Lucky Devil
Sometimes a night out at strip club can be an off experience. I had one of those nights. I decided to go down to PDXBlackBook night at the Lucky Devil bar. It's a smaller club, one stage, and a few tables. They are going supposed to have some entertainers from the PDXBlackBook web site there. Specifically one of my favorite dancers (Natalia) is there.
The festivities start at 9pm, I arrive a little after and the place is not very crowded. I planning on spending about an hour, More than likely Natalia will be busy, she's both strikingly beautiful and talented performer. On top of that when you talk to her you realize you're not the smartest person in the room. Normally I'll send her text to see if she will be working, but tonight I show up unexpected. I'm kind of crazy that way. I don't have that much of night life.
I say hello the Natalia and head to the bar to get a drink. There are six people at the bar when I walk up. I like to joke at the Dolphin there are "alcohol free zones" where they won't serve you drinks. These are the tables that are a bit out of the way, that tend to get ignored. At the Lucky Devil part of the bar is an alcohol free zone. I watch the bartender take care of group of customers at the other end of the bar, I watch the bartender get a drink for the guy next to me. I watch the bartender go back to the other end of the bar to wait on some customers who walked in while he was giving change to guy next to me. After helping them the bartender walks to the till and starts text messaging on his cell phone. Completely oblivious to the world and waiting patrons around him he stood texting away.
In Douglas Adam's "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" series of books he described a creature called the Ravenous Bugbladder beast of Traal. According to the book "the Ravenous Bugbladder Beast of Traal is a beast so mind bogglingly stupid that it believes that if you can't see it, it can't see you." If you wish to see one of these creatures in the wild just head to the Lucky Devil on Wednesday nights, it's tending bar. This guy sat with his back to the bar, facing the wall sending text messages. Note to Lucky Devil management, you might want to inform your wait staff that the guy standing at the bar, with the 20 dollar bill in his hand, trying to get your attention WANTS TO BUY A DRINK! Just an idea.
I watched in slack jawed amazement as the bartender stood with his back to the bar, tapping away on his cell phone that's clutched against his chest like a small child hiding a pilfered candy from his parents. Does this guy really believe that as long as he faces away from the bar nobody will notice he's sending text messages? My jaw fell even further when he finishes the text and walk down to the end bar and starts talking to a bouncer. I moved exactly three chairs further down to another open section of the bar. The beast suddenly can see me and heads over to wait on me. "What can I get for you?", "Um, the same thing I've been trying to get from you for the past ten minutes when I was standing over there". Fortunately the drinks are only $4.50, which makes the wait not quite so painful. My mood improves noticeably at the thought of reasonably price drinks.
The BugBladder beast efficiently makes my drink and I'm off to the stage with change in hand. The first dancer gets on stage. My buzz from getting a cheap delicious drink from the Beast fades instantly I watch this dancer. She woodenly walks through her routine. She visibly sighs when she realizes you haven't left the stage. She oozes annoyance as she walks around the stage. There were only two people at the stage, hardly enough money to make it worth her while. But she's not doing much to get new customers to the stage. During her entire set she barely makes eye contact with anybody at the stage. She looks past you, not at you, as if she doesn't see you, you're not there. Hey, she must be the Ravenous BugBladder Dancer of Traal, a dancer so mind boggling….. Oh well, Contact the men in black, we've got aliens at the Lucky Devil. I've only paid out two bucks and I feel ripped off. I've truly become a cranky old man up past his bed time.
Rocket and Natalia are up next. In absolute stark contest to the first dancer they put on excellent performances. They draw you in a make you feel like they want you to be there. After this I head to the video lottery machine. Natalia is going to be tied up with another customer, when she's done she'll come find me.
Now that I know where to stand the Beast turns out to be a pretty good bartender. I get another drink. Not quite so cranky I head over video poker machine. I like to think I'm reasonably competent technically. I should be able to operate a video lottery machine. Not today. I put in five bucks and all the buttons go black except for one button. Despite the fact the button is label: "cash out/print voucher" I push it. The button does exactly what it says. It cashed out and printed a voucher. I've turned a five dollar bill into a paper receipt and the buttons are still black. Wow, that was fun. I invest more money into the machine and manage to learn how to operate the machine. Natalia stops by, but I'm done. Its 10:30, time to head home.
The festivities start at 9pm, I arrive a little after and the place is not very crowded. I planning on spending about an hour, More than likely Natalia will be busy, she's both strikingly beautiful and talented performer. On top of that when you talk to her you realize you're not the smartest person in the room. Normally I'll send her text to see if she will be working, but tonight I show up unexpected. I'm kind of crazy that way. I don't have that much of night life.
I say hello the Natalia and head to the bar to get a drink. There are six people at the bar when I walk up. I like to joke at the Dolphin there are "alcohol free zones" where they won't serve you drinks. These are the tables that are a bit out of the way, that tend to get ignored. At the Lucky Devil part of the bar is an alcohol free zone. I watch the bartender take care of group of customers at the other end of the bar, I watch the bartender get a drink for the guy next to me. I watch the bartender go back to the other end of the bar to wait on some customers who walked in while he was giving change to guy next to me. After helping them the bartender walks to the till and starts text messaging on his cell phone. Completely oblivious to the world and waiting patrons around him he stood texting away.
In Douglas Adam's "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" series of books he described a creature called the Ravenous Bugbladder beast of Traal. According to the book "the Ravenous Bugbladder Beast of Traal is a beast so mind bogglingly stupid that it believes that if you can't see it, it can't see you." If you wish to see one of these creatures in the wild just head to the Lucky Devil on Wednesday nights, it's tending bar. This guy sat with his back to the bar, facing the wall sending text messages. Note to Lucky Devil management, you might want to inform your wait staff that the guy standing at the bar, with the 20 dollar bill in his hand, trying to get your attention WANTS TO BUY A DRINK! Just an idea.
I watched in slack jawed amazement as the bartender stood with his back to the bar, tapping away on his cell phone that's clutched against his chest like a small child hiding a pilfered candy from his parents. Does this guy really believe that as long as he faces away from the bar nobody will notice he's sending text messages? My jaw fell even further when he finishes the text and walk down to the end bar and starts talking to a bouncer. I moved exactly three chairs further down to another open section of the bar. The beast suddenly can see me and heads over to wait on me. "What can I get for you?", "Um, the same thing I've been trying to get from you for the past ten minutes when I was standing over there". Fortunately the drinks are only $4.50, which makes the wait not quite so painful. My mood improves noticeably at the thought of reasonably price drinks.
The BugBladder beast efficiently makes my drink and I'm off to the stage with change in hand. The first dancer gets on stage. My buzz from getting a cheap delicious drink from the Beast fades instantly I watch this dancer. She woodenly walks through her routine. She visibly sighs when she realizes you haven't left the stage. She oozes annoyance as she walks around the stage. There were only two people at the stage, hardly enough money to make it worth her while. But she's not doing much to get new customers to the stage. During her entire set she barely makes eye contact with anybody at the stage. She looks past you, not at you, as if she doesn't see you, you're not there. Hey, she must be the Ravenous BugBladder Dancer of Traal, a dancer so mind boggling….. Oh well, Contact the men in black, we've got aliens at the Lucky Devil. I've only paid out two bucks and I feel ripped off. I've truly become a cranky old man up past his bed time.
Rocket and Natalia are up next. In absolute stark contest to the first dancer they put on excellent performances. They draw you in a make you feel like they want you to be there. After this I head to the video lottery machine. Natalia is going to be tied up with another customer, when she's done she'll come find me.
Now that I know where to stand the Beast turns out to be a pretty good bartender. I get another drink. Not quite so cranky I head over video poker machine. I like to think I'm reasonably competent technically. I should be able to operate a video lottery machine. Not today. I put in five bucks and all the buttons go black except for one button. Despite the fact the button is label: "cash out/print voucher" I push it. The button does exactly what it says. It cashed out and printed a voucher. I've turned a five dollar bill into a paper receipt and the buttons are still black. Wow, that was fun. I invest more money into the machine and manage to learn how to operate the machine. Natalia stops by, but I'm done. Its 10:30, time to head home.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
The Pricing Paradox
On weekend mornings I walk the mile or so to the local grocery store to get my meal for the day. The exercise helps me maintain my slim girlish figure (provided the Pillsbury dough boy has a slim girlish figure) and limits how much I buy. When you have to physically carry your food home it tends to limit your impulse buys. While walking by the local gas station something occurred to me. When I started hanging out at the Dolphin gas was $1.45 a gallon, and my favorite drink (screwdriver) costs $3.50. Typical tip at the rail was $1 dollar and a couch dance cost $20. The price of gas is now $4.00, my favorite drink costs $7.50. A Typical tip at the rail is still a dollar and the price of a couch dance is still $20. In stark contrast to the rest of the economy tipping at strip club has become a progressively better and better deal. Unfortunately this savings comes at the expense of the dancer.
It occurred to me it would really difficult to raise prices. The biggest problem is that all the pricing continuity in a club comes from the management, not the dancers. Dancers tend to come and go. It's a job not a career for most. It's to the club advantage to keep the price the same. The less the customer spends on the dancer, the more he has for drinks, gambling, and food. There is really no incentive for them to increase the price, all it would probably do is drive customers to another club. One of the D2 managers had the bright idea of raising the price to $25. The dancer would still get $20, but the club would a get a $5 dollar "couch tax" per dance. This nearly resulted in a dancer revolt. Pretty much all the girls had worked out with their regulars where they would be working next. When faced with a club with zero top girls and less regulars. The manager abandoned the plan.
For me the price increase would result in my purchasing less dances. I would still spend the same amount of money. I would just get less for my dollars. I budget my money in how much I'm going to spend as opposed to how much I'm going to get. In order to implement a price increase would require all the dancers to raise there price at once. Trying to get every dancer to agree to do one thing is like trying to herd cats. I suspect most would be afraid they would lose their customers and charge the old price. Also the $20 dollar price has a major convenience factor; it's the denomination that ATMs issue.
One dancer did raise her price to $25. She did this on her own accord. She was very professional and honest about it. When I asked her for dances she told me she charged 25 and that was her price, not the clubs and if I didn't want any it was OK. I went ahead and bought some dances from her. The way she went about handling increased price was really impressive, it's very difficult thing to raise price. However, I didn't buy any more dances from her after that. She was ending her career as a dancer. She had just completed her school and was going to go out and get a "real job". I think she had several loyal regulars and was pretty much just dancing to cover some expenses, not really looking to make a living at it.
A tiered pricing scheme would be another approach. This is the VIP room concept, Instead of just one product you have a series of products each increasing cost. The trick is to create the perception that the more expensive services are worth more. The VIP room cost more, but it's worth more. I'm not sure the current VIP experience justifies its price. A half hour is $250. A song is typically five minutes when you factor in the time it takes to switch between dancers. In a half hour you can get six dances, or $120 dollar. I don't think the current VIP experience rates more than double the price. I'm curious how many customers repeat buying VIPs. I don't think the current VIP creates that feeling. They need to throw in some swag. Give away a free pass so they customer doesn't have to pay cover next time. Cheap give away items like the use at trade show is also good. Its amazing the effect of giving somebody a ball point pen can have. One year we gave away this really clever fold up pen at a trade show. For the next two years we had people coming up and asking for more.
It's a peculiar paradox that something that perceive as expensive, strip clubs, are becoming a progressively better deal. It's kind of weird, but a couch dance or stage tip is worth exactly what you pay for it. It's purely an entertainment service. If you can create the experience where the customer feels like he's getting his money worth, you can charge what ever you want.
It occurred to me it would really difficult to raise prices. The biggest problem is that all the pricing continuity in a club comes from the management, not the dancers. Dancers tend to come and go. It's a job not a career for most. It's to the club advantage to keep the price the same. The less the customer spends on the dancer, the more he has for drinks, gambling, and food. There is really no incentive for them to increase the price, all it would probably do is drive customers to another club. One of the D2 managers had the bright idea of raising the price to $25. The dancer would still get $20, but the club would a get a $5 dollar "couch tax" per dance. This nearly resulted in a dancer revolt. Pretty much all the girls had worked out with their regulars where they would be working next. When faced with a club with zero top girls and less regulars. The manager abandoned the plan.
For me the price increase would result in my purchasing less dances. I would still spend the same amount of money. I would just get less for my dollars. I budget my money in how much I'm going to spend as opposed to how much I'm going to get. In order to implement a price increase would require all the dancers to raise there price at once. Trying to get every dancer to agree to do one thing is like trying to herd cats. I suspect most would be afraid they would lose their customers and charge the old price. Also the $20 dollar price has a major convenience factor; it's the denomination that ATMs issue.
One dancer did raise her price to $25. She did this on her own accord. She was very professional and honest about it. When I asked her for dances she told me she charged 25 and that was her price, not the clubs and if I didn't want any it was OK. I went ahead and bought some dances from her. The way she went about handling increased price was really impressive, it's very difficult thing to raise price. However, I didn't buy any more dances from her after that. She was ending her career as a dancer. She had just completed her school and was going to go out and get a "real job". I think she had several loyal regulars and was pretty much just dancing to cover some expenses, not really looking to make a living at it.
A tiered pricing scheme would be another approach. This is the VIP room concept, Instead of just one product you have a series of products each increasing cost. The trick is to create the perception that the more expensive services are worth more. The VIP room cost more, but it's worth more. I'm not sure the current VIP experience justifies its price. A half hour is $250. A song is typically five minutes when you factor in the time it takes to switch between dancers. In a half hour you can get six dances, or $120 dollar. I don't think the current VIP experience rates more than double the price. I'm curious how many customers repeat buying VIPs. I don't think the current VIP creates that feeling. They need to throw in some swag. Give away a free pass so they customer doesn't have to pay cover next time. Cheap give away items like the use at trade show is also good. Its amazing the effect of giving somebody a ball point pen can have. One year we gave away this really clever fold up pen at a trade show. For the next two years we had people coming up and asking for more.
It's a peculiar paradox that something that perceive as expensive, strip clubs, are becoming a progressively better deal. It's kind of weird, but a couch dance or stage tip is worth exactly what you pay for it. It's purely an entertainment service. If you can create the experience where the customer feels like he's getting his money worth, you can charge what ever you want.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Mine, Mine
I did something last week I've never done before in my extensive history as a strip club regular, intentionally walked out with paying a girl for some couch dances. Before you think I've descended into the dark side of the dance and dash dill weed customer, there were some extenuating circumstances. Primarily she had completely blown me off. We had done a couple dances when she called to stage. Instead of going to her rack, I waited at a table. She was at the main stage which was way too loud for me. After she had completed her set she was intercepted by another customer just as she got off stage. They headed off into the VIP section. Oh well, I figure she'll get him setup in the VIP room then stop by to tell me what's going on. I was half right. She never returned, I waited four songs before deciding to leave. I wasn't surprised that I got blown off. I was surprised that I got upset over it. I know better, but sometimes things get to me. It was later than I wanted be there, the music had gone from loud to obnoxious, and I got my precious little ego stepped on.
I supposed this is a dilemma dancers run into. Follow through with the current customer or ditch him in favor for the new more lucrative opportunity. The club was rather slow. A drunk guy walking around looking to buy a VIP isn't going to be left unattended very long. This is probably where being a nice guy doesn't work in my favor. I'm sure she thought "he'll get over it". I left club an in snarling understated snit. I'm a good customer. I'm a good guy. I've even have a blog, what could be cooler? Oh yeah, I could tip more. I got over it. I sent her a text that I'd owed her money and let me know when she was working next so I could pay her. She was working the next day. She told me that she had forgotten that we had done dances. It was a nice lie. She isn't the type that forgets to collect money.
The floor of a strip club is a sales management nightmare. At any time you can have multiple customers waiting for one dancer, while other times you have dancers competing for one customer. Throw in some alcohol to liven to really things up.
The most dancers will "mark their territory" when sitting with a customer. They'll leave their drink usually, some will leave an article of clothing, and, unfortunately their purse on occasion. It always amazes me when it's completely obvious somebody is sitting with me and yet a poacher will walk up and ask if I'm sitting alone. Yes I'm by myself, the bar is having a buy one, get one free drink sale and do you think this Hello Kitty purse matches my shoes? The problem is when the dancer takes off and starts something else. It's implied if she's leaving her drink she is going to come back. You are in a bit moral quandary of deciding how long to wait. You don't want to be a jerk and immediately bail on her, but you don't want to get stuck waiting all night. I'll wait a certain number of songs and if she's not back, I'll leave. I'd rather do that than risk getting into a turf war if another dancer sits down.
Some dancers will get very possessive. I have had dancers sit down next to me quivering with rage over the fact that somebody is sitting with "their" regular. I've never been able to sort out this situation. I've adopted a strategy to avoid it. I'll reveal a little secret of mine. tend to become a regular for dancers who are friends with dancers I currently know. I listen very closely to how dancers talk about each other. If I get dances from a girl it’s because I've heard good things about her from the other dancers. Also dancers who are friends are more willing to sit down and work with each other. Unfortunately dancer's alliances tend to change at mercurial rates. One week they are inseparable, next week mortal enemies.
Perhaps what is more amazing to me is when dancers become possessive of a song. They have certain song/outfit combination that they feel they have the copyright to. The first time I ran into this I was actually getting a couch dance. The song had just started when the dancer suddenly jumped back and whirled around to look at the DJ booth. She actually had a hand full of my shirt bunched up in her fist. It was sudden enough move that the bouncer quickly came over to see if there was a problem. "I can't believe that he is playing that song for that bitch, I always dance to song!" she snarled. The bouncer rolled his eyes "Um, You'll have to take that up the DJ" and quickly headed off to anther part of the bar.
I supposed this is a dilemma dancers run into. Follow through with the current customer or ditch him in favor for the new more lucrative opportunity. The club was rather slow. A drunk guy walking around looking to buy a VIP isn't going to be left unattended very long. This is probably where being a nice guy doesn't work in my favor. I'm sure she thought "he'll get over it". I left club an in snarling understated snit. I'm a good customer. I'm a good guy. I've even have a blog, what could be cooler? Oh yeah, I could tip more. I got over it. I sent her a text that I'd owed her money and let me know when she was working next so I could pay her. She was working the next day. She told me that she had forgotten that we had done dances. It was a nice lie. She isn't the type that forgets to collect money.
The floor of a strip club is a sales management nightmare. At any time you can have multiple customers waiting for one dancer, while other times you have dancers competing for one customer. Throw in some alcohol to liven to really things up.
The most dancers will "mark their territory" when sitting with a customer. They'll leave their drink usually, some will leave an article of clothing, and, unfortunately their purse on occasion. It always amazes me when it's completely obvious somebody is sitting with me and yet a poacher will walk up and ask if I'm sitting alone. Yes I'm by myself, the bar is having a buy one, get one free drink sale and do you think this Hello Kitty purse matches my shoes? The problem is when the dancer takes off and starts something else. It's implied if she's leaving her drink she is going to come back. You are in a bit moral quandary of deciding how long to wait. You don't want to be a jerk and immediately bail on her, but you don't want to get stuck waiting all night. I'll wait a certain number of songs and if she's not back, I'll leave. I'd rather do that than risk getting into a turf war if another dancer sits down.
Some dancers will get very possessive. I have had dancers sit down next to me quivering with rage over the fact that somebody is sitting with "their" regular. I've never been able to sort out this situation. I've adopted a strategy to avoid it. I'll reveal a little secret of mine. tend to become a regular for dancers who are friends with dancers I currently know. I listen very closely to how dancers talk about each other. If I get dances from a girl it’s because I've heard good things about her from the other dancers. Also dancers who are friends are more willing to sit down and work with each other. Unfortunately dancer's alliances tend to change at mercurial rates. One week they are inseparable, next week mortal enemies.
Perhaps what is more amazing to me is when dancers become possessive of a song. They have certain song/outfit combination that they feel they have the copyright to. The first time I ran into this I was actually getting a couch dance. The song had just started when the dancer suddenly jumped back and whirled around to look at the DJ booth. She actually had a hand full of my shirt bunched up in her fist. It was sudden enough move that the bouncer quickly came over to see if there was a problem. "I can't believe that he is playing that song for that bitch, I always dance to song!" she snarled. The bouncer rolled his eyes "Um, You'll have to take that up the DJ" and quickly headed off to anther part of the bar.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Worse proof reader, ever
It does seem rather hypocritical for me to make fun of a typo in the Dolphin MNO blog when my posts are riddled with assorted grammatical errors. I've written twenty three blog posts so far, despite my best efforts I constantly find new errors in my blog posts. For the technically curious you can review my past posts by clicking on the "view all blog entries" link on the main page, then click on the "older" link on the blog archive control on the left hand side, a little bit below my picture
This is mostly a result of they way I write. Very seldom can I sit down and create a complete entry. My first pass is usually a rough collection of ideas, nothing that resembles the English language, just sort of semi-related gibberish. I just hammer things out until I get everything I want down. After multiple passes I eventually get the words to resemble something like coherent thought. I've probably rewritten the blog about five times by the time it gets to this point.
One thing I really hate about Microsoft Word is that it highlights every error with a squiggly underline. When I complete my first draft it usually looks like a topographical map of the Grand Canyon. Granted my first pass barely passes for English, but does it have to point out everything?
Despite this it's still riddled with grammatical errors. I usual leave out words. Maybe I should use a crayon. To try and maintain the perception of literacy I'm going to be going back and editing some of my blogs.
This is mostly a result of they way I write. Very seldom can I sit down and create a complete entry. My first pass is usually a rough collection of ideas, nothing that resembles the English language, just sort of semi-related gibberish. I just hammer things out until I get everything I want down. After multiple passes I eventually get the words to resemble something like coherent thought. I've probably rewritten the blog about five times by the time it gets to this point.
One thing I really hate about Microsoft Word is that it highlights every error with a squiggly underline. When I complete my first draft it usually looks like a topographical map of the Grand Canyon. Granted my first pass barely passes for English, but does it have to point out everything?
Despite this it's still riddled with grammatical errors. I usual leave out words. Maybe I should use a crayon. To try and maintain the perception of literacy I'm going to be going back and editing some of my blogs.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Twitter me this, Batman
The following is a completely irreverent rewrite of the rules posted on the Dolphin Clubs MySpace page. It's not meant to be fair or accurate. It's just me poking a little fun at something. You may want to go read the Dolphin blog.
What is the Miss Nude Oregon Contest?
Miss Nude Oregon is the only highest exotic entertainer title in the state. (The previous sentence was cribbed directly from the Dolphin MySpace page blog). This contest is preformed at a greater elevation than any other contest of its type. Should any other contest occur at a greater altitude the contest shall be renamed the Miss Nude Oregon Skydiving Contest, where contestants will have perform a theme set while jumping out of an airplane.
Why do Dolphin girls always seem to win the crown?
The contest is open to all entertainers living in the state of Oregon. Unless they are living in Washington. So, it’s open to all entertainers in Oregon and Washington, The Dolphins girls spend three to four months preparing for the contest which give them a major advantage. The fact that the contest takes place in the Dolphin Clubs, the winner will appear in magazine ads for the Dolphin clubs, or that some of the judges sell alcohol to the Dolphins clubs have nothing to do with the out come.
The Title
The title is owned by somebody else, permission to use the title in any advertising must be obtained by the owner of the title. Fortunately this blog is not an advertisement, but I will freely admit to be willing to fold like a cheap tent and pull the blog should I receive anything that looks like a cease and desist order.
Criteria
The contestant must participate in two of the three events, unless the find it too inconvenient, in which case they only need to show up for the finals. The contestants will be judges on the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, unless they perform to Spinal Tap, in which case 11 is allowable. (Any dancer willing to get up and perform to 'big bottom' should win by default):
Theme set performance
Axe throwing (This will come in handy during the tie breaker)
Clog dancing
Elegance
Another vague attribute like elegance that I can't think of right now
Car repair
Sheep shearing
The judges
In order to insure complete fairness the judges will be kidnapped at random from an Amish community and flown in one day prior to the contest. They will blind folded and locked in a room until just before the first contestant takes the stage.
The Ballots
The ballots will be collected and tallied in front of the judges, the event organizers, the title owner and club managers. None of which of any bias or affiliation the Dolphin clubs (oops, was I using my out loud voice?)
A Tie
Should three judges scoring seven categories on a scale one to ten come up with the exact same score for two or more contestants a tie breaker will be invoked. The tie breaker will consist of a cage death match. The cage death match will take place in three segments. The first segment will be the blunt object round. Contestants will be allow to take a single blunt object from their outfit bag, such as a hair flat iron, perfume bottle, hair dryer, vibrator, etc. They will then beat each other senseless for three minutes. Those left standing will progress to the second, sharp object round. They will select between a machete, axe, or bailing hook and resume combat. The third and final round will be the Mossberg Shotgun round. The last dancer standing will be crowned the winner.
The Winner
The winner must be available for shows, signings, radio/TV appearances, Bar Mitzvahs, car washes, photo shoots, shifts where there aren't enough girls, and building maintenance.
Elimination
The contestant can be eliminated for the following reasons:
Disregarding house rules (what rules that happened to be enforced at the time)
Working for another club (did I use my out loud voice again?)
Illegal parking
Jay Walking
Bailing on a bar tab
Failure to pay stage fees
Revoking the crown
Somebody else owns the crown, you don't. Don't mess up, capiche?
What is the Miss Nude Oregon Contest?
Miss Nude Oregon is the only highest exotic entertainer title in the state. (The previous sentence was cribbed directly from the Dolphin MySpace page blog). This contest is preformed at a greater elevation than any other contest of its type. Should any other contest occur at a greater altitude the contest shall be renamed the Miss Nude Oregon Skydiving Contest, where contestants will have perform a theme set while jumping out of an airplane.
Why do Dolphin girls always seem to win the crown?
The contest is open to all entertainers living in the state of Oregon. Unless they are living in Washington. So, it’s open to all entertainers in Oregon and Washington, The Dolphins girls spend three to four months preparing for the contest which give them a major advantage. The fact that the contest takes place in the Dolphin Clubs, the winner will appear in magazine ads for the Dolphin clubs, or that some of the judges sell alcohol to the Dolphins clubs have nothing to do with the out come.
The Title
The title is owned by somebody else, permission to use the title in any advertising must be obtained by the owner of the title. Fortunately this blog is not an advertisement, but I will freely admit to be willing to fold like a cheap tent and pull the blog should I receive anything that looks like a cease and desist order.
Criteria
The contestant must participate in two of the three events, unless the find it too inconvenient, in which case they only need to show up for the finals. The contestants will be judges on the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, unless they perform to Spinal Tap, in which case 11 is allowable. (Any dancer willing to get up and perform to 'big bottom' should win by default):
Theme set performance
Axe throwing (This will come in handy during the tie breaker)
Clog dancing
Elegance
Another vague attribute like elegance that I can't think of right now
Car repair
Sheep shearing
The judges
In order to insure complete fairness the judges will be kidnapped at random from an Amish community and flown in one day prior to the contest. They will blind folded and locked in a room until just before the first contestant takes the stage.
The Ballots
The ballots will be collected and tallied in front of the judges, the event organizers, the title owner and club managers. None of which of any bias or affiliation the Dolphin clubs (oops, was I using my out loud voice?)
A Tie
Should three judges scoring seven categories on a scale one to ten come up with the exact same score for two or more contestants a tie breaker will be invoked. The tie breaker will consist of a cage death match. The cage death match will take place in three segments. The first segment will be the blunt object round. Contestants will be allow to take a single blunt object from their outfit bag, such as a hair flat iron, perfume bottle, hair dryer, vibrator, etc. They will then beat each other senseless for three minutes. Those left standing will progress to the second, sharp object round. They will select between a machete, axe, or bailing hook and resume combat. The third and final round will be the Mossberg Shotgun round. The last dancer standing will be crowned the winner.
The Winner
The winner must be available for shows, signings, radio/TV appearances, Bar Mitzvahs, car washes, photo shoots, shifts where there aren't enough girls, and building maintenance.
Elimination
The contestant can be eliminated for the following reasons:
Disregarding house rules (what rules that happened to be enforced at the time)
Working for another club (did I use my out loud voice again?)
Illegal parking
Jay Walking
Bailing on a bar tab
Failure to pay stage fees
Revoking the crown
Somebody else owns the crown, you don't. Don't mess up, capiche?
Friday, July 4, 2008
MNO Rules version 2.0
The following is a completely irreverent rewrite of the rules posted on the Dolphin Clubs MySpace page. It's not meant to be fair or accurate. It's just me poking a little fun at something. You may want to go read the Dolphin blog.
What is the Miss Nude Oregon Contest?
Miss Nude Oregon is the only highest exotic entertainer title in the state. (The previous sentence was cribbed directly from the Dolphin MySpace page blog). This contest is preformed at a greater elevation than any other contest of its type. Should any other contest occur at a greater altitude the contest shall be renamed the Miss Nude Oregon Skydiving Contest, where contestants will have perform a theme set while jumping out of an airplane.
Why do Dolphin girls always seem to win the crown?
The contest is open to all entertainers living in the state of Oregon. Unless they are living in Washington. So, it’s open to all entertainers in Oregon and Washington, The Dolphins girls spend three to four months preparing for the contest which give them a major advantage. The fact that the contest takes place in the Dolphin Clubs, the winner will appear in magazine ads for the Dolphin clubs, or that some of the judges sell alcohol to the Dolphins clubs have nothing to do with the out come.
The Title
The title is owned by somebody else, permission to use the title in any advertising must be obtained by the owner of the title. Fortunately this blog is not an advertisement, but I will freely admit to be willing to fold like a cheap tent and pull the blog should I receive anything that looks like a cease and desist order.
Criteria
The contestant must participate in two of the three events, unless the find it too inconvenient, in which case they only need to show up for the finals. The contestants will be judges on the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, unless they perform to Spinal Tap, in which case 11 is allowable. (Any dancer willing to get up and perform to 'big bottom' should win by default):
Theme set performance
Axe throwing (This will come in handy during the tie breaker)
Clog dancing
Elegance
Another vague attribute like elegance that I can't think of right now
Car repair
Sheep shearing
The judges
In order to insure complete fairness the judges will be kidnapped at random from an Amish community and flown in one day prior to the contest. They will blind folded and locked in a room until just before the first contestant takes the stage.
The Ballots
The ballots will be collected and tallied in front of the judges, the event organizers, the title owner and club managers. None of which of any bias or affiliation the Dolphin clubs (oops, was I using my out loud voice?)
A Tie
Should three judges scoring seven categories on a scale one to ten come up with the exact same score for two or more contestants a tie breaker will be invoked. The tie breaker will consist of a cage death match. The cage death match will take place in three segments. The first segment will be the blunt object round. Contestants will be allow to take a single blunt object from their outfit bag, such as a hair flat iron, perfume bottle, hair dryer, vibrator, etc. They will then beat each other senseless for three minutes. Those left standing will progress to the second, sharp object round. They will select between a machete, axe, or bailing hook and resume combat. The third and final round will be the Mossberg Shotgun round. The last dancer standing will be crowned the winner.
The Winner
The winner must be available for shows, signings, radio/TV appearances, Bar Mitzvahs, car washes, photo shoots, shifts where there aren't enough girls, and building maintenance.
Elimination
The contestant can be eliminated for the following reasons:
Disregarding house rules (what rules that happened to be enforced at the time)
Working for another club (did I use my out loud voice again?)
Illegal parking
Jay Walking
Bailing on a bar tab
Failure to pay stage fees
Revoking the crown
Somebody else owns the crown, you don't. Don't mess up, capiche?
What is the Miss Nude Oregon Contest?
Miss Nude Oregon is the only highest exotic entertainer title in the state. (The previous sentence was cribbed directly from the Dolphin MySpace page blog). This contest is preformed at a greater elevation than any other contest of its type. Should any other contest occur at a greater altitude the contest shall be renamed the Miss Nude Oregon Skydiving Contest, where contestants will have perform a theme set while jumping out of an airplane.
Why do Dolphin girls always seem to win the crown?
The contest is open to all entertainers living in the state of Oregon. Unless they are living in Washington. So, it’s open to all entertainers in Oregon and Washington, The Dolphins girls spend three to four months preparing for the contest which give them a major advantage. The fact that the contest takes place in the Dolphin Clubs, the winner will appear in magazine ads for the Dolphin clubs, or that some of the judges sell alcohol to the Dolphins clubs have nothing to do with the out come.
The Title
The title is owned by somebody else, permission to use the title in any advertising must be obtained by the owner of the title. Fortunately this blog is not an advertisement, but I will freely admit to be willing to fold like a cheap tent and pull the blog should I receive anything that looks like a cease and desist order.
Criteria
The contestant must participate in two of the three events, unless the find it too inconvenient, in which case they only need to show up for the finals. The contestants will be judges on the following criteria on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, unless they perform to Spinal Tap, in which case 11 is allowable. (Any dancer willing to get up and perform to 'big bottom' should win by default):
Theme set performance
Axe throwing (This will come in handy during the tie breaker)
Clog dancing
Elegance
Another vague attribute like elegance that I can't think of right now
Car repair
Sheep shearing
The judges
In order to insure complete fairness the judges will be kidnapped at random from an Amish community and flown in one day prior to the contest. They will blind folded and locked in a room until just before the first contestant takes the stage.
The Ballots
The ballots will be collected and tallied in front of the judges, the event organizers, the title owner and club managers. None of which of any bias or affiliation the Dolphin clubs (oops, was I using my out loud voice?)
A Tie
Should three judges scoring seven categories on a scale one to ten come up with the exact same score for two or more contestants a tie breaker will be invoked. The tie breaker will consist of a cage death match. The cage death match will take place in three segments. The first segment will be the blunt object round. Contestants will be allow to take a single blunt object from their outfit bag, such as a hair flat iron, perfume bottle, hair dryer, vibrator, etc. They will then beat each other senseless for three minutes. Those left standing will progress to the second, sharp object round. They will select between a machete, axe, or bailing hook and resume combat. The third and final round will be the Mossberg Shotgun round. The last dancer standing will be crowned the winner.
The Winner
The winner must be available for shows, signings, radio/TV appearances, Bar Mitzvahs, car washes, photo shoots, shifts where there aren't enough girls, and building maintenance.
Elimination
The contestant can be eliminated for the following reasons:
Disregarding house rules (what rules that happened to be enforced at the time)
Working for another club (did I use my out loud voice again?)
Illegal parking
Jay Walking
Bailing on a bar tab
Failure to pay stage fees
Revoking the crown
Somebody else owns the crown, you don't. Don't mess up, capiche?
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I'm an idiot and i've got the paper to prove it
For somebody who bitches a lot about the Dolphin clubs, I seem to spend a lot of time there. I have to admit I met some amazing people who work at the D1 and D2. In the PDX blackbook profile one of the questions you get asked is what is the weirdest thing you've seen at a strip club? Me? Getting carried out the back on a stretcher is the weirdest thing I've seen and experienced.
Several years ago I had a really busy Saturday, Outside of some coffee for breakfast I didn't eat anything all day. This isn't something too weird for me, I'm a creature of habit. When its time to eat I'm hungry, when it isn't I'm not. I can go to bed starving to death and wake up not feeling hungry at all. Important safety tip, you can do this when you are young. When you get in to your 40s, eat something.
I went in to D1 to see one of my favorite dancers. This dancer is a bit notorious for being late. She doesn't move in straight lines. I sat at a table for a bit. After having one drink and started to feel bad, a bit nauseas. I got up and headed over to the video game machine. You know you've been at club too long when you like playing the games there. While sitting at the game I had another drink. Still wasn't feeling well. After about a half hour of playing games I about ready to call it an evening when my favorite dancer finally made it over to me. We chatted for a little bit. I remember getting up from the game to give a hug good bye.
The next thing I remember is somebody shaking me and call my name. It was one of those unreal moments when reality seems to have shattered into little pieces and you can only grasp little fragments of it. My first thought was "why were all these people in my bed room" Then my situation began take shape in my mind and reality began to intrude on me. I was crumpled along the bar like a rag doll. I had fainted. I slowly sat up with help from the bouncer. I started taking inventory of all my extremities, making sure everything was still where it should be. Fortunately I hit a couple bar stools on my way down. While this left a couple of nasty bruises, bouncing off the bar stools slowed down my fall preventing me from really hurting my self.
With help I was led back to the kitchen. If you asked me I would have told you I was OK, if I was a boxer they would have given me a standing eight count. The staff sat me down and called the paramedics. I nearly faded a couple times sitting there. I'm not sure if it was just timing, or if it really made a difference but somebody threw a cold towel over my neck. This brought me back, instantly. Everything snapped together and the full realization hammered me. A series of emotions swept over me, first relief that I was OK, then embarrassment, then fear. I've never fainted before, why now?
The paramedics arrived and began to attend to the situation. One started taking all my vital signs, the other questioned the waitress who had been serving me. I think they were expecting for find a really drunk guy at a bar on a Saturday night (imagine that). I could hear the paramedic repeatedly asking the waitress "how many drinks did I have She replied two. The other paramedic started questioning me about how much I had to drink, and also started asking me some background information. I've always had a really good memory for numbers. When I was able to tell the paramedic, my SSN, my driver's license number, and AMEX number (they had my wallet) without error. They were first surprised, then suddenly much more serious. My satisfaction of proving I wasn't drunk quickly evaporated when they started asking questions like "are your fingers or toes tingling?", "do you feel any pressure on your chest?", "Can you move your fingers on your left and right hands.?" Did I just have a stroke or heart attack? They began a much more serious evaluation of me. They asked if they could take me to the hospital. That seemed like a really good idea. Very quickly I was carted off and in the back of an ambulance.
The ride the hospital was really disorienting. The ambulance is completely enclosed. I'm flat on my back. I felt we were driving in circles. I then got asked (at least from my point of view) one of the stupidest questions ever. One of the paramedics asked me "Do you think you need an IV?" Let's see, I'm an electronic engineer who less than an hour ago dented a bar stool with his skull. Obviously I should be making medical decisions. Let's see, if it will keep me alive, STICK THE IV IN MY GOD DAMN ARM! I know, lets play Cash Cab and do a triage street shout out, we'll pull over and ask a complete stranger "excuse me sir, do you think we should give the patient an IV or amputate his head?" With all the rage an electronic engineer who is strapped to a gurney can muster I whimpered "Sure, if you think it a good idea."
I was rolled into the emergency room (IV attached). In a blur of people and activity I was wired up, measured and evaluated. The Doctor look at the results, everything seemed to be OK, he decided to take readings for an hour and check back later. And in a flash everybody was gone, and I was alone in a room. That was probably the most frightening, lonely moment. Now what? The patient monitoring machine whirred quietly next to me. It was made by GE Medical. GE Medical buys product from the company I work for. Not only that, about four years a go I had some a little work with GE Medical to help qualify that model with the FDA for use as a medical device. Now it was monitoring my health. A weird karmic moment, but it made me feel a lot better than some of my work is used to help people (Especially me) I nurse walked by a mentioned that my friend was waiting in the lobby. Huh? She must be mistaken.
I began to sort out what I was going to do. It looked like I was going to survive the night. I wasn't thrilled at the thought of taking a cab back to my car (still parked at the Dolphin) but that seemed like the best option. Having your family pick you up at an emergency room after being hauled out of a strip club is the kind of thing you'll be explaining for the rest of your life. I was trying to calculate how much cab far would be back to my car. Kind of difficult when you don't know where you are. It was at this moment when had I another surrealistic moment, my favorite dancer walked into the room. She had followed the ambulance to the hospital, had been keeping track of me the entire time. The staff finally let her back to see me. I don't think I've had such feeling of warmth and relief than to know that I wasn't alone and somebody was there.
I read in Scientific American that the human brain can only relate to a relatively limited number of people as individuals. The brain will put them into groups to simplify its task. It will pick a major trait such as race, age, religion, or profession to predetermine how you will expect them to act. I'm no different. I've had enough negative dealings with dancers to assume the worst. The all dancers we're fundamentally greedy individuals. All the prejudices I that had about dancers was shattered at the point. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for her to wave good bye as I put in the ambulance. Late Saturday night is prime time for making money, yet she took off to make sure some goof ball was OK. It's one thing to be concerned, it is something else to do something about it. I'm a very lucky person to know somebody like her.
After getting my head x-rayed, and few further tests run I was given some medication: A ham sandwich from the break room snack machine. My blood sugar had fallen from lack of intake. After the being processed and released I noticed that one of the documents given was a one page sheet describing what had happen and recommended treatment. The recommended treatment? Eat regular meals. I'm an idiot and I've got the paper to prove it. But I'm a lucky idiot with some really good friends.
Several years ago I had a really busy Saturday, Outside of some coffee for breakfast I didn't eat anything all day. This isn't something too weird for me, I'm a creature of habit. When its time to eat I'm hungry, when it isn't I'm not. I can go to bed starving to death and wake up not feeling hungry at all. Important safety tip, you can do this when you are young. When you get in to your 40s, eat something.
I went in to D1 to see one of my favorite dancers. This dancer is a bit notorious for being late. She doesn't move in straight lines. I sat at a table for a bit. After having one drink and started to feel bad, a bit nauseas. I got up and headed over to the video game machine. You know you've been at club too long when you like playing the games there. While sitting at the game I had another drink. Still wasn't feeling well. After about a half hour of playing games I about ready to call it an evening when my favorite dancer finally made it over to me. We chatted for a little bit. I remember getting up from the game to give a hug good bye.
The next thing I remember is somebody shaking me and call my name. It was one of those unreal moments when reality seems to have shattered into little pieces and you can only grasp little fragments of it. My first thought was "why were all these people in my bed room" Then my situation began take shape in my mind and reality began to intrude on me. I was crumpled along the bar like a rag doll. I had fainted. I slowly sat up with help from the bouncer. I started taking inventory of all my extremities, making sure everything was still where it should be. Fortunately I hit a couple bar stools on my way down. While this left a couple of nasty bruises, bouncing off the bar stools slowed down my fall preventing me from really hurting my self.
With help I was led back to the kitchen. If you asked me I would have told you I was OK, if I was a boxer they would have given me a standing eight count. The staff sat me down and called the paramedics. I nearly faded a couple times sitting there. I'm not sure if it was just timing, or if it really made a difference but somebody threw a cold towel over my neck. This brought me back, instantly. Everything snapped together and the full realization hammered me. A series of emotions swept over me, first relief that I was OK, then embarrassment, then fear. I've never fainted before, why now?
The paramedics arrived and began to attend to the situation. One started taking all my vital signs, the other questioned the waitress who had been serving me. I think they were expecting for find a really drunk guy at a bar on a Saturday night (imagine that). I could hear the paramedic repeatedly asking the waitress "how many drinks did I have She replied two. The other paramedic started questioning me about how much I had to drink, and also started asking me some background information. I've always had a really good memory for numbers. When I was able to tell the paramedic, my SSN, my driver's license number, and AMEX number (they had my wallet) without error. They were first surprised, then suddenly much more serious. My satisfaction of proving I wasn't drunk quickly evaporated when they started asking questions like "are your fingers or toes tingling?", "do you feel any pressure on your chest?", "Can you move your fingers on your left and right hands.?" Did I just have a stroke or heart attack? They began a much more serious evaluation of me. They asked if they could take me to the hospital. That seemed like a really good idea. Very quickly I was carted off and in the back of an ambulance.
The ride the hospital was really disorienting. The ambulance is completely enclosed. I'm flat on my back. I felt we were driving in circles. I then got asked (at least from my point of view) one of the stupidest questions ever. One of the paramedics asked me "Do you think you need an IV?" Let's see, I'm an electronic engineer who less than an hour ago dented a bar stool with his skull. Obviously I should be making medical decisions. Let's see, if it will keep me alive, STICK THE IV IN MY GOD DAMN ARM! I know, lets play Cash Cab and do a triage street shout out, we'll pull over and ask a complete stranger "excuse me sir, do you think we should give the patient an IV or amputate his head?" With all the rage an electronic engineer who is strapped to a gurney can muster I whimpered "Sure, if you think it a good idea."
I was rolled into the emergency room (IV attached). In a blur of people and activity I was wired up, measured and evaluated. The Doctor look at the results, everything seemed to be OK, he decided to take readings for an hour and check back later. And in a flash everybody was gone, and I was alone in a room. That was probably the most frightening, lonely moment. Now what? The patient monitoring machine whirred quietly next to me. It was made by GE Medical. GE Medical buys product from the company I work for. Not only that, about four years a go I had some a little work with GE Medical to help qualify that model with the FDA for use as a medical device. Now it was monitoring my health. A weird karmic moment, but it made me feel a lot better than some of my work is used to help people (Especially me) I nurse walked by a mentioned that my friend was waiting in the lobby. Huh? She must be mistaken.
I began to sort out what I was going to do. It looked like I was going to survive the night. I wasn't thrilled at the thought of taking a cab back to my car (still parked at the Dolphin) but that seemed like the best option. Having your family pick you up at an emergency room after being hauled out of a strip club is the kind of thing you'll be explaining for the rest of your life. I was trying to calculate how much cab far would be back to my car. Kind of difficult when you don't know where you are. It was at this moment when had I another surrealistic moment, my favorite dancer walked into the room. She had followed the ambulance to the hospital, had been keeping track of me the entire time. The staff finally let her back to see me. I don't think I've had such feeling of warmth and relief than to know that I wasn't alone and somebody was there.
I read in Scientific American that the human brain can only relate to a relatively limited number of people as individuals. The brain will put them into groups to simplify its task. It will pick a major trait such as race, age, religion, or profession to predetermine how you will expect them to act. I'm no different. I've had enough negative dealings with dancers to assume the worst. The all dancers we're fundamentally greedy individuals. All the prejudices I that had about dancers was shattered at the point. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for her to wave good bye as I put in the ambulance. Late Saturday night is prime time for making money, yet she took off to make sure some goof ball was OK. It's one thing to be concerned, it is something else to do something about it. I'm a very lucky person to know somebody like her.
After getting my head x-rayed, and few further tests run I was given some medication: A ham sandwich from the break room snack machine. My blood sugar had fallen from lack of intake. After the being processed and released I noticed that one of the documents given was a one page sheet describing what had happen and recommended treatment. The recommended treatment? Eat regular meals. I'm an idiot and I've got the paper to prove it. But I'm a lucky idiot with some really good friends.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Oh No, it's MNO
(Note: There are some errors on the following blog posting. While I'll leave the original comments in I'll note the errors. My apologies for the mistakes. My goal of the blog was to comment on the buzz and rumors around the contest. Please read Natalia's comments for more detailed corrections. Sorry again, Todd)
I have a little different perspective of the Miss Nude Oregon contest. I don't really to attend the actual events. They are way too loud and crowded. Part of my jobs is to build exhibits for trade show. While I really don't care too much who wins I really like the planning and ideas dancers come up with for the contest. I'm going to depart from my normal policy of mentioning names, since everybody already knows who is involved.
On your mark, get set…
Early on in the contest there were three front runners most people were talking about. Nadya was name I heard the most. She is a statuesque blond, who probably has the most stunning physical presence of any contestants. Autumn was also mentioned. She is both athletic and graceful. She has always been one of my favorite dancers to watch. She has one skill that most dancers don't have. A typical dancer has a repertoire moves they use on stage. You can see them pause and decide which move use during the set. Autumn could go from move to move with seamless elegance. Jewel was the third. She is also very athletic and is rather daring in some of her performance moves.
When you are in a race the best view is always from the front
After the first preliminaries Nadya quickly became the odds on favorite. She generated all of the buzz. What she managed to do was make her performance the main event of the evening. In a public contest, this is critical. People tend to get caught in the flow. This is where perception becomes reality. Two years ago I did a trade show where the company I worked for introduced a 108" LCD TV. This thing was completely impractical as an actual product. You needed a forklift to move it, it ran off three phase 220V, and it cost more than a Lexus LS460. Worse yet, the actual picture quality was OK, but not really all that impressive. But it was one big, bright media magnet. Everybody wanted to see it. Nadya had this in spades. I've never seen her perform, but I thought about heading to D1 to see what everybody was talking about. Most of the conversations were about who would get second and third.
Iceberg dead ahead
At the semi finals Nadya showed up wearing a sash with "Nadya Miss Nude Oregon 2008" printed on it. (Correction: Should read: Nadya for Miss Nude Oregon 2008)I think his is where she lost the contest. The sash, the tiara, and trophy are all symbols people expect to be awarded to the winner. Not purchased by a contestant. This instantly alienated a lot of people. Being the front runner was definitely a drawback here. When you are in the spot light, everything gets amplified. Especially your mistakes. The buzz went from she should win to what an ego. It also creates another problem with credibility. I don't believe the contest is overtly rigged. It's pretty much a lock that a Dolphin dancer is going to win it, but I doubt there is a back room conspiracy to pick which Dolphin girl will win in advance. If a dancer shows up at a prelim with the victory sash it's like printing her name on the trophy and putting on the bar two week before the contest. It looks more than a little suspicious when a contestant arrives with their own prizes.
To be completely candid this is a popularity contest. And it's not how popular you are with the crowd, it's how popular you are with the judges. If you want to win this contest you need to find out what is important to them. Putting them in a position where they might look bad will kill you every time. From what I've been told, Nadya didn't much of a theme associated with her performance. (Correction: Please read the following comments for a more accurate review of her performance)This again puts the judges in a position of looking like they are false. If you've already won why put in the effort on a theme.
Life goes on
I think if she had shown a little humility Nadya would have won this hands down. It doesn't take that much to tick people off. Maybe next time they can have the stripper boxing going on at the same time as the MNO contest. That would get the some good matches going. It would be easier on the fixtures at least. Mirrors are expensive.
I have a little different perspective of the Miss Nude Oregon contest. I don't really to attend the actual events. They are way too loud and crowded. Part of my jobs is to build exhibits for trade show. While I really don't care too much who wins I really like the planning and ideas dancers come up with for the contest. I'm going to depart from my normal policy of mentioning names, since everybody already knows who is involved.
On your mark, get set…
Early on in the contest there were three front runners most people were talking about. Nadya was name I heard the most. She is a statuesque blond, who probably has the most stunning physical presence of any contestants. Autumn was also mentioned. She is both athletic and graceful. She has always been one of my favorite dancers to watch. She has one skill that most dancers don't have. A typical dancer has a repertoire moves they use on stage. You can see them pause and decide which move use during the set. Autumn could go from move to move with seamless elegance. Jewel was the third. She is also very athletic and is rather daring in some of her performance moves.
When you are in a race the best view is always from the front
After the first preliminaries Nadya quickly became the odds on favorite. She generated all of the buzz. What she managed to do was make her performance the main event of the evening. In a public contest, this is critical. People tend to get caught in the flow. This is where perception becomes reality. Two years ago I did a trade show where the company I worked for introduced a 108" LCD TV. This thing was completely impractical as an actual product. You needed a forklift to move it, it ran off three phase 220V, and it cost more than a Lexus LS460. Worse yet, the actual picture quality was OK, but not really all that impressive. But it was one big, bright media magnet. Everybody wanted to see it. Nadya had this in spades. I've never seen her perform, but I thought about heading to D1 to see what everybody was talking about. Most of the conversations were about who would get second and third.
Iceberg dead ahead
At the semi finals Nadya showed up wearing a sash with "Nadya Miss Nude Oregon 2008" printed on it. (Correction: Should read: Nadya for Miss Nude Oregon 2008)I think his is where she lost the contest. The sash, the tiara, and trophy are all symbols people expect to be awarded to the winner. Not purchased by a contestant. This instantly alienated a lot of people. Being the front runner was definitely a drawback here. When you are in the spot light, everything gets amplified. Especially your mistakes. The buzz went from she should win to what an ego. It also creates another problem with credibility. I don't believe the contest is overtly rigged. It's pretty much a lock that a Dolphin dancer is going to win it, but I doubt there is a back room conspiracy to pick which Dolphin girl will win in advance. If a dancer shows up at a prelim with the victory sash it's like printing her name on the trophy and putting on the bar two week before the contest. It looks more than a little suspicious when a contestant arrives with their own prizes.
To be completely candid this is a popularity contest. And it's not how popular you are with the crowd, it's how popular you are with the judges. If you want to win this contest you need to find out what is important to them. Putting them in a position where they might look bad will kill you every time. From what I've been told, Nadya didn't much of a theme associated with her performance. (Correction: Please read the following comments for a more accurate review of her performance)This again puts the judges in a position of looking like they are false. If you've already won why put in the effort on a theme.
Life goes on
I think if she had shown a little humility Nadya would have won this hands down. It doesn't take that much to tick people off. Maybe next time they can have the stripper boxing going on at the same time as the MNO contest. That would get the some good matches going. It would be easier on the fixtures at least. Mirrors are expensive.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
If I ruled the world
It's really easy to sit back and criticize something. I've taken some shots at the club management. I'd like to think they are well founded criticisms, I but I know damn well things happen for reason. Things that look stupid to me may make sense if I knew all of the details. What would I change if I were in charge?
Let people wear their baseball caps backwards
Just recently I watched a bouncer politely ask a customer to turn his baseball cap around. It made me think (always a risky thing) not to long ago I was at a trade show, I spent forty five minutes in a conversation about improved OLED readability in high ambient light condition when applied to cockpit avionics with the addition of circular polarization. Which is a complicated way of saying can you see the stupid thing in daylight. This astonishingly dry conversation was with five other engineers and physicists. Two of which we're wearing their baseball caps backwards. At 46 I was the youngest person there. This weekend I was watching a cartoon in which bugs bunny was wearing his baseball cap backwards. Middle aged techno-geeks are wearing baseball caps backwards, Saturday morning cartoon characters wear their baseball caps backwards. Why can't people wear their baseball caps backwards at the Dolphin? Maybe in the 1990's wearing your backwards was edgy and gangsta'. Now it's completely and utterly main stream. Am I really that concerned about how I wear a baseball cap? No, frankly my fat, shiny head looks equally bad with or without any dressing. But this does reflect the "in business in spite of your customers" attitude. When a bouncer walks to up to customer and asks him to turn his cap around, all they are doing is making a customer feel uncomfortable. He's is doing something wrong. Pretty much every where else nobody will even give you a second look. It makes the place look completely out of touch.
No drum solo's in the bathroom
There are some things that I don't want to be seen doing and I'm pretty sure 100% of the population of the earth doesn't want to see me do. I don't want to have an audience when I take a piss. I really don't want musical accompaniment either. Give me a break. I've been to clubs where they've had attendants. These are usually really big clubs, with bathrooms big enough that the attendant has his own section. It’s supposed to add a bit of class, instead it's just ridiculous. D1 is worse. I'm not sure if they still have one but last time I was there they had an attendant. Standing, taking a piss into a stainless steel trough next to a stall with no door, four feet away from a guy who wants you to tip him is not an elegant situation. It just pegs the needle on the creepy meter.
Couches
Replace those god awful things. These couches have gone from pathetic to safety hazards. Seriously, I watched dancer kneel on the couch, only to have a leg disappear up to her waste into the couch. If would have been funny if she hadn't cut her knee badly in the process. Most dancers have to stuff the seams of the couches in order to make the useable. They have to scramble around and grab assorted parts to make it work. It looks like some sort of man vs. wild thing and discovery channel. They don't have to new couches, or nice couches. Just couches without pit traps and punji sticks. Maybe they can it into event where they smash the old couch to pieces on stage. Then take the proceeds from the show to buy new couches. Dancers with sledgehammers. Now there's a scary yet entertaining thought. Now that could a theme for the MNO contest. A little performance art of smashing a couch, lighting it on fire, then throw the flaming pieces at the fog machine.
Speaking of fog machines
This is a piece of show equipment that is hated by a surprisingly large number of people. It's probably the combination of cigarette smoke, crowds, and no ventilation that makes it bad. But everyone seems to blame the fog machine. I have seen DJs in the past use the machine like they are trying to flea bomb the building. Fortunately, it seems to be broken or empty most of the time.
Let people wear their baseball caps backwards
Just recently I watched a bouncer politely ask a customer to turn his baseball cap around. It made me think (always a risky thing) not to long ago I was at a trade show, I spent forty five minutes in a conversation about improved OLED readability in high ambient light condition when applied to cockpit avionics with the addition of circular polarization. Which is a complicated way of saying can you see the stupid thing in daylight. This astonishingly dry conversation was with five other engineers and physicists. Two of which we're wearing their baseball caps backwards. At 46 I was the youngest person there. This weekend I was watching a cartoon in which bugs bunny was wearing his baseball cap backwards. Middle aged techno-geeks are wearing baseball caps backwards, Saturday morning cartoon characters wear their baseball caps backwards. Why can't people wear their baseball caps backwards at the Dolphin? Maybe in the 1990's wearing your backwards was edgy and gangsta'. Now it's completely and utterly main stream. Am I really that concerned about how I wear a baseball cap? No, frankly my fat, shiny head looks equally bad with or without any dressing. But this does reflect the "in business in spite of your customers" attitude. When a bouncer walks to up to customer and asks him to turn his cap around, all they are doing is making a customer feel uncomfortable. He's is doing something wrong. Pretty much every where else nobody will even give you a second look. It makes the place look completely out of touch.
No drum solo's in the bathroom
There are some things that I don't want to be seen doing and I'm pretty sure 100% of the population of the earth doesn't want to see me do. I don't want to have an audience when I take a piss. I really don't want musical accompaniment either. Give me a break. I've been to clubs where they've had attendants. These are usually really big clubs, with bathrooms big enough that the attendant has his own section. It’s supposed to add a bit of class, instead it's just ridiculous. D1 is worse. I'm not sure if they still have one but last time I was there they had an attendant. Standing, taking a piss into a stainless steel trough next to a stall with no door, four feet away from a guy who wants you to tip him is not an elegant situation. It just pegs the needle on the creepy meter.
Couches
Replace those god awful things. These couches have gone from pathetic to safety hazards. Seriously, I watched dancer kneel on the couch, only to have a leg disappear up to her waste into the couch. If would have been funny if she hadn't cut her knee badly in the process. Most dancers have to stuff the seams of the couches in order to make the useable. They have to scramble around and grab assorted parts to make it work. It looks like some sort of man vs. wild thing and discovery channel. They don't have to new couches, or nice couches. Just couches without pit traps and punji sticks. Maybe they can it into event where they smash the old couch to pieces on stage. Then take the proceeds from the show to buy new couches. Dancers with sledgehammers. Now there's a scary yet entertaining thought. Now that could a theme for the MNO contest. A little performance art of smashing a couch, lighting it on fire, then throw the flaming pieces at the fog machine.
Speaking of fog machines
This is a piece of show equipment that is hated by a surprisingly large number of people. It's probably the combination of cigarette smoke, crowds, and no ventilation that makes it bad. But everyone seems to blame the fog machine. I have seen DJs in the past use the machine like they are trying to flea bomb the building. Fortunately, it seems to be broken or empty most of the time.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Sometimes there are no good answers
I had some drama in life this past couple days. This is a bit different blog than normal, this has nothing to do with the club. It does have to do with a former dancer. This event has me a bit unsettled. I'm not a confrontational person. I try not to make decisions based on intuition. I had to do both today. While I often write about these things, this will be the first time I blog about it. Something about the writing process forces me to look at things without the veil of my prejudices.
I'll be vague about the person and some of the events. What ever I feel about the other person, she has the right to her privacy. The other person is a former dancer. I've been friends with her for a while, nothing romantic. She's been falling on hard times recently. No job, messed up family life. I've been helping her out from time to time. As of late the amount of "help" she needs has been increasing. Sometimes she does massively selfish things. Sometimes she shows bad judgment, which is a polite way of saying she does stupid things. Things like driving with a suspended license, driving drunk with a suspended license. I helped her out with the consequences of that. I don't owe her anything. I can't help but be irritated at the thought of paying out for somebody else's screw up. Even without the screw ups the situation is wearing on me. I can't keep paying out forever, but I can't turn my back on somebody I care about.
I met her before work on Thursday to help out with money for rent. I know she has other bills mounting. I can't solve all her problems. I headed off to work where things took a turn for the worse. I had left my cell in my car when I got to work. It was raining and I decided to leave it there. I began to feel progressively sicker as the day wore on. I had a couple of projects that had to be done sick or not. I muddled through that and finished everything around 2:30. I decided to go home early, when I got to my car and check my phone I had a voice mail and some text messages. I check my voice mail, it was the ex-dancer telling me she had just got into a fight at a bar and was going to be arrested. Something broke in me, I just lost all compassion at that moment. I've been unemployed and struggling for money, it's stressful, it's depressing. But it's not an excuse. I checked my text messages. The message was from her friend, telling me she would pay the ex-dancers bail ($550) but only if I would pay her back that night. No, I'm not doing that. Cell phone bills I'll help, rent I'll help, food I'll help. Bail? No. I sent her friend a rather terse reply:
No, I will not pay this. I've paid enough for her mistakes. Please do not contact me any more.
I figured that was the end of it. Nope. I got a reply back telling me that the fight wasn't the ex-dancer fault. She was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn't buy this. I've run into people looking for a fight in a bar. Sometimes you have to back down. It's not worth the grief. Getting into a fight that bad enough to have the police called is not going to do any good. I sent back a pissed reply:
I don't care. I've done enough. I'm not doing any more.
I don't think I can be any more succinct then that. I assumed that the other person would catch the hint that I'm not going to pay anything. Instead I got another reply saying again that it wasn't the ex-dancers fault and that I should help her out. Now I was upset, who the fuck is this person telling me I need to pony up half a grand+. I've already gone above and beyond helping this girl out. This was too much. I deleted the message. I then got a message telling me that she wasn't mad at me, and I should really help. What the hell? This is not making sense. Why was this person badgering me and why the hell would I care if she was or wasn't mad at me? I ignored it, choked down some aspirin and l tried to take a nap. I got three more text messages asking me "one last time" for help. I deleted them.
Something struck me, I checked the times of the text messages (they were still in the deleted folder on my phone). The call came in at 12:40, the first text message arrived at 1:30. This was starting to smell. How did her friend know that the bail was $550? How did she know less than an hour after the first call? I wasn't aware the city had installed a drive through window for quick perp processing. I know cops will sometimes let people make a quick call before the take somebody into custody. But multiple calls? And where the bail amount come from? Then it occurred to me that the ex-dancer and the friend were probably the same person. This was some grand scheme to see if she could get more money out of me. The text messages make no sense from a complete stranger, but from the ex-dancer they do. I don't think she planned on me getting pissed .She had to try and salvage the situation. What the fuck, this was too much. I couldn't prove it was a complete fabrication, but this whole thing just seemed completely absurd.
At 10pm I get a call from the ex-dancer. Apparently she didn't need bail money, or she would still be in jail. I didn't take the call. I didn't want to hear the lies. I turned the phone off and went to sleep. The next morning I got up and was getting ready for work when I had a knock at the front door. At 6:50 in the morning I was confronted by the ex-dancer. She was upset by those terrible text messages. This is insane. Those weren't nice messages, but it didn't equal this. I didn't care if she didn't like the messages, I wasn't going to feel guilty. I wanted to confront her about how this whole thing smelled of bullshit, but it would have led to more lies. I didn't have time. I didn't have the patients. I told her to go away, that I didn't want to talk any more. She elevated it to "are we through?" "is it over?". Yes, it's over. I don't deserve to be lied to. I don't deserve to be manipulated.
I hate this. I just ended a friendship with somebody that needed my help. Do I know for sure that this was a scam? No. This will bother me. I could spend the next couple days calling county clerks to see if there is any record of the incident. But why should I invest any more time in this. Or am I just looking for some moral high ground for my decision? I suppose friendships normally don't dissolve when everything is going great. I'm tired. I didn't put her in this situation. I did more than anybody else to help her out. I don't feel any better after writing this. I'm tired. Two text messages, thirty words and a friendship ends. Why do people make things so difficult?
I'll be vague about the person and some of the events. What ever I feel about the other person, she has the right to her privacy. The other person is a former dancer. I've been friends with her for a while, nothing romantic. She's been falling on hard times recently. No job, messed up family life. I've been helping her out from time to time. As of late the amount of "help" she needs has been increasing. Sometimes she does massively selfish things. Sometimes she shows bad judgment, which is a polite way of saying she does stupid things. Things like driving with a suspended license, driving drunk with a suspended license. I helped her out with the consequences of that. I don't owe her anything. I can't help but be irritated at the thought of paying out for somebody else's screw up. Even without the screw ups the situation is wearing on me. I can't keep paying out forever, but I can't turn my back on somebody I care about.
I met her before work on Thursday to help out with money for rent. I know she has other bills mounting. I can't solve all her problems. I headed off to work where things took a turn for the worse. I had left my cell in my car when I got to work. It was raining and I decided to leave it there. I began to feel progressively sicker as the day wore on. I had a couple of projects that had to be done sick or not. I muddled through that and finished everything around 2:30. I decided to go home early, when I got to my car and check my phone I had a voice mail and some text messages. I check my voice mail, it was the ex-dancer telling me she had just got into a fight at a bar and was going to be arrested. Something broke in me, I just lost all compassion at that moment. I've been unemployed and struggling for money, it's stressful, it's depressing. But it's not an excuse. I checked my text messages. The message was from her friend, telling me she would pay the ex-dancers bail ($550) but only if I would pay her back that night. No, I'm not doing that. Cell phone bills I'll help, rent I'll help, food I'll help. Bail? No. I sent her friend a rather terse reply:
No, I will not pay this. I've paid enough for her mistakes. Please do not contact me any more.
I figured that was the end of it. Nope. I got a reply back telling me that the fight wasn't the ex-dancer fault. She was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn't buy this. I've run into people looking for a fight in a bar. Sometimes you have to back down. It's not worth the grief. Getting into a fight that bad enough to have the police called is not going to do any good. I sent back a pissed reply:
I don't care. I've done enough. I'm not doing any more.
I don't think I can be any more succinct then that. I assumed that the other person would catch the hint that I'm not going to pay anything. Instead I got another reply saying again that it wasn't the ex-dancers fault and that I should help her out. Now I was upset, who the fuck is this person telling me I need to pony up half a grand+. I've already gone above and beyond helping this girl out. This was too much. I deleted the message. I then got a message telling me that she wasn't mad at me, and I should really help. What the hell? This is not making sense. Why was this person badgering me and why the hell would I care if she was or wasn't mad at me? I ignored it, choked down some aspirin and l tried to take a nap. I got three more text messages asking me "one last time" for help. I deleted them.
Something struck me, I checked the times of the text messages (they were still in the deleted folder on my phone). The call came in at 12:40, the first text message arrived at 1:30. This was starting to smell. How did her friend know that the bail was $550? How did she know less than an hour after the first call? I wasn't aware the city had installed a drive through window for quick perp processing. I know cops will sometimes let people make a quick call before the take somebody into custody. But multiple calls? And where the bail amount come from? Then it occurred to me that the ex-dancer and the friend were probably the same person. This was some grand scheme to see if she could get more money out of me. The text messages make no sense from a complete stranger, but from the ex-dancer they do. I don't think she planned on me getting pissed .She had to try and salvage the situation. What the fuck, this was too much. I couldn't prove it was a complete fabrication, but this whole thing just seemed completely absurd.
At 10pm I get a call from the ex-dancer. Apparently she didn't need bail money, or she would still be in jail. I didn't take the call. I didn't want to hear the lies. I turned the phone off and went to sleep. The next morning I got up and was getting ready for work when I had a knock at the front door. At 6:50 in the morning I was confronted by the ex-dancer. She was upset by those terrible text messages. This is insane. Those weren't nice messages, but it didn't equal this. I didn't care if she didn't like the messages, I wasn't going to feel guilty. I wanted to confront her about how this whole thing smelled of bullshit, but it would have led to more lies. I didn't have time. I didn't have the patients. I told her to go away, that I didn't want to talk any more. She elevated it to "are we through?" "is it over?". Yes, it's over. I don't deserve to be lied to. I don't deserve to be manipulated.
I hate this. I just ended a friendship with somebody that needed my help. Do I know for sure that this was a scam? No. This will bother me. I could spend the next couple days calling county clerks to see if there is any record of the incident. But why should I invest any more time in this. Or am I just looking for some moral high ground for my decision? I suppose friendships normally don't dissolve when everything is going great. I'm tired. I didn't put her in this situation. I did more than anybody else to help her out. I don't feel any better after writing this. I'm tired. Two text messages, thirty words and a friendship ends. Why do people make things so difficult?
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Nick Names
I've picked up different nicknames for dancers and bar staff over the years. It's not very fair, oh well, I know the bar staff can be more than a little condescending when it comes to the customers.
Ludwig the DJ
This name is stolen from another web site, but it fits the DJ so well I can't help but use it. For those who don't understand the allusion, Ludwig Von Beethoven was deaf at the end of his career.
Odd Job
The current manager at D2 (now former manager) reminds me of the famous villain from the James Bond movie Goldfinger. He has the same build, all he needs is the steel rim bowler to knock off those miscreant dancers who don't obey the rules.
Pink Eye
I'm not sure who this dancer is, but I love the name. This is what she's called by the other dancers. Apparently she uses pink eye shadow, a lot of pink eye shadow.
Mugsy
Getting a dance from this girl is pretty much like getting mugged. She's the ultimate min-maxer. She would try to separate you from as much of your money as quickly as possible. It was at the point of being ridiculous.
The Bag Lady
This dancer is probably one of the most strikingly beautiful dancers I've ever seen. You can still see her on the Stars Cabaret Caveman add. Stunningly beautiful, but she always looked like she just threw on the first things she found in her bag. It looked like she stopped at the Goodwill on the way to work to pick up her outfit. She was always such a contrast, stunning good looks, staggering bad clothing selection.
Cow and Chicken
These two dancers were inseparable and completely opposite. They always dressed a like, even though they couldn't have been more different physically. Cow was absolutely bovine in her presence. Not only in weight, but in the way she moved. She always seems to lumber around the stage. Chicken was stick skinny, even more so when she was standing next to Cow in matching outfits. She had an odd angular look to her, accented with a hunched neck look like she was 90 years old.
Ludwig the DJ
This name is stolen from another web site, but it fits the DJ so well I can't help but use it. For those who don't understand the allusion, Ludwig Von Beethoven was deaf at the end of his career.
Odd Job
The current manager at D2 (now former manager) reminds me of the famous villain from the James Bond movie Goldfinger. He has the same build, all he needs is the steel rim bowler to knock off those miscreant dancers who don't obey the rules.
Pink Eye
I'm not sure who this dancer is, but I love the name. This is what she's called by the other dancers. Apparently she uses pink eye shadow, a lot of pink eye shadow.
Mugsy
Getting a dance from this girl is pretty much like getting mugged. She's the ultimate min-maxer. She would try to separate you from as much of your money as quickly as possible. It was at the point of being ridiculous.
The Bag Lady
This dancer is probably one of the most strikingly beautiful dancers I've ever seen. You can still see her on the Stars Cabaret Caveman add. Stunningly beautiful, but she always looked like she just threw on the first things she found in her bag. It looked like she stopped at the Goodwill on the way to work to pick up her outfit. She was always such a contrast, stunning good looks, staggering bad clothing selection.
Cow and Chicken
These two dancers were inseparable and completely opposite. They always dressed a like, even though they couldn't have been more different physically. Cow was absolutely bovine in her presence. Not only in weight, but in the way she moved. She always seems to lumber around the stage. Chicken was stick skinny, even more so when she was standing next to Cow in matching outfits. She had an odd angular look to her, accented with a hunched neck look like she was 90 years old.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
What are ya, Gay?
I pride my self on being a gentleman at the club. One dancer has me listed in her cell phone as "Harmless Todd". Which always made me wonder if there is a "Restraining order Todd" in her contacts as well. Most dancers really appreciate my attitude, it confuses others.
I recently I got some dances from a new girl. She's been working at D2 for a while, but this time I had ever gotten dances from her. When she first started she was doing the usual safety tricks of keeping her hands on my wrist keeping them pinned slightly. After a while she began to cheat a little. After a while this girl was pushing the limits of normal rules. I pretty much stay completely passive when I'm getting a dance. This is something most guys don't do. I figure most girls really don't want me drooling on them. Part way through the dance she sticks her ear in my mouth. I guess I was supposed to nibble on it. I actually pulled my head back. The dancer stopped and tilted her head and gave me a weird look. She slipped back into her normal rhythm again. She then stuck another body part in my mouth. Again I did nothing. This time she rocked back and gave me furrowed brow look. She resumed her dance and this time continued on. For the remainder of the time I kept getting the "is there something wrong" glances from her.
I always like that initial reaction. When she's expecting one thing and gets something else all together. But I sometimes wonder if she thinks I don't find her attractive. Probably not. There always a sort of a learning process when you start getting dances for a girl. She's trying to decide if you are safe and what you like. She's trying to hook you as a customer. A lot of dancers immediately go below the belt to try and get you as a regular. While that's probably an effective method, it's got to be a tough path. With a few drinks any guy can be aggressive, other dancer will get upset with the thought that they have to compete with this.
PDXBlackBook
I was recently at the PDXBB web site and noticed that the pay content was now online. OK, I decided to try and register to see what the content there is. Everything was going fine until I got the CCBill site for the payment. The payment terms initially listed were every automatic payment every 30 days. I hate these. I don't want to have to through the canceling process to turn these things off. I don't want somebody pulling money every 30 days whether I use it or not. I noticed that the payment selection was a pull down menu. Maybe there is a one time payment option. Nope there was only one option available. I'll pass on this.
I recently I got some dances from a new girl. She's been working at D2 for a while, but this time I had ever gotten dances from her. When she first started she was doing the usual safety tricks of keeping her hands on my wrist keeping them pinned slightly. After a while she began to cheat a little. After a while this girl was pushing the limits of normal rules. I pretty much stay completely passive when I'm getting a dance. This is something most guys don't do. I figure most girls really don't want me drooling on them. Part way through the dance she sticks her ear in my mouth. I guess I was supposed to nibble on it. I actually pulled my head back. The dancer stopped and tilted her head and gave me a weird look. She slipped back into her normal rhythm again. She then stuck another body part in my mouth. Again I did nothing. This time she rocked back and gave me furrowed brow look. She resumed her dance and this time continued on. For the remainder of the time I kept getting the "is there something wrong" glances from her.
I always like that initial reaction. When she's expecting one thing and gets something else all together. But I sometimes wonder if she thinks I don't find her attractive. Probably not. There always a sort of a learning process when you start getting dances for a girl. She's trying to decide if you are safe and what you like. She's trying to hook you as a customer. A lot of dancers immediately go below the belt to try and get you as a regular. While that's probably an effective method, it's got to be a tough path. With a few drinks any guy can be aggressive, other dancer will get upset with the thought that they have to compete with this.
PDXBlackBook
I was recently at the PDXBB web site and noticed that the pay content was now online. OK, I decided to try and register to see what the content there is. Everything was going fine until I got the CCBill site for the payment. The payment terms initially listed were every automatic payment every 30 days. I hate these. I don't want to have to through the canceling process to turn these things off. I don't want somebody pulling money every 30 days whether I use it or not. I noticed that the payment selection was a pull down menu. Maybe there is a one time payment option. Nope there was only one option available. I'll pass on this.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
You know you’ve been a customer at a club too long when….
You know you’ve been a customer at a club too long when….
1) A dancer you've never seen before sits down with you says "Hi Todd, I've heard about you"
2) You walk into the club and sit down. The waitress brings you your drink without asking. And it's the drink you were going to order.
3) You find the pen you dropped last week in between the couches.
4) You get really irritated that somebody has beaten your high score on your favorite video crack game.
5) You have a favorite video crack game at a strip club.
6) You actually have several video crack games at a strip club.
7) An established dancer introduces you to a new dancer like a museum tour guide talking about an exhibit: "This is Todd, he's a nice guy. He knows what going on. You can always sit down with him if you have any questions."
8) You spend twenty minutes lecturing a new dancer on who are the cool dancers, who are the crazy dancers, and who are the queen bees.
9) The dancer thanks you the next week about how your advice saved her a bunch of drama.
10) A dancer calls you to get the phone number of another dancer.
11) You've mediated a beef between two dancers.
12) A dancer coming off stage gives you her tip money and purse to hold while she's goes to the bathroom.
13) You sort the money (same side up, facing forward, in ascending dominations) and put in her purse. She thanks you without counting it.
14) A waitress give you back your change from a drink you bought last week.
15) You know the actual first names of all the dancers working a shift.
16) Dancers call you to find out how busy it was at the club last night and ask your opinion on if they should go in tonight.
17) You've been carried out of the club on a stretcher by paramedics.
18) You know the best places to park your car where it won't get hit.
19) A dancer hands you a hundred dollar bill and asks you to hold it. Then she walks away without explaining. (She eventually asked for it back)
20) The term song (as in "I go up in two songs") is a perfectly valid measurement of time.
All these things have happened to me, I'll add more as I remember.
1) A dancer you've never seen before sits down with you says "Hi Todd, I've heard about you"
2) You walk into the club and sit down. The waitress brings you your drink without asking. And it's the drink you were going to order.
3) You find the pen you dropped last week in between the couches.
4) You get really irritated that somebody has beaten your high score on your favorite video crack game.
5) You have a favorite video crack game at a strip club.
6) You actually have several video crack games at a strip club.
7) An established dancer introduces you to a new dancer like a museum tour guide talking about an exhibit: "This is Todd, he's a nice guy. He knows what going on. You can always sit down with him if you have any questions."
8) You spend twenty minutes lecturing a new dancer on who are the cool dancers, who are the crazy dancers, and who are the queen bees.
9) The dancer thanks you the next week about how your advice saved her a bunch of drama.
10) A dancer calls you to get the phone number of another dancer.
11) You've mediated a beef between two dancers.
12) A dancer coming off stage gives you her tip money and purse to hold while she's goes to the bathroom.
13) You sort the money (same side up, facing forward, in ascending dominations) and put in her purse. She thanks you without counting it.
14) A waitress give you back your change from a drink you bought last week.
15) You know the actual first names of all the dancers working a shift.
16) Dancers call you to find out how busy it was at the club last night and ask your opinion on if they should go in tonight.
17) You've been carried out of the club on a stretcher by paramedics.
18) You know the best places to park your car where it won't get hit.
19) A dancer hands you a hundred dollar bill and asks you to hold it. Then she walks away without explaining. (She eventually asked for it back)
20) The term song (as in "I go up in two songs") is a perfectly valid measurement of time.
All these things have happened to me, I'll add more as I remember.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The rumor mill
This is probably, no not probably, is a rather sexist observation, but if you take a dressing room full of women, liberally add alcohol and nicotine, you will get enough gossip and rumors to defy belief. I'll use myself as the example. I've been asked on at least six different occasions "are you" or "who long have you been dating X". Every time I get asked this I'm always left flummoxed.
In most cases I've become friends with the dancer in question. The fact she seems to spend a lot of time with me with out getting paid is enough to start tongues wagging. Several dancers used to hang out with me as a safe harbor. They could sit out on the floor without fear of getting bothered by customers or other dancers. That was back in the day, dancers used to have more business than they wanted. They also didn't want to go back in the dressing room either, too crowded or too much drama going on in there. The fact that I'd buy the drinks didn't hurt either. Some dancers would also leave their purse with me. I hate that. The worse thing in the world is to have to go to the bathroom, but I can't because her purse is at the table. What do I do? Take the purse with me to the bathroom? Somehow I think that might look a little suspicious. I can't leave it unattended at the table. So I sit there with my legs crossed. Occasionally I'll get a smart ass remark from a waitress "you purse is soooo cute", (you got to be kidding, do you think I'd wear that purse with these shoes, ugh). But obviously if she's going to spend more than the minimum amount of time and leave her purse (i.e. money) with me, we must be dating. Doesn't really add up, but it makes a good story.
There are a lot of dancers and former dancers that I'm friends with outside the club. We call each other, trade e-mails and text messages and even occasionally meet for lunch or coffee. Consequently I tend to know about how they are doing. The fact I know that a dancer is now working at X, and her sister is working at Y, and her son is doing well in school. This means that I communicate with them. Nothing more. Twice I've been asked "How do you know that? Are you two dating?" No, I know these things because I actually listen when people talk to me. I even return phone calls and texts. Well usually I do. This kind of reminds me of conspiracy theories. A conspiracy theory is much more exciting than the mundane reason. The rumor that dancer X is dating a customer is much more juicy.
Other industries have rumors as well. But in the twenty plus years of working in hi-tech, I've only been accused of dating co-workers once. What's really odd is that of the three dancers I have dated, nobody suspected them. Actually I've only really dated one dancer. Of the other two, one was kind of flakey and I never really figured out her intentions. The other was just playing me for money, a lot of money. More about that in another blog.
In most cases I've become friends with the dancer in question. The fact she seems to spend a lot of time with me with out getting paid is enough to start tongues wagging. Several dancers used to hang out with me as a safe harbor. They could sit out on the floor without fear of getting bothered by customers or other dancers. That was back in the day, dancers used to have more business than they wanted. They also didn't want to go back in the dressing room either, too crowded or too much drama going on in there. The fact that I'd buy the drinks didn't hurt either. Some dancers would also leave their purse with me. I hate that. The worse thing in the world is to have to go to the bathroom, but I can't because her purse is at the table. What do I do? Take the purse with me to the bathroom? Somehow I think that might look a little suspicious. I can't leave it unattended at the table. So I sit there with my legs crossed. Occasionally I'll get a smart ass remark from a waitress "you purse is soooo cute", (you got to be kidding, do you think I'd wear that purse with these shoes, ugh). But obviously if she's going to spend more than the minimum amount of time and leave her purse (i.e. money) with me, we must be dating. Doesn't really add up, but it makes a good story.
There are a lot of dancers and former dancers that I'm friends with outside the club. We call each other, trade e-mails and text messages and even occasionally meet for lunch or coffee. Consequently I tend to know about how they are doing. The fact I know that a dancer is now working at X, and her sister is working at Y, and her son is doing well in school. This means that I communicate with them. Nothing more. Twice I've been asked "How do you know that? Are you two dating?" No, I know these things because I actually listen when people talk to me. I even return phone calls and texts. Well usually I do. This kind of reminds me of conspiracy theories. A conspiracy theory is much more exciting than the mundane reason. The rumor that dancer X is dating a customer is much more juicy.
Other industries have rumors as well. But in the twenty plus years of working in hi-tech, I've only been accused of dating co-workers once. What's really odd is that of the three dancers I have dated, nobody suspected them. Actually I've only really dated one dancer. Of the other two, one was kind of flakey and I never really figured out her intentions. The other was just playing me for money, a lot of money. More about that in another blog.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
You said what to me?
Every so often a dancer will say something that completely catches me completely of guard. It's usually nothing profound, just something a little off. Just something that makes me step back and take a closer look. Sometimes its something that makes me choke, wondering why I walk into the club.
The last time it was one of those slightly off comments. A dancer who I've known for a long time sat down next to me. It was a really slow night, very few dancers, even less customers. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, and then she told me "I have an assignment for you, I want you to watch me when I'm up next and tell me what moves make my ass look like cottage cheese". I sat there with a blank look on my face. Er, you want me to tell you when you look ugly? I wasn't expecting this. After sobering up a little (this always adds a perspective) I'm guessing that she was just trying to get me to watch her much closer than usual. Draw me in to her dancer charms and ignore all those other money draining distractions. In a perverse sort of way it worked. I dutifully watched her assorted ass specific poses and rated the dimple factor. I'm pretty sure she didn't care. When she sat down after her set she ordered a plate of cheese fries. If she was really that worried I don't think she would have bought a plate of cheesy good ass padding. I'm still wondering if I should have taken the fifth.
Sometime I hear something that just really annoys me. Miss Nude Oregon 2004 sat down with me once. She then noticed some other guy in club. She then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes (I was counting) telling me how cute this other guy at bar was. There are 168 hours in a seven day week. 166 hours of that week I'm very aware that I rank somewhere between invisible and Ben Stein. The couple of hours a week I'm in the club, I want to at least think that I'm worth talking to. I don't want to listen about how she wants to be somewhere else. I figured out a long time ago that most dancers have at least one serious boyfriend (if not more) or are married. They aren't hanging around a club looking to meet somebody old enough to be their father. I understand this, but I don't want it jammed down my throat. There is one precious fantasy I hang on to, maybe they can be my like me a little and flirt with me, knowing that it won't go any further than that. If you think that flirting consists of telling a person that you find somebody else much more attractive, you really missing the point. She is one of the few dancers I've asked to leave me alone.
Another dancer said something to me that made me cringe and want to crawl away. At the time I was one of her regulars that had been buying dances from her for a couple months. She asked me to do double dances with another girl, so she could get the dances over with faster. Whoa, buzz kill. Nothing like hearing that she can barely tolerate being in your presence to make your day. This is one of those things that taints everything you hear afterwards from a dancer. No matter what a dancer says to me, I always hear that voice reminding me that I'm just a necessary evil with money.
Then you hear something that make you wonder why you have anything to do with the whole disgusting business. A dancer (a single mother) I knew fairly well sat down with me after doing some dances for anther customer. She had an unfocused stare that faded off into the distance, like she was trying to imagine some far off place. She said in a quite voice "I hate it when a guy gets me on the couch and tells me I look just like his daughter, and he wants to fuck me". My naive mind couldn't believe somebody could say this. To see the effect a statement like that had on her really rattled me. Am I as ugly as those ones who use environment to pantomime their dark fantasy? Am I deluding myself to think that I'm any better? Their money is exactly the same color as mine. Do I really have any better intentions? I want to believe so. Ultimately we are both in club paying for a fantasy. Mine is more palatable than his for most of society, but they are both fantasy. Are we really different? I'm not sure. I also felt incredibly distant from somebody I considered to be a friend. How do I comfort her? Can I comfort her without appearing like some false shell of compassion?
I didn't go back into a club for six months after that incident. I eventually convinced myself that the business was going to go on whether I showed up or not. Somehow I played by the rules and that made me better. I don't think I've every fully resolved this dichotomy.
The last time it was one of those slightly off comments. A dancer who I've known for a long time sat down next to me. It was a really slow night, very few dancers, even less customers. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, and then she told me "I have an assignment for you, I want you to watch me when I'm up next and tell me what moves make my ass look like cottage cheese". I sat there with a blank look on my face. Er, you want me to tell you when you look ugly? I wasn't expecting this. After sobering up a little (this always adds a perspective) I'm guessing that she was just trying to get me to watch her much closer than usual. Draw me in to her dancer charms and ignore all those other money draining distractions. In a perverse sort of way it worked. I dutifully watched her assorted ass specific poses and rated the dimple factor. I'm pretty sure she didn't care. When she sat down after her set she ordered a plate of cheese fries. If she was really that worried I don't think she would have bought a plate of cheesy good ass padding. I'm still wondering if I should have taken the fifth.
Sometime I hear something that just really annoys me. Miss Nude Oregon 2004 sat down with me once. She then noticed some other guy in club. She then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes (I was counting) telling me how cute this other guy at bar was. There are 168 hours in a seven day week. 166 hours of that week I'm very aware that I rank somewhere between invisible and Ben Stein. The couple of hours a week I'm in the club, I want to at least think that I'm worth talking to. I don't want to listen about how she wants to be somewhere else. I figured out a long time ago that most dancers have at least one serious boyfriend (if not more) or are married. They aren't hanging around a club looking to meet somebody old enough to be their father. I understand this, but I don't want it jammed down my throat. There is one precious fantasy I hang on to, maybe they can be my like me a little and flirt with me, knowing that it won't go any further than that. If you think that flirting consists of telling a person that you find somebody else much more attractive, you really missing the point. She is one of the few dancers I've asked to leave me alone.
Another dancer said something to me that made me cringe and want to crawl away. At the time I was one of her regulars that had been buying dances from her for a couple months. She asked me to do double dances with another girl, so she could get the dances over with faster. Whoa, buzz kill. Nothing like hearing that she can barely tolerate being in your presence to make your day. This is one of those things that taints everything you hear afterwards from a dancer. No matter what a dancer says to me, I always hear that voice reminding me that I'm just a necessary evil with money.
Then you hear something that make you wonder why you have anything to do with the whole disgusting business. A dancer (a single mother) I knew fairly well sat down with me after doing some dances for anther customer. She had an unfocused stare that faded off into the distance, like she was trying to imagine some far off place. She said in a quite voice "I hate it when a guy gets me on the couch and tells me I look just like his daughter, and he wants to fuck me". My naive mind couldn't believe somebody could say this. To see the effect a statement like that had on her really rattled me. Am I as ugly as those ones who use environment to pantomime their dark fantasy? Am I deluding myself to think that I'm any better? Their money is exactly the same color as mine. Do I really have any better intentions? I want to believe so. Ultimately we are both in club paying for a fantasy. Mine is more palatable than his for most of society, but they are both fantasy. Are we really different? I'm not sure. I also felt incredibly distant from somebody I considered to be a friend. How do I comfort her? Can I comfort her without appearing like some false shell of compassion?
I didn't go back into a club for six months after that incident. I eventually convinced myself that the business was going to go on whether I showed up or not. Somehow I played by the rules and that made me better. I don't think I've every fully resolved this dichotomy.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Seven habits of highly effective strip club patrons
And then there’s me, Patron yes, highly effective, er, no. I have noticed some habits I picked up while talking to dancers. My goal is always trying to make the girl feel at ease. As a new customer I’m guilty to proven innocent. There are some definite things that will put a dancer on edge. Oh, there aren’t seven habits here either.
Where you put your hands is critical. This may seem so obvious, that you’re probably going "DUH", but it’s actually a lot more subtle. For the obvious "DUH" reason, I’ve noticed that dancers always follow where your hands are. Recently I was getting a dance, keeping my hands in the 10 and 2 o’clock position. One of my hands slipped slightly. Much to my amazement the dancer noticed it. Some dancers are almost hypersensitive. I always try to keep my hands visible, and this may sound a little strange, keep the palms of my palms turned away from the dancer. Your hands communicate what you are thinking. An obvious example of this is to walk up to a dancer with hands in front of you, palms turned to you like you’re a Cardiologist going into surgery and she’ll look at you your crazy. Walk up to her with hands turned toward her like you are going to grope her and you will probably get a chair broken over your head. The may be an over simplified example, but your hand will indicate intent. I will always pull my hand away if I brush up against the dancer. It respects her boundaries,
I try to be very careful when I’m talking to a dancer. Don’t assume that you are the smartest person at the table when a dancer sits down. I’m always amazed at the guys who decide they are going to do clinical analysis as to why she is working as a stripper. Ultimately they come across as a judgmental Neanderthal idiot, I can only imagine they must sound like "Why for you have nekkid job? Conan not know why, school should you go". (Actually that kind of sounds like a Cro-Magnon Yoda). The Star’s TV add with the cavemen is probably more telling than it initially appears.
I worked as a gas station attendant when I was in college. A lot of people would talk to me like I was an idiot because I worked gas station. I hated that. Worse yet, they would tell me the biggest pack of lies, assuming that I wasn’t smart enough to see through. Its probably one of the few things I can empathize with dancers.
Anything that could be taken for trying to find out personal information I’ll avoid. I don’t ask what’s you real name, where did you go to school, what kind of car you drive, where did you go to school, etc. Virtually every dancer I know has been stalked or pestered by a crazy customer. I have a tactic I use when a dancer reveals more about herself than she planned to. As she becomes more comfortable with you she might let some things slip out (especially if she drinks).When a dancers lets something slip, I play stupid (something that comes naturally) I act like I didn’t notice. I wait for dancer to mention a subject three times before I assume that she doesn’t care that I know.
Now I’ll get to some of more odd habits. One dancer once told me she hated when a customer counted out the money after buying some dances. After that I always separate out the money before I get dances. When I pay for the dances I just hand the bills to her all at once.
Basic hygiene goes a long way as well. I’ve actually be complimented because I smelt clean. I guess that showering thing really works.
Where you put your hands is critical. This may seem so obvious, that you’re probably going "DUH", but it’s actually a lot more subtle. For the obvious "DUH" reason, I’ve noticed that dancers always follow where your hands are. Recently I was getting a dance, keeping my hands in the 10 and 2 o’clock position. One of my hands slipped slightly. Much to my amazement the dancer noticed it. Some dancers are almost hypersensitive. I always try to keep my hands visible, and this may sound a little strange, keep the palms of my palms turned away from the dancer. Your hands communicate what you are thinking. An obvious example of this is to walk up to a dancer with hands in front of you, palms turned to you like you’re a Cardiologist going into surgery and she’ll look at you your crazy. Walk up to her with hands turned toward her like you are going to grope her and you will probably get a chair broken over your head. The may be an over simplified example, but your hand will indicate intent. I will always pull my hand away if I brush up against the dancer. It respects her boundaries,
I try to be very careful when I’m talking to a dancer. Don’t assume that you are the smartest person at the table when a dancer sits down. I’m always amazed at the guys who decide they are going to do clinical analysis as to why she is working as a stripper. Ultimately they come across as a judgmental Neanderthal idiot, I can only imagine they must sound like "Why for you have nekkid job? Conan not know why, school should you go". (Actually that kind of sounds like a Cro-Magnon Yoda). The Star’s TV add with the cavemen is probably more telling than it initially appears.
I worked as a gas station attendant when I was in college. A lot of people would talk to me like I was an idiot because I worked gas station. I hated that. Worse yet, they would tell me the biggest pack of lies, assuming that I wasn’t smart enough to see through. Its probably one of the few things I can empathize with dancers.
Anything that could be taken for trying to find out personal information I’ll avoid. I don’t ask what’s you real name, where did you go to school, what kind of car you drive, where did you go to school, etc. Virtually every dancer I know has been stalked or pestered by a crazy customer. I have a tactic I use when a dancer reveals more about herself than she planned to. As she becomes more comfortable with you she might let some things slip out (especially if she drinks).When a dancers lets something slip, I play stupid (something that comes naturally) I act like I didn’t notice. I wait for dancer to mention a subject three times before I assume that she doesn’t care that I know.
Now I’ll get to some of more odd habits. One dancer once told me she hated when a customer counted out the money after buying some dances. After that I always separate out the money before I get dances. When I pay for the dances I just hand the bills to her all at once.
Basic hygiene goes a long way as well. I’ve actually be complimented because I smelt clean. I guess that showering thing really works.
Monday, February 18, 2008
She said, She said
I'm friends with a couple different clique's of dancers and some of the bar staff. It's always interesting when some sort of drama goes down in the club I'll get to hear multiple sides of a story. Recently a local sports celebrity came in and created reasonably large uproar. Big enough to warrant an article in the sports section of the newspaper.
I was in the club the following Sunday when I first heard about it. It was a fairly vitriolic second hand account of the event. According to this version the celeb came in with his normal entourage, which also included a couple of girls (Ho' bags was the exact term used in the dancer's retelling). The celeb and company then proceeded to take over the back stage. They had their girls "audition" for the club on the back stage. The girls proceeded to pretty much put on a risqué show (risqué for strip club!) which pretty much took everybody attention from the other stages, leaving those dancers high and dry (no tips). While the "audition" was going on the back stage another girl who was a friend of the dancer on the main decided to jump on the stage and do a two girl show as well. Partly was to help her friend, partly to make a point to management to either enforce the rules or not. The manager proceeded to ask the defiant dancer to get off the main stage, and was ignored by the performers. Eventually the defiant dancer got off and headed back into dressing room. One of the auditioning dancers broke a glass on stage during their performance. Then they proceeded to do some floor work, which resulted in assorted lacerations and blood on the stage. This upset the other dancers. Most dancers aren't real excited in perform on stage that looks like a crime scene. At to that the possibility of assorted blood born contagions. The auditioning girls then headed into the dressing room to clean up, generally infuriating the regular girls.
A couple days later I was talking to another dancer who was there and got a somewhat different spin. The same basic series of event happen but she made it sound like it was much more like a actual audition, and that it was only shifted to back stage at the request of the celeb. She made no mention of blood, broken glass, or any other hazmat issues. She also implied that most of the furor was from the girl on the main, who was really upset over getting upstaged by a couple of outside girls. The defiant dancer was totally wrong to ignore the manager. She also added that a reporter from the local news paper was there.
Today I got a third take on the event which matched the blood soaked, ho' bag version. Added now was the fact that the auditioning girls never filled out any wavers or tax documentation and the defiant dancer was fired. Of course getting fired at the Dolphin means you can't work their next week. I think the only way a dancer could ever get fired is to steal something from the owner. I'm sure committing a homicide would only result in a suspension (as long as no club property was damaged).
The truth is probably some where in between. The ho' bag versions are second hand, the girl who gave me the first hand account is not the most accurate reporter. She was tipped really well by the celeb, which would definitely color her version. I also know the girl who was upstaged on the main, I can definitely see her getting really mad about that and start a fur ball.
A little research on the internet and you can find also sort of events that occur when this celeb shows up at a strip club. This concerns me a little, since a couple of these event resulted in gun fire. I really don't like the idea of anybody carrying firearms in a strip club. Combining guns, alcohol, money, and naked women will definitely end up in a confrontation somewhere. It's actually amazing how quickly news of this spread across the blogosphere. In the grand scheme of things this is fairly minor event. I really doubt reporter was there. From what I can gather off the blogs the paper found out about this through a ticked off dancer/bar staff.
I was in the club the following Sunday when I first heard about it. It was a fairly vitriolic second hand account of the event. According to this version the celeb came in with his normal entourage, which also included a couple of girls (Ho' bags was the exact term used in the dancer's retelling). The celeb and company then proceeded to take over the back stage. They had their girls "audition" for the club on the back stage. The girls proceeded to pretty much put on a risqué show (risqué for strip club!) which pretty much took everybody attention from the other stages, leaving those dancers high and dry (no tips). While the "audition" was going on the back stage another girl who was a friend of the dancer on the main decided to jump on the stage and do a two girl show as well. Partly was to help her friend, partly to make a point to management to either enforce the rules or not. The manager proceeded to ask the defiant dancer to get off the main stage, and was ignored by the performers. Eventually the defiant dancer got off and headed back into dressing room. One of the auditioning dancers broke a glass on stage during their performance. Then they proceeded to do some floor work, which resulted in assorted lacerations and blood on the stage. This upset the other dancers. Most dancers aren't real excited in perform on stage that looks like a crime scene. At to that the possibility of assorted blood born contagions. The auditioning girls then headed into the dressing room to clean up, generally infuriating the regular girls.
A couple days later I was talking to another dancer who was there and got a somewhat different spin. The same basic series of event happen but she made it sound like it was much more like a actual audition, and that it was only shifted to back stage at the request of the celeb. She made no mention of blood, broken glass, or any other hazmat issues. She also implied that most of the furor was from the girl on the main, who was really upset over getting upstaged by a couple of outside girls. The defiant dancer was totally wrong to ignore the manager. She also added that a reporter from the local news paper was there.
Today I got a third take on the event which matched the blood soaked, ho' bag version. Added now was the fact that the auditioning girls never filled out any wavers or tax documentation and the defiant dancer was fired. Of course getting fired at the Dolphin means you can't work their next week. I think the only way a dancer could ever get fired is to steal something from the owner. I'm sure committing a homicide would only result in a suspension (as long as no club property was damaged).
The truth is probably some where in between. The ho' bag versions are second hand, the girl who gave me the first hand account is not the most accurate reporter. She was tipped really well by the celeb, which would definitely color her version. I also know the girl who was upstaged on the main, I can definitely see her getting really mad about that and start a fur ball.
A little research on the internet and you can find also sort of events that occur when this celeb shows up at a strip club. This concerns me a little, since a couple of these event resulted in gun fire. I really don't like the idea of anybody carrying firearms in a strip club. Combining guns, alcohol, money, and naked women will definitely end up in a confrontation somewhere. It's actually amazing how quickly news of this spread across the blogosphere. In the grand scheme of things this is fairly minor event. I really doubt reporter was there. From what I can gather off the blogs the paper found out about this through a ticked off dancer/bar staff.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Poachers and Stalkers
When the club gets really slow there are a couple of tactics some girls use that put me on edge. I usually talk to the same girls, and for the most part I get left alone by the rest. When dollars are scarce, the normal etiquette falls by the way side. Normally I can deflect things, but sometimes I can't. Other times it just blows up.
Stalkers
Stalkers wait for the first possible moment that acceptable dancer etiquette allows and dive at the first opportunity like a blitzing linebacker. Typically if a dancer is sitting with a customer, the other girls will leave that customer alone until she's done. Stalkers do everything but walk up and talk the customer. The first thing they do is what I call the "drive by". They will walk by your table slowly, repeatedly, trying to make eye contact with you. They'll walk behind and brush up against you. I've had girls literally sit a table facing where I was sitting, like they are waiting for a starting gun at a track meet. Normally attention like this is a very rare and desirable thing for me. The strip club environment is far from normal. Dancers can be very territorial, in broader scheme sales people tend to be very territorial. It can be hard enough to make a sale, its get harder when you have somebody trying to get at the same dollars you are. In a purely competitive point of view they are your enemy.
I've watched a lot of confrontations start like this. Some dancers will intentionally take their time just to irritate the stalker. Other will just sit and get angry at the thought of somebody else trying to get at their dollars. Even if the dollars are still residing in my wallet. About I'll I can really do is be a loyal customer and ignore or blow off the stalker. This won't really put off the stalker, but it makes the regular girl lest agitated if she's confident that she's secure. If also interesting to watch dancers work in pairs trying guard a customer. I have been literally tag teamed by two dancers just be sure I wasn't left unattended and open to a stalker. Sometimes it can be entertaining, mostly it's a pain. I hang out at clubs to relax and have fun, not get caught up in turf war. I odd part is in the scheme of things I really not that big of tipper. There are a lot of other customers that spend way more money than me. About the only thing I have is that I'm about as painless as customers get. I suppose when the pool gets small enough I become a big fish.
Poachers
Poachers simply ignore etiquette and will walk up at the first unattended moment and hustle you hard for a dance. Typically if you are a known regular of dancer, most will leave you alone until she stops by. Poachers will instantly be at your table, with the "Hi (honey/good looking/handsome/insert false platitude here), how are you doing, hey lets go do some dances? All usually come back with my usually reply "I'll have to play hard to get, I'm waiting for so and so". Most of the time they'll come back with "I haven't seen her here tonight. I don't think she's coming in" counter. When a dancer (or any sales person) is obviously lying to make a sale it's a bad situation. By this time a most of the other dancers have noticed that the poacher is at work. The gossipy dancers will immediately report this to the regular girl. From my point of view this is where things end for me. Once the poachers figures out there's no money to be made the head else where. However, things will get finished off back in the dressing room. I was watching one poacher at work with a different customer. This guy was a pretty big fish, from what I was told he'd drop between $1000 and $1500 bucks when he'd come in. This is money worth fighting over for a lot of dancers. About five minutes after the poacher went back into the dressing room the DJ announced "All bouncers to the dressing room, all bouncers to the dressing room". A major dancer fur ball was going down.
Stalkers
Stalkers wait for the first possible moment that acceptable dancer etiquette allows and dive at the first opportunity like a blitzing linebacker. Typically if a dancer is sitting with a customer, the other girls will leave that customer alone until she's done. Stalkers do everything but walk up and talk the customer. The first thing they do is what I call the "drive by". They will walk by your table slowly, repeatedly, trying to make eye contact with you. They'll walk behind and brush up against you. I've had girls literally sit a table facing where I was sitting, like they are waiting for a starting gun at a track meet. Normally attention like this is a very rare and desirable thing for me. The strip club environment is far from normal. Dancers can be very territorial, in broader scheme sales people tend to be very territorial. It can be hard enough to make a sale, its get harder when you have somebody trying to get at the same dollars you are. In a purely competitive point of view they are your enemy.
I've watched a lot of confrontations start like this. Some dancers will intentionally take their time just to irritate the stalker. Other will just sit and get angry at the thought of somebody else trying to get at their dollars. Even if the dollars are still residing in my wallet. About I'll I can really do is be a loyal customer and ignore or blow off the stalker. This won't really put off the stalker, but it makes the regular girl lest agitated if she's confident that she's secure. If also interesting to watch dancers work in pairs trying guard a customer. I have been literally tag teamed by two dancers just be sure I wasn't left unattended and open to a stalker. Sometimes it can be entertaining, mostly it's a pain. I hang out at clubs to relax and have fun, not get caught up in turf war. I odd part is in the scheme of things I really not that big of tipper. There are a lot of other customers that spend way more money than me. About the only thing I have is that I'm about as painless as customers get. I suppose when the pool gets small enough I become a big fish.
Poachers
Poachers simply ignore etiquette and will walk up at the first unattended moment and hustle you hard for a dance. Typically if you are a known regular of dancer, most will leave you alone until she stops by. Poachers will instantly be at your table, with the "Hi (honey/good looking/handsome/insert false platitude here), how are you doing, hey lets go do some dances? All usually come back with my usually reply "I'll have to play hard to get, I'm waiting for so and so". Most of the time they'll come back with "I haven't seen her here tonight. I don't think she's coming in" counter. When a dancer (or any sales person) is obviously lying to make a sale it's a bad situation. By this time a most of the other dancers have noticed that the poacher is at work. The gossipy dancers will immediately report this to the regular girl. From my point of view this is where things end for me. Once the poachers figures out there's no money to be made the head else where. However, things will get finished off back in the dressing room. I was watching one poacher at work with a different customer. This guy was a pretty big fish, from what I was told he'd drop between $1000 and $1500 bucks when he'd come in. This is money worth fighting over for a lot of dancers. About five minutes after the poacher went back into the dressing room the DJ announced "All bouncers to the dressing room, all bouncers to the dressing room". A major dancer fur ball was going down.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
So far, So bad
It occurred to me that in quest to develop the remote control latch for clothing I might be able to adapt a small speaker. The small profile speakers out of a laptop really don't develop that much force during normal operation. I tried progressively larger current pulses to see how far I could push it. The 1 watt (continuous operation) speaker I was playing with got all the way to 7 watt before it made a bad sizzling sound, followed by a bad smell. Even at 6 watts it doesn't really generate that much mechanical oomph. I think need to figure out what kind of clasp I can use. From there I can sort out how much force I need to generate to pop it off by remote control.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Dancer Outfit R&D
I've been kicking around different ideas for an "accidental stripper" outfit. Susan Wayward had the idea of an outfit that could be "removed" via remote control. I guess it would be routine that would have assorted clothing items popping off at different moments.
That put my bent little mind in overdrive think about how to pull something like this off. My idea was to go get a remote control car and adapt the servos. My first concern with this approach is what to do with the antenna. I suppose you could play it up, sort of my favorite Martian meets Bettie Page. Maybe not. The antenna would have to be integrated into the bottoms, probably some sort of belt. Actually a belt would work pretty well for hiding the electronics. One of the difficult parts of this is hiding the actuators. With servo idea I figure a set of pins connected to cables would be the best approach. When you press the remote control the motors would start and pull the pins that held the outfit together. The pins would be hidden in a figure eight loop. The overall draw back with this is bulkiness of the gears and servos. There is also the issue of cabling. Since its clothing it has to be stretch and flex. The cables would have to have enough slack to allow normal movement. Doable, but making it reliable could be very difficult. Another problem is I'm stuck with the electronics that come with the RC car. I think the micro RC cars would work pretty well. I'll need to do more research on that.
Susan had a really good idea of using magnets. I haven't quite figured an approach to this. It's possible to use electromagnets to switch on and off. But these tend to be pretty high power devices. A big ass battery pack would be impractical. You'd probably be put in the situation of having to recharge your bra everything you used the outfit. Maybe that's not such a problem. This isn't exactly a daily use item. Of course then I have to sort out a charging systems that wouldn't start a fire, this tends to upset the management. Not to mention the person wearing it. The biggest problem I see with the magnets is a creating a solid enough bond to keep the outfit together. It would kind of defeat the purpose having the outfit fall off every time you moved. To deal with the power issue it's possible to use regular magnets and pulse the electromagnets to repel them. You can store up energy to fire a large pulse to pop off the clasp. That doesn't take much battery. You always run into safety issues when you start to store up power. Nothing says sexy like an "I've just been tasered" muscle spasm.
Another idea I had would be to use hidden buttons instead of remote control. Basically the dancer would press a button that would delay a certain amount of time, and then pop off. Ideally in her routine she could set the trigger inconspicuously, so it would appear the wardrobe malfunction was unexpected.
I located some small and fairly powerful magnets (yes my place looks like somebody blew up a Radio Shack). I'm going to try some experiments at work tomorrow to see how much power it takes to repel these magnets. Then maybe a stop by a hobby to shop for some RC goodies. More later.
That put my bent little mind in overdrive think about how to pull something like this off. My idea was to go get a remote control car and adapt the servos. My first concern with this approach is what to do with the antenna. I suppose you could play it up, sort of my favorite Martian meets Bettie Page. Maybe not. The antenna would have to be integrated into the bottoms, probably some sort of belt. Actually a belt would work pretty well for hiding the electronics. One of the difficult parts of this is hiding the actuators. With servo idea I figure a set of pins connected to cables would be the best approach. When you press the remote control the motors would start and pull the pins that held the outfit together. The pins would be hidden in a figure eight loop. The overall draw back with this is bulkiness of the gears and servos. There is also the issue of cabling. Since its clothing it has to be stretch and flex. The cables would have to have enough slack to allow normal movement. Doable, but making it reliable could be very difficult. Another problem is I'm stuck with the electronics that come with the RC car. I think the micro RC cars would work pretty well. I'll need to do more research on that.
Susan had a really good idea of using magnets. I haven't quite figured an approach to this. It's possible to use electromagnets to switch on and off. But these tend to be pretty high power devices. A big ass battery pack would be impractical. You'd probably be put in the situation of having to recharge your bra everything you used the outfit. Maybe that's not such a problem. This isn't exactly a daily use item. Of course then I have to sort out a charging systems that wouldn't start a fire, this tends to upset the management. Not to mention the person wearing it. The biggest problem I see with the magnets is a creating a solid enough bond to keep the outfit together. It would kind of defeat the purpose having the outfit fall off every time you moved. To deal with the power issue it's possible to use regular magnets and pulse the electromagnets to repel them. You can store up energy to fire a large pulse to pop off the clasp. That doesn't take much battery. You always run into safety issues when you start to store up power. Nothing says sexy like an "I've just been tasered" muscle spasm.
Another idea I had would be to use hidden buttons instead of remote control. Basically the dancer would press a button that would delay a certain amount of time, and then pop off. Ideally in her routine she could set the trigger inconspicuously, so it would appear the wardrobe malfunction was unexpected.
I located some small and fairly powerful magnets (yes my place looks like somebody blew up a Radio Shack). I'm going to try some experiments at work tomorrow to see how much power it takes to repel these magnets. Then maybe a stop by a hobby to shop for some RC goodies. More later.
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