A customer rant, a long rant
For some peculiar reason this morning I feel like writing. It's the forth day of my vacation. I always go through a general malaise when I start a long vacation. Work can be very intense. With some people there are no small problems, generally when I go into work there's a voice mail or e-mail about some sort emergency. If we don't fix it now the moon will fly out of orbit. One of sales manager literally sends every message with the "urgent" flag set. It's reached the point that I'll actually read the e-mails that aren't flag first, just because I'm curious as to what issue is so mundane that it doesn't rate an urgent flag. Without this constant assault on my sanity I tend to lethargic. It takes a couple days for my system to acclimate and become me to become motivated again.
I've given up on the Dolphin(s) finally. A lot of the people who work there I consider friends, but I can't take that place any more. As far as a place to hang out it just simply sucks. I expect the drinks to be expensive, but they've reached the point of being ridiculous. I like Maker's Mark whiskey. A fifth is about $30 dollars. A fifth equals roughly 23 ounces. One ounce equals a typical amount in one drink. One drink is $7.50. I doubt the club pays shelf price for a fifth, but I'll assume worse case. In material costs a single drink of makers mark cost ($30/23 drinks) $1.30. Granted there are a lot of costs above and beyond the cost of the whiskey. There's the operating cost of the building, payroll, insurance, inventory, etc, but a markup of 570%? That makes the oil companies look like charity organizations.
I think this is more symptomatic of the overall business model is beginning to break down. The overall amount of drink sales have declined dramatically. I know this because I talk to the waitresses. They don't sell near as much as they used to. From time to time they have big days, but some days they sell less than $100 for a six hour shift. The drink prices all by themselves aren't problem, you don't go to strip club for cheap drinks. But this is absolute indicator of a much larger problem, they are driving away customers. As sales volume decline, prices go up to compensate.
The employee compensation structure of the club is starting fail. It's a tip based system. With less customers, less tips. Not only that the more expensive drinks takes away the amount of money the customer has to tip. If you raise prices the customers aren't going to magically come in with more money. There is less money for tipping, on top of that with a smaller number of drinks being served the opportunity for getting tip also declines. The staff doesn't make the same money as they used to.
Money makes a big difference when it comes to employee moral. I walked in to the club recently as sat a table with no table cloth. It was simply a big particle board circle of exposed wood. It's lovely décor for Home Depot, pathetic for club. The staff doesn't care. Why should they? Strip clubs typically have high turn over. It can be a tough place to work. Lots of drunk groping ass holes you have to serve, psycho dancers, late hours, etc. If you make enough money, its worth dealing with. If you don't make enough it starts to take a toll, a big toll. The staff at the club is an unmotivated group. I've nick named a couple sections of the club the alcohol free zones. They are a little bit out of the path waitresses normally walk. If you sit at these tables you won't get served on a regular basis. When I finished a drink I'll start counting the number sets that go by until I get served. Last time I sat there four sets went by before I got waited on. Each set is two songs. Each song is about three and half minutes, seven minutes per set. It took twenty eight minutes to get served, worse yet the club was empty. There I am sitting in the middle of a sea of empty tables, starting at an empty glass, not tipping the dancers because I don't have any change. The staff doesn't care. Why should they? The waitress is sitting around because there is no money to be made. There's almost nobody there, and the ones that are aren't tipping.
The dancers are complaining that there aren't enough bouncers. They're getting mauled on the couches. The bouncers are tied up at closing so the have to wait to get escorted to there cars. When the idea was floated about hiring another bouncer, the current ones blew up at the thought of their tips being cut. The dancers aren't making as much, consequently they are tipping out as much.
When there is no money everything starts to break down. That's about as simple as it gets. Why is the money not coming in? The easy answer is the economy is down, but if that was the case why were the Dolphins doing so much better when it first opened? After 9/11 the high tech economy in the Portland area absolutely tanked far worse than it is now. The economy doesn't help, but it's not reason. I've seen this happen before with other businesses, the Dolphin now operates in spite of its customers, not because of its customers.
A glaring example of this. One night the music volume was up to absolutely ear splitting levels (more of this issue later) and a customer at the main stage was covering his ear and grimacing. It was loud enough there that it physically hurt to sit at the stage. The DJ noticed the customer cover his ears. His reaction, he yells on the PA "If it's too fucking loud for you then go some fucking place else". Guess what? The customers went some where else. The volume is up that high because that's what the DJ wants. The customers are an annoyance. If you ask the DJ he'll probably tell you is that loud because "they" want it that loud. The question is who are they?
Who wants to listen to rap or heavy metal are ear splitting levels? Mostly 21 to 25 year olds. There isn't a lot of money there, these are guys just starting there careers. They aren't likely to spend hundreds of dollars at a club. One of the at former Dolphin One bartenders coined a phrase for this crowd: Little boy, no money night.
The ridiculous part of this is that there is no reason for the music to be this loud. People walk in the door, not to hear the DJ, not to buy really expensive drinks, not for the menu. The come there to look at naked women. Everything else is secondary to that. If you don't believe it's too loud, just walk in around 7pm one night and look at where everybody is sitting. The customers are all sitting away from the main stage around the perimeter of the floor space. Why? All the speakers are pointed directly at the main stage. It's really uncomfortable to sit near the main stage for any length of time. After a while you move to where the volume is more tolerable.
I work for a sales and marketing group of a very large electronic corporation. Our home office is in Portland. When the field sales people come in for the regional offices they always want to go for some corporate sponsored debauchery. We almost always end up at Stars. Two times I've talked them into going to Dolphin Two. Both times we stayed less than 45 minutes. It was so uncomfortable loud they wanted to leave instantly. They won't even consider going to the Dolphin any more. It's a pretty safe assumption that a lot of people walking through the door for the first time have the same reaction. They aren't coming back.
I don't think the volume will ever change. The club has a PA system better suited for building about four times it size. Even if they do turn it down, they won't stick with it. They've been driving away customers for years. If they turn it down, they customer won't all magically come back in week, month, or a year. After a while the "in business in spite of the customers" attitude will kick in and things will creep back.
If you took out the stages out and just had a DJ booth and table. That bar would be a ghost town. I think this is why this irritates me so much. The Dolphin used to a club I like to hang out at. It was pretty laid back. Now it's just turned into a miserable place to be.
Time to move on I guess. It's sad, I have a lot of people there I consider real friends. Unfortunately I doubt I'll keep up with them now. There life style is much different than mine. It's frustrating, it like having your favorite TV show canceled. I wonder what Star's is like now?
Friday, December 7, 2007
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
My Two Plants
OK, This is a pointless blog, but I've got some time to kill. I don't have any pets, I have to travel for my job, which means they would spend a lot of time alone which isn't wouldn't be fair. On top of that have to they'd have to be able to feed themselves. Last time I checked cats and dogs haven't developed opposable thumbs so they probably wouldn't be able to feed themselves.
I named my plants Beanie and Cecil. If you in know where the names Beanie and Cecil came from, you far too old to be wasting time on myspace. For the curious Beanie and Cecil is the name of a couple of cartoon characters, kind of like Tom and Jerry, Pinky and the Brain, or Billy and Mandy. It’s one of those really weird memories. Beanie and Cecil, Cecil was the "Sea sick Sea Serpent" and Beanie was his friend who always wore a beanie. They didn't spend a lot of time on character development for 1960's cartoon. What's weird is that I have never seen an episode of the cartoon. I used to watch cartoons in the morning before I went to school during the week. Beanie and Cecil came on at 9am, I had to leave for school at 8:45. I wanted to see that cartoon desperately. It was the kind of desperation you have when you are little, when you know that that cartoon is the best thing ever (since you can't see it) and when you get to see it will be a life altering event!. I was only allowed to watch weekday cartoons when my mother was getting ready for work, the video baby sitter. Any other day I wasn't allowed. TV rots the mind you know. (Fortunately there is the Internet now, nothing but wholesome stuff there). Eventually Beanie and Cecil got canceled and replaced by other cartoons. I probably could find video clips on youtube if I looked, I but from what little I have heard about B & C is that it sucked out loud. But I'd rather not know.
Back to my plants, I adopted these two after a friend moved. Beanie is a peace lily (at least that's what the little stick in pot says) and Cecil is an ivy looking thing. Cecil doesn't have a little stick ID tag, so his pedigree remains unknown. They are remarkably sturdy plants. These guys should have been dead twice. Both times I was traveling I forgot to water them. Each time I walked in the door to see them laying flat. Both times they revived. Unfortunately Beanie nearly went from a peace lily to a rest in peace lily last time. All his leaves died except for half of one. I cut back everything except the half leaf. Amazingly Beanie stayed in his half leaf form for about two months. He didn't grow, but he did turn completely brown either. I didn't have the heart to throw him out. Eventually he started growing again. Compared to Cecil (who seem to be indestructible) Beanie is still pretty wimpy.
If Beanie blooms again I'll post an image of him. Maybe I'll create a myspace page for him. At least I'll have a friend. It always cracks me up to login to my page and see Todd has (0) friends. Nah, Beanie would probably hold a grudge after I tried to kill him (twice) and block me. Not sure I'm secure enough to be snubbed by a peace lily.
I named my plants Beanie and Cecil. If you in know where the names Beanie and Cecil came from, you far too old to be wasting time on myspace. For the curious Beanie and Cecil is the name of a couple of cartoon characters, kind of like Tom and Jerry, Pinky and the Brain, or Billy and Mandy. It’s one of those really weird memories. Beanie and Cecil, Cecil was the "Sea sick Sea Serpent" and Beanie was his friend who always wore a beanie. They didn't spend a lot of time on character development for 1960's cartoon. What's weird is that I have never seen an episode of the cartoon. I used to watch cartoons in the morning before I went to school during the week. Beanie and Cecil came on at 9am, I had to leave for school at 8:45. I wanted to see that cartoon desperately. It was the kind of desperation you have when you are little, when you know that that cartoon is the best thing ever (since you can't see it) and when you get to see it will be a life altering event!. I was only allowed to watch weekday cartoons when my mother was getting ready for work, the video baby sitter. Any other day I wasn't allowed. TV rots the mind you know. (Fortunately there is the Internet now, nothing but wholesome stuff there). Eventually Beanie and Cecil got canceled and replaced by other cartoons. I probably could find video clips on youtube if I looked, I but from what little I have heard about B & C is that it sucked out loud. But I'd rather not know.
Back to my plants, I adopted these two after a friend moved. Beanie is a peace lily (at least that's what the little stick in pot says) and Cecil is an ivy looking thing. Cecil doesn't have a little stick ID tag, so his pedigree remains unknown. They are remarkably sturdy plants. These guys should have been dead twice. Both times I was traveling I forgot to water them. Each time I walked in the door to see them laying flat. Both times they revived. Unfortunately Beanie nearly went from a peace lily to a rest in peace lily last time. All his leaves died except for half of one. I cut back everything except the half leaf. Amazingly Beanie stayed in his half leaf form for about two months. He didn't grow, but he did turn completely brown either. I didn't have the heart to throw him out. Eventually he started growing again. Compared to Cecil (who seem to be indestructible) Beanie is still pretty wimpy.
If Beanie blooms again I'll post an image of him. Maybe I'll create a myspace page for him. At least I'll have a friend. It always cracks me up to login to my page and see Todd has (0) friends. Nah, Beanie would probably hold a grudge after I tried to kill him (twice) and block me. Not sure I'm secure enough to be snubbed by a peace lily.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
What kind of dancer are you?
I've spent more money on couch dances than I'd care to admit. I've gotten dances from all sorts of girls. Over the years I've noticed that they tend for fall into certain categories. Most girls don't completely fit into one category they have a few characteristics of many. Some also have off days, or things outside the club (like paying bills) will intrude and change they way she acts. Still others are stereotypes that fit the description to a T. In any case this is my little view of the world of couch dancing.
Mad Max
I've only run into two dancers in this category. This girl really does not want to be working at the club. She hates the customers, she hates the other dancers, she hates the bar staff. She hates her situation. In both case the girl had been dancing way too long, but didn't know how to get out. Dancing is a job not a career. The job takes a toll physically and emotionally. I think a lot of dancers under estimate the physical effect. When you wake up in pain every day it seeps into the rest of your life. One thing that always amazes me is that I guy can get away saying things to a girl that he couldn't any where else. Some of things I've heard said would at minimum get a drink thrown in his face at any other place, probably worse usually. At work he'd be fired immediately and most likely sued. Yet at a strip club it's tolerated. That being said, taking it out on other customers isn't the best idea. These are the only times I've stop the dance and paid and bailed out. The first time the dancer placed her forearm on my Adam's apple, gave me a "go ahead make my day look" and started. During the entire dance keeping pressure on my neck with the thinly veiled threat that if I so much as twitched she would cripple me for life. I have no delusions that there are million other things she'd rather be doing that giving me a couch dance, but you don't need to hit me over the head with it.
Strip clubs sell fantasy. Beautiful girls who normally wouldn't even acknowledge you exist suddenly dress up in lingerie and get naked for you. I think it's easy for a lot of guys to lose track of this. They don't realize that it's a job. The girl didn't wake up one morning and develop an over powering desire to put on a pair of eight inch platform heels, get up on a stage and take off all their clothes. They are there because they have to pay the bills. This fact never really set in with me until one day when I had to two dancers sitting with me at the table. One (slightly drunk) dance turned to the other and said "you know, Todd has to be the easiest couch dance ever". The couch dance was simply a task. This is the first time for a realized that it was a job. To be honest this completed altered my perception. It also changed the way I went to a strip club. In high school I had a summer job working for a bowling pro shop. It seems like a hardware associated with bowling is heavy. Bowling balls are heavy. The marble blocks for bowling trophies are heavy. The wood planks to fix bowling lanes are heavy. I hauled heavy boxes everyday. Occasionally we would stock bowling gloves or items considerably lighter than bowling balls. Days like these were a nice change. When your job is carrying heavy objects, getting to carry light objects can be a reward. I realized that most dancers really didn't want to be there, but if I made things as pleasant as possible for her that it is something she wouldn't mind too much.
The MinMaxer
It's a job, which means ultimately it comes down to money. Some dancers take this the extreme. Their whole approached is to separate the customer from as much his money with the least amount of work. For the minimum amount of effort they want to the maximum amount of money. I can't really fault a dancer for this approach. But not when its taken to far you feel like you're getting ripped off. These girls will do everything they can to delay the couch dance, once the dance started they stop and talk through half of it. If they know it's the last dance you are going to buy they'll stop the second they think the song get near the end and put their hand out to get paid. If they think they might be able to bluff you into buying another dance they'll keep dancing when the next song starts. I wear glasses that I take off when getting a couch dance. A couple of times I have had to hip check a couple girls off so I can put my glasses on and pay them for the dances I did agree to buy. I'm not sure that if this was Dean's intention but one of the best things he did was have the bouncer's record how many dances each girl did during the shift. As long as the dancer knows that an third party is keeping of track of how many dances have occurred they are far less inclined to try and scam you out of an "extra" dance. I've noticed that most girls who do this tend to have exaggerated looks. They have their hair made up in a massive up do, wear enough make up to make the queen of the Nile flinch, and own the tallest heels that the FAA allows without having to divert planes landing at the airport.
The Poser
This girl will sit on the other end of the couch from you and starts posing. Pretty much doing the exact same things on the couch she does on stage. The same thought always crosses my mind "Why am I paying twenty dollars for the same thing I can see for a dollar at the stage?" not to mention, the lighting is a lot better at the stage. Granted you have her undivided attention (hopefully) but I've yet to find a girl that is twenty times better than the stage. In some ways it worse, since the dancer doesn't really take anything off during a couch dance. To make matters worse for me is I'm extremely near sighted. I don't wear my glasses during a couch dance. She could be sitting on the couch sending text messages or making shadow puppets for all I know. To be fair, I'm a bit different than most guys in the fact I really don't want to see body parts an inch away from my face. I actually prefer to sit back and look at the whole person. The basic problem with the poser is she makes you feel like she doesn't want to be anywhere near you.
The Boob Polisher
This girl does one thing. She rubs her boobs up and down against your chest. She does virtually nothing else. Not that this is a bad thing if you're a guy, but after a while you begin to wonder if she spilled something on her blouse in the dressing room and is trying to wipe it off on your shirt. This dancer loses her appeal pretty quickly. If I wanted this experience I'll buy a pair of nerf balls and rub them against my chest with my eyes closed. Unfortunately this is about as exciting experience has it gets. For the deluxe experience I'll spray the nerf balls with economy gallon size bottle of perfume at Wal-Mart.
The Shampoo Girl
The vast majority of dances fall into this category. Their whole approach to couch dancing is the same as washing their hair: Lather, Rinse, Repeat as necessary. They have four or five moves they use and repeat these moves until the customer runs out of money or interest. One of the things I've noticed is that these girls have a limited attention span. They generally can only do two to three dances before they get bored. After the last dance their posture changes, instead of leaning extending them selves and leaning on the customer they'll rock back and support their weight on their knees. They also start to look around to see if the bar has become any more crowded or check out to see what the other dancers are doing. The amount of time she spends on each move gets shorter. Until they reach the boredom point, the shampoo girls is a pretty hot experience. The boredom point determines how much I'll spend on a girl.
When I start buying dances from a girl they almost always start out as a Shampoo girl. It takes a while before a dancer will trust you. As a customer I know I'm guilty until proven innocent; I heard tons of stories of girls getting mauled on the couch by guys. Even normally nice guys can get grabby, all it takes is alcohol.
Shampoo girls are also working a lot harder than they have to. They feel compelled to be pushing, pulling and grinding with their entire body. Sometimes it's nice if they stop and massages your hand, or does something a little more personal. A lot of other guys probably like the constant motion, it's the "damn it I 'm paying for this do something".
The Cheater
This girl will do little things that go beyond the club rules. A hand will stray below the belt line, a breast will get a lot closer than normal, or she might give a quick kiss on the lips. This goes a long way with a guy. Beyond the basic stimulation it makes the guy feel special. That he is being treated better than other guys. This goes back to the fantasy of a strip club, that a girl, who normally wouldn't give you the time of day, now is treating you like you're something special. There are risks with this. A lot of guys will take this as a sign that they can do more. I supposed it's the risk versus reward thing. A dancer might pick up a new regular or get a few more dances, but she might also get attacked in the process. One "move" a cheater use I call the elbow. They'll rub their hand on your chest and "accidentally" rub their elbow on your crotch. A lot of girls aren't very good at this move. Instead of rubbing the guy's crotch, they end up jamming a boning elbow into his private parts. Fortunately guys are pretty primitive things, and any sort stimulation between the legs will always be a positive experience. However, you might keep in mind that if guy asks for another dance in voice several octaves higher than he did before, you probably missed with the elbow.
The Illusionist
A girl like this will pretty much own me. They manage to make you feel like there is some degree of affection. Not that they want to date you or any serious, but you feel like you are more than just another customer. A strip club sells fantasy, I suppose that this is the ultimate fantasy is that you actually might actually like you. Some of the girls that fall into the class I've become good friends with outside the club. I suppose to some degree there is a personal bond forms when two people who like each other. One common trait about these girls is that they notice what you like and don't like and will change they way the couch dance. They don't robotically motor through their normal set of moves. They also draw you in little ways. One dancer would call a "cuddle song". She would just basically curl up with her head on my chest. As minor as this sounds, it made me feel like she trusted me. I suspect most of the time she was probably hung over and didn't feel like working, but you have to give her points for a creative solution. A lot of her illusion occurs off the couch. She actually knows what you do, talks to you like a friend. Doesn't hit you with the hustle the second you walk in the door.
Mad Max
I've only run into two dancers in this category. This girl really does not want to be working at the club. She hates the customers, she hates the other dancers, she hates the bar staff. She hates her situation. In both case the girl had been dancing way too long, but didn't know how to get out. Dancing is a job not a career. The job takes a toll physically and emotionally. I think a lot of dancers under estimate the physical effect. When you wake up in pain every day it seeps into the rest of your life. One thing that always amazes me is that I guy can get away saying things to a girl that he couldn't any where else. Some of things I've heard said would at minimum get a drink thrown in his face at any other place, probably worse usually. At work he'd be fired immediately and most likely sued. Yet at a strip club it's tolerated. That being said, taking it out on other customers isn't the best idea. These are the only times I've stop the dance and paid and bailed out. The first time the dancer placed her forearm on my Adam's apple, gave me a "go ahead make my day look" and started. During the entire dance keeping pressure on my neck with the thinly veiled threat that if I so much as twitched she would cripple me for life. I have no delusions that there are million other things she'd rather be doing that giving me a couch dance, but you don't need to hit me over the head with it.
Strip clubs sell fantasy. Beautiful girls who normally wouldn't even acknowledge you exist suddenly dress up in lingerie and get naked for you. I think it's easy for a lot of guys to lose track of this. They don't realize that it's a job. The girl didn't wake up one morning and develop an over powering desire to put on a pair of eight inch platform heels, get up on a stage and take off all their clothes. They are there because they have to pay the bills. This fact never really set in with me until one day when I had to two dancers sitting with me at the table. One (slightly drunk) dance turned to the other and said "you know, Todd has to be the easiest couch dance ever". The couch dance was simply a task. This is the first time for a realized that it was a job. To be honest this completed altered my perception. It also changed the way I went to a strip club. In high school I had a summer job working for a bowling pro shop. It seems like a hardware associated with bowling is heavy. Bowling balls are heavy. The marble blocks for bowling trophies are heavy. The wood planks to fix bowling lanes are heavy. I hauled heavy boxes everyday. Occasionally we would stock bowling gloves or items considerably lighter than bowling balls. Days like these were a nice change. When your job is carrying heavy objects, getting to carry light objects can be a reward. I realized that most dancers really didn't want to be there, but if I made things as pleasant as possible for her that it is something she wouldn't mind too much.
The MinMaxer
It's a job, which means ultimately it comes down to money. Some dancers take this the extreme. Their whole approached is to separate the customer from as much his money with the least amount of work. For the minimum amount of effort they want to the maximum amount of money. I can't really fault a dancer for this approach. But not when its taken to far you feel like you're getting ripped off. These girls will do everything they can to delay the couch dance, once the dance started they stop and talk through half of it. If they know it's the last dance you are going to buy they'll stop the second they think the song get near the end and put their hand out to get paid. If they think they might be able to bluff you into buying another dance they'll keep dancing when the next song starts. I wear glasses that I take off when getting a couch dance. A couple of times I have had to hip check a couple girls off so I can put my glasses on and pay them for the dances I did agree to buy. I'm not sure that if this was Dean's intention but one of the best things he did was have the bouncer's record how many dances each girl did during the shift. As long as the dancer knows that an third party is keeping of track of how many dances have occurred they are far less inclined to try and scam you out of an "extra" dance. I've noticed that most girls who do this tend to have exaggerated looks. They have their hair made up in a massive up do, wear enough make up to make the queen of the Nile flinch, and own the tallest heels that the FAA allows without having to divert planes landing at the airport.
The Poser
This girl will sit on the other end of the couch from you and starts posing. Pretty much doing the exact same things on the couch she does on stage. The same thought always crosses my mind "Why am I paying twenty dollars for the same thing I can see for a dollar at the stage?" not to mention, the lighting is a lot better at the stage. Granted you have her undivided attention (hopefully) but I've yet to find a girl that is twenty times better than the stage. In some ways it worse, since the dancer doesn't really take anything off during a couch dance. To make matters worse for me is I'm extremely near sighted. I don't wear my glasses during a couch dance. She could be sitting on the couch sending text messages or making shadow puppets for all I know. To be fair, I'm a bit different than most guys in the fact I really don't want to see body parts an inch away from my face. I actually prefer to sit back and look at the whole person. The basic problem with the poser is she makes you feel like she doesn't want to be anywhere near you.
The Boob Polisher
This girl does one thing. She rubs her boobs up and down against your chest. She does virtually nothing else. Not that this is a bad thing if you're a guy, but after a while you begin to wonder if she spilled something on her blouse in the dressing room and is trying to wipe it off on your shirt. This dancer loses her appeal pretty quickly. If I wanted this experience I'll buy a pair of nerf balls and rub them against my chest with my eyes closed. Unfortunately this is about as exciting experience has it gets. For the deluxe experience I'll spray the nerf balls with economy gallon size bottle of perfume at Wal-Mart.
The Shampoo Girl
The vast majority of dances fall into this category. Their whole approach to couch dancing is the same as washing their hair: Lather, Rinse, Repeat as necessary. They have four or five moves they use and repeat these moves until the customer runs out of money or interest. One of the things I've noticed is that these girls have a limited attention span. They generally can only do two to three dances before they get bored. After the last dance their posture changes, instead of leaning extending them selves and leaning on the customer they'll rock back and support their weight on their knees. They also start to look around to see if the bar has become any more crowded or check out to see what the other dancers are doing. The amount of time she spends on each move gets shorter. Until they reach the boredom point, the shampoo girls is a pretty hot experience. The boredom point determines how much I'll spend on a girl.
When I start buying dances from a girl they almost always start out as a Shampoo girl. It takes a while before a dancer will trust you. As a customer I know I'm guilty until proven innocent; I heard tons of stories of girls getting mauled on the couch by guys. Even normally nice guys can get grabby, all it takes is alcohol.
Shampoo girls are also working a lot harder than they have to. They feel compelled to be pushing, pulling and grinding with their entire body. Sometimes it's nice if they stop and massages your hand, or does something a little more personal. A lot of other guys probably like the constant motion, it's the "damn it I 'm paying for this do something".
The Cheater
This girl will do little things that go beyond the club rules. A hand will stray below the belt line, a breast will get a lot closer than normal, or she might give a quick kiss on the lips. This goes a long way with a guy. Beyond the basic stimulation it makes the guy feel special. That he is being treated better than other guys. This goes back to the fantasy of a strip club, that a girl, who normally wouldn't give you the time of day, now is treating you like you're something special. There are risks with this. A lot of guys will take this as a sign that they can do more. I supposed it's the risk versus reward thing. A dancer might pick up a new regular or get a few more dances, but she might also get attacked in the process. One "move" a cheater use I call the elbow. They'll rub their hand on your chest and "accidentally" rub their elbow on your crotch. A lot of girls aren't very good at this move. Instead of rubbing the guy's crotch, they end up jamming a boning elbow into his private parts. Fortunately guys are pretty primitive things, and any sort stimulation between the legs will always be a positive experience. However, you might keep in mind that if guy asks for another dance in voice several octaves higher than he did before, you probably missed with the elbow.
The Illusionist
A girl like this will pretty much own me. They manage to make you feel like there is some degree of affection. Not that they want to date you or any serious, but you feel like you are more than just another customer. A strip club sells fantasy, I suppose that this is the ultimate fantasy is that you actually might actually like you. Some of the girls that fall into the class I've become good friends with outside the club. I suppose to some degree there is a personal bond forms when two people who like each other. One common trait about these girls is that they notice what you like and don't like and will change they way the couch dance. They don't robotically motor through their normal set of moves. They also draw you in little ways. One dancer would call a "cuddle song". She would just basically curl up with her head on my chest. As minor as this sounds, it made me feel like she trusted me. I suspect most of the time she was probably hung over and didn't feel like working, but you have to give her points for a creative solution. A lot of her illusion occurs off the couch. She actually knows what you do, talks to you like a friend. Doesn't hit you with the hustle the second you walk in the door.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Music Volume
I really don't get it. Why do some DJs crank up the music to ear splitting levels? If it's a small crowd bludgeoning them with volume isn't going to fire them up. It has the opposite effect, when the music is so loud you can't talk to anybody, if it's a song you don't like it turns into torture. If it's a big crowd I can understand. You need to turn it up to reach the audience. If you don't turn it up the music will get drowned out with background noise. But makes no sense to turn the music up when nobody's there. I actually change the time I go in the club to avoid the really loud DJs. I hang out there so I can talk to a girl who normally wouldn't give me the time of day. The key word is talk. Cranking the music has the same effect as putting cotton in your ears when you are trying to talk. When your ears are stuffed with cotton you can't hear the person talking, when the music too loud, you can't hear the person talking.
From business point of view it doesn't make any sense. I don't think most people working in the club realize how bad it really is. After working there for while they've either gotten use to it and/or suffered some hearing loss. I hang out there every other week or so, and I have tinnitus (permanent ringing in the ears). I never had it before and considering the loudest thing I have to deal with outside the club is my alarm clock. It's the primary culprit. The OSHA limit for noise over 90db is 15 seconds. An average Ipod can peak at 95db. I can only guess what the levels reach on the center stage where the speakers are pointed at. It's louder than an Ipod. I can only imagine what the people who are out of the floor deal with. It hurts. It physically hurts, when you see somebody reach up and cover their ears they are in pain. I can think of no way faster to lose a customer than to inflict pain on them.
Then to have the DJ yell at them "if you don't like it so loud, you can f'n leave" is really bad. If you got people line up waiting to get in you can get selective. If you have empty space, telling somebody to take off only insures that it will be emptier next week. Its takes time to build up a customer base. You can destroy it in a day. A little common sense, when was the last time you heard somebody say "hey let's go hang out at D2, it's so loud you can't talk to anybody". If you were to ask customers what the primary reason for why they walked into the club, music volume isn't one. If you asked why they left, I bet music volume would be one. You are in business because of your customers, not in spite of your customers. When you lose track of this you've got real problems.
I'm amazed the club hasn't been sued by a piss off employee. Oregon is a right to know state, if the club doesn't notify their employee's of potential hearing damage and provide protection they are liable. Get enough upset ex-employees you can get a class action suit.
Unfortunately I don't think it will change soon. Periodically the volume gets turned down, but never for very long. I suspect when they turn it down business doesn't immediately pick up, so they assume it doesn't make a difference. The problem is that they've been driving people away for years, you're not going to fix that in a day. It will take a while before you start to get people back. When I first started to hang out at the Dolphin, I used to get there a 6 and leave around 8 because it was so crowded you couldn't get a seat. Now I can walk in at 8 and almost be alone. I can only hope that a little common sense will prevail.
From business point of view it doesn't make any sense. I don't think most people working in the club realize how bad it really is. After working there for while they've either gotten use to it and/or suffered some hearing loss. I hang out there every other week or so, and I have tinnitus (permanent ringing in the ears). I never had it before and considering the loudest thing I have to deal with outside the club is my alarm clock. It's the primary culprit. The OSHA limit for noise over 90db is 15 seconds. An average Ipod can peak at 95db. I can only guess what the levels reach on the center stage where the speakers are pointed at. It's louder than an Ipod. I can only imagine what the people who are out of the floor deal with. It hurts. It physically hurts, when you see somebody reach up and cover their ears they are in pain. I can think of no way faster to lose a customer than to inflict pain on them.
Then to have the DJ yell at them "if you don't like it so loud, you can f'n leave" is really bad. If you got people line up waiting to get in you can get selective. If you have empty space, telling somebody to take off only insures that it will be emptier next week. Its takes time to build up a customer base. You can destroy it in a day. A little common sense, when was the last time you heard somebody say "hey let's go hang out at D2, it's so loud you can't talk to anybody". If you were to ask customers what the primary reason for why they walked into the club, music volume isn't one. If you asked why they left, I bet music volume would be one. You are in business because of your customers, not in spite of your customers. When you lose track of this you've got real problems.
I'm amazed the club hasn't been sued by a piss off employee. Oregon is a right to know state, if the club doesn't notify their employee's of potential hearing damage and provide protection they are liable. Get enough upset ex-employees you can get a class action suit.
Unfortunately I don't think it will change soon. Periodically the volume gets turned down, but never for very long. I suspect when they turn it down business doesn't immediately pick up, so they assume it doesn't make a difference. The problem is that they've been driving people away for years, you're not going to fix that in a day. It will take a while before you start to get people back. When I first started to hang out at the Dolphin, I used to get there a 6 and leave around 8 because it was so crowded you couldn't get a seat. Now I can walk in at 8 and almost be alone. I can only hope that a little common sense will prevail.
Monday, January 1, 2007
Things dancers do that I hate
I had named this blog "Dancer mistakes" That’s seems a bit arrogant for somebody who's not a dancer. It's more accurate to simply rename it to something more appropriate.
Letting the customer hang
This is huge. When a customer asks to buy dances from you, don't make him wait more than two songs. A lot of girls will wander back into the dressing room and disappear for three or four songs. This happens a lot more than most people realize. Sometimes the dancer just disappears completely. You spend fifteen minutes, waiting for a no show. Sometimes, a big spender will come in, and she'll ditch you for more money. That sucks, but that's life when you're not the biggest fish in the pool. I appreciate it if a dancer tells me that high roller has come in. I may not like it, but I understand. A strip club is about fantasy, making a guy feel like he's being ignored (or unimportant) is not the message you want to send. For a lot of guys like me being made to wait, wondering if she's going to show up is a common occurrence. There are bars all over Portland I can go to get ignored, for a lot less money. You will definitely cut into the amount of money the guy will spend, or kill your chances of repeat business. A lot of times being at the club can be a really miserable experience. Ludwig the DJ is playing music you hate at ear splitting levels, somebody is smoking a cigar at the table next to you. If it wasn't for the fact your waiting for a dancer you wouldn't be there. The longer you wait, the more you begin to hate the dancer.
I always set a specific number of songs I'll wait. When the time expires, I'll either leave or find another dancer. It may not be the best solution, but its better and sitting and getting upset. I've met guys that get absolutely crazy when they get ignored. Next time you're sitting around wondering why you can't get anybody to buy a dance think about it.
Dangling Jewelry
This may sound silly, but it's really annoying. You may not notice them because you've been wearing them for hours, but it's distracting, occasionally painful. I've had my hair (what precious little I have left) pulled out when it got entangled in an earring. It's really uncomfortable to feel a piece of metal being dragging across your face, especially around the eyes. The earrings may look cute, but do you really think guys spend a lot of time looking above the neckline?
Ordering a drink
When the waitress walks up, ask if the customers minds if you order a drink, or if you are ordering an expensive drink let him know. You will make a guy defensive if you suddenly start spending money. Also you are probably cutting into the money the he would normally spend on you. Some of the drinks can be stupid expensive. Its really has nothing to do whether he can afford it or not, it's selling the fantasy that you actually care about it.
Fake Sex Noises
I'm probably in the minority here, but I actually have a hard time not laughing when some girl starts moaning in my ear. It just doesn't work. Most of the time it sounds as fake as it really is. Sometimes it just sounds bad. I have to keep from making some sort of smart ass response like "are my keys gouging you?" or "is your foot cramping again?" It just doesn't seem right. Occasionally, a soft moan is nice, but leave the "When Harry met Sally" routine for your boyfriend.
Letting the customer hang
This is huge. When a customer asks to buy dances from you, don't make him wait more than two songs. A lot of girls will wander back into the dressing room and disappear for three or four songs. This happens a lot more than most people realize. Sometimes the dancer just disappears completely. You spend fifteen minutes, waiting for a no show. Sometimes, a big spender will come in, and she'll ditch you for more money. That sucks, but that's life when you're not the biggest fish in the pool. I appreciate it if a dancer tells me that high roller has come in. I may not like it, but I understand. A strip club is about fantasy, making a guy feel like he's being ignored (or unimportant) is not the message you want to send. For a lot of guys like me being made to wait, wondering if she's going to show up is a common occurrence. There are bars all over Portland I can go to get ignored, for a lot less money. You will definitely cut into the amount of money the guy will spend, or kill your chances of repeat business. A lot of times being at the club can be a really miserable experience. Ludwig the DJ is playing music you hate at ear splitting levels, somebody is smoking a cigar at the table next to you. If it wasn't for the fact your waiting for a dancer you wouldn't be there. The longer you wait, the more you begin to hate the dancer.
I always set a specific number of songs I'll wait. When the time expires, I'll either leave or find another dancer. It may not be the best solution, but its better and sitting and getting upset. I've met guys that get absolutely crazy when they get ignored. Next time you're sitting around wondering why you can't get anybody to buy a dance think about it.
Dangling Jewelry
This may sound silly, but it's really annoying. You may not notice them because you've been wearing them for hours, but it's distracting, occasionally painful. I've had my hair (what precious little I have left) pulled out when it got entangled in an earring. It's really uncomfortable to feel a piece of metal being dragging across your face, especially around the eyes. The earrings may look cute, but do you really think guys spend a lot of time looking above the neckline?
Ordering a drink
When the waitress walks up, ask if the customers minds if you order a drink, or if you are ordering an expensive drink let him know. You will make a guy defensive if you suddenly start spending money. Also you are probably cutting into the money the he would normally spend on you. Some of the drinks can be stupid expensive. Its really has nothing to do whether he can afford it or not, it's selling the fantasy that you actually care about it.
Fake Sex Noises
I'm probably in the minority here, but I actually have a hard time not laughing when some girl starts moaning in my ear. It just doesn't work. Most of the time it sounds as fake as it really is. Sometimes it just sounds bad. I have to keep from making some sort of smart ass response like "are my keys gouging you?" or "is your foot cramping again?" It just doesn't seem right. Occasionally, a soft moan is nice, but leave the "When Harry met Sally" routine for your boyfriend.
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