I think we should see less of each other

There are a lot of things customers don’t get about dancers and the job of stripping. There are a few things dancers, even the smart, experience ones don’t get. By don’t get, I mean they understand but don’t really internalize it. What I don’t think a lot of dancers get is that a strip club can be the most miserable place in the world to hang out.

I’ve bitched about this before. If you got rid of the dancers most clubs would go under in probably less than a month. The music is way too loud and the drinks are way too expensive. Not to mention a healthy percentage of clubs are run by sleaziods. There is sort of implied verbal contract you become a “regular”. When I arrive at the club I’ll wait specifically for her. I’ll turn away any other dancer that comes by until I see the one I went to spend time with. Ideally, she’ll make an honest effort to see me as soon as its possible.

The “honest effort” is tempered by reality. She may be tied up with another customer, she may have some personal issue she needs to sort out on the phone. She may not realize that you’re in club. Sometimes the process of waiting for the dancer can turn into an exercise in tolerance. A series of songs you utterly cannot not stand is be being blasted at levels that can flatten a bunker, you just paid $8 bucks for a watered down drink, and you have to wait fifteen minutes to get you change. On top of that another dancer you don’t like is working you over to buy dances like a loan shark collecting a debt.

What’s keeping me there is I want to see my favorite dancer and I feel obligated to buy dances from her. I could buy dances from another girl, but then I feel like I’m betraying her and potentially causing drama with another dancer. Even in the best of situations one dance interloping on another’s regular can be a bad thing. This process of enduring a situation creates a feeling that the dancer owes you a debt. This is a false expectation on my part. It is a buyer/seller situation. If the dancer is constantly making me wait too long, it’s up to me to decide if I want to keep spending money on her.

This a fairly easy decision to make with a grocery store or a plumber. I don’t have an emotional attachment to Albertson’s. This isn’t such an easy decision with a dancer, because I do have an emotional attachment to her. I do take it personally if I feel like I’m being strung along. This is where a lot of customers get it really wrong. They take it as a personal affront. I’ve seen more than a few blog posts about this. Some rant about how a dancer is stupid and throwing driving away this wonderful customer. A lot of flawed logic gets thrown out “I’ve spent $$$$$$ of dollars on her”, which is true but the customer got a lot of dances and entertainment for the money. It’s not like he was just throwing away money.

From a customer point of view it’s really easy to let yourself think that a dancer is more interested in you than she really is. It’s much more than the fact she gets naked. She pays attention to you, asks how you are doing, she’s excited to see you. It may just be a job for her, but it can be a very reaching thing for a customer. For the dancer it’s one of the pitfalls of the job.

What always amazed me is how fast dancers recognized I was thinking about asking them out and proceeded to shoot me down. I was one of those moments when you realized that you are completely out of your depth. As much as I’d like to think I understand the industry I’ve fall into this type of thinking. There are some warning signs I watch for in my self to avoid going down this path.

One of the biggest things I’ll watch for is how I react then I say good bye for the night. When I begin to feel like she’s just walking away and abandoning me I’m starting to stray into a bad frame of mind. For me it’s best to walk away for a while at this point. If I find myself getting mad or jealous I’m missing the whole point of hanging out at a strip club.

Naked Ethics

I recently read a blog post by the AngryStripper about selling dances to “sweetards”. Is she taking advantage of somebody that may not be able to make good decisions for them? It depends on the situation. I find the name sweetard a little offensive. I know there was no malice behind the name and there are a lot worse names customers get called by dancers but I have a niece with Down’s syndrome. It can be unintentionally dehumanizing to label people.

Regardless of their SAT scores, I believe that most guys are going into the club for exactly the same reasons. If they can afford it, why not? The issue is when the person cannot realize that they are making a mistake or control the impulse at the time. Should the dancer make the decision to not accept his money or to go further and get him sent home? There is no easy answer, each situation is different.

Customer qualification is critical to most sales job. A strip club is probably one of the toughest environments I can think of. The job is 100% commission so there is no safety net if you screw up. You have a very limited time to evaluate the customer. There is immediate competition for the customer. The customer is most likely willing to lie to get an advantage. You have to evaluate the revenue potential and time vs. money with only minimal information. On top of all that you have to consider personal safety.

So on top of trying to sort out if he’s a deadbeat sex offender or good customer should a dancer also decided if a customer is competent enough to actually be there? Yes. It’s not easy to sort out if somebody is really able to afford something but there is a responsibility of the person making the sale. This is nothing unique to strip club industry. This pretty much goes for everybody else selling a product or service. There are a lot of banks that put on blinders when qualifying some home loans.

Practically speaking, you can’t really exhaustively interview customers on the floor of the strip club. In my opinion the dividing line between a competent customer and on that be should be turned away is if he understands the cost of the dance or he is causing himself fiscal harm. If you ask for twenty bucks and the guys has no idea what that is then he needs to be turned away. If you know he’s spending his rent money then he should be turned away as well. Trying to determine that is much easier said than done.

If he can afford it and understands the cost then he has every right to be there. When I or any other customer walks out the door I’m walking out empty handed. What you pay for at a strip club is the experience. My experience will be different from everybody else’s. If they feel like money they paid for the experience was worth it then it’s a win-win situation. A lot of guys will look at the money I spend at a strip club and think I’m mentally deficient, but I’m happy with the experience I get for the money.

A person’s cognitive skills aren’t the only thing that can be judged, blood alcohol level is another thing. At what point does a customer become too drunk to be turned away? From what I’ve seen at clubs anything less than fatal alcohol poisoning is fair game. Since being drunk is temporary situation it’s socially more acceptable to take advantage of him. He made the choice to be in that situation, therefore he should be held accountable for consequences. I always like the story attributed to Winston Churchill. He was rather drunk at a dinner party when he was confronted by a lady from the English Aristocracy “You sir are drunk” she snarled. Churchill replied “And you madam are ugly, but at least I’ll be sober in the morning”.

Why you shouldn't video dancers

The sad part is after reading the youtube comments, the guy who recorded this doesn't really understand that he did anything wrong. Some people just don't get it.




In case the video doesn't show up in your browser here is the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhUrKws78TE&feature=youtube_gdata

The Muffin Man

It’s finally sunny here in lovely Portland Oregon, which curiously inspires me to go inside and type on my computer. Apparently when its cold and wet outside I only have enough energy to sit and watch TV. This post is a bit of a screed about other patrons. I suppose I’m being hypocritical complaining about other customer, but I’m ticked off. There is one type of customer I’ve been running into recently I can’t stand: The Strip Club Stud Muffin.

This is the guy who thinks he is god’s gift to strip clubs, and he’s got the dollar bill to prove it. He doesn’t just walk up and tip the dancer, he approaches the stage the Moses preparing to part the red sea. To leave the tip on the rail and walk back to his table would be cheating the dancer of the chance to bask in his awesomeness. Good f’n grief man it’s just a dollar bill. It’s not like she’s going to be able to retire early now. Don't stand there like the Pope.

I’m not sure what this guy is thinking. He just stands there like a wall of arrogance. I understand wanting to get something for you dollar but do expect the dancer to suddenly race across the stage for a buck? Not surprisingly most dancers manage to resist his massive charisma and either ignore him completely or slowly make their way over to him after when it suits them. I don’t think these guys get it. They get mad when they get ignored. The last muffin man I saw actually started waving the bill like a dog biscuit. He managed to take jerk to a new level.

These guys never seem to find a place to sit. They always find the most strategic location to stand that insures that they will be in the way of the bar staff, the dancers, and anybody trying to walk to the bathroom. They also feel compelled to make smart ass comments when ever possible. I don’t want to hear a running commentary at a club, its one of the few times i'm glad it’s so loud I can’t hear what he’s saying. Nobody at the club really wants to hear anything you have to stay. The lack of attention never seems to slow them down, they just try harder.

Of course he has to give you his opinion about dancers, the club, and the state of the union while you are in the bathroom. One guy actually started talking to me “Strippers is so stupid…” Congratulations in only four words you’ve managed to prove that you are illiterate, stupid, and annoying. My head almost exploded when my brain tried to escape out my ear. I wish my bladder had an emergency purge button. I'm not trying to be an elitist here but at least begin the conversation with something partially coherent, like maybe "hello"? To walk up to a complete stranger in a bathroom and start trashing people is a bit much.

Fortunately for me I can avoid Sir ClubMuffin usually most of the time. The dancers have a much tougher time. A dollar isn’t nearly enough compensation when it comes to them. Speaking of lack of compensation I saw the world’s cheapest bachelor party. They had the bachelor at the stage with nine guys standing right behind him. How much money was in front of the bachelor? One dollar. Yep, ten guys and they could only pony up a dime a piece. At the end of the song the dancer bailed off the stage and left the tip. One of the guys picked up the tip on the way out. Seriously classy. I hope next time they have more empties to cash in. That's enough venom for now.

It's the thought that counts

There are only a few dancers I really hated. There have been many that have annoyed me and I probably annoyed them. I’m sure hate is the right word, but I did not like her at all. The really surprising part is she was really well liked and respected by other dancers and waitresses. Other dancers would rave a about how cool she was. For the remainder of the post I’ll refer to her as Cherub. Cherub is a very subtle hint to her actual stage name for those who are interested. This girl was really fabulous looking though.

It’s not entirely uncommon for dancers to recommend getting from other girls who are new or having a bad night. Buts it really rare that dancer will promote another girl just because she’s so cool. I decided to bite and get a couple dances from Cherub. I stat at her rack for the set. At the end of the set when she came around to pick up her tip I asked her for a couple dances. Cherub looked me up and down for a second, said no and continued on picking up her tips. I didn’t really take it too personally. Perhaps she had another customer, maybe she didn’t do dances any more, or maybe she just didn’t feel like it. I didn’t think too much. Later I mentioned to another dancer who reacted a little surprised. She was positive she had seen Cherub giving dances to other customers. She must have been drunk was their rationalization. She recommended that I try her again, that she was so much fun to be around.

The second time I watch her for a little bit to make sure she wasn’t tied up with another customer. At the time it didn’t look like it. She had spent the time before her set hanging out at the bar talking to other dancers. Again I sat at her rack. This time I watched her performance very closely. While it has very practiced, she was looked completely disconnected from customers during her set. She would look at the customer and smile, then immediately turn away. At the end of the set I again asked. This time I didn’t even get an intelligible word, just sort of a dismissive snort. Excuse me for tipping you. I definitely got my little ego stepped on. Afterwards she would never acknowledge anybody or say thank you for a tip. She had been dancing for a while and was beginning to burn out on it.

I think what really irritated me was not so much getting snubbed, but was listening to everybody else rave about how great she was. Ultimately it comes down to how the person makes you feel. She treated the other dancers and bar staff well and they loved her, she treated me with disdain.

Ultimately what makes you like or dislike a dancer is how she makes you feel. To me this is probably why attitude is so important. Why attitude is more important than looks. The dancer’s looks are very important. A persons looks affects how you will perceive them in total. If a really attractive person walks up and starts talking to you, you will probably perceive them more favorably than if somebody unattractive walks up to you and says the same thing. In a perfect world this shouldn’t matter, but it does. The really successful dancers are usually the really beautiful ones that are also really sweet as well.

Looks are just part of the package, the dancers that can make me feel like they are happy to see me. That is much more attractive and desirable than looks alone. If the dancer can identify with my interests and make me feel important that is way more attractive than just looks alone. Small things can make huge differences. I was absolutely floored when Natalia new what the Belgariad was. That was absolutely amazing to me. I love to read fantasy literature and being able to talk about that with somebody else is a wonderful thing. The common bond or interest will score more points with me than anything else.

The virtual dressing room

When I first started to use twitter it seemed like an ideal tool for dancers. It effectively let dancers trade directly text messages with customers without having to give out their phone numbers. It also let them broadcast their work schedule. Natalia also pointed out another benefit of twitter, a person can only get so disgusting in 140 characters. While it can't complete defeat a psycho customer, it can at least hobble him. I’ve noticed another use for twitter, the virtual dressing room. Dancers tweet all over the country about how their night is going, problems they are having, things customers have said. Imagine that, twitter being used for social networking.

From my perspective as a customer the tweets are really interesting. There is a side to dancing you don’t get to normally see. One of my favorite tweets was from a dancer who commented “I’m not taking off an $80 bra for a two dollar rack” or something like that. I’d give the proper citation for the tweet if I could find it again. I have to admit how much a particular outfit costs is a question that has never crossed my knuckle dragging mind. Not that this is some sort of great insight into the minds of dancers or customers but it something new. I really believe the more you learn about something the more enjoyable it is. Usually, there are a few foods I could have lived without learning what they are made of.

I have to turn off the little chime on my phone to notify me when a new tweet gets sent. Dancers tend to stay up far later than I do. I got tired of hearing my phone going off at 3am in the morning. Now I get to wake up in the morning and review the tweets from the previous night. I still think twitter is still an excellent way to promote and communicate with customers. Some of the clubs seem to have embraced twitter as well. Stars Bridgeport kind if went in both directions. At first they were advertising different specials, then they went crazy and pretty much turned into spam. I was getting so many tweets I just started to ignore them. Eventually they fell silent. I haven’t seen many tweets recently from Stars Bridgeport.

Some of the images I see on twitter picture web sites range from funny to disgusting. A few images taken at clubs are probably illegal and some of the image comments border on libel. I was kind of shocked that something like this would get posted. A lot of folks don’t really get how quickly a tweet can get forwarded or the fact a tweet is a permanent record. I protect my tweets mostly to avoid the spammers that still try to twitter. Protecting your tweets really doesn’t do much. Once a tweet is sent anybody who receives it can resend it with the originator's handle still intact. Plus any links associated with tweet will get retweeted as well. I don’t think the dancer who sent the original tweet ever thought that her protected tweets would go beyond her followers. I also don’t think it occurred to her that once people were able to view her posted image they would be able to browse all the images she had posted.

There have been a few cases where people have sued for defamation over a tweet. I don’t know if they have been successfully prosecuted. Most have been throw out as frivolous, but it will probably only be a matter of time. Twitter is considered a public forum by the court system.

The Qik

For a new way to get yourself into trouble on the internet I’ve discovered an application that lets you turn your smart phone into a web cam. It’s called Qik. It is absolutely simple to use. You can download the app for free from iTunes or Android Marketplace. You setup an account like twitter. I’ve created an account for me (www.qik.com/pdxstoney). You run the Qik app on you phone which starts the camera and anybody logged into your account page can watch your live feed of your phones camera without any special software. I’ve actually used it at work to help debug problems real time. I can pull out my phone point it at some piece of equipment I’m trying to debug and get advice the support engineer.

75,000 Words

When I complete a blog post, I append it to a Word file I use for archiving. With my last post I’ve actually gone over 75,000 words for this blog. I’ve managed to write 75,000 words in 90 blog posts without repeating myself too much. I’m kind of proud of this. According to the University of Google, the typical paperback has 440 words per page. In an odd sort of way I’ve written a 170 page book about my experiences and observations about the strip club world. To celebrate a little I’m going to write a self indulgent post where I get to blog about my blog. In dancer terms I’m going to ignore the rack for most of this song and check my hair in the mirror next to the stage. (You dancers all know you’ve done that at least once)

With the addition of Sitemeter feature at the bottom of the page I can track which pages get visited the most. By far and away the page that gets most hits is “A brief history of the heel”. I’d say this page gets hit once a week by random people researching shoes. I always wonder what they think when they click on the link and end up on a blog about strip clubs. I really enjoyed writing the post. It’s not often I get to do a little research for this blog and learn something new. Lots of people may be interested in strip clubs but way more folks are interested in shoes.

Blog post with lists tend to be really popular with twitter dancers. My posts “Terms and conditions”, “You know you’ve been a customer too long” and “More ways to know you’ve been a customer too long” all got a lot of traction with the twitter crowd. The content of the post is divided into small sections that lend it self to rapid fire content delivery of twitter. Most folks don’t tweet about the 560 word diatribe I wrote about dancer punctuality. I don’t tweet much, usually just tweets announcing my latest post (you can follow me at www.twitter.com/pdxstone).

I originally started this blog out on MySpace as a venue to bitch about the club. My first couple posts are fairly lengthy tirades about the stupidity of the club that are devoid of humor. These are the only post where I think I come across as angry. I don't like this, if I'm getting angry I'm doing something wrong. I think a lot of strip club bloggers do this as a form a therapy. Granted this is the digital version of putting a note in a bottle and throwing it in the ocean, but it is oddly satisfying.

I suppose I should be forth coming and admit that I’ve only written 89 posts about strip clubs and one about my two plants. When I wrote the blog about my two plants, cleverly named “my two plants” I wasn’t even sure I was going to blog about. I was mostly using it as an online journal. The one thing I wanted to do early on was to write about what I observed at the club and how things operated, not a weekly column about that latest happenings. I think I’ve succeeded in staying true to that, thought I do stray on occasion like when “Aliens invade the Lucky Devil”. On a sad note Beanie the peace lily eventually died. Cecil on the other hand is still doing quite well.

My personal favorite is the “G strings and Gams” post. I rarely see the strip club world portrayed whimsically. This is one of the few posts where I’ve felt like I’ve really come up with something creative. I’ve written a few post in a decidedly humorously fashion. “Operators are standing by” and “What’s in a name” are probably the best. They are neither condescending nor biting just a slightly bent view of the world.

There are three posts that I think are my best, and if you only read three other of my posts please read these. First is the “I’m an idiot and I’ve got the paper to prove it”. This is one of the few times where I’ve become the center of attention in a club for all the wrong reasons. “I only go to strip clubs to watch the train wrecks” is a post where I’m condescending, biting, and severely sarcastic. Sometimes you run into people that you just can’t deal with any other way. Lastly “Don’t forget to bring your singles to the interview” is a favorite because I think I hit on how strip clubs affect a guys nature in different sort of way.

Thank you for your patients, now back to our regularly schedule blogging…..