Making the A list

I have one personality quirk about clothes. Texture is more important to me than the color or fit. I like soft clothes. I’m really not that concerned about color matching. If my socks are the same color when I leave in the morning, I am dressed to kill. It’s not that I don’t understand how colors match. They're just not important to me. I don’t care what color my sheets are but they have to be 400 thread count or better.

I really don’t know why texture is important to me. The only thing I can think of is that I’m really near sighted. I spent most of my early childhood not being able to see much around me. Neither of my parents or any of my siblings needed glasses. I’m the only person with a really heavy prescription. Since nobody in my family needed glasses, nobody expected me to need them. In school I was able to fake my way through the eye tests up until the fifth grade. The result was that I never really saw the chalk board for the first five years of school. I was smart enough to get barely passing grades by doing homework and listening to the teacher. It’s kind of amazing I got as far as I did in school. I’m really amazed that I didn’t get killed riding my bike around. If I new how little I could actually see I never would have ventured out on to the street. It was an absolute revelation when I did get glasses as to how much I was missing. I remember not wanting glasses because I didn’t want to get teased. Once I got them, I didn’t care about getting teased. While I didn’t learn much from school, I did learn to do a lot of things by feel.

Maybe being near sighted has nothing to do with it all but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Wearing soft clothes to strip clubs is one of my secret weapons. I stumbled upon this purely by accident. I bought a microfiber shirt that is almost velvety. I wore it to the club one night (mostly because it was the only clean shirt I had). I was really surprised by the reaction the shirt got from dancers. You sometimes get not quite sincere compliments during the dances. People are more complimentary when you are paying them. I tend to ignore them. However, the reaction I got afterward was amazing. For the remainder of the evening I was constantly getting touched, stroked, or randomly hugged by dancers when they walked by me. Getting fondled (for free) is always a good thing for a strip club patron.

It really became noticeable when a lot of dancers start to take note when I didn’t wear my soft shirts. The first words out of their mouth after hello would be “why are you wearing that shirt?” I actually began to sort my shirts in terms of having an A list set, B list, and everything else. A lot of dancers find this shirt sorting totally amusing. I suppose this is another sign you’ve been a strip club customer too long when you start planning your wardrobe around visiting the club.

I’m pretty sure a couple of my shirts are more popular than I am. If I don’t wear them for a little bit dancers will begin to ask if the shirts are OK. That’s fine with me though. I’d rather be remembered for this than being a creep.